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My final weekend in Flagstaff had arrived. Mark and Betsy had insisted on throwing me a tiny going away party. The only people on the guest list were Logan and Parker, and a few coffee shop regulars. I made myself smile, but unfinished business nagged at the back of my head. Jake. I couldn’t stop wishing he was with me during my last few days in town, but I knew it was better this way. Better that it ended and we could both move on with our lives.

After many tearful hugs from Mark and Betsy and a melancholy high five from Parker, I headed out with Logan by my side.

“Shit, this sucks,” he admitted with his hands deep in his pockets.

“Eggy, promise me we won’t fade from each other’s lives again.”

“I promise.”

“Good, cause I just got you back.” He wrapped his arms around me and smothered me in a hug that felt like home. “Okay, I can’t look at your face anymore. Go. Go!” he teased, but I knew exactly how he felt.

I didn’t want to be home- not just yet. It wasn’t quite dark yet, so I made a pit stop.

The pit of my stomach was in knots as I approached his stone. The rational side of me knew he wasn’t really in there, but it hurt to think I would leave his spot behind. Tears had already welled up in my eyes as I knelt to clean off his stone.

“So this is weird. I’m finally leaving and I don’t want to. After all that bitching and moaning, I don’t want to go. Careful what you wish for, right? God, I can almost hear you mocking me.”

I flopped on the ground and leaned against the cold marble. It was peaceful here, and I wanted to take it all in. I wasn’t sure how long it would be before I could come back. I closed my eyes and took in the scent of the fresh cut grass and tall pines that surrounded me. People came to mourn here every day. I would remember this place as my escape.

An image of Jake popped into my mind, and for a second I let myself indulge. I remembered the way it felt when he would hug me, and how I fit so perfectly under his chin. I half expected to find him standing there when I opened my eyes, but I was still alone.

I didn’t even try to sleep that night. The sight of my phone nagged at me, and I talked myself out of calling Jake about a million times. At some point, my parents started to argue, and everything felt oddly normal with the sound of that happening. As I stared up at my ceiling, I tried to list off the ways the move would be good.

Fresh Start

Possible new friends (probably not)

Close places to travel

It was only for a year

The sound of my phone made me jump, causing me to almost fall off of my bed. His name was on my screen. Why was Jake calling me? I wanted to answer, but I didn’t. To my surprise he left a voicemail, and I didn’t see the harm in listening to it.

“I knew you wouldn’t answer so I called to hear your voicemail greeting. I just needed to hear you.”

I had been wrong about a voicemail not being harmful. I put my face in my pillow and let out tears that had been building up for days and days. They were Jake tears. Not tears about the move, or missing my hometown. Just Jake tears.

30

My parents were still arguing when I made my way downstairs the next day.

“I can’t leave him behind,” I heard my mom whispering in hushed desperation.

“This is what we need. This is what I need.”

“It’s always about what you need,” she bit back, but they both fell silent when I walked into the room. No one was going to ask me what I wanted, and I had made some sort of peace with that.

I spent my day watching movers load our belongings into a truck that would arrive a week after us. A separate trailer would be picking up our cars and I hoped it would arrive to our new town soon, so that I would have a way to escape. Luckily, most of my other belongings fit into the two suitcases I was allowed to take on the plane.

I heard the doorbell ring and my dad yelled for me to get it. I opened it, expecting to see a mover or the car trailer driver, but my breath caught when I saw who it was.

He didn’t give me a chance to react. Instead he took the small step that separated us and held my face in his hands, giving me no time to speak. His lips pressed against mine, claiming them as he kissed me like only he could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, urging him on.

We were both a little out of breath when he pulled away, but he tried to hide his face from me, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. He was crying, and it broke me.

“I needed you to know...I just had to make sure you knew,” he started, in a broken whisper.

I put my hands on his face and made him look at me.

“I love you more than anything. More than I even knew I was capable of. I couldn’t let you leave without making you understand.”

“I understand,” I whispered. Now my own tears trailed down my cheeks as he looked at me. “I love you too.”

He wiped away a tear and kissed my lips softly- the kind of kiss that had our lips clinging together even after he pulled back. “Please don’t go,” he groaned with a half laugh.

I rubbed my fingers along his cheekbone. “Mom, Dad?” I yelled to the house behind me. Both of my parents appeared behind me and my dad took on a defensive stance when he saw Jake in the doorway.

“Say your goodbyes. We’re leaving soon,” he reminded me.

I took a gulp of bravery and laced my fingers in Jake’s. “I’m not going,” I said a little too quietly.

My dad’s shocked expression intimidated me. “Excuse me?” he asked, rhetorically.

“I said I’m not going.” This time I had found my voice. I glanced at Jake and he was watching me with a stunned look on his face.

“He’s just a boyfriend. You’ll go through plenty in your lifetime. You’re coming with us, and soon. Now stop being so childish,” my dad insisted.

“No! Just listen to me. This isn’t just about Jake. I do love him,” I said as I gave his hand a little squeeze. “But this is about my life. I have been working my butt off to achieve my goals and I don’t want to throw any of that away.”

“It’s not that easy. Where will you live? How will you provide for yourself?” My mom looked on as my dad threw these questions at me. I gave myself a moment to form what I needed to say.

“I’m sorry that Noah’s death destroyed our world, but I have been making it on my own for a long, long time. I have a job, I have people who care about me, I am inches away from a full scholarship, and I don’t deserve to have all of that taken away because you two have decided to be parents after all this time.”

My dad opened his mouth to argue, but my mom stopped him. “She’s right.” My dad looked at her like she had lost her mind. “She deserves to make her life, and I won’t stop her. We won’t stop her. Somehow she has managed to blossom, despite our dysfunction...like some miracle. I just wish I could claim some responsibility for how well you’ve turned out.”

I stood, too stunned to speak and holding on to Jake to keep me from falling over. She didn’t stop there. “This whole process of packing up and leaving...it’s a way to heal, but you don’t need that healing. I can see that now. You have found everything you need, and the right people have come into your life at the right times, and I know now that I should be thankful, and also very ashamed.”

“Mom, don’t. You don’t have to say that. I’m sorry.” I felt terrible for my earlier rant.

“Megan, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’ll change my flight and make sure you get situated, but this doesn’t mean we’ll not work on being a family.” Then she did something she hadn’t done in years. She hugged me and I could feel the heavy armor I had built up crumble. We stood like that for what seemed like hours, and then she stepped away to make her travel changes.

31

Jake headed home to give me some time with my parents. I said my goodbyes to my dad, who seemed too stunned to put up any sort of fight about me staying, and then I called Mark and Betsy.

“You just can’t live without us,” Betsy teased when she answered her phone.

“Apparently not, so can I live with you?”

“Hold on. Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

“Uh huh.”

“I had the room done just in case,” she said just before the let out an excited squeal. I heard her call Mark over, then she told him the news.

My mom spoke face to face with them and made arrangements to send an allowance to help with anything I might need. I could tell it wasn’t her proudest moment, but she knew what she was doing was right. She told me to keep my plane ticket and that I could use it trade for a roundtrip fare so that I could visit in the middle of the summer.

When all of the dramatics of the goodbyes were over, I finally saw where I would be living for the next however long. I expected to follow Mark and Betsy to the back of the house where all of the bedrooms were, but instead I got a huge surprise. Mark opened the door to the basement, motioning his head for me to go down there.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I expected to see something dark and dingy, but I was hit with bright, aqua painted walls and a yellow couch with a rainbow of colored pillows spread across it. A flat screen television caught the corner of my eye, but I was too focused on how light the room was.

“Do you like it?” Betsy asked anxiously.

“I love this room. Is this where you guys hang out?”

“No sweetie. This is yours. You’ll find the bedroom and bathroom around the corner.” She pointed in the direction and I went that way. I opened a frosted glass door and found another bright room painted the same aqua. In the center was a huge bed with gray and white chevron patterned linens on it. The room had everything I would need.

“This is too much. I can’t believe it.”

“So you like it?” she asked again.

“I love it. Please tell me you didn’t do this just for me?”

“We have been meaning to get this space re-done, and this was the perfect excuse to do it,” Mark answered. “Now, put your bags away and we’ll go upstairs and have a chat. You might want to call Jake. He should be here too.” I wrinkled my brow with curiosity, but did as I was told. Thirty minutes later Jake was there, along with a pizza delivery boy who brought us our dinner.

As we sat around the dinner table, Mark and Betsy explained exactly what their expectations were, and it was everything a parent would expect. I wasn’t suddenly made an adult without limitations or rules and that was comforting.

Jake excused himself before he over-stayed his visit and I walked him to his car. He pulled me into a hug and we stood there like that for a long while, not saying anything at all.

“So this is really happening? You’re not leaving?” he whispered into my hair. I shook my head no then he lifted my chin and softly pressed his lips to mine. “And we really have all summer to be together?” I nodded yes against his lips, and this time he kissed me harder, pulling me in just a little tighter.

That night I slept like a baby, like I should have been sleeping for years. I woke up earlier than anyone else and made sure the dishes were in the dishwasher and that the house looked tidy. When Betsy came out of her room she smiled. “I could get used to this,” she teased, ruffling my hair as she walked to the fridge.

“When do you want me to come back to work?” I asked.

“Take the week, kiddo. Hang out with that awesome boyfriend and get settled.”

“Thank you so much.”

“So was it weird? Sleeping in a strange house and stuff?”

“No, in fact, it was almost too perfect. I don’t know what to do with all of this energy I have from getting a full night’s sleep!”

“Well, I could use your help with something,” she admitted.

A few minutes later we were both in the back yard pulling weeds out of a planter box that would become a garden after a trip to the home store. Mark came out to see what we were doing and as Betsy filled him in I found myself reflecting a little.

I was lucky to be here with these people in my life. I felt like I had finally found where I belonged and for once the burden of life was off of my shoulders.

The summer was exactly as it should have been. I worked a lot at the shop, and even though I insisted they didn’t pay me because a roof over my head was plenty, they still handed me a paycheck every week. Betsy and I had huge success with our garden and we had to come up with creative ways to use all of the tomatoes and zucchini we grew.

I saw plenty of Logan. His parents insisted I come over at least once a week for dinner. I had slowly been filling them in on everything that happened with my parents. “I feel terrible that we never knew,” his mom said as we ate her amazing peach cobbler.

“It’s okay. Everything is good now,” I assured her. I caught Logan watching me out of the corner of my eye. He hadn’t taken a bite and was absentmindedly playing with the food on his plate.

“What was that all about back there,” I asked as we sat on his front porch after dinner.

“What was what all about?”

“You didn’t really eat, and I can tell something is on your mind. I want to make sure...” he cute me off before I could finish.