Jerk (5 page)

***
K
elly
***

I
was
such a fucking idiot to think that Sebastian would make this work.  Why the hell did I trust him? I should have known that the prick from high school was still lurking under the surface even after graduation.  I turned back a couple of times to see if he was chasing me.

Of course not. The coward would probably send me a text telling me to come back.

I picked up my phone once I got to the Stuffed Olive bar.  Nothing!  He hadn’t even bothered to call or anything.  I’m not sure why I was surprised.  Maybe the hormones were playing with my mind.

Shoot, I had nothing in my purse, other than my phone. I wasn’t thinking straight.  I hadn’t slept or eaten since he gave me the leaflet.  I had walked away from Pilgrim Medical Center and only had one thing on my mind: calling Brenda and telling her about being dumped in the abortion clinic.  I had shut her out.  I’d be able to think about was Sebastian and our future with a baby.  Getting my degree and living as one big happy family.  Sebastian gave me a wake-up call, and I smelled the roses big time and they smelled far from sweet.

As I picked up my phone and ordered a juice, the kind waitress gave me a wink.  I think she knew why I was sitting there. Behind me in the other booth was a girl. The one who’d been sitting behind me in the waiting room at the clinic.  I was tempted to go over and speak to her.  I changed my mind as Brenda picked up the phone.

“Hey you, where you been?”

I hesitated in replying to her.  Damn, where did I start? Oh, I’m knocked up and Sebastian said I should get an abortion. Couldn’t go ahead with it, so can you pick me up, please.

“In Pine Brook.” I sighed as I sipped on the orange juice. 

“I’ll get you a big slice of pie.  Pie always makes things better,” the waitress said as she hurried over with a slice, and I saw that she left it on the other girl’s table.  I really should go over and speak to her.

“Who was that? What has pie got do with anything, and why the heck are you all the way in Pine Brook?” Brenda had a million questions, and she had every right to ask them.  I had hardly spoken to her after graduation.  I was a fool in love. Sebastian had taken the fool right back out of me.

I cried when the apple pie was placed in front of me, because even though it tasted so good, there was nothing worse than humble pie.  I blurted out, before she hung up the phone,“Make sure you bring money to pay for the pie, please?”

“Since you put it so nicely. Sure.”

She hung up, and I knew she was on her way.  I sighed with relief at the idea of having to confront her and not Mom.  I wasn’t ready for that confrontation yet.  Then, to my surprise, the girl from the waiting room came to sit next to me. 

This was the part that made me feel better about the trail of events.  Her boyfriend of three years had gotten her pregnant.  He’d promised he loved her, but the minute she fell pregnant he dumped her.  Why did this offer comfort? It wasn’t her boyfriend who’d made her get an abortion, but her mom, who threatened to throw her out if she didn’t.

Her grandma was in Kansas.  I never asked her name as I listened to her story and she did the same.  We remained anonymous to each other. It was best.  We had met at a place that we didn’t want to admit to ourselves or others.  As I listened to her talk about her plans, I realized that having a baby wasn’t as bad as Sebastian made it out to be.  I told her my story.  I just skipped the fact that he was my stepbrother.  That was a confession I wasn’t willing to make. Especially to a stranger.

B
renda came
to pick me up.  I hadn’t realized the time or how much had passed since I’d called her; I just appreciated her turning up.  She showed me that she was a true friend, which was more than I had showed her.  I had treated her like a stranger.  As she sat in the bar and ordered a soda, I felt bad for dragging her out here.

“Anyway, it was nice to meet you,” the girl from the clinic said as Brenda ordered. It was clear that Brenda wanted an introduction, she kept shifting in her seat and nodding her head towards the girl.  I didn’t know the girl’s name to introduce her, and Brenda’s presence made her feel uncomfortable.  She shifted nervously as she sat, unlike when we were talking before Brenda arrived, and I felt bad.  It was nice to speak to someone in the same position.  Someone who could relate to all the things that were going on inside my head.

We just met at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

“It was great talking to you.” I gave her a hug, a warm embrace that said hello and goodbye at the same time.  As I released her, there was a tear streaking out of her blue eyes.  I waited for her to speak. When she didn’t, I hugged her again.  Her ponytail swayed as she made her way to the cashier and then waved goodbye.

I became lost in my thoughts watching her walk out.  Then, reality hit home as Brenda said, “You going to tell me what the fuck is going on or what?”

I
debated
whether to tell her at the diner or to wait until we got to her place.  My indecisiveness had gotten worse since being pregnant, apart from one time—when it came to having an abortion.  The part that felt it was the wrong thing to do, hit home as we reached the clinic.  I realized that I was only doing it to make Sebastian happy.  He’d never even discussed it with me.  He’d just ordered the information.  Shoved it in my hand and said be ready tomorrow morning.

What an ass.

There was no easy way to say it, or to do it.  I thought I would skip the part where Sebastian booked the appointment and tell her the important stuff.  Hoping that she wouldn’t be shocked and have a crash on the way to her house. 

Hoping that she would take me in her arms and tell me that it was going to be okay and she was glad that I had told her the truth.

Hoping that I was going to make it through the day. I was on an emotional rollercoaster, and I didn’t know how to get off the ride.  It was going round and round and never stopping.  I just kept staying on the ride, unclear how to get off, and wondering if getting off was going to be worse than staying on it.  Something inside of me said be strong, and I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

She nodded. “Well, I know that part. But what are you doing here?”

“You knew?”

“Ah-ha. Sebastian told Dwayne. Then, he told me. I was upset that you didn’t come to me first. But Sebastian made out that you guys were sorting it out, so I thought it was you guys against the world sort of thing.”

Why would he do that then drop me at the clinic like a bad smell? What the fuck is wrong with that guy?

No, I was going to wait to tell her the rest of the story when we got to her house.

“Can you do me a favor?”

She eyed me up and down like I was mad.  Like I had said the craziest thing in the world.

“What, another one?”

 I laughed as she said that.  We both did and then I said, “Let’s get out of here and go to your house. I will tell you all of it then.  Okay?”

“On one condition?”

Seriously, she was going to negotiate at a time like this?

“What?”I shrugged, not knowing where this conversation was going.

“That I have a slice of pie before we leave.”

I laughed, and before we could even order, the pretty old waitress came over and gave us two slices of apple pie.

I quizzed her, “How did you know?”

She smiled and said, “Every young girl that comes in here feels better when they have a slice of pie.  That’s why we make them.”

I looked up, and that was when I noticed that there were two more girls sobbing in a corner.  Sure enough, they started to eat the pie and smile.  I wondered if this was a magical place or just an ordinary grill joint.

“
H
e did what
?”

I had told Brenda how many times and she kept asking me the same question in complete disbelief about the trail of events.  I gazed at her now blond hair and wondered if Mom put too much bleach in her hair and it was affecting her memory.

I walked towards her bedroom window and gazed out while she got over the shock of all the things that had happened.  I was so glad that she had picked me up.

“I need a drink. Something strong. Luckily, Mom is out. Dad too,”she said as she hovered in and out of her bedroom, unclear whether she was coming or going.  I opened my mouth to ask her for a soda, but she had left.  I got up and went around her room.  Mine was a good size, but compared to hers, it was close to a box.  Her parents spoil her, especially because she’s their only child and they have the cash to do it.  It was a four bedroom house, and they knocked two rooms together for her to have one part as the TV and chilling area and the other side as her bedroom. In between is her bathroom.  She loves the division between the bedroom and her chilling out area.  Yep, Brenda is a bit of a freak like that.

She came back with two glasses, soda, which I assumed was for me, and a bottle of wine for herself.  “Take it.” She gave me the soda and said, “Come, let’s go to the other half.” We moved through the white bathroom and into the chilling spot with the widescreen TV and black leather sofa and small fridge.  She had a couple of slot machines in there and a desk, for when she eventually got the desire to study.  Which wasn’t often.

“So he dumped you at the abortion clinic.  Okay, I get that part.” She poured the wine in the glass.  Then she changed her mind shaking her head and started drinking from the bottle.  I sipped my soda and waited for her to ask the next question that I knew would come out of her mouth.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

I sipped my soda again. She had a point.

“Am I not your best friend?” She paced up and down in front of me, taking gulps of wine after each question.

“Have we not been friends for practically our whole lives?”

I nodded again, but she wasn’t looking at me.  Between the bottle and all the thoughts that were racing through her mind she blurted out, “Fuck it, Kelly. Say something.” She shook me, spilling bits of wine on me. 

“I trusted him. I thought— ”

“He’s a fucking man. You can’t trust them. You always need your girlfriends, and don’t you forget it.” She hugged me like a baby and whispered in my ears.  “I would beat the shit out of you, bitch, for doing this, but right now that’s not what you need.”  She kissed me delicately and purred, “My poor baby, you must have been going through shit for weeks and you never said a thing.  You know the biggest joke?”

Confusion settled in my mind.  I was listening to her and taking in the aroma of the wine. I grabbed the bottle and said, “I’m pregnant, not dying. I can have a bit.”

She waited until I took a swig of the bottle and then took it off me.  “I was telling Dwayne that you are so in love with Sebastian that you do not want to know me anymore.”

I was shocked by her revelation. “Really?”

She nodded. “Come on, Kelly, you used to call me nearly every day or vice-versa. First I thought it was the wedding, but even after it, I realized that it was something different. I wasn’t jealous or anything.” She paused, drinking the wine.  I got up to face her; she was revealing something that I hadn’t considered.

“I just thought maybe you didn’t need me anymore…”

I knelt in front of her and she held on to my head and I whispered, “I’m so sorry. I’ll always need you.”

At that very moment, I knew that Sebastian was not the only selfish one. I had been too, and for that reason I had nearly lost my best friend. I needed her more than anything right now.  I didn’t feel strong for what I was about to do. I was shit scared, and I wanted the one person who gave me the confidence to do things that I never knew were possible—Brenda.  She was my strength, and without her I would crumble and fall. I couldn’t fall because I had not only one life to consider, but two.

“
I
don’t know
what to do. I need you. Please help me. Please?” I pleaded.

She lifted my head and cried with me. “You don’t have to ask. I’m here for you.”  She kissed me on both cheeks and then eventually on the forehead.  Both of us were crying like babies as we sat on the floor arm in arm. 

“First, you need to tell your mom.  Oh yeah, and Tom.”  I nodded and then I started to shake. 

“You’re going to keep the baby, right? I think the running out of the abortion clinic confirmed that.” My head was just reacting to her words. Tears were falling as if they were trying to drain every inch of water from my body.  I was nervous as I sat and listened to her words of reassurance.  I didn’t know that my phone was ringing in the next room.  Part of me didn’t care.  I thought eventually Sebastian would go home and see I wasn’t there and that he might look for me.  But, knowing the coward he was, he probably thought it was a lucky escape and hoped that the whole thing would go away. 

I sat alert and good old Brenda became the voice of reassurance.  Why did I shut her out? This was what I’d needed from the start, after peeing on the stick—Brenda.

Her hand to hold and guide me on the right road.  Abortion was never an option in my eyes.  If I was raped or if the child was deformed then maybe it would be a consideration.  I was naïve and had sex.  I should have used contraception like Brenda and Dwayne had been doing.  She did preach to me a bit about that, but not too much.  At the end of the day it was too late for any speech on contraception.

I had been so naïve.  I remember when Lisa Williams got pregnant at only sixteen at school and Brenda’s words.  “It’s always the woman’s responsibility to protect herself.”  It’s a shame those words didn’t ring in my ear when I was getting down and dirty with Sebastian.  I couldn’t even bring myself to think that it was only one time. It wasn’t.