Jake Undone (28 page)

When I entered the dark room, I pulled off my shoes, undressed and collapsed onto the bed. As tired as

I was, I couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning, worried about the medication decision I had to make. So, I

decided to take a shower in the guest bathroom.

It was the first time since the plane ride that I allowed my mind to escape back into thoughts of Nina. I

would have given anything to have her there with me under the water. With my eyes closed, I ached to be

inside of her again. It had been only twenty-four hours, but it felt like an eternity ago.

Sex with her had been incredible, better than I had imagined it…the best I ever had. She was so eager,

so wet, and it turned me on to no end, knowing I was the first guy to ever make her come like that. We did

it as many times and in different ways as we could until the strip of condoms was gone. Then, we got

creative and used our mouths and didn’t stop for hours. It was the most sex I had ever had in one sitting in

my entire life, and it still wasn’t enough. I guess that’s what months of mind numbing sexual frustration will

do to you.

I licked my lips remembering how sweet she tasted and squeezed some shampoo out of the bottle to

jerk myself off. I pretended I was pumping into her and came within seconds as I thought about how she

looked at me with those beautiful innocent blue eyes when she climaxed. Her blonde hair was spread out all

over the pillow like spun gold.

Back in bed, I prayed that I would get to experience all of that again with her and that she would just let

me love her, despite all of my baggage. Something told me I would need those prayers because I had a

feeling it wasn’t going to be that simple.

***

The next morning, I woke up to find one niece on each side of me pulling me out of bed. They begged

me to take them to school, which turned out to be a welcome distraction. I decided to go back to the house

afterward for some breakfast before returning to the hospital for the rest of the day.

Allison didn’t have to work until noon, and Cedric decided to go into work late, so they were both

having breakfast together in their massive kitchen when I walked in. I had a feeling they were waiting to

grill me about stuff. I had confided in them about my obsession with Nina over Christmas. Even though I

had been struggling with guilt, they both had encouraged me to pursue her.

“Hey,” I said as I walked in.

“Hey, little brother,” Allison said smiling.

I grabbed some cereal and sat down at the table, noticing they were both staring at me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Allison laughed. “I should be asking
you
that. By the look on your face, something is going on.”

“What are you getting at?”

I knew what she was getting at.

“She wants to know what happened with blondie, but she’s waiting for you to tell her because she

doesn’t want to seem like the nosy sister that she is,” Cedric said, giving Allison a peck on the cheek after

she nudged him.

My mouth was full of cereal. “Ah, I see. You really want to know what happened?”

She leaned in. “Yes.”

Suddenly, the tone of the conversation changed from jovial to serious. I sighed, pushed my bowl away

and answered her. “Everything fucking happened, almost at once, and I might be about to lose it all just as

fast.”

“You mean…you…”

I nodded. “Yes, multiple times. And I told her I loved her. I am…in love with her.”

Cedric eyes widened. “Whoa. That serious, huh?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. The problem is, I haven’t had a chance to tell

her about Ivy. I had planned to tell her everything last night but had to fly here instead. She knows nothing,

and I think I might be fooling myself into thinking that she’s going to accept it all.”

He shook his head. “You’d be surprised what people can accept when they love each other. If she truly

cares about you, she’ll find a way. Look at your sister and me…all that I had kept from her when we first

started dating. But we got through it because we were meant to be.”

Allison reached out for my arm. “I want you to be happy, and this girl clearly makes you happy. I had

never seen you with the look in your eyes that you had over Christmas when you first told me about her.

You have suffered alone for five years with Ivy. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are the most

loyal person I know. That is what I love about you…how you are with Hannah and Holly and how you’re

always there for me. You love hard, but in this case, that’s also been a curse. No one your age should be

expected to live like you have been, Jake…no one. You deserve to have the kind of love that fulfills you,

like I have with Cedric and not feel guilty or like you don’t deserve that because of the hand you’ve been

dealt.”

“I know I deserve it, but it’s not that simple. I can’t just fucking leave Ivy. I made a vow. What would

happen to her? I’m all she has. My name is on everything. She’s on my insurance. I have power of attorney.

Whoever I’m with is going to need to understand that. What if Nina can’t? This is why I didn’t want to get

involved with anyone. Nina doesn’t deserve to be dragged into this.”

“Do you love Ivy?” Allison asked.

“I don’t think I even knew what being
in love
was until I met Nina…eating, sleeping and breathing

someone, feeling like I can’t live without her. I thought what I felt for Ivy when we were eighteen was love.

Looking back, it was more infatuation. But to answer your question, I do love Ivy in the same way that I

love you.”

“So, you’re staying married to someone you love like a sister because you’re afraid of what will happen

to her? Don’t you ever want to have a family someday?”

“I want that, sis. I do. You know how much I love the twins. I would love to have kids of my own. But

I pretty much wrote that off when Ivy got sick. I never thought about those kinds of things again until Nina.

But divorcing Ivy…I just don’t know how I would live with myself if I did that and something happened to

her.”

Cedric put his coffee down and looked at me. That dude has some intense blue eyes. “Let me tell you

something I learned a long time ago, Jake. Love has no conscience. It doesn’t know right or wrong. It’s a

feeling you can’t shake that penetrates your soul, and it cannot be broken. If you’re truly in love with this

girl, that’s not going to change no matter what your life circumstances are. Time will tell whether it’s true

love or not. If it is, you won’t be able to live without her. End of story.” He looked at my sister.

I knew he was right.

Allison got up from the table and hugged me. “We just want to see you happy. We’ll help in any way we

can. Divorcing Ivy doesn’t have to mean deserting her. I’ll look into alternative insurance plans and state

aid. We’ll help, even if Cedric and I have to pay for some of the expenses. We’ve already discussed it.”

I would never let them do that, but damn, I truly had the best family in the world.

“I am not ready to think about divorce, Al. Just let me tell Nina what’s going on first, and then we’ll see

how she reacts.”

***

“Hi, baby girl.”

Ivy was looking out the hospital window when I arrived. She turned around, smiled and ran to me,

giving me the biggest hug I had gotten from her in a while.

“There’s my handsome man,” she said.

My stomach was in knots with guilt. She and I hadn’t had an intimate relationship in years, but

sometimes, it was like her mind would revert back to the past for a fleeting moment. It came in waves and

never lasted. It freaked me out when it happened.

“How are you feeling?”

“So good…so good,” she said leaning her head on my chest.

“I want to spend the whole day with you before I have to go back to New York, but I’ll be back again

this weekend.”

She pulled back abruptly. “Where were you last night?”

“I was here the whole time until you nodded off. Then, I went to Allison and Cedric’s to sleep.”

“Why did you leave?”

“I just told you.”

“What were you really doing?”

“Sleeping, Ivy.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Here we go. It was always like a light switch.

“Where do you think I was?”

“I think you were with them.”

“With who?”

“With the police.”

“No, baby girl. No police.”

“You’re trying to get me out of the country again, aren’t you?”

It was pointless to defend myself in any great detail when Ivy’s paranoia started up like this. I learned

over time, it was better to just simply deny what she was accusing me of with one or two word answers. If

she became overly upset at me, I would just leave until she calmed down.

“No, Ivy.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this again. Why are you trying to get rid of me?”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t you love me?”

“I love you very much.”

“Then, why are you trying to hurt me?”

“Ivy—”

“Get out! Get out of here before I scream!”

I looked up at the ceiling, focusing on a crack in the paint as she continued to yell. I really didn’t want

to leave her since I had to go back to New York tonight. When she started to push me, I left the room to see

if I could talk to the doctor. After a fifteen- minute wait, Dr. Greally came out to the sitting area and asked

me to go back to her office.

“Have you made any decisions about trying the Clozapine?”

“I am still on the fence. I am not around during the week because I work out of state, and I am worried

about the side-effects. I don’t know if I can trust the workers at the group home to keep tabs on her.”

“We’ll have the social worker make sure she gets to the lab safely each week for the blood work. I can

also do daily check-ins with the supervisor over there. If there is any indication that she’s experiencing

anything abnormal, we can always stop it.”

“Okay…I’ll let you know in a couple of more days, if that’s okay?”

“Take your time.”

When I returned to Ivy’s room, she had the television on and was watching an episode of
House

Hunters
, that real estate show where the people have to pick between three houses to buy. I sat down next to her and searched her face to see if I was welcome again.

She looked at me. “I don’t know which one they are going to pick. It’s a tough decision.”

I half-smiled.

Yes, it is.

I leaned my head on her shoulder, and we spent the next hour watching television, before she sent me

away again.

CHAPTER 23

Nina never responded when I texted her from the airport about six o’clock that night, letting her know I

was getting on the next commuter flight home. That was unlike her and made me uneasy, especially

knowing I was going to be coming clean to her about everything tonight.

By the time I landed at JFK, there was still no response. It was raining, and I couldn’t seem to catch a

cab.

Fuck.

When I finally hailed one, I texted her again.

I am in a cab on my way to Brooklyn. Please let me know you got this
.

No response.

After five minutes, still nothing.

I dialed her number three times in a row and her phone went straight to voicemail each time. I left a

message after the fourth call.

“Nina, it’s me. I’m starting to worry. You haven’t responded to me all day. I’m almost at the house. I

guess I’ll see you in a few. Call me if you get this. I love you.”

She never called me back, and by the time the cab pulled up to the house, a feeling of dread came over

me.

When I opened the door to the apartment, I yelled, “Nina?” before realizing that no one was home. I

double-checked her bedroom. It was empty.

Sitting on her bed with one hand on my head and the other on the phone, I texted her again.

I am home. Where are you? You’ve got me worried sick.

I lay down on my back, tossing the phone across the bed.

Five minutes later, I looked over at her closet and noticed that the small pink suitcase she normally kept

underneath her hanging clothes was gone.

Her suitcase was gone.

What the fuck?

I began to pace the room, rubbing my temples.

Think.

Think.

Think.

Then, the front door slammed shut, and I ran out to the living area to see Ryan standing there.

“Ryan, where is Nina?”

He shook his head with a smug look. “You have got some nerve, you know that?”

“Excuse me?”

“You will not find out where Nina is. You will stay the fuck away from her. Do you understand me?”

My blood was boiling, and I was ready to pounce, but I decided to play it cool until I could find out

where she was. That was all that mattered.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Ryan?”

“I am talking about the fact that you fucked my best friend, then took off to Boston to fuck your wife,

you dirty mother fucker.”

My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest.

No.

This could not be happening.

My hands began to shake, and I had to clench my fists to keep from throwing a punch.

My voice was low as I spoke through gritted teeth, resisting the urge to charge at him. “What…did

you…tell her?”

“You know, I always knew something wasn’t right with you. After having to listen to you fuck her ten