Jesse's Soul (2) (14 page)

He leaned down again. “Does that feel good?”

At first she didn’t answer. He could tell she didn’t want to admit it to him, just to be obstinate.

She finally nodded.

“Good. I’ll rub your back again for you later, but now its lunchtime, and you have to eat, honey.”

He leaned down to kiss her shoulder at the same time she turned her head to look back at him. Their faces met cheek to cheek and he heard her breath quicken.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Still bent over her, Jesse ran his palm up the other side of her face to keep them close. His eyes closed, relishing the silk soft skin of her cheek, the smell of her perfume wrapped around him. He took a breath and slowly let it out.

Emery turned into him, their mouths closer now.

Jesse’s heart stopped beating. The contact was
so intimate. It would take a saint’s control to keep from pushing for more, to keep from pulling her closer and taking the lips she had so close to his. He struggled to keep his breath from hitching, not wanting to be overtly obvious and scare her. He had wanted a moment like this. Now that he had it, it was painful not to take more than she was offering.

“Em, I don’t want us to be business only. Please. Can you give me a chance?” His plea came out barely more than a husky whisper. He was begging, and he felt absolutely no shame whatsoever.

He heard her swallow again and she let out the breath she was holding.

“Jesse, can I…”

“What, honey?” He urged her on when her quiet words stalled.

“Can we just
…take it slow? I can’t get hurt again. I can’t, Jesse. And…and I promised myself I’d never allow another man in, that I’d never love another man again…ever...and here you are, and I…I don’t shift gears that fast,” she said, her voice shaky, on the verge of becoming panicked.

Jesse grinned. Only she would compare her life to an engine. “Honey, I’m not going anywhere.” It was another chink in her armor. Slowly but surely he was making progress. His heart expanded at the possibility.

He kissed her cheek, and by sheer force he made himself stand back up instead of pulling her close and taking what he so desperately wanted. Her heart. Instead of moving away, he laid his hands on her shoulders again, not wanting to let the moment go just yet for fear she would brush him off the next time.

The stool she was sitting on was short enough that
her back was against his thighs. She sagged against him, her head tipped back against his waistband. And God he hoped to the high heavens the space between was enough that she couldn’t feel how hard he was against the curve of her neck. Or maybe he did.

Time had slowed, but it hadn’t stopped. He knew any minute guys would start finding their way back, along with her father. He just wasn’t ready for this to end, the connection he’d been fighting for, more than a casual hold, feeling her so close.

What he wasn’t expecting was the hand that slid up and rested on top of his. He smiled and took it in his own. He said a silent
thank you
as he rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. That admission was what he’d waited for. He had no idea how high her walls went, but he’d scale them, even if it took a lifetime to do it.

Taking the biggest chance of his life, he bent down over her and wrapped her tight in his arms. “I know you had to have been hurt really badly in the past, Emery, but I promise I won’t hurt you. I just won’t do that to you.”

She didn’t answer, but instead lowered her head against his forearm, curling into his affection for the first time.

~

Brody grinned. “So, Emery, is your boy going to be up on the podium again?”

Jesse hid his amusement behind the beer bottle he tipped to his lips. Molly’s brother had extended his sibling teasing to the only other girl in their inner circle. He hoped Emery could meet Brody’s wife, Erin, soon. But she was planning to stay home in
Pennsylvania, with their infant son for at least a few more races. She was a little quieter than Molly or Emery, but the girls were so outnumbered he did feel a tiny bit sorry for them.

He could see the mischief glimmering in Emery’s eyes as she took in the group sitting around the pits. In all the craziness of traveling between cities and the nonstop motion of race days, these times spent just sitting around shooting the shit were treasured as much as gold to him. The people surrounding him were his family for all intents and purposes, and Jesse wanted Emery to be included.

After the moment at the practice track earlier in the week, he had hoped they had made a connection and were on their way to more. Instead, she pushed the brake down harder. If others were around, she was perfectly normal, maybe because she was comfortable enough with him to know he’d keep things friendly, but professional. The minute they were alone, she tensed. She’d throw every excuse in the book at him to skate away, but there was no way Emery could deny what he saw in those deep green eyes. Longing. As long as he read that, he would continue to push.

She threw up a shoulder. “Well, I know that my bike can make it to the podium. It’s up to its rider.” She looked over at Jesse and smirked.

Seeing her dimples, he winked back and took a swig of his beer. Apparently, she was feeling feisty, and she looked damn cute doing it. He’d let her have that one. He pressed his lips together, trying anything to hold on to the laughter threatening to escape. He’d been around the block more than his fair share with Molly, and he had to assume by Emery’s face, she was like her friend. If he were to give in, the teasing would be merciless. But she wasn’t ready for him to wrestle her to the ground in revenge like he did with Molly—not yet, anyway. On top of that, he sure as hell didn’t want to embarrass himself the instant he had bodily contact with her. Even with their friends surrounding them and clothes between them. He’d walked around hurting for three weeks now, and it wouldn’t take but the slightest touch of her against him and he’d never be able to show his face again.

“Well, you just stay in second or third, Frost,” Carter said, “First place feels really good. I think I’ll hang out there this season.” Carter nodded once.

Emery shook her head. “Well, on that note, I’ve gotta get back to the trailer, but I’ll see you all in the morning.”

“You’re not going to back to work are you?” Eli raised his eyebrow. “It’s after seven, girl.”

“Yeah, I know, but I need to check on my new guy. And look over my bike and—”

Her father interrupted her. “Nick is fine. I just came from there thirty minutes ago. He knows what needs to be done and he’s working on it.”

Jesse saw the concern on his boss’s face. It was always present in regard to his daughter, but tonight it seemed more intense. Reid had been sitting back in the camp chair, his legs relaxed and crossed at the ankle, but now he seemed to be bracing himself for the challenge he knew Emery would put up. Jesse pulled his legs in, hunching over. He rested his forearms on his knees and waited. His eyes shifted between Reid and the one person who wasn’t afraid to argue with him.

“Reid, he’s my responsibility. And after last week, Lance doesn’t need any stress. I want Nick doing things
my way.”

Her father’s head tilted, the worry apparent to Jesse. “Okay, honey, but you need to—

She put her hand up before her dad could finish his sentence. “Don’t.”

Jesse noticed he wasn’t the only one to quit talking. He’d been around the pair long enough to know what they butted heads over and what they simply let slide. Reid, on his worst day, was an easy guy to get along with. The scuttles they had that resulted in her pissed enough to walk away were all about her health.

This time didn’t escalate like the others, and Jesse could only assume that was to keep from embarrassing her. When her hand went up, his boss’s face settled in defeat. Glancing back at Emery, Jesse waited for her to make eye contact with him, hoping he could casually mention he’d walk back with her and she wouldn’t blow him off.

“All right, night everybody.”

Upon standing, she swayed and Jesse jumped up to grab her. Emery held her head with her eyes shut tight.

“I’m fine,” she said, but he could tell she was self-conscious in front of all the people watching her. She blinked a couple of times and patted his arm. “I’m good.”

He let her pull back, but only far enough so he could see her face, read her eyes. His chest was pounding, and he felt something was off.

Molly tilted her head, her face pleading. “Don’t work too hard tonight, Emery, okay? Please?”

“I won’t, Mol. I’m all right. Really.”

Jesse tightened his hold around her lower back. “I’ll walk you.”

“Jesse, you don’t need to, I’m fine,” she said under her breath. “Just stay here and have fun.”

“Sorry, honey. I’m not asking. Let’s go.”

His voice was firm, and he was not about to take no for an answer. He let go of her waist with one arm, but kept the other unyielding, his fingertips pressing lightly into her for added emphasis. Turning, he shuffled them between the two chairs that had been pulled apart by Eli on one side, Carter on the other. Only a step away, he shot a glance in Reid’s direction. Several deep lines marked his forehead and one hand gripped the arm of his folding chair with white knuckles. What his boss wasn’t telling him settled in Jesse’s stomach like a lead weight.

She didn’t argue with him, probably because she knew he wouldn’t budge. He tried to remain calm as they meandered toward the bike trailer. Over the last few weeks, he had learned some about her. Piecing together the chunks of information she dro
pped during casual conversation, but he knew something had to be going on with her health.

Jesse had seen several episodes like this one, and each one terrified him more than the last. His mother was a nurse, and she did reassure him
over the phone, that low blood pressure would do this to a person. Still, he couldn’t help but worry it was bigger than just a blood pressure problem. Emery and her dad had both said that was the culprit, but Jesse just had a nagging suspicion there was something more to it.

He had tried to ask questions, always to have her change the subject or comple
tely ignore him. They were halfway to the semi, weaving around the various trailers, and she still hadn’t said a word, but she hadn’t pulled away from him either. A bittersweet milestone. Her silence said she wasn’t explaining anything tonight, either, so he squeezed her to him and changed the subject for her.

“Hey, did I show you the pictures James sent me earlier today of the house?”

“Your house?”

“Well, it’s not a house yet, but it will be in a few months.”

“No, you showed me some a couple of days ago, but they were of a big hole in the ground.”

“Well, the hole now has a concrete basement poured. It’s
so cool.”

Emery grinned. “Let me see.”

He flipped through the pictures on his phone to show her the progress.

“Wow, that’s going to be bigger than I thought. How many bedrooms is it going to have?”

“Five.”

“
What?”

Jesse glanced over and saw her eyes were big, and the worry crease he’d seen before in her forehead was
once again visible. “Well, my parents and my sister will visit.” He shrugged. “I just didn’t want everyone tripping over themselves. I want it to be big enough I never have to move—I love the land too much. And I love the plans James drew up. He’s amazing and it’s everything I’ve always dreamed of.”

“So, big enough for a bunch of kids, huh?” she asked hesitantly. The cringe on her face was hard to decipher.

“I never really thought about kids.” Jesse shrugged. “I guess…maybe someday?”

He looked down to see if she was disappointed. “I’m sorry, honey. Women get excited at the thought of kids. I just never really thought about the future like that. And honestly, it’s kind of hard to think about children when I can’t even get you to kiss me.” He nudged her, when she looked up at him, he winked.

Jesse hadn’t ever thought about kids. There hadn’t been time, and up until Emery, there hadn’t been a woman he felt was the one he wanted to settle down with and begin to think about a future like that. However, with Emery, he did feel it—felt that connection. He hoped like hell she felt it too.

“You’re funny, Frost,” she said, her voice humorless.

“Frost? You’re pulling out the last name, huh?” He squeezed her close. “I must be in trouble.”

Lance must have heard them approach
, he looked up when they got close. The cheesy grin on the young kid’s face was laughable. His newfound “appreciation” for Emery was plain for all to see. However, the poor guy needed to rein in his enthusiasm before he became the butt of many jokes around the team.

“Emery.” He
called, waving her over.

Jesse noticed the rest of the guys were trying to keep their snickers and chuckles to themselves. For a couple it was a losing battle. Their heads were down while they gave the pretense of working, but he wasn’t buying it. He had to give them props
though. There would be no acting awards handed out, but the faked sounds of metal clanging around were a nice touch.