Jake Undone (23 page)

two. Anyway, I came in here to make sure you knew, that despite what he might be saying to you, he’s not

the boyfriend type. He just isn’t. I mean, don’t get me wrong—he was the best fuck I ever had—but he

made his intentions very clear. It would never be more than just sex. I see the stars in your eyes when you

look at him, so I thought I would save you some time and heartache.”

I stood there frozen against the hand dryer and didn’t even flinch when it turned on after I accidentally

pushed into it. I wasn’t sure exactly when the room started spinning. Was it when she finished her

monologue or was it when I looked down and saw the large purple rose tattoo on her ankle? It was the

same tattoo I saw on the girl leaving Jake’s room the day I moved in.

I had been listening to Jake having sex with Desiree that day.

She just stood there eating up my shock with a satisfied expression.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

I started to cry.

Should I go back into the stall and throw up there or see if I can make it upstairs? I burst through the

bathroom door and texted Jake.

You fucked Desiree???

When I reentered the dining room, he was just getting up from the table when I saw him look down at

his phone. The moment he noticed the text, he looked up into my tearful eyes.

His voice shook. “Nina…”

He looked terrified as I ran past him and weaved through tables to the restaurant exit.

As I was almost out the door, I could hear him in the distance shouting at Desiree, “What the fuck did

you say to her?”

CHAPTER 18

I wanted to run as far away from the restaurant and from him as I could. If it weren’t starting to snow

heavily outside, I might have.

Everything was foggy as I made my way up the stairwell in a haze. My heart was beating faster than I

ever remembered, as the worst kind of jealousy-induced rage consumed me.

I couldn’t believe it.

He had done everything in his power to stop things from becoming sexual between us. He wouldn’t

give himself to me, yet he very willingly gave himself to that whore.

I hated him.

I loved him.

I had planned to pour my soul out to him tonight and almost told him how I felt moments ago in that

hallway. How stupid of me to think that his feelings for me were equally as strong. On top of that, he

treated Desiree like he barely knew her in front of me. Apparently, women were a dime a dozen to him.

Without thinking, I began to pack some of my belongings into a duffel bag: underwear, bra, pajamas

and an extra shirt. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to be far

away from this apartment tonight. I couldn’t even look at him right now, let alone sleep here.

As I began to run out of my room with the bag in hand, the front door flew open. Jake was panting, and

his eyes were frantic as he stormed toward me. “Nina, please…talk to me. Please,” he said hoarsely.

I clutched the bag to my chest, using it as a barrier between us. “Stay away from me. I have

nothing…
nothing
…to say to you.”

He kept his distance, backing away but stood in front of the door, blocking it. His voice was low and his

breathing rapid as he held out his hands in protest. “You have to let me explain.”

“Explain! You want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you fucked that whore so easily

while you put my feelings through the wringer for months, confusing me and sending me mixed messages?

You had no problem ‘making her come until she screamed’…did you? And believe me, it was a doozy. I

heard it for myself.”

He stepped back in shock and gave me a belligerent look. The wind howled outside, but that was all

you could hear in the room until he shook his head and asked, “Fuck…what? What are you talking about?”

I was about to cry but managed to hold it in. “That’s right. The day I moved in. You were fucking her in

your room. Remember that day? Well, I was here unpacking. I thought I was alone and didn’t realize what

was going on until it was too late. I heard
everything
, Jake…everything.” A teardrop escaped and fell down my cheek as I recalled hiding in my room, blissfully unaware that I was listening to the man I’d eventually

fall in love with, screwing another woman.

His breathing intensified as he ran his hand through his hair, closed his eyes and looked down at the

floor, computing what I had just revealed. He said nothing for several seconds. Then, he finally whispered

under his breath. “Oh my God.” He slowly approached me. “I am so sorry,” he said, his voice quivering.

“If you’ll excuse me, please get out of my way. I need to find somewhere else to stay tonight,” I said

trying to pass him again.

“You’re not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”

“I told you. I have nothing to say to you.”

He blocked me as I attempted to get to the door and wouldn’t let me by. My body reacted instantly when

he held out his hands and placed them firmly on my arms. “I’ll leave tonight, but I’m not going anywhere

until you let me explain. Do you hear me?”

I looked down, still clutching my bag and felt one of his hands leave my shoulders and touch my chin,

pulling my face in line with his. “Look at me,” he whispered.

Even though my face was turned toward his, my eyes were facing the floor.

His voice was deeper and more insistent when he repeated. “
Look
…at me.”

When I did, he finally spoke. His eyes were glistening with a fiery intensity, and he didn’t take them off

of me for a second. “I slept with Desiree…twice. The first time was about a week before I met you; the

second and last time was the day you moved in. I am not proud of it, but it was just sex. I know that sounds

really bad. It’s the truth, though. She doesn’t mean anything to me, and we had a clear understanding

beforehand that it wouldn’t go any further than that, which was why I agreed to it.”

“I see. So, you’re also a whore who wants nothing more than sex from a woman, so much so you agree

to that stipulation beforehand? Well, you would have gotten exactly what you wanted that night in your

room from me, but you didn’t even try. Clearly, it wasn’t
me
that you wanted it from.”

He said nothing in response, just grabbed my bag and threw it down on the ground. Then, he took my

hand and led me forcefully down the hall. I hated the fact that my body so easily submitted to him while my

mind resisted.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“We can’t have the conversation we’re about to have in the middle of the living room in case they come

back upstairs.”

My heart rate accelerated because I didn’t realize there was going to be a “conversation.”

Jake led me inside my bedroom and closed the door, turning on the small lamp for some light.

We both stood facing each other, and I crossed my arms as a protective mechanism when he walked

toward me and backed me gently against the wall.

I could feel his breath on my face. “You think I don’t want you?”

I shook my head no, but didn’t respond.

“That thing with Desiree…was a huge mistake. If I had even known you existed and that it would come

back to haunt me and more importantly, hurt you…it never would have happened.
Never.
Do you

understand me?”

I had been looking at him but suddenly looked down because the thought of him and Desiree made me

sick. I continued to remain silent.

“You need to believe me. I haven’t so much as thought about another woman that way since the day you

walked in the door.” He stopped talking until I looked up at him again. “Before I met you, I had only been

going through the motions of life. I hadn’t really felt…anything…for a really long time.”

I looked up. His eyes were passionate and sincere when he said, “My heart hasn’t beat the same since I

laid eyes on you, Nina. Ever since that day, my entire life has been about doing everything in my power
not

to want you like this…because I don’t want to drag you into my fucked up life.” His voice cracked. “But

despite doing what I thought was right, I want you more everyday, more than I fucking want to breathe.”

My chest tightened upon hearing those words, which unraveled me. Despite the shock of finding out

about Desiree, I believed him. He had always given me his full attention, and I never once saw him with

anyone else since the day I moved in.

He placed one arm on each side of me, locking me in against the wall. I was losing my breath but stayed

silent as he whispered, “I have been trying so hard to stay away from you…because with you…it would be

so much more than sex. I would need to be all in because you deserve all of me, and there is something I

haven’t had the nerve to tell you. I don’t know if you’ll understand it.” His voice trembled. “I’m so fucking

scared because I don’t want to lose you. I have never felt this way about anyone before…not in my entire

life.”

My throat closed up, and I still couldn’t speak.

Neither have I. I love you so much. I don’t care what it is because I don’t think I could live without

you.

Words could not do justice to what I was feeling inside for him right now.

He moved his face closer to mine. “You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing

I think about at night. And then, you invade my thoughts and dreams in between. I have tried so hard to

stop these feelings. I have put up as many barriers as I could stand to, but they are crumbling down. I can’t

do it anymore.” He placed his mouth on me whispering into my neck huskily, “I can’t do it anymore…I

can’t do it anymore…I can’t do it anymore.” His hands moved slowly down my sides gripping my hips, and

his lips moved over mine when he said, “I’ve come undone.”

He grabbed my face and startled me when a rush of wet heat met my starving mouth. My entire body

went limp the exact moment his lips finally swallowed mine whole. He opened and closed his mouth slowly

over mine, before nudging my lips open impatiently. I tasted the metal of his tongue ring, a little vodka and

the sweetness of his breath. The feel of the cold metal, mixed with the heat of his tongue circling mine

made me instantly wet and weak in the knees. I felt like a rag doll in his arms.

He kissed me vigorously and gripped my sides harder as he pulled at my dress. It might have even

ripped, but I was too wrapped up in him to notice. I grabbed the back of his head, running the tips of my

fingers up and down his hair, noticing it was slightly coarse. I pulled his face into me harder because I

couldn’t get enough of his mouth on mine. He groaned, and the sound resonated through my body. I pulled

him further into me and that’s when I felt him rock hard against my stomach. I could feel the heat of his

erection through his jeans and began to rub against it, causing his breathing to become even more shallow.

A need so strong developed in me that I thought I might die if I couldn’t have him inside of me. My

body ached in desperation when he pushed back, moving his hands away from my waist then cupped my

cheeks. “I need to tell you something, Nina. We need to have that talk now.”

Elation quickly turned to fear, because I was more terrified of what he had to tell me next than I had

ever been of anything. I knew whatever it was could never change my feelings for him, but it might steal

this moment that I will never get back again. I wasn’t ready to hear it. I panicked. I just needed him tonight.

Just
him
…not his skeletons or whatever it was he thought I wouldn’t accept. He was wrong anyway. I loved him and knew I would take whatever came with him, no matter what it was. I wanted to know everything,

just not tonight. My body couldn’t take it, and my desire for him drowned out all logical thinking.

I spoke for the first time since before we kissed. “I don’t care about your past or what’s going on in

Boston. Please…I’m begging you. Let’s not do this now. Don’t say anything tonight. We’ll have the talk

tomorrow, like we were supposed to. What I need right now more than I have ever needed anything is for

you to make love to me, Jake.”

He closed his eyes, let out a long deep breath, and his hands were shaking as he held my face. “You

have no idea how badly I need to be inside of you right now.”

“Please…I don’t want to have the talk tonight, okay?”

He caressed my mouth with his thumb. “Nina, either we have this talk now, or you are going to have to

make me a blind promise.”

“Okay…”

My lips quivered, and he placed his forehead on mine. When he saw a tear fall down my cheek, he

licked it away slowly and whispered against my face. “I need you to promise me…that you won’t leave

me.” I nodded, and he grabbed my chin. “Make sure you mean that. Because I can’t make love to you the

way I want to tonight, only to lose you the next day. It will fucking
destroy
me. I need to know you will be mine, no matter what I throw at you. Promise me.”

“I’m yours. I have never belonged to anyone before…but I know that I belong to you,” I said into his

chest.

“Look at me and say it.”

I looked up into his eyes on command. “I’m yours. There is nothing that could make me leave you,

because I don’t think I could live without you.”

His eyeballs moved back and forth in a fast motion as he looked into my eyes. He seemed to be

searching them for sincerity. Finally, he pulled me into him and held me, pressing his body hard against