Jesse's Soul (2) (28 page)

She let out a deep breath that she was finally able to catch. “I’m sorry I got so upset.”

“Look at me.”

She shifted in his arms so she could see his face.

“Please don’t ever apologize for being upset or scared, nervous, mad, or anything. You have the right to feel all of that. Please don’t ever tell me you’re sorry for getting upset again. I am here for you. I will stand by your side, and when you need someone to hold you up,
it will be me that you lean on. I know exactly why you got so emotional and I will never, ever do to you what he did, Emery. I promise you.

“I know I shouldn’t have let my fear get to me, but I’m not going to hide it from you. We can’t hide things just to protect each other. We can’t help each other if we do that. I am scared for Tuesday, I’m scared about what kind of tests you have to go through and the pain that you’re going to feel, and I wish I could do it for you. And I’m scared of the results. But I want you to know I’m not running away, I will never leave you.”

Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so scared.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them.

Saying the words aloud for the first time somehow felt right. Admitting it to Jesse, seemed to be something he needed from her. He’d been collecting bits and pieces of her since they met the first night, and now he was close to knowing her better than she knew herself.

“I know, baby. Me too.”

He pulled her close, whispering soft words to encourage her and show her how much he loved her. She had wanted the closeness that he gave her when he made love to her, instead he gave her what he knew she needed. Tucking her close, her head on his chest, using his heartbeat lull her. As Jesse gently stroked her skin, her breathing naturally pacing itself to his, Emery finally felt herself relax, drifting to sleep, safe in his arms.

Emery stood on the last step of the staircase that led into the kitchen, watching him. She smiled to herself. He had thrown on just his jeans and was sitting at the kitchen table barefoot, drinking a glass of water and staring out the window. She walked up behind him and slid her arms over his shoulders and down his chest, loving that this was her man and that she could run her hands over him anytime she wanted. She could trace the cut of his muscles, stroke the short hair on his jaw, she could love him.

“Hi, handsome.”

“Hi, honey. Did you get some sleep?”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Why did you let me sleep so long? You had to be bored to death. It’s been over three hours. You could have at least turned the TV on.”

“You needed it. And I’m fine, I didn’t want to wake you.” He tugged at her arm to bring her around and pulled her onto his lap. “I like your shirt.” He smirked. “Very sexy.”

Emery had found his shirt on the floor mixed with her clothes when she got out of bed. She had reached for her shirt first, but picked his up instead. After her meltdown earlier, she realized how much she needed Jesse. Even just the smell of his cologne on the t-shirt was enough to keep her calm. She had slipped it over her head and held the collar tight to her nose, breathing his scent in deep. The mix of soap, detergent and Hugo Boss…it was all Jesse, and it was magical how the warmth spread over her just with his smell.

“Oh, sorry, I just grabb
ed it. It’s long enough to halfway cover my butt. I hope you don’t mind?” She sneered, trying to contain the mischievousness grin threatening.

“
Mind?” He winked at her. “You are halfway to creating one of my fantasies.”

“Oh, let me guess…white dress
shirt and heels?” She cocked her head to the side and waited for his answer.

“I’m telling you.”

“That’s in like every movie ever made.”

“Yeah, there’s a reason for it.
It’s hot
.
”

“All right, you get me one of your dress shirts, I’ve got the perfect pair of heels.”

“Really?” Jesse’s voice went up in pitch.

She loved that she could so easily excite him. Loved that, here was this amazing man, hotter than the day was long and yet, and for some reason he liked her. She loved that he made her see stars when he took her to bed. Emery winked at him. “I’d do that for you.”

His mouth twisted up in the sexiest smile, so sinful and full of dark promises that she felt her stomach tighten.

She placed her palm against his jaw, his whiskers scratching against her sensitive skin. “You are so good looking, Jesse, do you know that?”

“Na. Not really, babe. Now, you on the other hand?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her as he ran his hand up under his t-shirt to her breast and gently caressed it. “You are beautiful.”

Emery tilted her head and raised her eyebrow. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Me? Nothing.” His mouth twitched.

“Your hand?” Emery
asked, keeping the teasing masked from her voice.

“Nothing. I’m just sitting here.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What?” Jesse smiled at her as his hand wandered to the other breast.

“You just going to sit there and fondle me?”

“Yep. That’s the price you have to pay for being gorgeous and hot and having a killer body. Sorry, honey.”

Emery grinned at him as she leaned in to kiss him. “We might have to go back upstairs.”

Jesse let his fingers slide down the middle of her body to where she had her legs crossed, he sucked in his breath. “You have no panties on.”

She put a fingertip to her chin, aiming for ditzy. “Oops. I knew I was forgetting something.”

“Oh, you are in so much trouble.” He stood up with her in his arms. “Let’s go.”

“You can’t carry me, I’m too heavy. You’ll hurt your back.” Emery started squealing.

“No. You’re
mine
,
and I’m going to take you to bed, beautiful.”

Emery looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “You up for something…
different?”

Excitement danced over his face as his golden-brown eyes darkened with arousal. One eyebrow went up
, and she knew his interest was well beyond piqued. If she’d been in a position to find out, she would have, instead she assumed his eyebrow wasn’t the only thing that had risen.

“What did you have in mind, good lookin
g?”

Emery could tell he was trying not to let a laugh, but he was a man and it was hard to conceal that kind of excitement. With a coy smirk, she only jerked her chin upward, motioning for him to keep moving as her answer.

He carried her into her bedroom and gently put her down. She started to walk toward the bathroom door, hoping he could see her butt cheeks from under his shirt.

Emery turned around to see his eyes trailing up and down her body, “You coming?” she asked in
the best bedroom voice that she could fake.

This was all new to her, not the actual, boy inside girl, get it done thing, but feeling like she was burning up from the inside out with just one look from him. Feeling like she was maybe a teeny bit sexy and could toy and play with him. Knowing he could make her come undone with just one touch.

She pulled his shirt over her head seductively, then tossed it to him with a flick of her wrist. “Here, you can have this back. I don’t need it anymore.”

Standing naked, she opened the bathroom door so he could see the Jacuzzi tub already full, complete with bubbles.

“I think you had plans when you came looking for me, didn’t you?”

Emery didn’t answer. She just looked over her shoulder and winked at him.

“I love you, Emery Kincaid.”

With a look of devilish need, she grinned. “Back atcha, Frost.”

~

The next day they woke to a crisp
Oklahoma morning. It was very chilly, but there was no snow on the ground. They had made coffee and toast then sat reading yesterday’s newspaper together at the kitchen table.

Emery couldn’t get over what she was feeling inside. She knew this was what she wanted—this was how life was supposed to be. Waking up together, just lying and chatting in bed. Showeri
ng, getting ready together, and sharing their morning. When he told her it was exactly what he wanted too, another piece of the puzzle slipped into place. The piece that was her health, which used to seem like it was the only part of her—Jesse had taken that piece and reduced it so that only the things he wanted to see were important. Replacing the emptiness with all the parts of himself he knew she needed.

He folded the sports section up and handed it to her without saying a word. Just their hands touched at the exchange of the paper. Jesse’s warm smile and soft brown eyes melted her heart. She realized these little things were adding up. Little pieces of him
that she had fallen for, the feel of his whiskers on her skin, the sound of his boots when he was walking toward her, his Texan accent, and those damn eyes. He was a gorgeous man. In her mind, he was the epitome of what a cowboy should look like. She had grown up with farm boys her whole life, at school and around town. But none ever looked this good. He took her breath away. She grinned again, wide enough she knew her dimples were showing.

“What’s that smile for?” Jesse winked, trying to tease her.

“Nothing.”

“I’m not buyin’.
What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” She couldn’t help the school-girl giggle that escaped, and he leaned over in his chair and began tickling her, before he pulled her onto his lap.

“You’re my girl aren’t you, Em?”

Emery snuggled up against his rock hard chest, feeling more secure than she had even just a moment ago sitting in her own chair. “Yeah,” she softly replied.

It was hard for her to let someone in this close, to want him this much. She knew how he felt about her, he had played no games with her. But she just couldn’t help waiting for it to fall apart.

Emery knew from experience that life could change in the blink of an eye
, and she hated that the cancer had done that to her. She had always been an optimistic, upbeat person, full of life and fun. She hated that
it
took that from her. Yes, she was alive, and hopefully this round of tests would come back clean. But now she knew from experience it could strike at any time, when she least expected it. Knowing that, she no longer could be easy and free—optimistic. Young.

The cancer had stolen her personality from her. At least part of it. The part that everyone always said they loved about her. It had made her bitter, which she hated just as much. It aged her in a way that only trauma could do to a person. Inste
ad of the easy going twenty-two-year-old that loved life and her family, she was now a twenty-five-year-old that waited for it to be all taken away at any moment. And this time, the stakes were much higher because Jesse’s heart was involved.

“You got serious on me again, honey. You okay?”

He brought her back from the depressing thoughts again, something she was acutely aware of because he’d done it numerous times. Each time she was more grateful than the last to have him in her life.

“Oh, yeah. Just sitting here.” She breathed in his cologne. “Hey, you want to go
on a picnic? It’s almost lunchtime and all we ate for breakfast was toast.”

“Sure.” He squeezed her thigh.

“It’s sunny out, and I bet it’s warmed up a little bit. We can walk around to the back, up the hill a little. I can show you where I like to go, you know”—she jerked her shoulder—“hide for a while.”

“You have a thinking spot, Em?” Je
sse teased then smiled that lopsided, cocky smile that made her want to hit him and kiss him at the same time.

Emery narrowed her eyes at him. Jesse just winked back.

“You’re not cute,” Emery said matter-of-factly, trying like hell to keep any sort of smile or laughter well hidden.

“Yes, I am.”

“No. You’re not.” She shook her head.

“You think I am. You think I’m hot.”

Oh yes. Yes you are.

She sucked in a breath. That was it. She was losing to him. Emery knew her smile had grown and her dimples were showing, but she kept the laughter to herself.

“Make yourself useful and get the fried chicken out of the fridge.” She stood from his lap and turned away to hide her face. She knew she was about to lose it, and there was no way she was letting him win.

He pinched her butt.

“Hey
.
” She jumped and spun around to see the devilish look on his face. “Mister.”

“Yes?”
He answered acting innocent.

Emery just shook her head, biting the insides of her cheeks to keep herself from laughing. He blew her a kiss
, and she was done for. “You’re such a brat.”

“But you love me.”

She gave him her infamous Kincaid eye roll.

“Admit it, girl.” Jesse stood quickly before she could scoot away and put both hands on her hips, holding her in front of him. “Admit, Em.”

“Or…what?” She taunted back.