Jerk (10 page)

“
H
ey
, girlfriend,” I blurted into the phone.  I knew that Brenda was probably with Dwayne still, and by the sound of her voice when she picked up the phone and said, “Hey,” I thought they were not just watching TV.

Lucky thing. Sebastian was passed out on the sofa, snoring like a pig.  I was bored and had nothing to do.  Not true. I wanted sex.  I wanted to ride him like a horse and no vibrator or watching porn was enough for me.  I needed more.  His fat cock in my cunt jerking up and down, making me so wet.  I needed to do something to take my mind off sex. 

Not having sex was doing my head in.  Whenever I tried to distract myself, then it was Mom and Tom creeping into my head.  I didn’t know which thought was worse?.  The events of a few hours ago were wild.  Where was Mom? I had called her a few times and heard nothing from her.  I knew she wouldn’t do anything silly, but she’d just left the house, not even waiting for me to reply when she asked if I was coming.  The shock put my body in shutdown mode.  It was too much information to take at one go.  Then, I saw the look in Sebastian’s eyes.  Telling the truth didn’t set him free. It made him feel ashamed.  He had nothing to be ashamed about.  Nothing at all. 

“Kelly, you good?” Brenda said with concern in her voice.

I nodded and replied, “Sure, I can tell that you are busy.  I’ll go.”

“No, wait.  I waited for you to call. I was going to come round, but Dwayne said to leave you to it.” Her breathing was heavy, as if she was rushing around the room or something.  Or maybe she was still doing it.

“So sorry, I thought that…seriously, Brenda, I can hear what you are up to.  Let me go. Catch up later.”

“Please, Kelly, I want to know what happened.  You okay?”

I took in a deep breath and explained what happened with Tom and Sebastian. She was in shock throughout it all and then she said the one thing that must have been going through Mom’s mind.

“What kind of man is Tom? I mean, why did he let that guy go to jail?”  I shook my head, because it was what I was thinking.  There was more to this story than met the eye.  It made no sense. Why would he let some man take the rap for killing his wife, knowing that he wasn’t the cause of the death?  Well, he was, but then again he wasn’t.

“I know, Mom left.  I’ve been trying to reach her.  No news.”

She sighed heavily. “I’ll come round. Keep you company.  Where’s Seb?”

“Sleeping! Can you believe it?” I crept down the stairs and saw that he was still snoring on the sofa.  Part of me wished he would come up to my bed, but maybe it was for the best.  Things were kind of crazy at the moment, or so it felt.  I had a feeling that Mom wouldn’t be sleeping in this house tonight.  If that was the case, then neither was I, and I didn’t know where we stood on that front.

“This is crazy.  I need to be with you.  Seriously, Kelly, you shouldn’t be alone.  You’ve been through so much.” 

She was right.  “Okay, give me an hour or so. I’ll take Seb’s car if he’s not up and leave a note.  Is that okay?”

“Sure, whatever, just don’t shut me out.” I would never do that to her, not after the last few weeks of turmoil. 

“Never.” I stood up like I was in the scouts and saluted to her over the phone. I know, crazy shit, but I’d made a promise.

“Never,” I repeated her word as I hung up and walked down the stairs.  Maybe if I made enough noise Seb would wake up.  Or maybe I would go for a walk around the neighborhood; things would be different just taking in fresh air.  When the front door opened, it was obvious there was only one option, and that was to stay.

“
M
om
,” I whispered as I got to the bottom of the stairs.  She looked at me as if she was confused, unclear about where she was and maybe what had happened.  She glanced at Sebastian sleeping, and as if that was the answer to her prayers, she let out a sigh of relief.

“Good, he’s sleeping.  Let’s go upstairs.”  She took my hand and led me up the stairs.  She was looking from left to right, as if it was the last time she was going to be in the house.  As if she was sizing up her options.  I didn’t like the silence as she reached my room.  She closed the door and said the one thing I didn’t want to hear. “Come on, Kelly, grab some things.  We need to leave now.”

“
W
hat do
you mean we have to leave?” She’d she said it, as if she was speaking to the little girl who was four years old when her dad left her and never came back.  I thought about him once in a while wondering if he thought of me and just didn’t have the guts to call.  Then, I remembered that word, guts.  He didn’t have any; if he had then he wouldn’t have left Mom and I without a forwarding address for years.

 Mom couldn’t afford to stay in our old house.  I knew the reason she did was because she thought that he would come back.  She had some crazy notion that he would think about the error of his ways and head back home.  After one, two, three years, she gave up on the dream and she packed up our things and we moved to a one bedroom apartment.  Still in a nice part of town, and it satisfied our needs.  There was only one thing missing for Mom and that was Dad.

 “We can’t stay here. I mean, did you see what Tom did to Sebastian?”

I was in the same room.  I attended to Seb.  Of course I saw what happened.  I nodded, but I didn’t know what that had to do with anything.  

“Mom, where have you been? It’s been hours since you left,” I asked, grabbing her hand, hoping she would slow down for a minute.  Or maybe two so we could at least discuss it.

“I went to my sister’s, friends, etc., trying to figure out how we are going to manage the next few weeks. Sizing up our options, and as for my shop, well, I can’t be anywhere near Tom, so I need to find a new one.”

Wow, three hours in Mom’s life meant that she had come up with a new plan.  A whole new life. The problem was, it was not just for her, it was also for me too and my baby.

“Seriously, Mom, you’re not going to discuss it with Tom?  You’re going to get a divorce?” She wasn’t thinking rationally. She simply scoffed and avoided the question as she ran around the room, trying to decide what to pack for me.  I didn’t know how to tell her this was her issue, not mine.  Sebastian slowly came in.  He had probably been standing at the door listening to our conversation.  Or maybe trying to figure out what was going on.  Either way, he made his presence known as he came up close to me.  I stopped chasing Mom.  I wasn’t clear on what she was trying to pack or why she felt the need to come to my room first.

He stared at me for a brief second about to say something and I lifted a finger to his mouth.

“Mom, why not go pack your own things?”

She ignored me and carried on with my things.  I needed to talk to him.  I thought that maybe mom was thinking to leave the house for a few days.  Calm down and maybe I would come back.  They couldn’t make me choose.  It wasn’t fair to make me decide which one to live with.  I needed the pair of them.

“You leaving?” Sebastian whispered as he came closer towards me.  I closed my eyes, because I couldn’t’ deal with the drama.  His aroma was drowning me.  That scent that I love to smell before I go to bed and the one that greets me in the morning would be gone if I walk through that door. He didn’t have the ice; his eye was half open, and it was obvious that he couldn’t focus properly as he frowned as he spoke. 

I was now torn. My mom wanted us to leave, but I had to connect with Sebastian.  If I left, it would mean that I didn’t trust him.  That nothing had changed. We’d promised each other a fresh start.  I would be as honest with him as he was with me.  I was brought up without a father.  I owed myself and Sebastian honesty at least. 

A chance.

Tears started to stream from Mom’s eyes as she faced me.  She stood between Sebastian and I and questioned, “You are coming with me, aren’t you? I don’t want anything in my room.  He has touched it all, and besides, the whole thing makes me feel sick.” 

Her last words were more of a scream.  There was so much anger in her that there was no point arguing.  Especially when no matter what I said I knew that I wasn’t going to win the argument.  She had made up her mind.   What I couldn’t understand was where Tom was? It had been hours since he had left.  He never came back to try and beg mom or Sebastian for forgiveness.  He was more of a monster then I thought he was, I hated him before but even more now.

Sebastian turned and walked away.  I needed Mom’s support. I couldn’t do this by myself. She had been a single mom, and if things didn’t work out with Sebastian, I would need her strength.  But, I couldn’t get over what Sebastian knew about his own mom.  The real reason for all his actions was not only grief, but anger.  I thought the situation with my dad was bad, but his was something that would never go away and would never change.  Maybe he was cut so deep inside that there was no turning back.  I didn’t know.  Mom wanted me not to find out.  I had to know.

I whispered, “Mom, I’m having a baby with Sebastian.”

Mom would understand, she knew what it was like for me not having a dad.  She wouldn’t want her grandkid to go through the same thing.  By saying this and how I felt then she would come around.  See, that Tom wasn’t the focus, but there was a bigger picture.

As she shook her head and said, “I can’t stay in this house with that man.  He hit his son.  His wife killed herself.  He let someone go to jail for killing her.  I married a loser who walked out on me.  Now, I’ve gone and married a man that is…I don’t even know what to call him.”

She was right, what Tom did was unforgiveable.  Sure, the guy was driving and he was drunk.  But, he hadn’t killed Sebastian’s mom, and Tom knew all along.  What was his motive for keeping it a secret?  Maybe we needed to hear both sides of the story. 

“If you stay, I won’t be able to support you, Kelly.  Your choice.  I’ll be waiting downstairs.  Get what you need and then the delivery people can get the rest, or I’ll get a few friends to do it. Either way, I need to get out of this house now.”

She didn’t even give me a chance to reply.  Instead, she closed the door to give me a few seconds to think.  I needed longer than that.  A lot longer than that.

***
K
elly
***

“
H
ey you
,” Sebastian said as he puts his arm around me.  I couldn’t believe I stayed.  I miss mom so much.   When she left she made out that she wasn’t cutting me out of her life.  But, I found it hard to get hold of her, and I was nearly six months pregnant.  My time was fast approaching, and she always seemed to be busy.

I was sitting on the porch, hoping like I did every single night that Mom would come back.  Tom did two days after he punched Sebastian.  No apology, nothing.  He just came in the house, packed his bags, and said he was going on holiday.  I was in the kitchen, making breakfast in bed for Sebastian.  We’d been acting like love sick teenagers, and learning so much about each other.  It had been great. 

Tom essentially gave his business to the manager and told him to take over until he was back.  That was over six weeks ago.  I asked Sebastian if he thought he would come back.  His reply was simple. “I don’t know. I don’t really care.”

He said he knew exactly where his dad was hiding out.  In some cabin up north.  When he was ready to face the world, he would come back.  If not, then he might stay there permanently.  There was only one person that we were all worried about, and that was Mom.

The first couple of weeks she left town and went to Denver to spend time with one of her stylist friends from back in hair school.  She met her in Jersey, but her friend moved to Denver after she got remarried.  Mom connected with her so much because they were in the same position.  They both had a daughter and their men left.  The only thing with her, Dana, was her husband left her with the home loan paid and a fat bank account, which was more than my dad left us.

 Mom called to say she was there and said she would keep in touch.  She never did.  It was clear when I came down the stairs that day hand in hand with Sebastian that I was staying with him.  He said that there was no way Mom would disown me or her only grandchild.  I thought he was right.  No matter how she felt about Tom, she would see why I did it and understand. 

 I started to panic when I couldn’t connect with her in Denver anymore.  I sent her ultrasound pictures.  Told her about the baby’s development.  I even told her the sex.  She didn’t reply, and even worse, her phone was off most of the time.

I then got a message saying, With Grandma. Catch up with you in a few days. Mom.

 That was four weeks ago and nothing since.  I didn’t know if I should even bother trying to get in touch with her when it was obvious she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Sebastian whispered as he stroked my hair and sat next to me.

“Oh, I was just wondering”—I put a finger on my chin, knowing that teasing him was probably not the best thing to do right now— “if there will be any more girls coming on the front porch.  Claiming season tickets at the abortion clinic.”

“Oh.” He sighed as he moved away from me.  “We never really talked about that.”

I shook my head.  No, we didn’t because I thought there was nothing to be talked about.  I knew the picture, or most of it, from the rumors at school.  Yet, I’d never heard his side of the story.

“Sandra’s beautiful on the outside.  Pretty much like me.  But not beautiful.” He laughed to himself.  His eyes were locked on the floor, and I wished they would focus on me.  I wanted to know if he was telling the truth. Yet, the way he was playing with his hands and hesitating with his words, well, what else could he be doing, but talking about the past.  “Sure, she’s a real bitch and one of those girls that every man wants to fuck but not date and certainly not bring them home to meet your mom.”

He stopped there and flashed his eyes at me and got up.  I sat listening to him, not wanting to interrupt for fear of him stopping.

“So, we would hang out. I would get drunk, she would get high—”

Now, he shocked me. “She takes drugs.”

He chuckled as he came to give me a kiss on the forehead. “Nearly all the kids take them, babes.  Anyway…,” he continued as he moved to the edge of the porch facing the quiet street.  “She told me she missed her period.  I started to panic.  That is when the bitch started to show her true colors.” He shook his head. “You don’t want to know. Before you even ask. Anyway, she had her period in the end and that was the end of that.  Don’t even ask how I know.  Just say not all cheerleaders are bitches.”

He chuckled even more. “As for Carly, I don’t even remember having sex with her.  We were at some party. God, I don’t even remember whose.”  He paused as if Dwayne or someone else that he could confirm it with was around.  “Anyway, she said we had sex.  She missed her period.  I took her to the clinic.  She said she wouldn’t go through with it and we were in love.  That’s when I found out she was a psycho.  Shit, she made Bridget Fonda in Single White Female seem normal.”

He nodded as he came to sit next to me.  The air changed, and it felt warm again.  He still put his arm around me and said, “That was my past, and you are my future.  The pair of you. I want things to change.”

I had that feeling, the one you get when you should feel happy and confident.  I felt the complete opposite and I couldn’t figure out why.