Jerk (13 page)

H
ow many fucking
times does he need to tell me to calm down?

This is his fucking fault.

Getting me knocked up and now I´m in fucking pain.

No drugs, no nothing.

I need to deliver now.

This is a fucking nightmare.

“Kelly, we´re ready. Now push!”

The doctor screamed as he stood up for a brief second and then sat down. From that moment onwards, all the direction was from the nurse by my side. Sebastian moved towards the doctor. I could tell by the look on his face that he was regretting seeing the entrance to my pussy. I heard the words “I see the head” come out of the doctor´s mouth. Or it could have been the nurse by my side.

The next thing I saw was Sebastian moving towards me. Not with his feet, but with his head.

The doctor waved to the side. “Someone check he´s alright.” This is when the nurse moved from my left to the right.

“Okay, Kelly, one more time. Push and then we´re done.” I screamed with all the energy in the world as I laughed at the joy of my baby being born.

This is when the doctor blurted out, “It’s a boy.”

Something inside of me told me it would be, maybe because he seemed to prefer hearing my voice to Sebastian’s. I read in a couple of parenting books that boys seem to prefer their mom’s voices to their dad’s and the opposite for baby girls. At that precise moment, Sebastian got off the floor.

“I´m sorry, Kelly,” he whispered as he came to my side.

“He hit his head pretty bad,” the doctor said to the nurse. “Son, you okay? Do you have concussion or something?” Sebastian shook his head. I had to push one more time to get rid of the afterbirth. That was the easy part. Then, we were handed our son. The doctor took a peek and said, “Well done, the both of you.” As quick as he was to come into the suite, was as quick as he was to leave. Sebastian and I looked at each other and kissed.

The nurse sneaked a look at our son and said, “Thank goodness for an easy birth. I was worried about my arm. You’ve got a tight grip my girl. I thought it was going to drop off.”

I
couldn
´t believe it. The one thing that I had been running away from was in my arms. I held him with tears in my eyes. He was here, healthy and a dream come true I couldn´t believe that this soft, beautiful little boy was mine.

“You´re crying, Seb, why?” Kelly said as she got off the bed and made her way to the cot.

“He´s beautiful.”

“He´s more than that,” she whispered in my ears. He opened his eyes for a brief moment, and I saw he had the same light brown eyes as his mom. His nose was flat and his lips were soft when I kissed them delicately.

“I´m a dad, I´m your dad,” I whispered in his ears. The events of the day before were put aside until the moment dad walked in.

”Shit, it´s Christmas day tomorrow. Funny, I had always spent it with Dad, but this year I didn´t feel like it. Laura crept in behind him.

The room went quiet as Kelly and Laura embraced each other. Dad and I stood as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. I didn´t know what to say to the man. It was weird.

“Is he sleeping?” Laura asked as she crept next to me. I nodded. It felt odd her being with my dad after all that had happened and his confession. I still remembered what happened when he told me, but for him to confess to Laura was big. Real big. I could tell that everyone was wondering what would happen now.”

Pregnancy seemed to have changed Kelly. She was no longer shy. She was very open-minded and said exactly how she felt, all the time.

“So, what now, you two?” she said as she sat on the bed with her arms folded as if we were in the principal’s office. She said the one thing that was on my mind. What now?

Laura nodded and said, “Well, I never signed the divorce papers, so I want to give us a try.” She took Dad´s hand and he agreed. He couldn´t look me in the eye, but I stared at Kelly as I made my way towards her and I could tell she was happy.

“This is so the best Christmas ever.” I simply nodded. I couldn´t get over the way he had treated me and the reasons why. Not by a long shot. But as my eyes darted to the cot and then to Kelly, who I hoped one day would be my wife, I knew one thing I had read it in the parenting books so many times were true.

Being a parent is one of the hardest things in the world you will ever do. All you can do is try.

M
om and Tom
lived separately at first. It was kind of weird, them being married and living in separate apartments. They wanted to take their relationship slow. Build up trust, well Mom wanted to for sure. She even went to the local college and started taking a teaching course on how to train stylists. She said she was getting old and it was too stressful being a stylist and on her feet all day. I was just glad that she had decided to stay. That they had both decided to stay. Seb was happy too, but he never came out and said it. He kept complaining that his dad smelled of fish and so it was better for him to stay in town then go back to the cabin. I swear college turned him into a snob.

Mom and Tom would come and visit us regularly. Especially during the semesters when Seb was at college. Just two more years and I would be applying again. I decided that I didn’t want to go in September. I couldn’t leave Cole alone for one minute. Yep, we named him Cole. I love that name, and Seb went along with it. Besides, it suits him.

Brenda and I were as close as ever. She called me regularly, but not every day as she did in her first year, because she knew Mom and Tom were around. Annette and I became close, and when she had her little girl, I was there by her side, supporting her all the way. She was doing everything by herself with the support of her parents. I promised myself that one day I would talk to Brenda. But that day never seemed to come.

“Tom?” I said as he was singing “Ten Little Monkeys” to Cole and laughing about it as he reduced the numbers. It was kind of cute. He stopped for a brief moment. As if I had interrupted the best time of his life, a frown appeared on his face, the same one that did on Sebastian´s when I asked him to make me another sandwich.

“Yes?”

I hesitated in saying what I had to say, but I needed to know the truth. I knew only one person could give it to me. Him.” “That day when I was going into labor. You said something strange. Something that I have never been able to get out of my head.” I paused as I approached the rug that he was kneeling on with Cole in front of him. His face turned white, as if memories of that day appeared before him like a flash of light.

“What I said about not being Cole´s granddad.”

I nodded, he wasn´t going to play hard to get. He was going to tell me exactly what he meant. He pulled out his wallet from his jeans pocket and gave it to me. He kept it on him?

“This is the note Sebastian´s mom left me that day. The day she died.”

I shook my head. He hadn’t said the day she killed herself, but the day she died. What really happened? I felt a cold wind as I unfolded the paper. Tom moved away from Cole, who was still eagerly kicking his four month old legs, hoping that Granddad would finish the game he played with him every day.

Tom,

There´s no easy way to say this. I have kept this secret for years. Sebastian is not your son. Actually, I don´t know whose son he is, you were too busy working, avoiding me, but not loving me. I have found love and I am leaving you. Don´t try and find me.

Melissa

The thought of Sebastian reading this made me feel sick. So, why did Tom punch him?

“You hit Sebastian. Why?”

“Oh, after Sebastian read it, he threw it at me a few times. One time too many. That I’m not his dad. I’m a bastard child. He said things like, oh, no wonder she left you.”

He shook his head. “I had held him in my arms as a baby, thinking he was mine. First walk, on camera, first tooth I was there and all this time, he was not mine. He was in my eyes. I knew that he was doing it out of spite. She had left him and that was what upset him all this time. She made no plans to take him with her.”

I sighed at that part of the confession. I never knew his mom, but Sebastian talked about her as if she was a hero. He had been in denial. I noticed that he had taken to my mom. He was treating her differently. Not that he had treated her badly before, but now he was completely different and open with her.

“I thought all that time he was my son. I thought that she had loved me. To find out those two things. It turned me, something inside of me turned that day and I could never take it back. Not ever. The guilt and shame of it all was too much for me.”

Tom was not his real dad, and to make things worse, she didn´t know who his dad was.

“How did she die?”

A tear dampened the piece of paper as Tom stood up and spoke.

“I´m not sure what happened. Or why her lover, the driver, was drunk. I came home early. I saw the note. I ran after her and well…hmmm, you know the rest.”

“I was angry and confused. That day I was coming home to surprise her with a trip. My loving wife and mother of my child, not knowing that she was a complete monster. She had lied to me, no to us all this time. It scared the living daylight out of me. Can I tell you one thing?”

I stood up and patted his back and nodded, but I was scared about his response.

“The moment, she was knocked over I was glad. I felt like good the bitch got hurt. Just like she had hurt me. “

I moved my hand away from him.

“Until I found out she died and then I mourned her. I mourned her for so long, but whenever I did, I would read the letter. Like I’m doing now to remember what she was really like.”

He held on to my hand trying to gather sympathy or maybe it was regret for what he had done, “I could have told the police, but I was hurt. Besides there were witnesses. I didn’t have time to think. One of them called the police and said this is what had happened, I never told them the truth. I didn’t see the point. I didn’t want to go to court or have this nightmare hanging over me. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to get on with my life, with my son.”

He could have disowned Sebastian, but he let the lover take the blame for killing his wife. She ran in front of the car, I wonder if she wanted to stop her love or what was the reason for running in front of the car. It was in the past. I said the one thing that came to my mind, “No matter what, you are Cole´s granddad to me.”

He hugged me. The last few months had been such a turning point for us. All of us. Tom said, “Those were the words I needed to hear. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you.”

T
wo years later
, by Brenda….

T
he taxi pulled
into the Breakers Hotel, and with the lights around the historical building, it just made it a perfect romantic setting. They couldn't have picked a better venue to get married. The faint sounds of the waves against the shore made me want to jump out as soon as possible. I had spent the whole time listening to Kelly excitedly talked about her plans. Cole was with his dad and Dwayne. His dad. It seemed funny saying that. Sebastian was such a jerk before, but now he hardly let Cole out of his sight. He would give up the world and more for him. They both seem so grown up—Sebastian going to college and getting his degree and Kelly setting up a teenage mothers’ group to help not only moms who were having a baby, but to talk about options.

It started as a small group, only three girls had the nerve to sign up. Kelly went all out and set up an internet site. It was quite big now, and she was thinking about going national. Also, Sebastian had started a guy’s version of the site. Next steps in teenager pregnancy for guys? He had a speech talking about how he treated Kelly like dirt, and of course, so many guys could relate to it that they signed up. They had a little competition going, between whose business was going to develop nationally. My bet was on Sebastian, but I would never confess that to Kelly. She was my best friend.

They picked the most romantic setting for their wedding. With the great weather we’d had in Jersey lately, I knew tomorrow was going to be the bomb. Kelly wanted to invite the whole of her teenage mothers’ group. Sebastian put a stop to that idea. The girl I used to walk around with in high school who used to cling to me like a glove, was popular. I mean crazy popular. I was so proud of her in so many ways. Which was more than she could say about me.

“Penny for your thoughts,” she said as she opened the door. It was our night. Just Kelly and I. Her mom had decided to come in the morning. She said that she didn’t trust Tom to do anything right. Yep, they were officially together and happy. Tom even made a statement to the police. He confessed to what happened the night that Sebastian’s mom died. It made no difference. The driver was over the limit and he killed her; why she ran in front of the car was a mystery to everyone. In some ways it still was, but as they say, let the past stay in the past.

“Let me guess.” Kelly pinched me as she got out of the taxi. “One word, Dwayne.”

Holy crap!

Dwayne. I had psyched myself a million times for today. We had not spoken in three long years. Not that he didn’t try. But when your boyfriend tells you about sleeping with some girl the night before you left for college, it’s not something you forgive in a heartbeat. Not something at all. The strange part was when I told Kelly about it. She didn’t say a word, so I assumed that Sebastian had already told her. The only thing she asked was if I loved him. I couldn’t answer the question. Not because of how I felt about him, but simply because of the humiliation. He had cheated on me— that wasn’t something you forget in a heartbeat. You would think that after three years, I would have gotten over it. I should have, but it was hard.

“Listen, you. It’s your wedding and all about you.” I smiled. God, that was so hard. Forcing myself to smile in front of my best friend. I couldn’t ruin her day. That would be selfish. Six months she had been planning this day, or rather her mom had been planning it for her. Laura took over big time. She even admitted that she was going crazy with the arrangements. I doubted my mom would ever be that way with me. Maybe that was why I clung to Kelly—her family was warm and always around her, while mine was just busy.

“Yep, and don’t you forget it. I don’t want to see any sad faces.”

I shook my head as I grabbed my purse out of the taxi and the stubby taxi man shoved our bags on the front porch. The bellhop was standing, ready to take it.

“Now this is what I like.” Kelly sighed as she watched the bellhop take her bags and the taxi man waved goodbye.

“Service.” I smiled as I enveloped my arm into hers.

“Yep, being spoiled rotten. This is the life.” She laughed as we walked into the hotel.