Jesse's Soul (2) (19 page)

He shook his head. “You and D are two peas in a pod, aren’t you?”

“Pretty much.” She tilted her chin, intent on prolonging his embarrassment for an extra minute because she was just wicked that way. “So about sex?” Emery grinned.

“Yeah, about sex.” He started chuckling. “How would we sneak away? How could you spend the night with me?”

“I didn’t know men were worried about stuff like this. You kind of sound like a—”

He shook his head as he struggled not to laugh. “Don’t you dare say I sound like a girl. You little shithead. He’s your father, he’s my boss, and he’s right here to know all
about it. It’s not like you’re on the road and he’s home with no clue what you’re doing.”

God he’s fun.

For some, his little name calling would have been offensive. To Emery, it took her straight to her roots. She knew she was backward, but to Emery, teasing, laughing, being playful and even name calling were all ways she felt cared for.

She hated to keep comparing the poor innocent guy beneath her to the jackass from her past, but in hindsight, being around Jesse and his fun-loving attitude made her see the reality of her relationship with Collin in black and white. She’d been young and naïve at the time, but now it sickened her to realize she’d been nothing more than a piece of arm candy. When in truth, she was the polar opposite.

She could get lost in the man who was looking up at her, needing reassurance. Emery wanted to chuckle at him. He could be so dominating when he thought he needed to protect her, like he’d done earlier in the pits, but then that same man who felt larger than life would walk gingerly across eggshells not to hurt her.

“Jesse, relax. It’s fine. I’m a big girl. He’s not stupid. He knows I’m not a virgin. If for some crazy reason he still thinks I am, well then just let him keep believing it.” She inwardly groaned and curled her lip. “I don’t really want to bring his name up, but I will say this to make you feel better. Collin and I were looking at houses when I got sick. My dad was completely aware of what moving in with a guy meant, and I was only twenty-two at the time. It’s fine, really. Don’t worry.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.” She nodded, encouraging him to believe her. “Honestly, I think he’ll be relieved. Not about the sex part, but the whole moving on part. I know he’s been really worried about me for the last couple of years. That’s half of the reason why he hired me on, I’m sure. He wanted me near him. He’ll be okay with the fact that it’s you. He’s always talked about you and how much he admires you. He really respects you and thinks of you like another son. He’s going to trust this because I’m with you.”

“That makes me feel better.”

Emery didn’t respond.

They had talked about the heavy stuff, the fun stuff and most subjects in between. Now she was tired. Feeling better than she had in a long time, she laid her head down, nestling as close to him as possible. She continued to lay there tucked in his side with her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat for several minutes, before he spoke again as he softly stroked her arm.

“I really like lying here with you like this.”

“I like lying here with you too, Jesse.”

She snuggled in closer and closed her eyes. This was the most relaxed she had felt since before her diagnosis. He had taken a heavy weight off of her. Even if they didn’t work out, she could at least find a little hope in the fact that there might be men out there that would understand. She really liked Jesse as a person and she was completely attracted to him, but if they didn’t work out, she would always be grateful to him for giving her that. She would never have put herself out there without him showing her it would be all right.

“Did you hear me, honey?”

“Hmm?”

“I asked if you wanted a glass of wine?”

“Oh, sorry.” She began u
ntangling herself from him. “Um, sure.”

It was probably a good thing to sit back up, otherwise Emery could have fallen asleep right there in his arms. Slowly he helped her up, then poured her a glass of wine. Jesse cut one piece of cake and grabbed a fork, then sat back on the couch beside her, casually facing her with his knee bent. He had two plates and forks sitting out ready to use, but he wasn’t making any move to fill a separate plate. As he slid the fork into the cake, Emery’s stomach clenched. The romantic in her couldn’t help it. It was stupid, but she’d never shared a plate of food with Collin, and Jesse was making this evening turn out just like
they did in the movies.

He grinned as he brought the first bite to her mouth. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t lie there like that anymore.” He shook his head. “It was get up and cut the cake or—”

He began to snicker as he lowered the fork to the cake again.

“Or what?” Emery raised her eyebrow, smiling at the direction the conversation had suddenly turned. Her stomach clenched for a second time. Tingles broke out across her skin as she held her breath, waiting for his reply.

“Well, to be completely honest with you, Em, I want to make love to you so bad it hurts.”

He had a sheepish smile, but when he lifted the bite to her lips, his normally light brown eyes were dark as chocolate and his gaze didn’t leave her mouth.

“You do, huh?” she asked, leaning in to accept it from him. Dragging her lips back across the metal, knowing his eyes were fixated where her mouth met the utensil, she purposely lingered. His shoulders rose with the deep inhale.

Slowly letting it out, he replied, “You have
no idea how bad I want you right now.”

Her pulse quickened, and his eyes drifted lower to the base of her throat. Slowly
, he drew his eyes back up to meet hers, and the intimacy of the moment stole her breath.

“No one is stopping you, Jesse.” Her voice had lowered, her words spoken clearly.

There was a slight hitch, as if he hadn’t been expecting this either. “Oh, really?”

He swallowed, and Emery
gave him a slight shake of her head as she studied him. Seeing the control he was gripping tightly firsthand, the way his jaw moved, hearing the strain in his breathing, she pushed a little further, whispering one word. “Nope.”

He brought another bite to her mouth, only to pull it back
at the last moment, leaning in to kiss her instead. “You taste good, Em.”

“Why don’t you put the cake down, Jess.”

Chapter Eight

Everything on the inside was a jumble of nerves, but acting as calmly as possible, Emery leaned forward and placed her wine glass on the table, hoping this was going where she thought it was. Praying she wasn’t being too forward. The last thing she wanted to do was assume something more and make a fool out of herself. But he had teased her earlier with how she could feel, and now she was hinging on desperate for him to take her there. As she leaned back, she dared a look his direction. Jesse tucked her hair behind her ear, then ran his finger along her jaw.

“Are you sure, Em? I don’t want to pressure you. We just got together. I want all of you, not just sex. I want to wait until you’re ready.”

Emery gave him a little smile. She appreciated his tenderness and loved his voice when he spoke softly to her like that. Smooth and relaxing, and his accent was more noticeable. She could see the love in his light brown eyes and his sweet smile. Putting her hand on his cheek, she stroked the hint of shadow with her thumb.

“I need you, Jesse. And not just tonight.”

Oh, hell. Talk about sounding needy.

It was too late to call the words back, and risky or not, she didn’t want to. She hadn’t been lying. Her stomach tightened and everything between her legs clenched. If he didn’t help her soon, she was going to end up making a damn fool out of herself.

She was trying to appear composed, but she was not that good of an actress. The golden-brown darkened and it was all she could do not to look away. His eyes on her were intense, and it became apparent this was happening.

Then time decelerated.

He stood up, held his hand out to her, and as if she were made of glass, he pulled her up. Lacing his fingers through hers, Jesse walked to the door and locked it. Looking over his shoulder, his voice lowered as he explained. “D, Carter, and Eli would just walk in.”

He almost looked embarrassed at the thought of getting caught. Emery just grinned, shaking her head. She loved that they were all so close and was glad he had that sense of family on the road, especially in such a competitive environment.

Jesse led her down the short hallway to the bedroom. When he got to the unmade bed, he snorted. “Oh, lord.”

Turning to her, he looked like he was expecting the worst. She got it, and it wasn’t a big deal to her. He was a single man, living almost the entire year on the road. Stuck in a motorhome like he was, it wasn’t as if he was throwing elegant dinner parties, and she was pretty positive his friends didn’t give a shit.

“It’s just that I get up, and I don’t know, I’m just going to sleep in it again so—”

“So why bother making it, huh?” Emery shrugged. “It’s okay, Jesse. I don’t care what your bed looks like.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “You get me, huh?”

“Yeah, I kind of do,” she admitted with a grin. Not able to wait any longer, Emery began to ease his t-shirt up, and he pulled it off. “You are amazing, Jesse.” She ran her hands over his torso, feeling the chiseled plane, taking a moment to admire the results of all his hard work before she leaned in to kiss his chest.

“No. You’re amazing, Em.”

He’d been stroking her bare arms, and he bunched the hem of her t-shirt between his fingers, peeling it off. His darkened eyes followed his finger over the swells of her lace bra.

Slowly, she drew in a long breath at the intimate contact. Wanting more, Emery fought the need to rush, wanting to make this night last.

“You’re beautiful, Em.” He bent down to kiss her skin just above the lace as his hands moved to the button of her jeans. As soon as the jeans were gone, he ran his hands over her lace covered butt. “Now I have something to picture in my mind when I see you in that team uniform. You’re so beautiful.”

Past the point of words, she answered with only a tug at the corner of her mouth, then dropped her hands to his waistband and began her mission to undo his jeans. Taking her time, she worked each button loose, her knuckles brushing repeatedly over the bulge straining beneath the denim.
Teach him to wear button-fly jeans again.
She smirked, feeling the tension building in him and knowing she was making it worse with every touch.

When she reached the last button, he yanked them down without even letting her finish, then stepped from them. The need coiling in him was palpable. Like a storm brewing, it was that moment before it hit, the clouds above dark and swirling, knowing at any second the lightening was going to strike.

And lord have mercy, what a storm this was going to be.

The push and pull, the give and take, the dance they’d been doing around each other for the past few weeks had combined need and want. That mix had been building, slowly at first, but it was now moving down the mountain like an avalanche, and she knew full well it was going to pull them both under. As long as she was with Jesse, she’d let it sweep her away, the future be damned.

Standing face-to-face, mere inches apart and only scraps of material in their way, Emery knew. Right then and there, she knew. The electricity arced between them, popping and crackling. There would never be another that could set her on fire like he had with just a look. Where he was getting ready to take her, she’d never go again without him. She quivered in his hold as her body reacted to the dark gaze he penetrated her with. She knew at that moment, he owned her.

The clasp on her bra came undone and she hadn’t even noticed until he pulled away a
mere inch to let it fall between them.

“Em, you’re so perfect.”

Perfect. Fuck no.

She was far from perfect. She was broken. But his eminence brooked no argument. Emery wanted the man more than her last breath, even though he deserved so much more.

Jesse moved his mouth to hers and all other thoughts were wiped away. Her lips immediately parted for his tongue, her body acting on its own accord. Want and need swirled around them, the force too strong to resist, the power taking over them.

With his tongue slipping over hers, he walked her backward two steps, until she felt her legs reach the bed. Then, even with the power she felt radiating off him, Jesse lowered her to the bed with such sweet tenderness. The control he was gripping made his jaw clench, the muscles in his neck bunch. She could see it, the visible leash he held, just for her.

And she fell even faster for the man, head-first into love, knowing the inevitable crash landing was going to kill her.

No. Not tonight.

Those thoughts had no place there. She wasn’t going to worry about anything tonight. Tonight was just about them, right now, in the moment, together. Selfish as it was, Emery wanted one perfect night with the perfect man.

“Jesse,” she whispered.

Emery scooted back to lie down, pulling him toward her as he climbed on the bed beside her. A wave of heat dusted her skin, her pulse ascended into uncharted territory. She hadn’t been touched by a man in so long—but it was Jesse. No one else had ever had this kind of effect on her. Not that there had been many, her senior year boyfriend, one after, and then Collin. Not one of them had turned her on the way Jesse did.

Head to toe, skin to
skin…finally. A fire spread through her, burning to her core. The desire to make the moment last was long forgotten. All she cared about was him and now.

He sat up just enough to pull down her lace panties and then ran his hand up the inside of her thigh, making his way to between her legs.

Emery arched into his palm, needing more. As Jesse kissed the rest of the way up her body, first one finger then a second slid inside her, and he closed his lips over one nipple at the same time. He dragged his teeth across the sensitive tip and Emery hissed at the sharp pain.

“Please, Jesse, I need more, I need
you,” she begged between jagged breaths. “I want you.”

“You have me, sweetheart. Now let go.”

“No. You. Want…you.”

She pulled in a long breath through gritted teeth, fighting herself. She shook her head, deepening the groove she’d made in the pillow under her head. This couldn’t be happening. He’d barely touched her and she
had launched zero to sixty in less than six seconds. This was worse than a teenage boy’s first time.

Emery wanted Jesse. Wanted
him to take her there. This was embarrassing as all hell. She felt his fingers scissor inside her. Fisting the sheets below her, the orgasm started sweeping over her before she could stop it. Jesse touched just the right spot inside and she went off like a rocket, repeating his name over and over.

Tears formed in her eyes as it subsided.

“Jesse.” She clenched her eyes shut as his name came out a whispered apology. “I wanted you.”

She’d
almost never had two orgasms in one night, and the chance was gone to have one with Jesse inside her. She was sure of it. Emery had desperately wanted to know what it would have felt like to have him push her over the edge, to fall and see the stars people brag about. She had wanted to see if he could have made her feel…something.

On his forearms, he hovered over her, stroking her cheek. “Baby,
shh. Open your eyes and look at me. Talk to me, Em.”

Emery shook her head. She felt his thumb sweep under her eye to wipe away the tear that had escaped in her humiliation.

“You’re not embarrassed, are you?”

She left her eyes closed and didn’t answer.

“No, Emery, no. You have no idea what you’ve just done for my ego, to know I affect you that much? It’s the most amazing feeling ever, so don’t you ever be embarrassed with me. I have never wanted a woman so badly in my life as I do you.”

Her eyes opened partway, her brow scrunched. “But, Jess—”

“It’s been too long, honey. I needed to make sure you were ready. It would have hurt you. I would have hurt you, and that’s something I can’t live with.”

Emery could feel him between her legs, and she arched her hips to try and get closer.

“No, not yet, honey. Listen, I wasn’t planning this. I need to grab a condom. Just give me a second, okay?”

Making no attempt to roll off her, Jesse waited until she’d made eye contact with him, although she hadn’t fully processed his words.

Oh…

The tension drained. That same fire that her shame had all but extinguished only moments ago
, started to rapidly build.

“I didn’t want to get up until I knew you weren’t upset anymore. Are you okay?”

“Don’t go.”

“It’ll just be a sec, I promise. Trust me, I can’t wait another minute to have you.”

“No, Jesse.” Emery shook her head. “No condoms,” she whispered. “Just you.”

Oh my God
.

He blinked, looking at the green eyed beauty beneath him.
Her tears had changed the color, reminding him of sea glass.

Jesse had never had sex without a condom before. Up until now, he’d only been able to imagine that kind of intimacy.

It took three full breaths for him to understand what she was telling him. The sadness was there in the deep green staring at him. Hesitating. Waiting on his next move. There was no need to protect against pregnancy, and the thought stole his breath.

“I’m sor—“

He cut off her apology with a kiss so fierce there was no other way to interpret it. He made sure of it, stealing the words from her before they had the chance to fall off her tongue. Jesse had told her before he only wanted her, only needed her, only cared about having her. He had meant every last word.

Breaking the kiss only to catch his breath, his eyes opened. She must have sensed him watching her. Slowly, as if she had to force them open, Emery eyes settled on his. What he saw scared the shit out of him.

Regret.

Regret made people do stupid shit. Regret made people try to protect others when there was nothing to protect against. Regret made people run. A different kind of heat rushed over him.

“Jess…”

Her soft voice snapped him out of it. Bringing him back to the present and the fact he had a beautiful woman who he adored laying underneath him.

Jesse felt a twitch.

That small movement
, that was completely involuntary, was enough to bring a grin to her face. He didn’t know if it was the chase, the struggle to win her over, her fiery personality, or the combination of all three, but Jesse could sense the
L
word bubbling up inside of him. She couldn’t know that yet, but it was there. The thought of her running had caused an instant fear, sending waves of pinpricks across his skin, confirming the newfound knowledge.

I love her.

That epiphany swelled inside him and need took over. He pinned her, letting her know she was his—only his—from now on. The green flared in response, almost as if her body knew it already, even if the woman inside didn’t yet.

Emery hadn’t been with a man for over two years. He could be with her, in her, with nothing between them. Jesse knew she had no idea what that meant to him. He would try to explain it later. Much later. Right now he had to get inside her before he died.