Jerk (4 page)

T
hat was Saturday
. It was now Monday morning and both Laura and Kelly were at our house.  Laura had got another stylist in to replace her.  I hadn’t seen Dad or even spoken to him since Saturday morning. I had been hanging out with Dwayne  when he wasn’t hanging out with Brenda.  At least they had the good sense to have protected sex.  Brenda and he were kind of cool, they had the sort of relationship that I’d thought I would have with Kelly.  They were wildcats.  One minute they were all over each other and the next they were all over someone else.  They both knew they were going to college soon and what they had was just sex. 

Sometimes I would hang out with a few other friends, drinking, smoking, and just not being in the company of anyone who resembled love or that I had an emotional attachment to. Right now the two people who fit the bill were in our living room.

Kelly avoided my eyes when she came in, which was good for me.  I wasn’t ashamed of what I had done.  She needed to understand the monster’s child she was carrying and the other side of me.  The one that no one had ever seen.  She had seen it, and she should be scared. Fucking running a mile. 

“So,” Laura said nervously as she paced the room. Just spit it out, woman. What was it? She was pretty in a way, but nothing compared to my mom.  I suppose in a way Dwayne was right. Mom had died three years ago, and I needed to get over it.  He had no idea what was going on in my mind.  At times, I wondered if Laura and Dad had been having an affair.  Their marriage felt quick to me.  Not to anyone else, just me.

“We’ve decided because you’re both going to college that maybe it would be better to have the wedding before you go.” She walked over to Dad, and he nodded without looking me in the eye.

He couldn’t, the fucking coward.

After what I said about how I felt, he couldn’t even look me in the eye.

I stood up to leave.  It was Kelly who came over and said, “Well, if that’s what you want. We need to tell you—”

“How happy we are!” I screamed as I stopped her from saying the one thing that could ruin it all. We needed to talk. There would be no declaring what was going on in her stomach till we sat down and had a good talk.  She looked at me, confused, and then I asked the burning question.  “So, when is the wedding?”

Dad patted me on the back and blurted out, “I knew you would come around.” His tired eyes beamed as he said, “It’s in four weeks’ time at the Doolan's Shore Club.”

Fuck, they have a venue already!

I forced a smile as I said great.  Dad led me to the kitchen, away from their eyes and ears.  “So, Laura’s house is up for sale.  They’ll move in here as we agreed.”

I nodded, because I knew he didn’t mean him and me, he meant him and Laura.  Dwayne was right, I needed to stop being such an ass about the wedding. That wasn’t the real problem. That wasn’t the thing that was eating me up inside.  It was having a baby. I just thought that I could have this baby, but as he started talking like a parrot about his plans for the wedding.  I knew that one day in the near future, I would be a father too and I needed to start behaving like it.

The only words I heard from him were, “So, you’ll be my best man, right?”

My head went to automatic mode, simply bobbing up and down when it needed to. The words he spoke sounded like leaves rustling in the wind.  They made no difference. I needed to act happy, because what was going to happen next was going to bring a whole heap of sadness from someone’s eyes.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to handle it. I just knew I had to.

T
he next four
weeks were crazy.  The wedding came, and Kelly looked so beautiful in her pink dress. I watched her as she walked behind her mom with lilies  in her hand.  Her mom had warned her not to put on any weight before the wedding, and she couldn’t understand why her dress was getting a bit tighter around the breasts.  It was because Kelly was approaching three months and we needed to act soon.  Or rather, I needed to act soon.

There was only one thing on my mind: taking Kelly to the Spring Lake Beaches and fucking her at night. I couldn't wait, and neither could my dick.  It jerked as it watched her tits bounce up and down as she walked up the aisle.  I shook my head at the idea that one day I would be walking her down the aisle if we had the baby.  It would be expected.  The decent thing to do. The problem was there was nothing decent about me.

“You okay?” Dad asked as I started to feel tense.  I was standing at the altar with hundreds of guests and I was sweating like a pig.  The light grey suit felt tight.  Even in the air conditioned ballroom, it was as if it was suffocating me.  I kept looking at Kelly. One minute her stomach looked huge, as if she was ready to give birth any minute, and the next she was walking and holding our child.  Pointing to me, saying, “Look, it’s Daddy.”

“Dad, I feel sick,” I said as I left him at the aisle.  I pointed to Uncle Pete and gave him the ring and ran the hell out of there.  Kelly flashed a look at me. I couldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t say a fucking word. I just had to get out of there, now!

“
W
hat happened in there
?” Kelly said with sadness in her eyes.  I had skipped the whole wedding. Every time I felt better and tried to go back in the ballroom, the hot flushes would start again.   My heart would race and I would start to feel dizzy.  The couple of shots of whiskey I’d had didn’t help.

“Stay with me…” I whispered as I held her in my arms.  I needed to have her near me.  I didn’t know what stage of the wedding was taking place—if it was the reception or the photos or the canapés.  I just knew one thing—I couldn’t be alone.  I wanted Kelly.  She had a way of soothing me every time I was with her.  I felt selfish confessing what happened down the aisle.  I saw her in her beautiful silk dress and I thought about the horrors that were going to take place in my life.  Those horrors involved her, me, and a baby.

“The reception will take place in a couple of hours. They’re taking photos now. So, we have time.”

“Kelly, we’re now stepbrother and sister.  I mean, how is this going to work?” I blurted out as I took her hand and led her to the beach. 

“Where are we going?” she cried as she tried to keep up.

“You’ll find out soon enough.  Just one minute.” I took her hand and led her like a child, soothing her on the way, reassuring her that it was all going to be okay. 

As we got to the beach, she gasped, “It’s so beautiful.”   I saw a rock and a spot that was quiet. I took her and laid her on the spot.  It was daylight and anyone could have passed us. I didn’t care; I only had one thing on my mind—Kelly.

“Sebastian, someone could see—” Those were the last words that left her mouth, as I silenced her with my tongue.  My hands tugged on the thin thong that she had underneath her dress, and she became wet as my fingers up and down her cunt like a snake.  She purred in my ear as my tongue enveloped her pebbled nipple.  With one hand, I let  my cock go.  The other was used to guide it inside her tunnel.  I thrust inside of her, my head moving from her exposed nipple to her mouth.  She tasted sweet. She tasted as pure as she did the first time we made love. 

As she started to shake and one passerby saw us, they whispered to whoever was with them, “Oh my god.” I didn’t turn to look and see who had seen us.  I didn’t care, and Kelly laughed as she opened her eyes and said, “Quick, let’s get out of here.” She pushed me away from her and I straightened myself out. 

As we headed back to the wedding, I had to ask her, “So, who was it?”

She laughed as she said, “It was my neighbor, Mrs. Crouch.”

L
aura and Dad
went on a honeymoon for only a week, because Laura didn’t want to leave the salon too long.  Dad is a control freak and wouldn’t leave his business too long either.  They came back a couple of hours ago, and they showed us their photos of Barbados, the great time that they had on the submarine, the exotic fishes they saw, and the great time they had while relaxing on the beach and in their honeymoon suite.  Some of their photos were clearly private, as they flicked through them before showing them to us.  They went up to sleep after asking what we had been up to and both Kelly and I replied, “Nothing much.”

 The honeymoon was over, and so was our time together.  We had spent nearly every night in each other’s bed comforting each other.  Kelly and Laura had to go to their house and pack up their things and officially move in this house.  Kelly just brought over a few things, and each day if she managed to get out of bed, then she would bring a few more things.  She had brought some stuff over for Laura so when she came back from the honeymoon she could stay here.  It was all going so fast.  We had spent nights talking, doing things that lovers do.  Kelly said she would take the year off college and that she had read about ways to have a baby at college.  There were so many support units.  It all sounded great, and in her eyes it was a fantastic idea.

There was just one problem.  The more she talked about it, the more I thought I could keep it up.  We were soon supposed to be going to college, both of us.  Not to the same one, but did I really want my life set in stone now?  I couldn’t have her think that this was what I wanted when I had no clue what I wanted.  Up until a few weeks ago, I couldn’t handle the idea that Dad was marrying her mom.  I hadn’t even grieved over the death of my own mother.  There was so much fucked up shit inside my head.  She couldn’t deal with that, and I didn’t want her to.  That just wouldn’t be fair.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered as we were sitting on the sofa watching a movie.  I had to be honest. I was pretending that I was okay with the whole thing. Smiling at her and being sick behind her back.  Fuck, at one point, I thought I was pregnant too, because I seemed to be having morning sickness or whatever they call it.  Not sure why they call it morning sickness when Kelly seemed to be sick all day long at times.

Kelly wanted us to have sex last night. I couldn’t perform, and this was the reason why.  I had to stop pretending and come clean.

“I found this clinic online. I think we should go there.”

She shook her head as she clicked through the pages of the leaflet.  “You decided this without consulting me?” Tears welled up in her eyes and dropped like little petals as she continued to flick through the pages. 

“It looks nice.” She got up and headed up the stairs.  No doubt to her room.  I heard it slam shut as I stood at the bottom of the stairs. I should have tried talking to her and told her the truth.  Our parents were married. We were stepbrother and sister.  How the fuck was it supposed to work?  I couldn’t think of a better solution to our problem.  It wasn’t even a baby, it was just a fetus.   The quicker she had the abortion, the less likely she would get attached to the thing.  I had booked an appointment for her to go in the morning.  She had spent all of high school trying to get into her business major.  I just about got into, The college of Jersey, Kelly got into NYU.  This was the best thing to do for both of us. I couldn’t stay in the house.  I had to go for a ride.  Before I jumped in the car, I sent her a message.  I gave her a few minutes to get her head around it all.

Me: Booked you in for 10am, so be ready for 9.30 in the morning. Seb.

I was shocked when she replied straight away.  A cold wind embraced my face as I worried about what she would say

Kelly: Sure.

My eyes froze on the screen for a few minutes.  She had said nothing more.  Just the one word that I wanted to hear.  A smile crossed my face as I shut the door and walked to the car.  I hesitated as I looked up at her window.  She was standing there.  I wanted to wave or even ask her to come with me.  Maybe we needed to talk.  Kelly drew her curtain and turned on the light. 

This was going to be hard for both of us.  But, in the end, it was the best solution.  I repeated this to myself over and over again as I drove around the neighborhood.  By the time I got back home, I felt more relaxed after having a few smokes and a couple of bottles of beer.  As I walked up to my room and passed hers, I held my ear to the door.  For the first time in a long time, I thought of myself as a jerk.  All I heard was her crying, and I avoided it by heading to my room and shutting the door, with a can of beer in my hand to help me sleep and ignore her pain.

W
e drove
in silence as we went to the clinic.  It was a private one, twenty miles from home.  Kelly was supposed to be staying at Brenda’s so our parents wouldn’t question her whereabouts.  Shit, even that sounded completely fucked up. Our parents. I meant her mom and my dad.  Things had just happened so fast.  One minute they were telling us they were getting married.  Then they went and dropped another bombshell that they were getting married during the summer. Meanwhile, Kelly was practically having a nervous breakdown about the baby and I couldn’t handle it.

I had to give her a reality check, and I did the shit thing of telling her that I was still going to college. I felt like a piece of shit doing it. I knew if I didn’t she would never go to the clinic.  We both had dreams and let’s face it, apart from fucking we had nothing in common.  Even that would come to an end.  It had to—we were stepbrother and sister.

“You want some music?”

“No,” she whispered without even looking at me.  I hated the silence and pulled out a joint.  I needed a smoke, and normally she would complain if I did it in the car.  This time she said nothing; it was as if she wasn’t in the car.  She looked pretty in white. It was ironic. She was wearing a white dress and heels.  Part of me wondered if she did it on purpose.  Everything was driving me fucking nuts. 

Say something, Kelly. Anything.

“Do you want some candy?” I opened the glove box and handed her a few when I stopped at the lights. I got a delayed reaction, but the same response I got when I asked if she wanted music.  I was glad when we arrived at the clinic.  The tension in the car was unbearable. I was seated next to a zombie.  Her eyes were red when we stopped and her shirt was soaked. This is when it hit me that the whole car ride she had been crying.

I couldn’t comfort her anymore. I was being a jerk.  She had to get rid of this baby.  It was too complicated, and it wouldn’t work. We were too different.  As I got out of the car and turned to open hers, I noticed that she had already left the car and had started walking to the front door of the clinic.  I did a double take. I got her bag out of the trunk and called her name.  She ignored me.

“Kelly, why did you leave me?”

She turned and looked at me with hate in her eyes.  The lines in her face were distinct as she said, “I’m killing our baby. What, you want me to be nice now?”

I froze as she sat down and waited for her name to be called.  She held her overnight bag.  Kelly didn´t look at me as if she knew me.  I gazed up, trying to avoid faces, but curiosity got the better of me. There were a couple of girls, reading magazines as if they were waiting at the beauty salon. They were in a woman’s health clinic, aka abortion clinic.  To keep the protestors at bay they changed it´s name. 

There was a couple to the left, holding each other’s hand and reassuring each other it was the best decision.  I didn’t need to hear them speak.  It was obvious by him holding her and kissing her every minute, what was going on.  She looked timid, just like Kelly, and nodded repeatedly every time he kissed her.  I thought for a moment that maybe that was what I needed to do with Kelly.  But I just couldn’t fucking move.

Everyone knew exactly what the clinic was for, and it dawned on me as they called her name that I needed to fucking move.  I should have been taking her hand, not holding her backpack like a frozen statue.  Killing our baby.  The words, she had blurted in my face at the same spot, were still ringing through them.   I noticed another girl behind her was alone.  Probably thinking the same thing, which had been going through Kelly´s mind the whole time.

“Kelly Foster,” the nurse called out for a second time.  Kelly didn’t move.  I walked slowly towards her, thinking she would get up and head towards the nurse.  She didn’t. Instead, like a blaze of fire, she ran out of the same door we’d just come in.  Not far behind her was the girl who’d been sitting behind her crying her eyes out like a baby.  I stood with only one thing on my mind.  Only one word escaped my mouth. “Shit,” I said as I headed to the exit wondering whether to search for Kelly or just go home and tell my dad and her mom what happened and what was really going on.  Either way, things were about to change.  I just wasn’t sure how; I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.