January (Calendar Girl #1) Anthology Anthology (151 page)

“You’re going to make a man fall to his knees and thank the Heavens above when he secures you forever.”

I laughed. “One can only hope. Don’t you think your forever is right around the corner?”

Tai hugged me to him again and continued to dance with me. It was as if there was no one else around, only us, the tinkling sound of the ukulele and a song about dropping all your love and loving your one like mangos. “Sometimes, I wonder if it is this lifetime that I will find her.”

I pulled back, cupped both his cheeks and stared deep into his dark eyes. “I promise, you will.”

***

After ATV trail riding, Tai took us to some friends of his who owned the Kualoa Ranch. The five of us were loaded up onto horses, and his buddy Akela led us through a tour of the four thousand square foot ranch.

Maddy was having a little trouble leading her horse but soon got the hang of it. I treated my horse, aptly named “Buttercup” for his caramel color and black hair, reminding me of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, just like I treated my motorcycle Suzi back home. I petted him, spoke softly in his ear, braided his awesome hair and my own so we were twinsies. Every time I looked at Tai and he caught me lovin’ on the horse, he’d close his eyes and shake his head. Whatever. I hadn’t had any pets growing up. This was an awesome treat to be riding something so majestic and real.

“Can it,” I growled then petted Buttercup and told her how annoying and devastatingly handsome Tai was but how that didn’t make up for his bratty ways. Then I warned her about the hot inked ones and to be careful because I could see the black stallion with his amber eyes had the hots for her.

Ginelle trotted up on her horse as if she’d been riding all her life. “What? Mine’s a dude horse. It’s no different than riding a man. It’s all about the control in your thighs. Isn’t that right, baby,” she petted her horse and Tao pulled up to the side of her and responded.

“I can attest to that. You could crack coconuts with those thighs, blondie.”

She grinned and waggled her eyes. I rolled mine. “Gross.”

“It’s true. I probably could crack some nuts with these thighs. Maybe we should give it a go tonight big boy,” she said to Tao and I noisily made gagging sounds. “What? You think it’s fair you’re the only one getting hot Samoan meat between your legs. Hell no. I’m going to ride this guy like a prized bull rider to-night!” she emphasized the last word making it two.

“Keep it to yourself, Slutty McSlutty.”

“Says the woman who was on her back within what, a day of meeting Tai?” She shot back, her arrow hitting the bull’s eye.

I flung my braid over my shoulder and shot daggers at her. “How the hell did you know that?” I put a hand to my hip, yet kept the other firmly on the saddle.

Gin guffawed and cackled. “It’s true!” her eyes widened with utter glee. “You’re just as bad as me! I have no problem admitting I jumped on that,” she hooked a thumb toward Tao, “the very first night I could get my greedy hands on him. Fuck me, look at him. No….” She looked at Tao. “Fuck me. For real, I want you to fuck me.” She giggled and grabbed her breasts and gave them a squeeze and a giggle for his pleasure.

I smacked her arm, almost pushing her off her horse. “Bitch, keep that shit behind closed doors. I swear you’re like a cat in heat.”

She opened her mouth, and I knew, I just
knew
she was going to say something about pussy.

In a wild rush of words, I said, “Don’t you dare talk about your hoo-hah,” and let out the rest of my breath.

Gin closed her mouth and pursed her lips. “Party pooper.”

I shook my head and maneuvered my horse off to Maddy who was listening intently to Akela and the information he shared about the ranch, the land, the trees, and the movies that were filmed on the island and on this ranch specifically. Turns out the big blockbuster hit
Jurassic Park
was one of them. She was completely enthralled, asking questions, commenting on pieces of information she learned in her plant courses. When my sister spoke about school or the things she’d learned in school, that sense of extreme pride coated my aura. I loved hearing her spew off facts and details about something we’d probably never discuss or see again. But the fact that she knew exactly what these things were, what they did, where they were indigenous, if the plant could be used in medicines and for holistic ailments, was mind boggling.

“Your sister is very knowledgeable for someone so young.” Tai complimented.

“Yep, she is. I’ve made sure she’s been a professional student since graduating high school as valedictorian. Me, I barely graduated, working two jobs while going to school.”

Tai nodded. “I know what you mean. My family has been performing since I was very little, but
Tina
made sure that it never conflicted with our schooling. She wanted her children to have choices even though none of us have ever left the island for work or to find something different. It just doesn’t seem like any of us want to make that leap. We live to be with one another.”

I totally got that. I lifted my chin to Maddy. “I live and work for her, but I’m trying to find what is mine and mine alone. I’ll let you know when I find it.” He chuckled. “Do you worry that you won’t find your mate because she may not live on the island?”

His shoulder slumped a bit. “All the time. Especially now that
Tina
says my future mate is blonde and green-eyed. That is not a common combination of islanders.”

I thought about that. He was right. Hawaiians, Samoans and most of the Polynesians that are born and raised within the islands are dark. Skin, eyes and hair. Exactly opposite of what Masina described. Tai continued explaining his fears.

“She might very well be a tourist. What happens if I miss meeting her?”

“You won’t. What’s meant to be will be, Tai. Just go with it.”

“Just go with it,” he repeated.

***

Later in the day, Akela led us to a private beach. He pulled out his backpack and handed each of us a turkey and cheese sandwich and a bottle of water. Individually, we found a nice shady spot to sit and snack on our lunch.

Maddy stood looking out at the ocean. I walked over to her, put my arm around her shoulder, and knocked our heads together. “You having a good birthday, pretty girl?”

“The best,” she smiled and we munched looking out over the cerulean waters. Fish flicked around, going in and out of shells and coral that had washed up closer to the shore. The beach around us was deserted for as far as I could see. “I think maybe Matt and I will come here for our honeymoon. I’d like to show him these places.”

“Yeah?” I tried to sound positive, but the thought of my twenty-year-old baby sister being tied down made me incredibly nervous. She hadn’t lived enough yet to be that committed.

“Oh,” her eyes lit up and became a brighter green. “Maybe we’ll have a destination wedding! I don’t have much family and only a few friends. That might be cool. What do you think?”

I had always pictured her in the big white dress, walking down a long aisle to marry her prince. Maddy was my princess. “You don’t want the big white dress and wedding?”

She shrugged. “Honestly, I’ve always wanted the white coat more than the white dress,” she raised her eyebrows, and I laughed.

Her eye was on two prizes now. She still wanted that lab coat and having Matt didn’t change that. Getting married was just a bonus to her. Sharing her life with someone was great, but she’d do it and still make sure she kept her dream, the one thing she’d worked her ass off for.

“Mads, honestly honey, I’m so glad to hear that. I think my biggest fear with you accepting Matt’s proposal had nothing to do with the guy or your age. He’s wonderful and seems to adore you.”

“He does.”

“I know that. I just freaked thinking that you might consider throwing away everything you worked for and choose to be a wife and mother and not a doctor. The time to be a wife and mom will come, but the doctor thing… you gotta go for that when you’re young.”

Maddy held me close. Her eyes were serious as she focused on me. “I’m not going to let anything take me away from my career goals. Matt is encouraging everything I already want. It’s just now, I have someone besides you to share it with.”

Someone besides you.

That struck deep, cutting right through bone and tissue to pierce and rip open my heart. I know she didn’t mean it that way, and it’s part of letting someone you raised go, but did it hurt? Hell yes. 

“It has only ever been us.” I choked back my tears and pushed a golden lock of hair over her shoulder.

Maddy sighed like the entire weight of my love was pressing into her, holding her down, not lifting her up. “I love him. I want to be with him, but I don’t want to lose what we have either. You’re always going to be my sister. Heck, you’ve been more my mother than a sister for as long as I can remember. It’s time to let me make some decisions for myself. Make mistakes. Take chances that don’t affect you.”

“Everything you do affects me,” I responded automatically.

“That’s not how it should be, Mia. You need to live for you now. I’m fine. Yes, I still need help with the schooling tuition, and one day I’m going to be able to pay all that back…”

“The hell you will,” I shot off, instantly angry. “Being able to provide for you, for your future has been the highlight of my life. Knowing that you are going to succeed where I didn’t, it’s the only thing I’ve ever done right. That’s my one claim to fame.”

“That makes me sad. I want more for you.”

I inhaled hard, not able to catch my breath, tears threatening to consume me. I yanked her over to my chest and hugged her. “You’ve always been my everything.”

“I know. But now I’m going to be Matt’s everything and he will be mine. You need to find that too.”

My little sister’s words hit home. She wanted me to find a new everything. How did one change the core of their being so easily? I didn’t know if I could. Regardless of where I was, what I did, I was always going to be worried about her, thinking of her, missing her. I couldn’t begin to even comprehend what my life would be like if I didn’t always base my decisions on how they would affect her life and future.

In the end, I knew she needed something. She was worried about
me
. “I’ll try, baby girl. I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Come on, we’ve got more partying to do!” I tugged her hair and held her hand, walking up the beach swinging our arms like we used to as kids when I would walk her home from school. Every day, I’d get out an hour earlier than she did and wait at the door to her classroom to walk her home.

My baby sis was all grown up. She was in college, twenty years old, and had a fiancé. She didn’t need, or want her big sis hovering over her all the time.

What the hell do I do now?

***

The rest of our tour was incredible. We were taken to a place that gave us a cool view of Mokoli’i Island, otherwise known as Chinaman’s Hat. We learned that Mokoliʻi translates from 
Hawaiian
 as "little lizard." According to mythology, the island was the remains of a giant lizard's or dragon's tail that was chopped off and tossed into the ocean by the goddess 
Hiʻiaka
. I found that incredibly funny since there are no lizards native to Hawaii. That I learned from my smart-as-hell sister. The nickname, Chinaman's Hat, is obvious to anyone who looks at the tiny island that seems as though is floating on the water. It looks exactly like an 
Asian conical hat
.

After the tours, Tai and Tao took us to Duke’s on the Waikiki beach. We ate outside and had the best burgers ever. Tiki torches lit the outside area, making the space glow and each of our happy faces shine with soft light. We ate and watched the sun set over the horizon at the tableside ocean view. Once it got dark and we’d finished our meal, we went upstairs where Duke’s had live music.

The three of us girls danced the night away. The two men watched, fascinated, as our bodies swayed provocatively on the floor. It had been a long time since the three of us girls had gone out and let our hair down.

At that moment, I let it all go. My sadness over leaving this island and missing out on having Tai in my life on a regular basis. The anxiety I’d been harboring over Wes moving on with Gina, whether they really were in a causal relationship or not, I hadn’t a clue anymore. My nerves over my sister getting married and finishing college. I realized that all of these things were outside my control. There wasn’t much I could do but take my own advice. The same words that I gave Tai earlier that day rang through my mind.

Just go with it.

That’s what I decided I’d do for the rest of my time here and into the rest of my year. I was determined to save my father. Determined to make sure Maddy got through school, and determined to find what was out there that was meant for me. I had spent so little time focusing on my own wants, dreams, and desires that I didn’t even know what they were anymore. For a half a year, I thought it might be acting and I did okay at it. I think mostly I was just trying to escape Nevada. Get the hell away from all the men that had hurt me over the years. Escape the father who’d tried his best, but really wasn’t ever enough to truly take care of us, leaving me to pick up the brunt of the workload at a very young age.

Maddy was right. I needed to find what my everything really was. What did that look like? What did I want to do with myself after this year was up? It was as if I was asking myself the same question that adults ask you when you’re little. What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’d turn twenty-five this year, and I had no flipping clue what I wanted out of the rest of my life.

Time for some serious soul searching.

Chapter 10

Before the taxi picked Maddy up, I sat on her bed and helped her get her stuff together. “Here,” I handed her a tiny wooden Hawaiian box. It had a beautiful bird of paradise flower on it painted by a local artisan.