Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (12 page)

My eyes widen as I hang onto every word.

“No one cared that she was raped and that what Davey did was justified. Davey was high that night, so the DA charged him with manslaughter. He was sentenced to five to seven years. He served four years and got out on good behavior.”

“The baby?”

 Tug brings my hand up and kisses it before dropping it back to the bed. “His girlfriend delivered while he was in prison and moved away with their baby. He hasn’t been able to find her.”

I study him for a moment, absorbing everything he’s just told me. “That’s awful.”

His expression changes slightly. He looks apprehensive. I pat his hand, prompting him to continue. “This is why Brady feels obligated to help him. What Davey did to you is not right. He’s clearly unstable and has been since that night. I think Brady feels responsible.”

“Where’s Davey now?”

Tugs jaw clenches. “He’s in jail, where I hope he rots.”

I’m suddenly filled with guilt. “He didn’t attack me, Tug.”

Tug straightens in the chair. “What?”

I exhale slowly. “Davey…he didn’t try to hurt me.”

  He shakes his head, his lips pursed. “But I saw him coming after you. Your lip was bleeding. I saw his back when he pushed you.”

“I hit my lip on the door jamb, and I lost my footing on the stairs running from him. He was trying to explain.”

Tug’s hand covers his mouth. “Shit!”

All the anger I felt for Brady turns on me. I’m responsible for this. I made assumptions about Davey from the second I met him. “God, Tug, if I had just listened to him instead of running, my baby would still be alive.”

“No, stop!” He reaches for my hand again, pulling it up to his cheek.

I yank it back. “You need to tell the authorities he didn’t attack me. He shouldn’t be in jail.”

“Are you sure? You hit your head. Maybe you don’t remember.”

I nod. “I remember. Davey didn’t attack me. I overreacted. I killed my baby.”

The chair skids backward as Tug stands and sits on the bed next to me. “No, you didn’t.”

I smile up at him anxiously. “Can you go, please? I want to be alone.”

His big brown eyes meet mine. “Tori, what happened was a terrible accident, but you can’t blame yourself.”

I roll to my side, ignoring the pain I feel as I do so. I deserve pain. Tug doesn’t speak, but he doesn’t leave the room. After a few minutes, my eyes close, and I drift to sleep.

I wake when I hear the door open. I turn to the door to see Aracely. She gives me some pills and instructs me to take them. “What are they?”

“One is for pain. The other is a stool softener.”

“I don’t want them.”

She shoots me a scowl. “You need to take them. When the morphine wears off, you’ll be in pain. It’s best to stay on top of it. And if you don’t use the restroom, you can’t go home.”

Home? Where is my home? I don’t think I can go to the house and face everyone. I’m sure Tug told them Davey didn’t attack me. Brady will know I killed our baby. He’ll never be able to love me. “I don’t have a home.”

She picks up the cup of water and holds it up for me. “Take the pills.” Her voice is commanding. I choose not to argue with her, and do as I’m told.

When I’m done, I set the cup down and give her a weak smile. “Thank you.”

“I lost a baby once.” Her voice cracks as she reaches for my hand and holds it gently.

I feel my eyes wet as I look up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” She shakes her head, smiling kindly. “You’ll get through it.” She clasps her other hand over mine. “Your husband has been waiting outside the door. He doesn’t look well.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to him,” I admit, feeling the tears slip from my eyes, the warm drops running down my cheeks.

“I know.” She nods understandingly. “I felt the same way when I lost my baby.” A tear falls from her cheek. I squeeze her hand. “And I lost my husband, too. I regret it every day.” She releases my hand and walks to the door. She stops to look at me before opening it. “Should I send him in?”

My heart squeezes. I can’t imagine my life without Brady. I nod my okay. “Thank you.”

The door closes and then opens a second later. Brady’s swollen green eyes meet mine, and a sob bellows from my chest. “I’m so sorry, Brady.”

He rushes to my side, covering my body with his. “I love you.”

We hold each other for what seems like an eternity, crying and trying to find comfort in one another. His life has been filled with heartache and turmoil. I’m the one person who’s never caused him grief, and now I’ve provided him with his greatest loss. It’s a guilt that will consume me every day of my life. Will he forgive me? Do I deserve it? I feel disgusted with myself. I judged Davey without ever considering his circumstances. He didn’t look and act how I thought he should. What kind of a person does that?

Brady lifts his body off me and sits on the edge of the bed. His hands brush hair from my face while he removes tears with his thumb. “Tug told me what happened.”

My chest heaves as I wait for him to spit anger at me for my foolishness.

“He also told me you feel responsible.”

I turn my head, unable to stand the look of pity in his eyes.

His hand grips my jaw, pulling my head back. He looks directly into my eyes. “You’re not.”

My body is wracked with uncontrollable tremors as I cry out, “I should have listened to him!”

He brings me to his chest, holding me tight. His hands tangle in my hair. “No. I should’ve told you, especially after Davey attacked you at the club.”

I want to agree with him, but I can’t. Brady’s loyalty to his friends and family is one of the things I love most about him. I understand why he didn’t tell me. He harbored his own secrets for years. His embarrassment and shame were more than he could bear, much as I’m sure it is for Davey.

I pull away, reach up, and hold his face between my hands. “It’s not your fault, either, Brady. I won’t let you own the blame.” He shakes his head, reaching for my hands. I hold tight. “It’s not. I understand why you never told me. You’re a loyal friend. I love that about you. I refuse to fault you for that.”

He pulls me back to his chest. I cry against him, wondering where we go from here. How do we move past this?

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers.

I’m not sure which one of us he’s trying to convince more. “Where is she?”

His body tenses beneath me. “Tug is making funeral arrangements.”

Hearing him crushes me again, causing tears to return with fiery vengeance. “Oh.” It’s all I can manage to say. As morbid as it is, I want to hold her tiny hand, kiss her cheek, and tell her I love her. Tell her how sorry I am. I never will. I’ll never hear her laugh or watch her take her first steps. She’ll never go to prom. Brady will never walk her down the aisle. I failed her. More importantly, I failed Brady. For the first time since we’ve been together, I failed to be strong for him. I vow to try now. He’s suffered enough.

Chapter 15

Tori

After three grueling days, I finally use the restroom, and the hospital agrees to release me. I can’t wait to go home. Brady has doted over me nonstop, and as grateful as I am, if I don’t get out of here, I’m going to lose it. I want to sleep in my own bed.

Once I’ve signed a few forms, I’m wheeled downstairs. Brady pulls up in his truck and opens the passenger door before helping me inside. The trip home is short and quiet. I sit with my head resting on the window, watching the dilapidated buildings pass by. I wanted out of the hospital, but now that I am, the hollow pit of my stomach feels deeper. My head aches. My fingers won’t stop shaking. The constant vibration in my body makes me feel sick. Reality sets in. I’m going home without my baby girl.

When the house comes into view, I fight off tears, willing my mind to stay strong.

Brady insists on carrying me into the house. He sets me down on the sofa. As I look around the room in a haze, I try to hold back my tears. I fail. They exit my eyes with force, like they do every damn second of every damn day since Mona died. It’s a deep, torturous kind of pain, a constant ache, a constant reminder.

I stand up. “I’m going to go up to bed.”

“I’ll help you up the stairs.” Brady’s arms are around me, guiding toward the stairs.

I hold my hand up, shaking my head faintly. “No. I’m fine.”

His hands fall from my waist as he gives me a disappointed frown. “Okay. I’ll check on you in a bit.”

I nod and head up the stairs. On the way to our bedroom, I spot the open nursery door. I step into what should have been our baby’s room and glance toward the closet. I’m not entirely sure how long I stand there, staring at the neatly hung outfits. I imagine what she would have looked like. I envision her in one of the outfits. I see Brady in the rocker soothing her to sleep with a song.

My neck heats as each thought increases my anger.

It’s not fair. I want my fucking baby!

“Why?” I scream before racing to the closet and tearing each piece of clothing from its hanger. I run into the bathroom across the hall and return a minute later with scissors. One by one, I cut the outfits to shreds, trying desperately to shake off the feeling of hopelessness that has consumed me since the day I awoke to an empty bassinet. Next, I go to the crib, pull the comforter out, and slice into it repeatedly. My gaze lands on the pink teddy bear in the corner of the crib. Brady gave it to me two days after we found out our baby was a girl. Suddenly exhausted, I sink to the floor, my fight all but gone. I clutch the bear to my chest, glancing up at the door. Brady watches me from the doorway, his expression enough to bring on a new round of tears, but they don’t come. “Why didn’t you stop me?”

He shrugs before walking over and sitting on the floor next to me. “I thought you might need to get it out.”

The tears are trying to come, but instead all I can do is retch. Maybe I’m out of tears. I should be. “I’m so sorry.”

His hands slide under my jaw, pulling me forward. He kisses my forehead before bringing me to his chest. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours, either.” My voice is a whisper as I peer up at him. “What happens now?”

He smiles, kissing my head again. “I’m not sure, but as long as we’re together, I know we’ll be fine.”

I reach up and cup his face. “I love you.”

Brady stands and lifts me up. He carries me down the hall to our room and sets me in the bed. “You get some rest. I’ll clean it up.”

I feel high on hope. “Thank you.”

His brow wrinkles. “For what?”

“Taking such good care of me.”

He smiles, bending down and giving me a quick kiss. “I always will, Sunshine.”

My heart melts for this man. I don’t deserve him.

Brady

I clean up Mona’s room before going downstairs. It’s not an easy task, but I don’t want Tori to see it when she wakes up.

Liv and Harrison are in the kitchen, eating lunch. Harrison stands and grabs his keys off the counter. He nods understandingly at me. “I’m off to the Center. You need anything before I go?”

“No, thanks,” I answer him quickly.

He plants a kiss on Liv’s head. “See you later.”

Liv nods. “Love you.”

As soon as Harrison’s out the door, Liv rises from the table. “Hey.” She looks pained as she makes her way over to me. Her arms reach around me to pat my back in a relaxed hug. She pulls back. “How is she?”

“I don’t know.” Honestly, I don’t have any idea whether what happened upstairs is something I should be worried about or not. I can’t say I haven’t felt that angry at times, but seeing Tori like that gutted me. I don’t want to talk about it. If I have to explain what happened upstairs, I’m sure to break down again. I can’t do it. I need to be strong for her.

“I’m sorry, Brady.”

I love my sister. She read me like an open book and knows not to push.

“Can I go see her?”

I shake my head. “She fell asleep.”

“Okay, well…how about you, bro? How are you dealing with this?”

“Fuck if I know.” My fist hits the counter angrily. “I hate that she blames herself.”

“I know you do.”

“The funeral’s tomorrow. Her parents will be here tonight. I hope having her mom here will help.”

Liv smiles. “I’m sure it will.”

The doorbell rings. Liv looks up at me, surprised. “Are you expecting someone?”

I shake my head in response.

“I’ll get it.”

She walks to get the door, and I follow behind her. She looks through the peephole, the worry on her face clear as she turns to face me.

“Who is it?”

She swallows before answering. “It’s Davey.”

I feel the rage bubbling up inside me, ready to erupt. My fingers twitch as I try to contain it. I know Tori doesn’t think it’s his fault, but I blame him. “Open it.”

“Brady.” Liv’s palm flattens against my chest. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

I remove her hand. “I said, open it.”

She reluctantly agrees and opens the door. The cuts and bruises on his face are nothing compared to what I want to do to him. His eyes are wide as he looks at me.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Davey?”

“I called him.”

I turn to see Tori coming down the stairs. I’m confused. Why would she do that?

“I want to talk to him.” She goes to the door, opening it wider and waving her hand at him to enter. He bows his head and steps past us.

“I’m going to head out for a walk,” Liv says as she steps outside. She gives me a wary look. Tori closes the door behind her.

“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

Davey looks terrified standing between Tori and me. He should. He’s correct. This was a really bad idea. I will never be able to keep from pounding the shit out of him for what he did.

Tori must feel the anger pouring off me, because she steps between us. Her baby blues look at me pleadingly. “Brady. I need to talk to him. Can you give us a minute?”

“There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you alone with him.” My eyes burrow into him, sending every ounce of fury his way. He keeps his head down. He’d better keep it down if he wants to live.