JAX (Breaking the Declan Brothers #1) (13 page)

She rolls her eyes at me, puts the key in the ignition and with a fucking heavy foot, we’re off to God knows where.

Over these past few weeks, I realize that what I felt for Emmie Rue was nothing in comparison to the reality of knowing, touching, and having every beautiful morsel of her. Sure, I was physically attracted to her, and there was always this need to get close to her. I was drawn to her as if she had something that I couldn’t live without. Fucked up, right? But to experience her, she’s so much more. She means so much more to me. I’m no longer standing in the shadows of her existence. I’m becoming a part of her world, a world that I don’t want to leave.

Still, with every day there comes the night.

The sky must’ve heard my thoughts. It turns dark, and then the rain hits, blurring the windshield.

“Shit!” Em glances down at the dashboard. “Where are the wipers?” Her nervous eyes shoot from me back to the road.

“Relax,” I say, reaching over to flick them on, “you wanna pull over so I can drive?”

“No. I got this.” She squints until the wipers start doing their job. “There,” she opens her eyes wide. “That’s better.” Her shoulders drop.

I chuckle.

“Hey,” her blue eyes flash at me. “I didn’t know it was supposed to rain, did you?”

“Nope, Em, I didn’t.” I laugh again. She’s so damn beautiful. I glance to the road and my stomach rolls. Fuck. It shrinks tight when she pulls into the May Jen Chinese Restaurant. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“What?” She glimpses at me. “You don’t like Chinese,” she says circling the full lot, looking for somewhere to park.

“Not one of my favorite foods. No.” Fuck. I can’t go in there. What if
she’s
working? I try to relax. Try to convince myself that maybe she doesn’t work here anymore. I try to convince myself I’m freaking out for no good reason.

“I love it,” Em says, “besides, there’s gotta be something in there you can eat.” She takes another turn in the lot. “They have chicken, steak, and…”

My ears drown out her words. All I hear is the thundering beat of my heart. I want to tell her everything about my past, just not yet. I’m all balls into this relationship, but I’m not sure where Em stands. She’s certainly sending some damn good vibes my way, but I’m not certain she’s ready to know that part of me. Hell, she had a small dose of it and that shit made her cry. She acts as though it never went down. I don’t know if she’s ashamed of me, or if she’s ashamed of herself. Some woman work like that. They think they want it rough, but once it all gets going they get nervous. They’re afraid to surrender their defenses and hand their control over to someone else, hence, the safe words.

It’s not like it’s a bad thing. It’s a lifestyle for some, rough, kinky, dirty sex, but for others, they’re afraid to cross that line, or they’re just not into it. Either way, I respect what I am, and who they are. And if Em’s not into it then I’ll need to live without it. Hell, I had to learn how to control it. Now, I’ll just need to take it a step further and learn how to tame it.

“Drive up to the front and get out. I’ll park the truck so you don’t get all wet.”

She smirks at me. “I know you think I’m still a princess, but I’m not going to melt, Jax, if I get a little wet.”

“Come on, baby,” I smile at her, “just this once would you allow me to do the gentlemanly thing?”

“All right,” she laughs, “just this once.” She pulls up to the front and puts the truck into park.

I jump out and start around the truck. She meets me halfway for a quick kiss and takes off into the restaurant. Once inside the vehicle with the door closed, I release a shaky breath. I gaze into the window but can’t make out much of what’s going on inside the restaurant. I shift the truck into drive and stare straight ahead.

I could leave.

Fuck you, coward. 

Em’s in there waiting for you. You’re not going anywhere but to her.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I hurry through the restaurant doors, shaking the rain off my clothes. A woman comes to greet me, hands clasped together at her waist. “Hi,” she glances out the window. “Wow. It’s really coming down out there.” She turns back with a smile. “How many tonight?”

“Oh,” I push the wet strands back from my face, “just two. He’s parking the car.”

“Okay, I can show you to your table, and bring him on over when he gets in?”

“All right.” I follow her into the next room.

“How’s this?” She waves a hand at a quaint table nestled in the corner of the room.

“Perfect.” I go to sit down, catching the blue sapphire encased in sterling silver around her neck. “That’s beautiful,” I settle into the seat, “your necklace.”

“Oh,” A smile lightens up her face as she touches it, “thanks. One year anniversary gift.”

“Congrats.”

“Thanks, it was a month ago, but honestly it feels like we’re still on the honeymoon.”

“We should all be so lucky. He certainly has great taste in jewelry.”

“I’ll tell him you said so, might boost his ego, but he deserves it. Besides great taste in jewelry, he’s also a great guy,” she says, and the love she obviously has for her husband glows in her eyes. “Can I start you out with something to drink?”

“Sure. Can I have a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon?”

“Coming right up, and my name’s Sonia, by the way, if you need anything.” She smiles and heads to the back.

I lean to the left, realizing she headed to the back and Jax might be looking for me. Then I see him with a different hostess. His shirt’s soaked. It clings to every muscle on his upper body. The man, does he ever look anything less than mac-daddy delicious? Ever?  His eyes find mine, and I start to imagine the things that I’m going to do to him tonight.

Sex has been great, but since my little meltdown the first night, I sense he’s been holding back. I need to come clean. It feels so immature, though. “Hey, I freaked out because I was so out of mind in lust for you, afraid to lose you, that I felt the need to make you feel like you did something wrong.” Yeah, that’s just so insecure. It really was hot, and I want to get back to that place with him. In order to do that, I’m gonna have to pull up my big-girl pants and tell him the truth.

 I gotta say, though, these past few weeks have been like a dream. He’s amazing in every way. I’m comfortable around him. He makes me that way. So, telling him anything should come easy. He’s patient and understanding. The way he smiles at me. His husky low whispers in my ear when we’re around people. The funny things he says, the sexy things, and the promises. He always keeps his promises, whether it’s the time he’s coming to pick me up, or the amount of times he’s going to make me come that night, he always follows through. I’m falling so hard for him. I’m not sure where this is all going, but I have nearly two months with him, and from there. Well, who knows?

He settles his strong, lean body in the chair across from me, and even as the hostess asks what he’d like to drink, his eyes don’t leave mine. Yeah, he does that a lot too, and people notice. But Jax, he’s not the type of guy to give a shit what other people might think. And he carries himself that way, too. He’s confident, minus all that repellent cockiness. Sometimes, I wonder if he truly knows how fucking hot he is.

After the hostess turns to me, and I let her know that I’ve already been taken care of, she heads to the back room to fetch Jax’s beer.

“You’re drenched,” I laugh.

“Yeah,” he swipes a hand over his face, “I don’t know, princess, I think you mighta melted out there.”

“Funny,” I playfully squint my eyes at him.

“I’m just sayin’,” he shrugs with an irresistibly devastating grin. He looks down, reaches for my hand across the table, and once he apprehends it, he gently rubs his thumb over my fingers. I love it. “If I haven’t told you yet tonight,” he looks up at me, “you’re beautiful, Emmie Rue.” Something else he does, always saying shit like that. Who would’ve known Jax Declan was such a wonderful lover? As always, my cheeks flush hot from his words.

“And even resembling a drowned rat, you’re still dashing as ever Mr. Declan.”

We play like that throughout dinner. Jax found a dish of steak, peppers, and onions. I enjoyed some chicken and veggies with a side of lo mein. After the meal, he goes to get the truck and I head to the ladies’ room.

I finish with my business and exit the stall; standing at the sink is the hostess that seated me at the table earlier. “Oh, hey.” I smile at her in the mirror, but when she sees me, her eyes quickly divert to the sink. Weird. “I thought maybe you were done for the night,” I say, turning on the faucet to wash my hands.

“Ah,” she glances at me from the corner of her eye, “no,” she looks back down at her hands vigorously scrubbing away. “Sarah had your table. I just meet, greet, and seat.”

“Oh,” I shut off the water and grab a few paper towels. “Are you okay?” I’m not sure why it comes out, could be that her hands are shaking, her face is pasty white, and she refuses to look me directly in the eyes.

She grabs a few paper towels herself. “Was that Jax Declan with you?”

“Yeah,” I drop my towel in the garbage can, not taking my eyes from hers. “Do you know Jax?”

“We went to school together,” she says, eyes examining me, as she also gets rid of her paper towels. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Actually, I lived here for about ten years, but I left shortly after high school, and I’m a few years younger than Jax. So, you probably wouldn’t remember me.”

“Probably,” she pauses as if she’s hesitant to say what’s on her mind, “Are, ah, are you and Jax dating?”

“Sort of, I guess, for a couple weeks now, yeah.” Shit, why was that so hard to get out? “Why do you ask?”

“Ah,” she stares at me for an uncomfortable moment. “Never mind,” she waves a shaky hand at me, and then picks up her purse from the counter, practically dropping it from her trembling fingers.

“What is it?” I ebb closer, needing to know what has this girl all flustered.

“Look, you seem like a really nice person,” she takes a deep breath, “and it’s not really my place—”

“Listen. You seem like a decent person, too, but if you got something that you need to say, please, just say it.”

She releases a long-winded sigh. “Jax Declan, he isn’t what he seems. I dated him in high school, and,” she gazes at me for another long drawn out second. And me, I want to hear what she has to say. So, I patiently wait. “And,” she says voice cracking, “he nearly raped me.”

Did I hear her right? Did she just say…I tilt my head. No. I couldn’t have heard her correctly. “Jax Declan?” She has to be mistaken. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy here?”

“I’m sorry,” she shakes her head, remorse etching into every line of her face. She back steps and thrusts a hand out as if to stop me from saying anything. But I’m fucking speechless. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” She spins around and is out the door before my mouth has a chance to begin to work. Jax nearly raped her. Now, why the fuck would she say that? What the hell is wrong with that chick? She can’t still be pissed about a breakup that happened over ten years ago, could she? No. She didn’t strike me as some vindictive bitch. She talked about her husband as if she really loves him. There’d be no reason for her to bash Jax after all these years. But if that weren’t it, what would she gain by telling a complete stranger that some guy from high school nearly raped her. I mean, that’s some corrupt shit to say about another person.

I yank the bathroom door open. My stomach rolls for the only logic flipping around in my head for her to say something like that is that she was trying to warn me.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

She feels a mile away as she quietly sits in the truck, looking out the window. Thankfully, we didn’t run into Sonia in that restaurant. She was nowhere in sight. She probably doesn’t work there anymore.

Still, what the fuck’s up with Em giving me the silent treatment? I don’t like it.

I glance over at her. “Hey,” I say, and her blue eyes flash over to me, but that spark seems dulled by something heavily weighing on her mind, and I don’t fucking like that shit either. “Your place or mine?” I smile. It’s something one of us usually asks toward the end of the evening. The question of whether or not we’ll be sleeping together never comes up, but tonight, I think that it just might.