Joe Bruzzese (12 page)

Keeping study blocks short helps to improve a child's focus. With a defined work period and study break to look forward to, children tend to stay more motivated than when they are asked to work for an unstructured amount of time.

The first month of school is a trial period for measuring the success of homework procedures and organization strategies. Before the first progress report arrives, talk with your child about which study strategies are working and which ones need to be changed. Allow your child to propose any needed adjustments before jumping in with suggestions. In this discussion you provide guidance without assuming responsibility for your child's progress. By abandoning or adapting ineffective strategies prior to the progress report, your child will have plenty of time for improvement before the first official report card arrives.

Creating a plan for conquering homework headaches can help to smooth the path to a more enjoyable year. Occasionally, though, kids encounter academic challenges that cannot be overcome through a simple change in study strategies.

It takes time to adapt to a new learning environment. Change threatens a child's sense of stability. Overcoming the challenges associated with change is easier for some kids than it is for others. Typically, a child will stop complaining about assignments, teacher personalities, and minimal time with friends after
the first week or two of the new middle school year. The routine of moving from class to class starts to gel, and most kids adapt to their unfamiliar surroundings. If problems persist beyond the opening weeks of a new semester, it's time for a conversation with your child. The longer a child harbors feelings of unhappiness, the greater effect these feelings will have on his ability to achieve.

Coaching a child through the problem-solving process can be a difficult transition for parents. After years of assuming the problem-solver role, you may naturally feel uncomfortable transferring ownership of this responsibility. But if you don't give your child an opportunity to practice searching for solutions, she will develop a growing dependency on others to remove the unhappiness in her life. Beginning with everyday dilemmas can ease the transition for both of you.

Common concerns of middle school children fall into three categories: peers, teachers, and workload. In each case, children should be actively involved in brainstorming solutions when concerns arise. The parent's role is to guide the problem-solving process. It's not easy to differentiate concerns that warrant a call to the school from those that require a simple shift in perception. However, often all you need to do to help resolve most problems is to listen to your child nonjudgmentally.

Set aside some uninterrupted time when you can sit with your child and listen to his list of concerns. Record each statement on a piece of paper so there is an accurate account of what was shared. After the list is complete, read each item aloud. Make any needed adjustments to the original statements before moving ahead.

Brainstorm.
Very few children instinctively take action that would help to remove the barriers in their lives. Most children have learned that complaining is the swiftest way to resolution. The young child who doesn't want to eat his dinner and then complains repeatedly until his parents serve him what he wants has learned that complaining solves problems. Gradually these tactics find their way into every unpleasant situation the child confronts.
Without someone to listen to the complaints, though, a child is forced to adopt a new set of strategies.

The next time your child attempts to blast you with his or her latest complaint list, shift the focus to brainstorming a list of positive actions that have potential for positive results. The child who complains about having too little time to spend with friends can be encouraged to create a list of activities for outside the school day, when social events are easier to schedule. Teachers can also become the target of unjust accusations. If you keep the conversation moving toward action-oriented ideas, your child can learn a valuable new strategy for solving problems.

Initiate action.
Brainstorming is a positive step toward becoming an independent problem-solver. However, merely assembling a list of possibilities doesn't necessarily result in action that leads to resolution. Although a parent's prodding can motivate a child to take action, this does not promote an increased sense of independence. Opt instead for sharing experiences from your life, demonstrating actions you took that led to resolution. By modeling how you moved from idea to action, you send a powerful message to your child about the value of initiating action.

Celebrate resolution.
It's truly amazing to witness children gaining independence in their ability to tackle life's challenges. Moving through the problem-solving steps takes practice and patience, particularly for parents who are exploring this process for the first time with their child. As the child experiments with taking action, parents can continue their coaching role by acknowledging and celebrating progress. Statements such as “You completed all of your assignments” or “Your effort tonight was amazing” can act as powerful motivators for the child who struggles to complete nightly homework.

Occasionally, problems persist despite a child's best effort to seek resolution. Peer issues like bullying and exclusion need
immediate attention and intervention from parents. In
chapter 1
, we examined the causes of bullying and exclusion as well as strategies for bringing these activities to an end. Before you schedule a meeting with the school counselor and principal, try revisiting these ideas; they may help you facilitate a resolution to most serious peer issues.

Children also experience challenges outside the social realm that can negatively affect their development. When a child receives failing grades after continued attempts to learn the course material, it may be a sign that either the content is too difficult or the child needs to learn it in another way. In contrast, some children sail through nightly assignments and tests with little effort. Strive to strike a balance between challenge and boredom. When the balance becomes skewed too far in either direction, it's time to sit down with your child's teachers and counselors.

Children learn in different ways. Identifying a child's learning style can help to explain why he may be struggling to learn. Most teachers now address individual learning styles by using a set of multimodal instructional strategies. Children who learn primarily by listening gain understanding through discussions and lectures. Visual learners benefit from computer-based presentations and the addition of pictures, graphs, and maps whose inclusion supports the content. Science classes give kinesthetic learners the greatest opportunity to use their learning strength through hands-on experiments.

At times, a teacher's presentation style is a complete mismatch with a child's learning style. An English class taught mainly in lecture format will cause difficulty for a child who learns primarily through discussion and interaction. In most cases, teachers accommodate different learning styles by giving the students strategies that use their learning strengths. If learning is still a struggle after talking with the teacher, your next step should be to meet with the school counselor.

In preparation for meeting with your child's teachers and the school counselor, identify your concerns and the steps you have
taken to assist your child. Counselors' time is limited, given the large number of students they see on a daily basis. Teachers have very few breaks during normal school hours, so if you would like the teacher's input, suggest scheduling the meeting after the school day. The more minds you have involved, the more ideas you can generate. Idea generation is the goal of your meeting, so try to include teachers whenever possible.

Meeting with your child and the school's academic team can pave the way to a smoother year. The first progress report typically arrives between weeks four and six. Although the report is an informal account, it indicates a general pattern of progress that correlates closely with the grades you should expect to see on the quarterly report card. If you suspect that your child is struggling, don't hesitate to call the school and request a meeting. If you wait until the first quarter report card arrives, it is too late to consider taking action. Ideally, changes in your child's learning routine should take place in the weeks following the first progress report. During the fall, children build routines (both productive and unproductive) that they will be reluctant to change. This resistance can make it hard to build new routines. By adding a new member to your child's academic team, you can stimulate positive change.

The short answer is yes, under the right circumstances. Consider tutoring if you encounter any of the following situations:

Hiring a tutor is
not
an effective solution in any of the following situations: