Jessie (40 page)

“I remember Bri telling me about her friend, Crystal. Crystal's father taught her to steal,” Heather said, recalling the conversation. “She didn't like going to jail, and that was how she turned to prostitution.”

“I remember Crystal. Do you know if Bri has heard from her lately?”

“I don't. I'll have to ask.”

Danny shifted around just then, and before Heather could move, Nate stood and made sure the boy didn't roll from the seat. He shifted him a little toward the back, something Danny slept through.

“I'd better go so I don't wake him.”

“I'm glad you came.”

“Maybe we can go for a walk this evening,” Nate offered.

“I'll plan on it.”

The two looked at each other a moment before Nate said goodbye and left. He'd never told Heather that he loved her, but she was starting to see it in everything he did. She could also see it in herself. She was starting to love Nate Kaderly.

“I came as soon as I heard,” Jessie said to Bri, having let herself into the house on Friday afternoon when no one answered the door.

“I'm glad you did. Is Seth watching the store?”

“Yes, with the girls. They wanted to come until they found out that Danny wasn't here.”

Bri smiled. “I simply don't rate as high as Danny.”

“It's the bane of every parent. I have some customers who deliberately shop when they know the girls will be there.”

Bri chuckled but then grew serious. “How are you?”

“I'm doing well.”

“That's good to hear. How is Seth coming along with the girls?”

“It's amazing. I knew they needed a man in their lives, but not until I watched it every day did I realize how much. They respond so quickly to his authority. I didn't think it would last. I thought at first they obeyed out of fear of not knowing what he would do, but it hasn't worn off. Not yet, anyway.” Jessie hesitated before adding, “Seth and I are even doing well.”

“What brought that about?”

“He said some things I couldn't ignore, and that changed how I felt about him.” Jessie knew that wasn't all of it, but she couldn't find the words. Her feelings had been changing for him for the past month. “Enough about me!” she said before Bri could ask anything else. “Tell me more about you.”

“I'm fine. I miss Danny, but I'm fine.”

“Do you believe God planned this for you?” Jessie asked, not sure why.

“That's exactly what I believe.”

“And what if something happens, Bri, and you never have this baby in your family? Did God plan that too?”

“He did. There's great comfort in knowing that nothing is out of His will.”

“Why is that a comfort?”

“I didn't believe in God for a long time. I was scared about a lot of things.”

“But you don't have any more control over things now,” Jessie argued.

“That's true, but God is in charge of everything and loved me enough to die for me. He won't let me go through any of it without Him.”

Jessie wasn't sure this made sense to her, but she did her best not to show it. She didn't think there was any point in discussing it further but didn't know how to say this.

She would have been surprised to know that Bri could read this in her, and that's why she changed the subject. The women talked about various things in the next 30 minutes but never ventured back to spiritual topics. Nevertheless, Bri had plenty to say on spiritual topics, and said them all in prayer as soon as her friend left.

“What's going on?” Seth asked when he found the girls in the corner of the storeroom, both sporting murderous expressions. Years ago he had set up a play area for Hannah, and although no longer partitioned off, the girls still used it for their dolls and some of their toys.

“Hannah said I could have the baby carriage, and now she won't share.”

“Is that right, Hannah?”

“I just changed my mind,” Hannah said defensively, wanting more than believing that this was fair.

“How would you feel if I said I was taking you to see Danny and then just changed my mind?” Seth asked her.

“I wouldn't like it,” Hannah admitted in a much smaller voice.

To the girls' surprise, Seth then turned to his youngest daughter.

“You could do better right now as well, Clancy,” he told her. “It was wrong of Hannah to offer the carriage and then change her mind, but your getting all angry and upset about a toy is just as selfish.”

“But she said—” Clancy began to disagree, but Seth cut her off.

“And you're arguing with me right now, and that's selfish too.”

Both girls stared up at him, and Seth made a swift decision.

“Come to the front and do some small jobs for me right now. When I say you can come back and play, I'll expect you to do a better job.”

The girls didn't argue about this. Young as Clancy was, she had not liked being told she was selfish. As for Hannah, the example of Seth telling her something and then changing his mind had hit home. She knew that was a wrong way to act, and there was no excuse she could give. Without a murmur of protest, she went to do whatever Seth asked of her, knowing she deserved the punishment.

“How is Bri?” Seth asked when the girls were in bed that night and he finally had his wife to himself.

“She has no idea when she'll be out of that bed, but she's taking it very well.” Jessie suddenly frowned. “She talked about God the way you do with the girls.”

“Did that bother you?”

“No, I just don't understand it. I don't know how any of you can believe in something you can't see.”

“I can see how you might feel that way,” Seth said. “You're a very hardworking person. It would be easy to have strong reasons for believing in all the things you've accomplished with that hard work.”

Jessie suddenly didn't want to talk about this. He had not sounded mean, but she felt as though all of her hard work meant little. If she kept thinking about it, she knew they would end up quarreling.

“Tell me everything you did on Monday night for the house,” Jessie said, remembering they hadn't talked about it again. Seth didn't try to change the topic back. He had decided long ago with Rylan's help that shoving his belief at his wife was one of the worst things he could do.

Seth did go over what he'd done Monday night with her, and she laughed as he described going from place to place and asking the questions he did. When he was finished, they talked about what they wanted in the house, what they could afford, and how soon they could meet with Chas. Jessie was starting to believe this was truly going to happen. It made sleeping that night almost impossible.

“Thank you for your questions and concerns about Sabrina,” Rylan began at the front of the congregation on Sunday morning. “Sabrina is doing well, but she won't be getting out of bed until the doctor is sure she's not going into labor too soon. Thank you for the prayers, the food, and seeing to Danny. Sabrina and I can't tell you what a blessing you all are.

“I had my sermon ready early this week,” Rylan went on. “That would seem like good news since the week didn't end as I expected, but instead of the sermon I planned for this morning I need to tell you some thoughts I had on Thursday morning when I realized Sabrina needed the doctor.

“I was not frantic to get out the door, but I didn't take my time either. I didn't think Sabrina should be up and around at all, so I took Danny with me. As I was walking toward Doctor Ertz's home, I felt the first signs of anxiety. You know the ones I mean, the feeling of helplessness in your chest, that sensation of dread that someone you love might be hurt or die.

“Interestingly enough, at the same time I also felt the weight of my son in my arms, and it came to me that it would
never once
occur to Danny that I would drop him. He felt as secure and comfortable as any child could. If any of you have lifted my son, you know he's not a small boy,” Rylan added, catching smiles on many faces. “But as you might also imagine, he weighs next to nothing to me when I lift him.

“As I thought about this type of trust, it put my worry in a new light. Why did I think God would drop me? Why would I imagine God not taking care of Sabrina in a way that would glorify Him? If I think my son weighs nothing in my arms, I can barely imagine how light I am in the arms of God. God would never drop me or Sabrina. Here I was, anxious for her when the God of the universe is holding all of this in His hands. I saw my worry for what it was. I called it the sin that it was, and I repented of it.

“I can tell you what a relief that was. I hated my worry for what it was. Sin against God. And then I stopped. I didn't think that I'd better think about it or that I needed to work on it. I stopped. When sin becomes clear to me, I must stop.

“Let me go through the process for you again. You might not be worrying. It might be something else. But if it's sin, it has to be dealt with. Call it what it is: sin. Hate it for the sin that it is. And stop it. How many excuses do we have? ‘I've always been that way.' ‘My dad was hot-tempered and I'm the same way.' ‘I'm just having a bad time right now.' ‘You don't know how hard this is for me.' How many of those have we said and given ourselves permission to go on sinning?

“I want us to be done with that today. Do we believe that a mighty and holy God died for our sins? I'm looking around this room, and I know that every adult in here believes that very thing. Then what are we doing living in the sin Christ died for? There is no excuse. Call it what it is, hate it, and stop it.

“This is normally the time I would close us in prayer, but I'm not going to do that today. My sermon is done, but I'm not going to dismiss you. Take as much time as you need. If you want to visit with one another, head to the foyer or outside. Today we're going to keep this room quiet. If someone is sitting quietly, please allow them that time.”

Rylan moved to the front row then and took Danny from Becky's arms. He sat down with the rest of his congregation and prayed, asking God to humble him and his wife so that they might raise a humble son to serve Him.