Jake Undone (27 page)

God, this time, my being here didn’t set her off.

She kept her hand in mine, and I watched her eyes return to the clock on the wall. Aside from the faint

traffic sounds through the glass from the street below and the clock ticking, it was quiet. Then, came a light

knock on the door.

“Mr. Green?”

I turned around to see a tall middle-aged woman with a white coat standing at the doorway.

“I’m Doctor Greally.”

“Hi,” I said, standing up as we shook hands.

“May I have a word with you?” She gestured for me to walk out into the hallway with her.

I looked back at Ivy who was still staring at the clock. “I’ll be right back.”

“What happened, doctor?” I whispered.

“She was apparently naked on the roof threatening to jump if someone didn’t leave her alone. There

was no one actually bothering her and no one in the vicinity. The staff at the home had a tough time getting

her down safely. They brought her in because they didn’t know what else to do.”

I rubbed my forehead vigorously with my fingers. “How long is she going to be hospitalized this time?”

“At least a few days. I wanted to talk to you about treatment options.”

“You obviously looked at her records? Nothing has ever worked for her,” I said.

“Yes, but I noticed they’ve never tried Clozapine.”

“What is that?”

“Well, it’s usually prescribed as a last resort in patients who have never responded to any of the other

anti-psychotics.”

“Why is it a last resort?”

“There are some potential troubling side-effects, like dangerously lowering white blood cell count.

People who take it have to have frequent blood tests to monitor the situation. However, aside from that risk,

it can be a very effective treatment in some people.”

My stomach felt sick. “When do we have to make a decision?”

“You can take all the time you need. Just know that it’s an option.”

“Thank you,” I said as I rubbed my chin, unsure about whether it would be worth the risk. I’d have to

do more research.

As I reentered her room, she was fast asleep. I sat down beside her and once again, felt helpless as I

watched her peaceful face.

When she was sleeping, it was easy to imagine the old Ivy. I only got to experience that girl for under a

year before things started to dramatically change. The past five years have been a steady decline.

Ivy and I dated for six months before we eloped to Vegas on a whim and were only married for about

six months more when her behavior started to deteriorate. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening

or what to even call the episodes; I just referred to it all as
hell
.

The first time I ever took her to the hospital, by the time she was discharged, it finally had a name.

***

“That went well, don’t you think?” my co-worker Henry said as we exited the meeting.

“Yeah. Lunch?”

“Sure. The Ninety-Nine?” he asked.

I turned the corner toward my cubicle. “I’ll meet you in five.”

I had been doing my co-op for a technology company north of Boston. It was a hip start-up, and I

loved the fact that they didn’t give a shit about my piercings. As long you worked hard, they left you alone.

Management had called some of us in to talk about possible job opportunities after graduation.
They
were scoping out the co-op students for computer hardware engineering positions. We would be

developing computer chips, circuit boards and routers.

I didn’t like working so far outside the city, where we lived. Ivy’s behavior had deteriorated lately, and

she was really starting to worry me. She had dropped out of school and lost her job several weeks ago,

which meant she was now home all day. She wasn’t in any condition to work, but not having anything to

occupy her was making an already bad situation worse. I didn’t know how to help her anymore, but losing

my job too wasn’t going to help either one of us. So, I drove the forty-five minutes every day and left her

alone, hoping for the best.

Rachel, the receptionist, spoke through my phone intercom as I was counting my cash for lunch.

“Jake?”

“Yo.”

“Please come out front.”

Her tone was strange. I immediately grabbed my wallet and walked to the front desk.

My heart dropped.

No.

No.

Not here.

She was standing there in the lobby with mascara running down her eyes, wearing her pajamas, her

hair disheveled.

“What are you doing here, Ivy?”

She kept her distance and pointed at me, her index finger shaking. “You know what I am doing here.

You know what you tried to do to me this morning. I know you tried to poison me!”

No.

I briefly closed my eyes unable to believe this was actually happening at work. Her words shouldn’t

have shocked me, yet every time she accused me of something like that, it fucking ripped my heart out. This

was the first time other people would witness it.

I looked behind me to see Rachel looking at us like a deer caught in headlights. I could only imagine

what this must look like to someone who didn’t know my wife.

“How did you get here?”

She didn’t answer, but through the sliding glass doors of the lobby, I saw there was a cab waiting

outside.

I grabbed her arm. “Let’s go. Now!”

“Don’t touch me!” she yelled.

I started to push her out the door when she resisted.

Her scream echoed in the lobby. “He tried to kill me this morning. He put something in my coffee

before he left for work. He’s wanted me dead for a while.”

I looked over toward the desk and saw my three co-workers who were supposed to be meeting me to go

to lunch, staring at us speechless. I shook my head at them to let them know this wasn’t what it seemed.

Bob, the office manager came out. “What’s going on out here?”

I started to sweat. “Bob, we were just leaving. This is my wife, but she’s ill and doesn’t realize what she

is saying. She shouldn’t have come here. I apologize for the scene.”

She was crying, and I pulled her out the door, as she struggled with me. I held onto her arm so she

couldn’t run away as I stuck my head in the open cab window. “Did she pay you?”

The cabbie shook his head, so I took out my wallet with the one available hand I had. “How much?”

“Ninety-seven dollars,” he said.

I didn’t have enough cash. Fuck.

Humiliated, I held onto Ivy, as we walked back into the lobby. More people were now standing there to

witness the drama. Henry came up to me. I told him I would explain everything later and he gave me the

extra cash to pay the cab driver. As Ivy stood there whispering to herself, I think he was starting to get the
drift of what was really going on.

I paid the driver before dragging Ivy to the far end of the parking lot where my Jetta was parked. She

was still trying to get away from me and was threatening to call the cops. Cars were speeding by on the

nearby highway and I feared if she got away, she’d run into traffic and get herself killed.

Her spit sprayed my face when she said, “I fucking hate you, Jake.” I pushed her into the passenger

seat and shut the door. Those words went right through me. As I started the car, she turned away from me

looking out the window. I looked over at her, feeling helpless, not sure if I should take her home this time.

I just sat there with the car running. I couldn’t fucking do this alone anymore. Ivy’s mother died

shortly before we got married. She had no father in the picture and no siblings. I was all she had. It was

the reason I was still here.

Taking her to a hospital had been something I’d been avoiding. I was scared for her, what they might

do to her there. Visions of padded white walls and isolation haunted me. I thought I could keep her safe

myself, but I was losing control faster than she was losing her mind. My poor Ivy. This wasn’t her fault.

She turned and looked at me, and I knew she was coming out of it. Each episode was like a cycle. It

always passed, but once she came through it, a new one was never far behind. Feeling defeated and

hopeless, my chest tightened as I reached for her hand. I almost wished, this once, she stayed out of her

mind, so that she didn’t realize what was about to happen. Because as we pulled out of the lot, I knew that

this time, I wasn’t taking her home.

***

“Where are we?” she asked when we pulled up to a large brick building just outside Boston.

We hadn’t spoken the entire ride to the hospital.

I touched her hair gently. “We’re going to get you help, baby girl.”

I helped her out of the car, and this time, she didn’t resist.

A couple of days later, she was still admitted when the doctor pulled me into his office. I knew

something was coming, but I was never going to be ready to hear it.

I was looking at the pictures of the doctor’s smiling children as he said, “Mr. Green, your wife has

schizophrenia.”

I continued to stare blankly at the photos. A snapshot of a little boy lifting a fish on a boat would

forever be etched in my mind as the image I was looking at when I heard those words come out of the

doctor’s mouth. The rest of that one-sided conversation was a blur that I could only recall bits and pieces

of.

Auditory Hallucinations

Delusions

Anti-psychotics

Manageable with meds

No cure

No cure

No cure

He was sending us home with a few prescriptions for medications to start.

Ivy took my hand as we walked through the hospital’s revolving doors that symbolized our new

normal, in and out of hospitals until I would eventually reach my breaking point.

CHAPTER 22

I took a cab from the hospital to my sister Allison’s house in Brookline. Ivy had stayed sleeping, so I

decided to get some sleep myself. I’d go back to the hospital in the morning.

I had placed a quick call to Nina around midnight, letting her know everything was okay here and to

reassure her about us, but I could tell by the tone of her voice, she was scared. Who could blame her? She

needed to know what the fuck was going on with me, but I wasn’t about to tell her everything about Ivy

over the phone.

Allison and Cedric had a big Victorian-style house with plenty of space, so I always crashed in their

guest room on weekends. They weren’t expecting me on a weeknight, though. I knew my nieces would be

asleep and hoped someone would be up to let me in.

Crickets chirped as I waited out front wondering if I should text one of their cell phones because I

didn’t want to ring the doorbell and wake the girls.

Then, I remembered that my sister left a spare key under a rock in the side yard, so I grabbed it and let

myself in.

My eyes nearly bled as I entered the living room to the sight of Cedric’s bare ass…while he was

mounting my sister on the couch.

I covered my face. “Aw, man, what the—”

“Jake?” I heard my sister’s voice but refused to open my eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here on a weekday in the middle of the night?” Cedric growled.

“Haven’t you guys heard of a bedroom?” I said with my eyes still shut.

Cedric chimed in. “Haven’t you heard of a fucking knock?”

When I opened my eyes and got a look at my sister, I couldn’t help but laugh. She was wearing red

thigh high boots and was dressed as…
oh, Christ
. “Seriously? What the hell are you wearing? Are you

supposed to be fucking Wonder Woman?”

Allison blushed and covered her face. “Shut up. He likes it. Sometimes I wear it.”

“Gross. That’s my sister, dude. You are one sick fuck.” I glared at Cedric.

He sneered as he finished putting on his sweatpants. “That’ll teach you to barge into our house in the

middle of the night.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna fucking need therapy,” I said, causing Allison to laugh.

Then, her tone turned serious. “Jake…what happened? Why are you here? Is everything okay?”

I let out a deep breath. “I flew home this afternoon. It’s Ivy. She’s okay, but she’s in the hospital again.

They found her naked on the roof of the group home. She claims she was trying to get air. They thought

she was trying to jump. Who knows what really happened. It’s a fucking mess. The doctor wants me to try

this medication that might have some serious side effects. She’s fine, for now, though…stable. She’ll be in

the hospital for a few days, same as always when this happens. I’m wiped.”

It was sad that neither of them seemed shocked. But the truth was, you became immune to it after years

of the same pattern with Ivy.

I was about to go up the stairs to the guest room when my sister came up from behind me and pulled

me into a hug. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. You’re a friggin’ saint, you know that? I love you.”

“I love you, too. Good night.”

“Good night, Jake,” Cedric said as I was halfway up the stairs.