Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (27 page)

I glance around at other families here to visit their loved ones. I wonder about what might have happened in their lives and if it’s been as messed up as mine.

Nate comes through the steel door. His gaze is apprehensive as he sits next to me. Liv mentioned to him that the band got signed and that I probably wouldn’t be able to visit him for a while. “Is everything okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I just wanted to see you.”

His fingers lock together on top of the table as he circles his thumbs. “It’s good to see you. Liv told me about the recording deal. I’m proud of you.”

Shock washes over me as I look into his eyes. I gulp loudly and blink. “Thanks.”

“I should’ve said it years ago.”

I nod understandingly.

“So, what do you need from me?”

I tap my fingers in a rolling motion on the table. I’m not sure exactly what I need. “Tori’s pregnant.”

He smiles. “Congratulations, son.” The wrinkles around his eyes crease when he takes in my expression.

“It might not be mine.” I spit it out and let it sit with him. I say nothing more as I wait for him to speak.

“I see.” He rubs his forehead a few times before he sighs heavily. “I loved Sheila.”

What does she have to do with this? I don’t know what he wants me to say. “I know you did.”

“She was different before your mother died. Despite what she told you, they were close. She loved her. When your mother died, something inside Sheila died with her. I think that’s why I kept going along with things. I thought I could bring her back to life. Nothing I did helped. I had an affair with Tori’s mother, hoping it would ignite something in Sheila and make her human again. It didn’t. It made everything worse.”

I really don’t feel like dredging up the past. I have enough going on in the present to worry about. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, son, how I treated you was wrong. You weren’t mine, but I could have loved you like you were. I chose not to because I couldn’t see past my own hurt and anger.”

This is why I came here. I told Tori I’d love this baby if it wasn’t mine, but I’ve been struggling with it.

“Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I have many regrets, but the biggest is never showing you how much I loved you. You’re stronger than I was. I know you’ll do the right thing.”

“Thanks.”

He made mistakes, as we all do, but today he gave me something I desperately needed, and I respect him for it.

Chapter 26

Tori

Second Chances’ single released last week, and, as I expected, it’s soaring up the charts, sitting pretty at number five. Brady’s a frantic mess, packing everything. It’s not because he’s worrying over forgetting something, though. Today they leave to go on tour. He has to leave me and Andrew, and it’s not sitting well with him, no matter how often I assure him we’ll be fine. I kept him up late last night, giving him something to remember me by, and I’m sure his fatigue is contributing to his grumpy mood.  Jesse pulls up out front in the van, honking for him. Andrew and I walk him out with him. Jesse gets out of the van and loads Brady’s things before hoping back in the driver’s seat. Brady hugs Andrew before hauling me close and kissing me deeply. It’s a kiss that will linger on my lips long after he’s gone. I ignore the hooting coming from the van and the giggling from Andrew. Brady gives me another chaste kiss. I’m lost in his eyes.

Jesse leans out of the window and shouts, “Come on, lover boy, let’s go.”

The trance is broken, and Brady climbs in the side of the van. As the door closes he yells, “I love you, Sunshine.”

Andrew and I watch the van leave the driveway.

“Why does Daddy call you ‘Sunshine’?”

Blush heats my cheeks with the memory as I remember when Brady teased me about my lust-filled romance books. Though I protested, he called them porn, and I’ve been Sunshine ever since. I can’t very well tell Andrew that story.

“I brighten his day.” I smile at him, and he smiles back.

“You brighten mine, too.”

Once we’re inside, I take Andrew to the kitchen and fix him a snack. My phone vibrates on the counter. I pick it up, smiling at the text from Brady.

I’ll call you after Andrew goes to bed. Be naked!

I stifle a giggle as I nearly combust with anxious excitement.

The next five weeks go by remarkably fast. Andrew is busy with his school and friends. We spend a significant amount of time with Liv and Harrison at the Center to fill our days. We Skype Brady almost daily, usually before his show starts. Brady and I text each other every night after his show is over. I never imagined the intimacy we’d experience this way. Having to write out what we want the other to do is strangely exhilarating.

Brady and I have our appointment today for the paternity test. He’s meeting me there at noon. Since the band is in L.A. today, he’s renting a car to drive down, but he has to head back as soon as the appointment is over. I’m wearing a yellow sundress that’s gathered at the waist. I get Andrew dressed for school and pack his lunch. My body is alive with anticipation as we head out the door.

After I drop off Andrew, I walk around downtown to kill time before my appointment. I drop into a few boutiques, but nothing jumps out at me. That is, until I pass a lingerie store. The window mannequin is wearing a white bra and panty set with small embroidered suns on them. I have to have it. I pay for the set, and then slip into the fitting room and change into it.

I arrive at my appointment ten minutes early. The moment I step out of the car, my body pulls toward him. I look around, but don’t see him. I know he’s here. I feel him. He appears from behind a large SUV a few rows away. My stomach drops as my heart feels like it wants to break free and go to him. I start walking, which turns to a slow run. Our bodies collide as our hands start exploring each other. His lips are on mine. Our mouths open and seal together in a long greedy kiss. He leans his head back. I kiss every inch of his face.

He chuckles. “Miss me?”

“Yes.”

We go inside, and after a short stint in the waiting area, a nurse takes us back to a room. Since I’m here for a prenatal visit also, the nurse hands me a gown and tells me to put it on before she slips out the door. Brady sits in the chair. I think about what I have on under this dress. A smile curves the corner of his delicious mouth as I kick off my flip-flops and reach for the hem of my sundress. I smile inside as I slowly lift the dress over my head. I hear his breath catch. I set the dress in the chair next to him. His eyes roam over my body as he bites down on his bottom lip. His eyes meet mine, dark and hungry. “You’re trying to kill me.”

I let out a small laugh as I slip my arms through the holes in the gown. I turn around, knowing he’s going to get the full view of the panties’ thong back. “Tie me.”

After a throaty growl, his hand brushes along my shoulders as he moves my blonde waves to the side. His breath, heavy in my ear as he ties the gown, has my core throbbing. It’s strong enough that I wonder how long we have until the doctor comes in. His hands linger on my shoulders as he drops soft kisses to my neck. I whimper, wanting his hand to move. A knock at the door startles both of us. Brady sits in the chair as the door opens. I notice him shifting his crotch. Dr. Anderson smiles at both of us from over the top of her glasses.

“I understand you’ll be having a paternity test today.”

After a nervous glance, Brady and I both nod. I wish we weren’t.

“Well, let’s get the prenatal visit in first, and then I’ll send you to the lab. You should expect results in about a week. They’ll come in the mail. If you have any questions, feel free to call the lab.”

I lie flat on the bed as Dr. Anderson lifts my gown, exposing my belly. She spurts a dollop of cold gel and swipes the wand through it. After a few strokes, the room fills with a sound I recognize. It’s clear Brady does, too. He’s glowing with happiness as we listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I listen, begging whatever powers in the universe decide these things to make this baby his.

 After Dr. Anderson goes over the usual questions, she hands Brady a lab slip and leaves us alone. I feel sad and angry. I hate that I behaved poorly, and now Brady and I have to go through this.

Brady climbs up on the bed. His body covers mine as he kisses me deeply. He lifts his head and smiles.

“You’re crazy.”

He laughs.

“What if someone comes in?”

He shrugs and gives me a quick peck. “The test results won’t change anything.”

Is he telling me they won’t or asking me if they will? The results won’t change how I feel about Brady. I want to spend my life with him. My night with Tug was a mistake at a time when I felt lost. I’ve found my way again. Even if this baby is Tug’s, I won’t be with him. I love Brady.

The intensity of Brady’s stare has me squirming beneath him.

“I mean it. No matter what, I’ll love this baby and I’ll love you.”

I smile and let him kiss me again. I push against his chest when I feel his hardness pushing into me. I’m not having sex in my doctor’s office. He groans, but gets up. I put my dress back on. On the way out, I stop and make my next appointment.

After visiting the lab, we walk hand in hand through the parking lot. I hate that he has to go. I turn toward the row where my Jeep is parked, but he holds firm on my hand. I let him lead me to his car. “Don’t you have to go back?”

He smirks. “I have a couple of hours.”

I climb into his rental, trying to figure out what he’s up to. I don’t ask. He merges onto the freeway and takes the exit for Garnet Avenue. My stomach twists with nerves. It’s the exit to the house he grew up in. I’m busy wondering why he wants to go there when he turns onto Mission Boulevard. I sigh in relief. His old house is in the opposite direction. After a few blocks, he pulls into the parking lot of the Catamaran Hotel. I can hardly contain my excitement as my body flowers to life. Sexting has been exciting and fun, but nothing compares to Brady’s touch.

I glance out the window toward the bay, which is packed with people cycling and rollerblading. I hope his plan isn’t a walk on the beach. I want him all to myself. My door opens, and Brady reaches for my hand to help me out. I take it. My earlier excitement returns as he leads me to the front doors of the hotel.

We walk past the reservations desk and down a long hall until we reach the end. We stand in front of a door.

“Surprise.” Brady’s smile reaches his eyes as he digs in his pocket for the key card. He swipes the card and opens the door. As I step into the room, I freeze. It’s unexpected, but it’s perfect. The heavy curtains are drawn closed, but the room glows with warm flickering light. There must be a hundred candles. How did he do all of this? I close my eyes when his lips brush against my ear. “I couldn’t go back without getting you alone first.”

I turn into him, allowing my lips to graze his. “I love you.”

He smiles against my mouth as he walks us backward until the backs of my legs hit the bed. His tongue traces over my lips as he reaches for the bottom of my sundress. He slips it over my head. His eyes move between my mouth and my bra. His smile wide, he reaches behind me. “As much as I love this, it has to come off.”

I lean in close so he can remove my bra. The instant it’s free, he lowers us to the bed.

Brady and I spend two blissfully happy hours together before he drops me at my car and heads back to L.A. I’ll see him again in a week. They’ll be in San Diego, so he’ll be home for a couple of days before he has to leave for Central California.

  I pick Andrew up from school. We make dinner together. Harrison and Liv arrive in time to eat with us. Afterward, we play a rather competitive game of Pictionary before I take Andrew up for a bath and bed. I cuddle under the covers in my bed, feeling exhausted. For the first time since she left, I feel a minute amount of sympathy for Annabelle. She raised Andrew by herself for four and a half years. My sympathy turns to anger almost immediately. It’s no excuse for her behavior. As tired as I am, I’d get up and climb Mount Everest for the kid if he needed me to. It’s what a mother does. It may be a thankless job at times, but the reward is entirely worth it. When I look into Andrew’s eyes and love reflects back at me, nothing else on this earth is important.

Chapter 27

Tori

After a week that felt more like five years, Brady came home today. Our homecoming is short-lived, as he has to leave almost immediately to go to the Center. Rodrigo is having several classrooms put in, and Brady has to meet the contractor to give him a check. I can hardly complain. Brady’s love for the Center and his desire to help is what first brought us together. It’s a special part of him. Of us.

I decline to go so I can prepare the lasagna that Andrew requested for dinner. Once dinner is in the oven, I get a text from Brady that they’ll be home in an hour, as Andrew is playing with Paco. I glance at the clock. It’s seven. I decide to take a quick shower while dinner bakes.

After my shower, I comb my hair before slipping into some shorts and a tank top. I can’t wait to sit down for diner with my little family. I’ve missed the three of us being together.

I pull the lasagna from the oven and set it on the counter. As I turn, I nearly smack into Tug. I didn’t even hear him come in.

His brown eyes look vacant, with deep black circles underneath them, as though he hasn’t slept in days. Wrinkles cover his dress shirt, which is un-tucked from his slacks and rolled at the sleeves. Nerves dance around in my belly. He watches me put a few dishes in the dishwasher, but doesn’t speak.

I want him to hug me and tell me everything will be okay, that we’re still friends, but I know it isn’t coming. The silence is unbearable. I can’t take it anymore. I finally ask, “What are you doing here?”

An irritated breath rushes out of him. “Why the fuck do you care?”

I figured he’d be upset with me, but I didn’t expect this. I didn’t think he’d be cold and distant. “That’s how it’s going to be?” I close some of the distance between us. I’m angry at his behavior, but I understand it. “You said you were my friend.”