Jesse's Soul (2) (23 page)

Her father shook his head. “Don’t yell at him. He was with you last night, remember? Em, relax.”

“I don’t want anyone on my team to know, Dad.” She glanced at all the concerned faces surrounding her. “I’m really sorry I made you all worry.” She turned back toward her father. “But I can’t have the team knowing anything. Taylor has already been acting like an ass since I walked in the door the first night. I honestly thought he’d change after the whole deal with Anthony, but he’s only gotten worse. He finds out I have a weakness and he’ll be impossible.”

“Don’t worry about it tonight, it will all be fine. Eat. And you better quit waiting so long. Just wait until Dr. Falson hears.”

“Dad, stop.” Emery gritted her teeth at the threat.

He had never pulled a stunt like this before and she was ready to take the man on. Of course, her father hadn’t had this many allies before to start something with her. She was at such a disadvantage, and that pissed her off even more.

“Really?” Her dad’s eyes narrowed. A look she hadn’t seen but once or twice in her entire life settled on her dad’s face, one that had never before been directed at her. “You want me to tell Jesse a little inside tip on you?”

“
Dad!”

Emery was half astonished her father would do this to her, put her in this position. The other half of her was contemplating his murder. She couldn’t ever remember being this upset with him. No, it’d passed upset. She was so mad she was seeing red. At some point
, steam was going to literally start coming out of her ears.

“Son”—he tipped his chin at Jesse—“she’s more pissed off right now than you can possibly imagine. A few years ago, she would have thrown out some lovely choice words and stomped off. But she’s still sitting there because she knows if she stands up, she’s hitting the floor. I can tell by looking at her exactly how bad off she is right now.” He stared her down. “It’s a damn good thing you’re going back in three weeks for tests.”

Panic laced Jesse’s voice. “What tests?”

Damn it.

She could see the fear in his face. This was a conversation she never intended to have in front of other people.

Pausing, she focused on his arm, watching the muscles bunch in hi
s forearm as he moved. “The two-year mark,” she answered, trying to reassure him. “It’s okay, it’s just routine, don’t worry.”

“But?”

Oh my God.

Her anger with her father fell away as she saw the fear on Jesse’s face. She let out a defeated breath and squeezed his forearm as she looked into the scared as hell, warm brown eyes she had fallen in love with. She thought she’d told him about the tests last night when they talked. She shook her head, not remembering if she had or not. Her mouth was suddenly dry as she tried to form the words.

“Jesse, you have to know right now, there’s always going to be a chance. I’m sorry.”

Her stomach clenched, then recoiled. Emery held the plate of food Jesse had brought out. Her hands were shaking, and she was so thankful she hadn’t taken a bite because it would have come right back up.

This. Right here. Right now. This, the look of pure unadulterated fear that she saw on Jesse’s face, the fear she was solely responsible for putting him through. This was why she had wanted to keep her distance. He was an amazing guy who deserved the world, who deserved children, and she didn’t want to constantly be putting him through this. Knowing the
what ifs
were a huge part of her future, and that wasn’t something she wanted for him.

But it was her heart that stopped, dropping to her stomach as waves of heat pricked at her skin…and it was a different kind of fear caused that. She’d been here, in this spot before. Looking back, remembering her relationship with Collin, her feelings for him couldn’t begin to compare to what she felt for Jesse. Not even in the same realm.

Love. She loved him.

Fear left her speechless. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. And all because of something she had no fucking control over.

“Oh, Emery.”

She could almost hear his heart drop and a stab of pain shot through her. “No, Jesse, you just can’t think about it. You just can’t or it will ruin
you. It’ll ruin
us.”

Please let there still be an
us
.
Please God.

With his arm that was already around her shoulders, he pulled her close and kissed her head. “Okay, baby. I’ll do my best.”

His fear was just another weight added to her shoulders.

She took a deep breath and pressed her fingertips against her temples. She knew where her dad’s anger was coming from. They had always been close, and she would like to think that Riley and she had been good kids. They rarely got into trouble and they never had the teenage angst so many parents complain about. On top of it, she and Riley had always been best friends. It was just a different relationship, one she treasured. It had always been the three of them against the world. But the look on Jesse’s face now was exactly why she hid so much. The weight of her dad, Riley, and now Jesse worrying about her was crushing.

She gave her dad a sympathetic grin. “Dad, you can’t get this upset and scared every time I have to go in for tests. It will be okay. If I remember right, you were the one who told me it was time to start living again.”

Reid crossed the circle and squatted down in front of her. “I’m sorry, Em. I don’t mean to get upset and take it out on you. I just want you to do everything you can to keep healthy, and that means eating well and getting sleep. I didn’t mean to get frustrated and raise my voice. I just hate these tests.”

“I’m trying, Dad. I just forget sometimes that I’m not normal anymore.”

“You’re still normal. You just have to pay more attention, is all.”

“Dad, most people can skip a meal or some sleep and still be just fine. Most people don’t have to try different med after med to figure out what works and live with the side effects in between. Most people don’t dread certain months of the year because of test results. I’m not normal, not anymore.”

“I love you, Em.” Reid leaned in to hug her.

He had no other response. She was right and they both knew it. “I love you, too. But you realize that once I get some food in my stomach and I’m not as dizzy, I’m going to kick your freaking ass? Not only did you open your big mouth, but we’ve fought about it in front everyone. Do you know how fucking embarrassing this is? Seriously, Dad?”

“I bet Molly does.” He stood up and winked at Molly sitting on Emery’s other side, still on Carter’s lap. “Her dad is way worse than me, huh, sweetie?”

“Well, Dad, since you’re so worried, I’ll make sure I get a good night’s sleep with Jesse tonight. I’m staying with him.” She watched her dad’s face slide three shades past crimson. Finally he just shook his head and lowered it into his hand. She’d bet money it was to avoid the cocky smug look she was giving him.

Reid raised his head once again, a faint grin tipped the corner of his mouth. “I thought you were so hell bent on keeping your life private.”

“Well you already told them all about my being sick, I figure they might as well know I’m sleeping with their friend too.” She sneered at her dad and turned to Jesse.

He was staring at her with a blank face. She may have gotten back to the right page with her father, but Jesse now seemed…
off.

Chapter T
en

“So, Cowboy, are you excited to introduce Emery to your parents?” Molly asked as she came back out of Brody’s bike trailer and plopped herself down on Carter’s lap.

“I am. They’re going to love her.” Jesse squeezed Emery’s hand. “It’ll be fine, honey. I promise you.”

This was another big milestone in their relationship. She had explained to him that she had only done the whole ‘meeting the parents’ thing once, and that was with Collin’s parents. The other two guys that she had dated, she’d known most of her life and knew their parents from around town. Collin’s parents had scarred her though, the memories still haunting her. They were none too happy about having their precious lawyer son settle down with a woman mechanic.

That was something Jesse could relate to. She was gun shy, and no matter how much reassurance he gave her, Jesse knew she was still nervous to meet his parents. However, she never complained, never whined, never balked about it one bit. He was proud she was trying to be brave when really he knew she’d rather hide in the rig tomorrow when they were around.

“Well, Emery, I will tell you his parents are as sweet as can be. Both of them, just down to earth and so kind. They will love you. I promise.” Molly smiled. “Don’t be worried.”

“Weren’t you nervous about meeting Carter’s parents?”

“You have to remember the circumstances I met them under. It was so stressful. I adore his family, but at the time, we had bigger things going on. But I’m here to reassure you, I’ve met Jess’s parents and they are going to love you.”

Jesse watched Emery give Molly a small smile, but she didn’t say any more. She was especially quiet tonight, and he was hoping it was just nerves, but his instincts with her had become very sharp and he was afraid it was more than that.

“Besides that,”—Eli jerked his head in Carter’s direction—“I think the only one here that’s ever really had to be scared would have been Sterling last year. Seriously. You should have been here. Brody wanted Mol nowhere near Carter, and her dad wasn’t much better. But see, Carter is still alive. He survived.”

Jesse watched the confusion come over Emery’s face.

“But…you guys are all like best friends.” Emery tilted her head to Brody. “You didn’t like Carter, how could you not?”

Jesse could tell she was trying to engage in th
e conversation, but it was halfhearted. Her voice was tired and there wasn’t the emotion behind it that there was normally. Given the ammo that Eli just supplied her with, Emery would have launched into Brody on a good night. She didn’t. There wasn’t even a flicker of fire in her question.

“Because she’s my sister. I didn’t like anyone.” Brody snickered.

Carter put his hand on Emery’s arm. “See, it all worked out. And Eli and I have known Janie and Kevin since we were kids. Hell, Emery, your dad knows them. You’re fine, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Carter,” she replied, her voice soft and tired.

Her responses told Jesse everything. He leaned over to her. “Baby, let’s get you to bed, you don’t feel well.”

Tossing his empty beer bottle and their plates in the trash, Jesse turned back toward Emery who still sat in her chair. She had waited for him to help her up and that alone said volumes. His heart and stomach dropped like a lead weight. It was really bad tonight.

“Ah, honey,” he said sweetly as he put his arm around her waist offering her not only physical support, but the emotional support she needed as well.

“Night, everybody,” Jesse said to no one in particular, his sole focus on the woman beside him. Emery didn’t say anything. She just gave a little wave.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve realized you were that worn out. I would’ve put you to bed a lot sooner.”

“We had to eat, Jess.”

“I know, but we sat there for a while after.”

“Barely ten minutes. I just finished my plate.”

“But it was ten minutes.”

Emery didn’t answer. Instead she put her head on his shoulder and whispered, “Jesse, wait.” She stopped walking and curled into his chest.

He wrapped both arms around her, as his anxiety skyrocketed. “What’s wrong, honey?”

Again she didn’t answer, but when she put her hand to her forehead, he knew she was dizzy and next would come a pounding headache that lasted for a few minutes. It would be short lived, but it would hurt like hell. He held her tight to keep her from swaying as she laid her face against his chest, trying to concentrate on her breathing. Jesse closed his eyes, wishing like hell he knew what to do.

She went limp in his arms.

It was for just for a split second, but there was no doubt in his mind she’d been out. Coming to, she sagged against him and Jesse heard her hiss as the pain of the headache struck.

“God, baby, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into the side of her head, stroking her hair.

Unfortunately for Emery, the two of them hadn’t gotten but about fifteen steps away from their friends before she’d had to stop walking. Jesse had heard Molly gasp, and he could feel all their eyes on them as they stood together. From the corner of his eye, he saw Reid approach.

Putting a hand on her back he spoke quietly, “I’m calling Dr. Falson tomorrow morning. I want you there this week. You’re not waiting any longer.”

“Dad,” she barely whispered, “tomorrow is Saturday. He won’t be there. It’s just a really bad med this time.”

“And it’s really screwed up your blood pressure, and he needs to do something about it.”

“I’ll be fine, Dad.”

“This is as bad as it’s ever been, Em. Something he’s changed has messed you up, and he’s got to fix it tomorrow over the phone. Don’t take anything in the morning until I get a hold of him. As a matter of fact, I’m leaving him a message tonight. Maybe he’ll call me back.”

“Dad, please.”

Jesse listened to her as she tried quietly to argue, but she just didn’t have the fight in her tonight.

Reid ignored her anyway. “Jesse, I’ll call your cell if I find out anything. I just don’t get why everything they give you affects your blood pressure like this. We’re going to have to bring in some other doctors on this. I know you’re tired of feeling bad, and we’ll find someone who can figure this out, I promise you, honey. We’ll get through this set of scans and start looking.”

Emery took a deep breath and stood up a little straighter as the spell started to pass. Jesse watched her blink a couple of times, recognizing she was coming out of it.

“Let’s get you to bed, baby,” Jesse said softly as he brushed her bangs from her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Emery,” Reid said.

She squinted up at her dad.

“You take it easy this weekend or I’ll pull you completely. Do you hear me?” He didn’t yell and the words weren’t said of out anger, but Jesse heard the force behind them all the same.

“You will not threaten me. Do you hear me?” She was back. Both men could tell because she was on guard and ready to fight. “I will do my job, and I will do it perfectly. I’ve never let not feeling well get in the way before, and I’m not about to start now.” Her Irish temper flared. “Now back off.” Her jaw was clenched tight, the words said through gritted teeth.

“Emery.” Reid’s chin came up.

“Don’t.” She started to walk toward Jesse’s mot
orhome, not waiting for him to help her.

Jesse glared at Reid. “
Damn it, Reid. She doesn’t feel well. Why in the hell would you do that?”

He may be his boss and her father, but Emery was his girlfriend and he was not about to let anyone make her feel worse than she already did. The gleam in Reid’s eye appeared almost humorous, and it pissed Jesse off even more.

“It’s old school. My mother taught me that one. When you get mad your blood pressure goes up, and that’s what she needs.” Reid patted Jesse on the shoulder. “You let me do that, you don’t want her mad at you. I can take it.”

“That’s pretty genius.” Jesse smiled with relief. The breath he’d subconsciously held came out with a whoosh.

“Yeah, grandmas have a way with making things better, sometimes. Take care of her for me, Jesse.”

“I’m trying, sir.”

“I know, son. I’ll call you if Falson calls me back tonight.”

Jesse nodded at Reid. They were in this together now. “I’ll call you if she gets worse,” he said over his shoulder as he ran to catch up with Emery.

~

Jesse glanced at the clock on the counter of the semi. He knew he shouldn’t be nervous, an
d he wasn’t really. It was more excitement than nerves. His parents were due anytime, and for the first time, he was introducing them to
the one
.

Emery was scared as hell and just about as skittish. One wrong statement from his mother that was overly enthusiastic at the prospect of him settling down, and Emery would be running like her ass was on fire. He pushed the last buckle on his boot into place and stood. He picked up his helmet and goggles, ready to grab his bike and his girl
and get down to the track for opening ceremonies. Looking at the clock one last time, he knew he had to get down there, he couldn’t wait for his parents any longer.

Opening the sliding door was like stepping into the
Twilight Zone
. There were other teams all around him, everyone standing around yelling and laughing back and forth. Bikes being started, revved, and then shut down so they could be walked to the riders’ entrance. The noise could weigh on a person who wasn’t used to it. Jesse thrived on it. Race day. It was in the air, the competitiveness, the energy. It had started with practice and his adrenaline was still pumping hours later. However, it took only one step out of their rig for it to hit him.

The silence was deafening.

Looking around, each guy on the team was standing, watching his bike, his woman and Mike—all silent. He stepped down and moved toward Reid.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Shh”—he put his hand up—“don’t.”

Confused,
Jesse whispered back, “What do you mean ‘don’t?’”

Reid turned partially, just enough that he could still watch Emery while he spoke. “Don’t let her hear you freak out. She needs everyone calm, but
...your bike is dead.”

Jesse’s heart dropped, taking his jaw with it.

“Now, don’t panic, Jess. This is Emery’s specialty. This is what makes her the best in this business and why other men feel threatened by her. You’re going to miss opening ceremonies, I’ve already radioed George, but she will have that bike to line for you for your heat. I have no doubt, I’ve seen it happen with Riley before. So just stay calm, let her be, and for God’s sake, be quiet. She can’t and won’t work with people that act like all hell is breaking loose. You have to stay calm so she can stay calm.”

“Well
, shit, that didn’t work.” Mike stepped down off the bike after trying again to start it, shook his head and looked to Emery for their next move.

Jesse glanced around again and noticed how eerily quiet it was surrounding her. Having been around the pits for almost his entire life, he knew what happened in stressful situations. She should be screaming for this part or that tool. She should be rushed and dropping small parts because her hands were shaking. And even though she had her gloves on, her hands should be banged up and cut because she was trying so hard to hurry that wrenches and screwdrivers were slipping, slamming her knuckles into metal.

He watched the deep breath that had expanded her back slowly deflate. “Let’s pull the engine.”

Emery’s voice gripped him tight around the throat. She was almost too calm, her voice too quiet, the words soft and slowly stated. It was as if she was questioning herself, not in her ability, but Jesse knew she didn’t have it in her to be under this kind of stress. That voice lacked the normal
I’m a Kincaid, I can do anything
bravado that he was accustomed to and loved so much. It told Jesse that Emery didn’t think she had it in her.

If this would have happened before qualifying, all would be fine. He’d ride a backup and go on. He was stuck now. He had to ride what he had qualified on. This season had turned a one-eighty for him because of Emery. He was third in the points race with only a handful of points separating him from second. There was no ro
om for a missed race or a DNF. Did not finish because a mechanical problem was a reality in this sport, but he knew Emery would take it harder than the rest of the team combined. For that reason alone, he had to cross the finish each and every week.

Feeling like he’d been sucker punched in the gut, Jesse grabbed Reid’s arm. “This can’t happen, Reid.” His boss’s brow furrowed. He was a grown man,
he was surrounded by other men, but he couldn’t help it, his eyes stung. Jesse gritted his teeth, trying like hell to bank back the tears threatening to appear. “She can’t handle this, Reid.”

Reid’s forehead creased deeper.

Damn it.

He wasn’t saying this right. Jesse swallowed hard, pushing the knot in his throat back down. Half afraid to say too much or he’d lose it.