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I nodded. I had my instructions and headed in the direction of Sugar Mama’s bakery. We ordered an obscene amount of chocolate donuts and found a nice table to devour them at.

“So you’re still a chocolate sprinkles kinda girl, huh?” He motioned to my donut as I was about to take a bite.

“What? How can you go wrong with chocolate frosting and sprinkles?”

“Cake. Chocolate frosted cake all the way. You don’t know what you’re missing.” He pulled a little piece off and tried to get me to taste it.

“No thank you. I don’t want anything to take away from the sprinkles.”

The next thing I knew, the bite was being forced into my mouth and I almost choked from laughing so hard. We both had to stop eating to catch our breath. The person behind the counter looked at us suspiciously, probably wondering if we had had more than a sugar high.

“It’s good to have you back in my life,” he said, turning the mood to a more serious one.

“Ditto.”

“So? Where’s that boyfriend of yours?”

“I don’t actually know.” I checked my phone to see if he called, but there was nothing. I had to fight the urge to call and check on him.

“Well, I should probably get home before my parents send out a search party.”

“Good idea.”

As we got buckled in I saw a jeep that looked familiar, sitting in front of a shop across the street. It was Jake’s. He was parked in front of a small cafe’ I had never been to. A second later he walked out and a girl followed just a few paces behind him. She was a tall, platinum blonde with shorts on that accentuated her long, slender legs. Most of her mid drift was exposed by her lacy crop top and her eyes were covered in oversized, black sunglasses. I had never seen her before.

He seemed annoyed as he walked ahead of her, then she grabbed him by the sleeve, pulling him back in her direction. He turned to her and she looked like she was pouting with her arms crossed over her chest. He ran his fingers through his hair- something he did when he was frustrated or thinking. Then she pulled him by the shirt and did something that made my heart drop to the floor. She kissed him and it was a familiar kiss. She knew just the right angle and tilt of the head. She knew his lips like I knew his lips.

“Is that Jake?” I jumped when Logan spoke. I had been lost for a moment, and now that I was processing what I just saw, I knew I would be sick.

“I need to get out of here,” I said as I fumbled with my keys.

“Switch sides with me. I don’t think you should drive.” I glanced down at my shaking hands and knew he was right. I got out in a daze just as Jake tuned around. I looked in his direction long enough to see shock spread across his face. I was embarrassed, but I didn’t know why. I could feel tears welling up, and the lump in my throat was getting bigger and bigger. Logan managed to speed away just as Jake yelled my name.

The realization of seeing my boyfriend kiss another girl sank in like little needles all over my skin, and it wasn’t long before I was a sobbing mess in the passenger seat. “I can’t believe he’d do this to me,” I cried into my hands. Logan parked in front of his house and put a comforting arm around me.

“Maybe it wasn’t what it looked like.”

I looked up from my hands to give him the meanest look I had. “Seriously?” I said in a broken voice.

“Right. It was pretty clear. I’m really sorry you had to see that. Maybe it’s better you did, rather than him doing that behind your back.”

“I’m not ready to be rational.”

“Sorry. I’m no good at this,” he apologized. My phone had been buzzing the whole drive, no doubt from Jake. Logan looked at my phone then back up at me. “Maybe you should answer that.” I shook my head no then he surprised me by answering it for me.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

I could hear Jake on the other end. “Stay out of it. This is between Megan and me.”

“Oh, you mean between Megan, you, and the blonde you were all over a little while ago?” Logan corrected sarcastically.

“Tell her I need to explain.” Jake sounded angry.

“What we saw was pretty self explanatory.” The line went dead after that. I promised Logan that I would be fine getting home and apologized for him having to witness me at my worst. To which he only responded with a sarcastic “really?”.

Jake was in front of my house, leaning against his Jeep when I got home. “Megan, please let me explain,” he begged as I walked past. I took a deep breath then turned to him.

“I’m going to save you the trouble,” I said as calmly as I could. “You’re off the hook. I come with too many complications and she’s probably less maintenance. She can have you.” I didn’t give him a chance to reply. I left him speechless as I walked into my house. He’d at least made the decision to move away an easier one.

28

I was alone again. I had at least pleased my parents over the next few days. I was home at lot more, and I felt too defeated to argue much, so that seemed to make them happy. Jake had attempted to talk to me for the first few days, but got the hint when I pretended not to see him, and he finally backed off.

Part of me wondered if I should give him a chance to explain, but a flash of what I saw would play in my mind, and I knew there was nothing to be explained. Apparently he hadn’t told his best friend why we weren’t together.

“Megan, what the hell happened?” Lance had cornered me at my locker at the end of the day, and I could see there would be no getting away from him easily.

“Hey, take it easy. This was all him,” I said defensively.

“All him? What does that mean?”

I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration. “Look, whatever. It’s over and I’m leaving, so there’s no point in talking about it. He found someone more convenient.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“He hasn’t introduced you to his new, leggy, blonde bombshell yet?”

Lance closed his eyes and groaned. “Samantha.”

“Oh, so you have met? Samantha. She looks like a Samantha,” I said sarcastically.

“She’s the devil. She broke Jake’s heart a couple of years ago, and she’s been living out of state with her dad. I didn’t know she was back.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. Apparently she’s back so I’m out of the picture.”

“You don’t understand. You should at least talk to him.”

Now I was getting pissed. “What is there to understand? He flaked on me, and I found him with another girl. It’s pretty black and white. You know what? It doesn’t even matter. He just made me leaving that much easier.”

“So you’re going?” I heard his voice, quiet but tense from somewhere behind me and had no idea of how long he had been standing there. I glared at him, still heated from my exchange with Lance.

“Yes. I don’t have anything keeping me here.” He winced as if the words physically hurt. I saw Lance back away to leave us alone.

“And that’s it? You’re not even going to give me a chance to explain?” I could see his jaw tighten. I looked around to see that the halls were almost empty. “Look at me,” he commanded quietly.

“Explain what? You kissed her.” I felt my voice crack, and crying in front of him was the last thing I wanted to do.

“She kissed me,” he corrected. “I shouldn’t have met her there. It was a mistake.”

My tears were betraying me. I was hurt and embarrassed and wanted to be far away from him and in his arms all at the same time.

“I’m so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!” he yelled, and his fist hit the locker, making the halls echo with a metallic crash. I couldn’t stand there and watch so I ran. Even though he yelled after me, I kept running until I was in my car and as far away as possible.

We didn’t speak again after that. Every time I would glance up at him during class, or pass him in the halls, his eyes were on me. I was haunting him, and he was haunting me and the only thing that would make this better would be the distance between us.

The weeks before the end of the school year flew. I had been so busy with finals, and working to make as much extra cash as possible that I would forget that we were leaving soon. I tried to stay as occupied as possible, because if I had any free time my mind would wander to Jake, and the hurt of missing him was too much. Even after what I saw, a huge chunk of me ached for him.

As soon as I stepped into the door at home I was reminded of our upcoming departure. Boxes lined the halls of our home and we had been eating sandwiches and cereal out of paper plates and bowls since most of our kitchen was packed up.

Something odd had happened during our packing up process. We’d come across something that would remind us of a memory- good or bad- and we’d either laugh or cry together as we processed it. I had always assumed it was too late for my family to heal, but I was starting to see that I was wrong. My parents were still unstable and out of touch with me, but we were taking baby steps towards a relationship of some sort.

The other unexpected change was my relationship with Logan. By some miracle, he was my friend again. My friend that I remembered from my childhood. He still hadn’t been back at school, even though his therapist said it would be best for him to get back to a regular life, but he had enrolled in online high school and promised himself that he’d go back next year. We’d meet a couple of times a week and lately our visits would include him belly aching about my move.

He surprised me during one of the last shifts I had at the coffee shop. He walked in wearing the smile I knew from our childhood. I was happy for the distraction. It was too quiet and my mind was wandering to things I didn’t want to think about.

“Where are the bosses?” he asked as he flopped on the sofa.

“They have the night off. What they said was ‘we can’t look at your face without falling apart’ to be exact, so they left me alone.” He just grinned at my mocking of Mark and Betsy.

The shop was pretty dead so I made us both a frothy caramel latte and joined him on the sofa.

“Don’t leave, Eggy,” he whined in a goofy voice.

“I have to. I think I have to give them a chance. Besides, every time I turn a corner I think I see Jake. Everything about him haunts me and it hurts.

“Well, maybe you really are seeing him,” he said as he motioned to the shop door. Jake stood just inside of it with his hands in his pockets. “Want me to get rid of him?” I shook my head no.

“I have this,” I said as I got up to confront him.

29

I approached with my arms crossed tight over my chest. I couldn’t really look at him without feeling like I needed air. “You really shouldn’t....,” I started, but he cut me off right away.

“Let me talk.” I could tell he was trying to be patient as the muscles in his jaw clenched tight. “I gave you a chance to explain when you broke my heart. Now you need to give me that same courtesy.”

I looked at him like he was crazy. “Same courtesy? I was trying to avoid hurting you. What you did was ruthless.” I didn’t realize I was shouting until the few people in the shop grew silent.

“Samantha is my ex-girlfriend,” he started, not giving me a chance to refuse his story. “She went to East High, so we never saw each other. I tried to break up with her numerous times, but she was pretty messed up. She was addicted to pills and constantly using me for money and rides. I finally had the balls to break up with her just before her mom sent her to rehab and back to her dad after that. Even when I was with her I could never give her my heart because someone else held it. You,” he said in a voice that ached. I still couldn’t look at him, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be hearing what he was saying.

“She called me out of the blue the other day. Her dad sent her back. I wanted to tell her in person that she needed to stay out of my life. She was toxic and still is. She tried to change my mind and that kiss was a desperate attempt to remind me of something she thought we had, but the truth is that we never had anything. My heart has belonged to you since I first saw you in seventh grade. Yes, I had girlfriends, and yes, I had other crushes, but only because I never thought I stood a chance with you. You were always the only one for me. I couldn’t let you leave thinking the worst about me. At least I know I tried.”

He turned and walked out before I could say a word. I had always been the quiet one, but this left me beyond speechless. I stared out after him, forgetting that Logan was behind me and had seen the whole thing. When I turned around he was trying to be nonchalant, like he hadn’t been paying attention. I flopped down on the couch next to him and hid my face with my arm.

“That was pretty brutal,” he finally said.

“Yeah, it felt pretty brutal.”

“I have to admit though- that took balls.”

“You’re not helping,” I said as I glared at him.

“Probably not, but I know what it’s like being in love with you.” I looked at him like he was crazy. “Stop worrying. My therapist said I’m only allowed to be in a relationship with myself.” He stood up and pulled me up with him, hugging me goodbye before he took off.

I thought about what Jake had said as I closed up the shop that night. It didn’t take the image of him and Samantha away from my mind, and the deepest part of me knew he was telling the truth, but it was too late for that. My things were packed, moving trucks would be coming soon, and I had an airline ticket to the east coast, but actually leaving felt surreal.