Jessie (37 page)

Chapter Eighteen

“H
OW WILL SHE GET
in?” Hannah asked when she watched her father lock the store for the night.

“She'll come to the back door and knock, and we'll let her in.”

Hannah stared that way, but Seth's voice stopped her.

“We're going upstairs to see what we can find for supper.”

“But Mama,” Hannah began, Clancy next to her.

“What did I tell you, Hannah?” Seth began to repeat his speech from earlier in the afternoon.

“Not to ask.”

“That's right, and I don't want you to worry either. She'll be back when she gets here, and she'll find us working hard on supper and doing fine. Upstairs now.”

The girls clearly didn't want to obey, and for a moment they stood there. Seth's brows rose, and they got the message. On the way upstairs, however, he looked at their small backs and heads and felt no end of compassion. This was not common for them. Coming home from school to find their mother missing and then still gone more than two hours later was almost more than they could take.

“Okay, girls, I really need your help,” Seth said as soon as they entered the apartment, hoping they would be excited about working on supper together. “What do I do with this stuff your mother has in the pot here on the stove?”

“Don't you know?” Clancy asked, her brow furrowed.

“No, I'm afraid not. What would your mother do?”

“Is it very hot or just a little hot?” This came from Hannah.

Seth swiftly touched the side of the pot.

“A little hot.”

“Build up the fire,” Hannah said. “Clancy and I will set the table. Get the bread, Clancy.”

They weren't overly excited, but they were cooperating, possibly from hunger. The whole room smelled delicious.

When they sat down to eat 15 minutes later, Seth had nothing but praise for them. He watched them relax under his approval, and they even asked him about prayer after he gave thanks for the food. Seth was also starting to wonder what had happened to Jessie, but for the moment he and the girls were getting along.

“I can't believe I fell asleep,” Jessie kept saying to her hosts, her hand on the knob.

“Your life is wearing you out, Jessie,” Jeb said with compassion. “Are you sure you found out what you wanted to know?”

Jessie looked at him, still trying to work the sleep from her brain, but she had learned what she'd come to ask. “I didn't expect to remember so much so fast,” she admitted, having just told them some of the things she'd recalled from her childhood. “Something Patience said brought it all back.”

“You know where to come if there's anything else we can do.”

Jessie thanked Jeb and slipped out the door. Walking home she realized she'd never fallen asleep at someone's house before. If she didn't know better, she'd have suspected she was pregnant.

A moment later her mind was solely on the girls and what they must think. Jessie walked swiftly home and went to the back door. She banged twice when she found it locked and was not surprised when Seth came swiftly.

“Are you all right?” he asked quietly.

“I'll tell you later,” Jessie said, already moving toward the stairs. “How are the girls?”

“Fine, but missing you.”

“Mama!” both girls cried when they saw her from the top of the stairs.

“Hi,” Jessie said, scooping them both up for a hug. Four arms tried to strangle her, and all she could do was laugh.

“We made supper.”

“Good girls! Did you leave some for me?”

“Yes! Your place is all set.”

“With coffee!”

“Don't get overly excited about the coffee,” Seth said behind her, and Jessie threw a smile over her shoulder.

The evening progressed in the usual fashion from there, but Seth sensed a need in Jessie. As soon as the girls saw their mother, they relaxed and became normal again, which meant both parents were busy with questions and games until bedtime. Seth knew, however, that as soon as the girls were down, Jessie had something to say.

As they came from the bedroom, Seth wondered how the conversation would start, but Jessie was ahead of him. She took the sofa and spoke in a thoughtful voice.

“You have turned my whole world upside down, Seth Redding. I can't even think straight.”

Seth didn't know what to say. This was the last thing he expected. He was on the verge of offering to move out when she went on.

“I didn't even spend that much time talking to Jeb or Patience. I went over there and fell asleep. They woke me after two hours.”

“Were you feeling sick?” Seth asked with real concern.

“No, I'm just worn out from everything.”

“Take the day off tomorrow,” Seth offered. “Lie around here in the apartment or go back to Meg's.”

“It's not the store, Seth,” Jessie said.

“I'll go, Jessie. I'll explain to the girls in the morning, and I'll go back to Rylan's until I can find a place.”

Seth was startled to see tears in his wife's eyes. It was so unusual that for a moment he didn't know what to do. When she still didn't speak, he tried once again. “Please tell me what I can do for you, Jessie. Please tell me how to help you.”

A sob broke in her throat at that point, and Seth could no longer keep his distance. He had been sitting on the chair but now moved to the sofa and took Jessie very carefully into his arms, expecting her to pull away at any moment. He was wrong. Jessie turned her face into his chest and cried.

Seth held her without pressure, one arm holding her close, his free hand gently rubbing her back. Jessie had taken hold of the front of his shirt and showed no signs of moving. She cried for some time and then just lay against him, her cheek against his chest. Seth didn't speak. Much came to mind, but he kept it all to himself.

“You still smell good,” Jessie said after a long silence, her voice rough from the tears.

“So do you.”

“If I let something happen, I'd be raising a third baby by myself.”

“No, you wouldn't,” Seth argued without heat, “but we still can't let anything happen until we work out how we feel about each other.”

Jessie tipped her head back and looked up at him. Seth knew he would kiss her—maybe even that night—but not yet, not until he knew what she was thinking.

“Why did you cry?” he asked.

“I don't know if I know.”

“Does it have something to do with seeing Jeb and Patience?”

“I went to find out what my mother believed, and Patience said something that got me to thinking about both of my parents.”

“Bad memories?”

“Yes,” Jessie said, not wanting to admit she had realized she was just like her difficult father.

“Then what happened?”

“That's when I fell asleep.”

Seth pushed her head back against his chest. If she kept looking up at him, they were going to start kissing, and at the moment that was sure to lead to more.

“Why have you let me back into your life?” Seth asked.

Jessie sighed before saying, “At first it was for the girls, but lately it's been for me too. It's nice to have someone else who knows the store like I do.”

“Do you think I'm leaving again?”

“I don't know. I know you don't plan on it, but still it happened once before.”

Seth just held her, not sure what to say. He wanted to know more about her conversation with Patience and if any of it led to talk about Jessie's beliefs, but he had no idea how to ask.

Without warning he felt Jessie's hands on his face. He looked down to find her looking up at him again. The first kiss was tentative; the second a little more familiar. From there they grew urgent with need as old memories surfaced. They were wrapped in each other's arms when they both heard a thud and a small cry.

“That's Clancy,” Jessie said breathlessly. “She's fallen out of bed.”

Seth could hardly think straight, but Jessie was already on the move. She rose from the sofa and went to the bedroom. Seth kept his place in the living room. It was not a good time for interruptions. His mind tried to tell him that maybe it was for the best, but he couldn't quite believe it. Jessie came back and didn't immediately join him on the sofa. They stared at each other before Seth spoke.

“Is Clancy all right?”

“Yes. She does that every once in a while and doesn't even fully wake up.”

They continued to stare at each other, and when Jessie kept her place by the wall, Seth rescued her.

“Do you need to get some sleep?”

“I think I do,” Jessie agreed, no longer tired but seeing the offer for the lifeline it was.

“I'll see you in the morning.”

Jessie nodded and almost left, but suddenly feelings of insecurity covered her.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No. Why would I be?”

“I started something and now I'm walking away.”

Seth nodded slowly before saying, “We both know what would have happened tonight had Clancy stayed in bed. Maybe we need to both decide if that's what we want right now.”

“What if only one of us wants that right now?”

“Then that other person will have to care enough to wait.”

It was not the reply she expected, but then lately nothing was. Jessie said goodnight and went into the bedroom. Seth stayed where he was and tried not to remember how wonderful it had been to hold her. After a time he blew the lantern out and went to bed, but sleep was a long time in coming.

“Good morning,” Seth said when he came from the bedroom the next morning.

“Good morning,” Jessie returned, working on coffee. Her back was to him, but that didn't stop his next move. He came up and put an arm around his wife's shoulders.

“How are you?”

For just a split second Jessie stiffened, but then she heard his tone and realized the arm around her was undemanding. She turned her head to look at him and found his eyes on her.

“I'm doing fine. Are you all right?”

“I think so. I hope we can keep talking.”

“And kissing?” Jessie asked.

“That was my next question. Are you telling the girls?”

Jessie looked into his eyes and felt herself melt. She should have been angry and scolding herself for her weakness, but instead she saw the truth for what it was. The kiss was going to happen again, and if Clancy stayed in bed this time, she wouldn't be sleeping with the girls.

Seth saw the answer in her face and bent enough to kiss her temple. Jessie could not stop the sigh that escaped her.

“I hate myself for wanting you,” she admitted.

“It's not a weakness to want a relationship with the man who never should have left.”

Jessie knew she would have to think about that. At the same moment they both heard small feet hitting the floor. Seth leaned down long enough to kiss her cheek, his hand tenderly caressing her back before he stepped completely away. Jessie, however, kept watching him. Her daughters came from the bedroom at the same time she faced the truth: She was still in love with Seth Redding.