Jenny (18 page)

The opportunity for Rose to talk with Jenny about
Cole didn't come until much later that evening. Rose
lingered behind at the main house to speak to Jenny
privately after the others had gone to the bunkhouse
to retire.

"I'm just not ready to go to bed yet," Rose told her
as they stood on the porch staring out at the night
sky.

The night was clear and beautiful, with just a sliver
of a moon on the horizon.

"Are you as excited about being here as I am about
seeing you?" Jenny asked.

"Absolutely. The trip was long and tiring, but
worth every minute."

They shared a secret smile, much like they used to
do when they'd been roommates at school.

"So, tell me...." Rose began.

"Tell you what?"

"You know everything about you and Cole."

Jenny cast a quick glance at her friend, wondering
at her interest in Cole. "There's not much to tell. We
were engaged when I was very young. I received the
letter from the academy telling me that I had been
accepted only four days before the wedding."

"And you wanted to go to school more than you
wanted to marry Cole?" Rose was shocked as she
said it.

"I was so young and so alone. I didn't have a
girlfriend like you to talk to, and Aunt Evelyn and I weren't close back then," Jenny said, remembering all
the heartache of the day.

Rose's expression was sympathetic. She could just
imagine how pressured Jenny must have felt.

"I guess I was lucky that way. My mother and father always encouraged me to be outspoken and go
after what I wanted." Rose paused and grinned conspiratorially. "I must have caused them endless grief"

"I know I caused my father grief," Jenny said sadly.
"He did so want me to marry Cole. But I didn't know
what I wanted then. I was marrying Cole for the
wrong reasons-or at least I thought so at the time."

"I'm proud of you," Rose said with conviction.

"You are?" Jenny was completely taken aback. She
had thought Rose was going to tell her she was crazy
not to have gone through with the wedding.

"Don't you realize how brave you were? How
much determination that took? There aren't many
women who could have done what you did. Most
would have gone ahead and gotten married and been
miserable the rest of their lives married to a man they
couldn't stand-" She said the last deliberately, wanting to provoke Jenny.

"Oh, it wasn't that I couldn't stand Cole-" Jenny
protested quickly.

"So you did care for him?" Rose asked archly, glad
that her instincts had been right about the two of
them.

"Cole was wonderful."

"He was?" Rose repeated, wanting to make Jenny
think about what she was saying.

"Yes. He was. It was just that I..."

"Wasn't ready to get married."

"Exactly."

"But what about now?"

"What about now?" Jenny looked at her in confusion. She wasn't sure where this conversation was
going.

"Cole Randall is one handsome man, Jenny. Are
you sure you want to keep a `business only' relationship with him?"

"After what I did to him, Rose, he must hate me.
If Cole hadn't been named Papa's executor, he
wouldn't have anything to do with me right now."

"How can you be so sure about that? You didn't
see the way his expression changed when Richard
talked about going to the dance with you."

"It did?"

"That's right. Are you really certain that he hates
you?"

"Well, I..." The memory of Cole's kiss burned
vividly in her thoughts.

"What's that look all about?" Rose asked perceptively.

"What look?"

"The one you just had on your face."

Jenny was certain she was blushing, though it was
dark. There were moments like this when she regretted that her friend knew her so well. "I... uh..."

"Has something happened between the two of you
since you've been back?"

"Well..."

"Jenny." Rose said her name in a stern tone that
demanded the truth.

"Well, Cole did kiss me once," Jenny told her
quickly, "but he was mad when he did it."

Rose laughed in utter delight at the news. "I love
it! How romantic!"

"Romantic?"

"Absolutely! It's no wonder Cole was mad. What
flesh-and-blood man wouldn't have been mad at the
woman who left him at the altar? Now here you come
marching back into his life, more beautiful than ever,
and he's been appointed by your father to take care
of you! This is wonderful!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and Cole."

"There is no `me and Cole'!"

"Jenny, Cole must have loved you to have proposed to you in the first place, and haven't you been
curious as to why he hasn't married someone else in
the years you've been apart?"

"Well yes," she admitted to her best friend.

"Aha! Do you still love him?" Rose asked, wanting
to get to the truth of her feelings. She hadn't known
the full story of their relationship until now, and she
was intrigued.

"I don't know...." Jenny answered.

"You didn't say you didn't!" Rose pointed out and was pleased when she saw the surprised look on her
friend's face.

"But-" Jenny's thoughts were in chaos.

"You've got a lot to think about, Jenny. What do
you say we call it a night? Sleep on this. We'll talk
again in the morning."

Without giving Jenny time to say any more, Rose
left her to her thoughts.

Jenny stood alone on the porch for a long time,
then reluctantly went back inside and up to bed. She
knew sleep would not be quick in coming that night.
She should have been excited about her guests' arrival
and the plans she had for them for the next day, but
instead, her thoughts centered on Cole.

Today had been the first time she'd seen Cole since
their encounter in the pasture, and for some reason,
as she lay in her bed the memory of his passionate
embrace could not be banished. The night was a
long one.

It was still dark outside the following morning as
Frances made her way up to the big house to begin
cooking breakfast for all the guests. As she drew near,
she was surprised to see that a lamp was burning in
the kitchen. She wondered who could be up already
and realized it must be Jenny. She could just imagine
how excited Jenny was about the guests' first full day
on the ranch.

Frances let herself in the back door and found
Jenny already dressed, sitting at the kitchen table
having a cup of coffee.

"You're up mighty early this morning," Frances
said as she joined her.

"Good morning," Jenny greeted her with a smile.
"I had a feeling you'd be up earlier than usual, too."

"I want to make sure everything is perfect for our guests," Frances explained. Then getting her first
good look at Jenny, she realized that in spite of her
smile, she looked tired. "Are you feeling all right?
You aren't getting sick, are you?"

"I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night."

"Why not? Are you worried about the guests?"

"No... nothing like that." She hesitated, still confused in her mind and not quite sure how to address
the subject.

"Is it Cole?" Frances asked astutely.

Jenny's eyes widened. "How did you know?"

"I was wondering how things have been going between the two of you. Are you getting along?"

"Oh, yes. There's no problem that way. He's handling the estate just the way Papa would have wanted
him to."

"Then-?" Frances urged her on, knowing she
needed to talk about her feelings.

Jenny had often confided in her as a young girl,
and Frances had always wanted to help in any way
she could. The only time she'd failed to really pay
attention to what Jenny was telling her had been just
before the wedding. Jenny had tried to explain what
she'd been feeling about marrying Cole, but Frances
had told her it was just bride's nerves, that everything
would turn out all right. To this day, she regretted
that she hadn't been more attentive. She would never
make that mistake again. If Jenny wanted to talk, she
was going to listen and be supportive.

"Well, it was something Rose said to me last night. We stayed up later than everybody else, and we were
talking..." Jenny frowned.

"What was it?"

She finally just blurted it out. "Rose seems to think
I'm still in love with Cole."

"Really?" Frances hid the smile that threatened.
She had always believed Jenny and Cole were perfect
for each other, and she had hoped Jenny was mature
enough now to recognize her true feelings. "What do
you think?"

"I don't know," she said miserably. "Even if I did
care about him and I'm not saying I do I'm sure
Cole hates me."

"Love and hate are not so far apart," Frances said
wisely.

"Did I make the right decision when I went back
East? Or should I have married Cole and not gone
away to school?" The question had haunted her for
two years.

"Looking back, I think you were wise in what you
did."

"You do?" Jenny was shocked by Frances's answer.

"You were so young, and even though I know you
cared for Cole, I don't think you loved him the way
a woman is supposed to love her husband."

Jenny looked at her, puzzled. "How is that?"

Frances blushed a little, but decided it was time to
talk plainly. "Why, when Louie and I first met and
we were courting, I couldn't wait to sneak off with him so he could steal a little kiss or two."

"Frances!" Jenny laughed in delight at her story,
trying to imagine the serious ranch foreman actively
pursuing Frances. "You mean Louie was that romantic?"

"Oh, yes," she sighed. "We were young and so in
love. Why, we almost couldn't keep our hands off
each other-"

"Like in a few of the dime novel romances I've
read," Jenny said thoughtfully.

And like Cole's kiss the other day.

The revelation came to Jenny in a flash of understanding.

"Yes, something like that," said Frances. "Only in
real life a good girl is virtuous until her wedding
night. And I was virtuous, although I have to admit,
it was hard sometimes. I loved Louie a lot, and I was
thrilled once we were wed."

"You're right Cole and I never were alone
much."

"I'm sure he loved you. Maybe he was deliberately
keeping a distance between you back then to protect
you."

"To protect me from what?"

"From what he was truly feeling for you, dear."

Jenny was suddenly seeing Cole and everything
that had happened between them in a whole new light.
Was the angry passion Cole had revealed to her when
they were alone in the pasture just a hint of his true
feelings for her?

"So he deliberately was never alone with me to
keep me safe, and in keeping me safe, he lost me."
She looked up at Frances in shock. "I never understood."

"You were so young and full of dreams." Frances
wanted to ease her guilt.

"And he loved me so much-"

"But what about your feelings? Did you love him
then? Do you love him now?"

Again Jenny fell silent, remembering. Memories of
her childhood blossomed in her mind memories of
the first day she'd met Cole.

"I think I've loved him forever," she finally said,
acknowledging what was in the depths of her heart.

"How old were you when you first met? Eight or
nine?" Frances remembered that day very clearly.

"I was nine. It was the day that Papa and I went
into Animas City and"

"And Cole rescued you from the middle of the
street." Frances vividly recalled how distraught Paul
had been when they'd returned to the ranch and he'd
told her what had happened.

"That's right. Papa and I were crossing the main
street when I dropped my doll. I didn't even think
about danger. I didn't even look to see if anyone was
coming. I just ran back out to get it, and suddenly
there was a buckboard bearing down on me." She
shuddered involuntarily at the memory. "Cole appeared out of nowhere. He grabbed me up and carried
me to safety."

"It seems like Cole was always there whenever you
needed help. He's always been your hero, hasn't he?
Your champion-"

"He has, hasn't he? Like that time when my horse
got away from me and he raced up and caught the
reins and saved me. And then there was the night in
town at that dance when Will Baker cornered me and
tried to kiss me-"

"I remember that night. Will was sporting quite a
shiner for a while," Frances laughed. "How old were
you then?"

"Barely fifteen, I think." Jenny was suddenly serious. "Do you suppose Cole loved me even back
then?"

"It's possible." Frances was thoughtful.

"He's being my hero again, you know, supporting
the guest ranch idea the way he has," she said softly.

"Yes, he is."

Jenny drew a ragged breath as she accepted the
truth. "I do love him, Frances. I never realized until
now just how much."