Into the Storm (22 page)

“
Do you remember him, Rabbit?”

She stared at the screen in silence. Then she shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “Nothing.”

She stood up and started pacing. Her hands were wringing together over and over again. “I’m married? That’s my … husband?”

I nodded.

She stared at me for a moment, as if unable to comprehend what was happening.

“
But I wasn’t wearing a ring,” her voice trembled.

“
Perhaps you lost it, or it was taken from you,” I said patiently.

I held out my hand. “Come back, Rabbit. Look at these pictures.” Her head shook silently. “Please, Rabbit.”

She approached me slowly and I pulled her back onto my lap. I could feel the tremors flowing through her body with the shock. Even though I was feeling the pain as well, I needed to comfort her.

“
It’s okay, Rabbit. I’m still right here,” I said softly as I held her tightly.

I brought up the images of her again and we were both silent as I flipped through them slowly. I watched her again for reactions, but she remained impassive as she looked at the pictures. It was as if she was looking at images of a complete stranger.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Does this ... trigger anything for you …” I drew in a deep breath, “Elizabeth?”

She stood up. “Don’t! Don’t call me that!” she cried and turned around, fleeing down the stairs.

I looked after her, dumbfounded.

I had to follow her.

I knew that.

But what was I going to say?

How was I going to stop her heart from breaking when mine was breaking right along with it?

I walked into the bedroom and my heart immediately clenched. Rabbit was curled up on the floor, her head buried in the chair, sobbing. Bear stood beside her, his head cocked as he observed her pain. One great paw was on the chair beside her head and his stance was protective.

I patted his head and leaned down, scooping Rabbit up. I sat down and held her on my lap while she sobbed. Scrambled thoughts fell out of her mouth between sobs.

“
I didn’t know… you told me … I can’t … what to do … I can’t … how to face him … how to explain … don’t want to …
Joshua
…
can’t leave …”

I let her cry and ramble, rocking her, my own thoughts jumbled and chaotic. Slowly she calmed and became limp in my arms with exhaustion. I tilted her chin up with one finger and gazed at her. Her pain and conflict were clearly visible in her eyes. I drew in a painful breath.

“
No, you didn’t know. Neither of us did. We knew it was a possibility though, Rabbit. And now you do know. You have a life waiting for you. Someone who appears to love you; who is looking for you,” I spoke slowly, trying to keep the tremor in my voice from coming through.

Her eyes widened. “What are you saying?”

“
If you were mine, Rabbit, and you were taken from me, I wouldn’t stop until I found you. It would drive me mental if I couldn’t find you. Your husband has to be going through hell.”

Her voice was barely a whisper. “I thought I
was
yours.”

I had to close my eyes at the pain that hit me. I struggled to keep my voice even. “I only borrowed you, Rabbit. We both know you were never mine to keep.”

There was total silence in the room.

Rabbit pulled away and stood up.

“
What happens now?” she whispered, choking back sobs.

I stood up. My arms ached to drag her to me and tell her we did nothing. That she could stay here with me and forget about what we had seen. But I knew that was impossible. She had a life waiting. Someone who cared. A chance for a family. For a real life.

Not a life spent stagnating on a piece of property with someone who could never take her anywhere. Who couldn’t give her a family or offer her a life outside these walls. Who, over time, she would grow to resent.

“
I’ll figure it out,” I assured her, quietly.

She turned away.

My heart broke.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Joshua

I sat down in the chair, my head in my hands. My mind was full and I longed to be downstairs with Rabbit. I wanted to hold her and keep her close, but I knew I couldn’t. She wouldn’t even look at me when I left. Bear stayed with her.

My mind raced. Was he telling the truth? Who would make up such an elaborate lie? I watched the newsreel over and over again. If his story was fabricated, it could so easily be torn apart if Rabbit’s memory was intact. Why would he risk that? I stood up, pacing and thinking, my mind weary but my body tense and anxious and not able to settle. I found myself, wishing more than ever, that she could remember something. Something that would tell me what I needed to do.

Time passed and I was still in total chaos. I found myself back in front of my computer staring at the pictures of Rabbit. I couldn’t think of her as Elizabeth. The difference between the two women was vast. The one on the screen was a stranger to me who lived in a world I no longer belonged in. The one downstairs I knew and loved, but didn’t belong in my world.

My mind and my heart were at war. I knew what I should do, what I had to do, what was seemingly the right thing to do. My mind was very clear on that. My heart screamed at the injustice of the decision my mind was making.

It was getting dark when I finally picked up the phone and called Cecilia. She answered on the first ring. “I need your help. And Trevor’s,” I said without any preliminary greeting.

“
He’s already here,” she informed me. “I thought you might need him. Do you want us to come to the house now?”

My stomach lurched. “Yes.”

I hung up.

I checked on Rabbit. She had obviously cried herself to sleep. I stood looking down on her, dreading what was about to happen, knowing I was about to lose her. Bear was right beside her, his paw on her leg. He regarded me sadly, as if he also knew what we were about to lose. I pulled the blanket up around Rabbit and lightly kissed her forehead. I pulled the door closed, hoping I could make it through the meeting with Trevor and Cecilia before she woke up.

“
Can it be done?” I asked Trevor. “Will it work?”

He looked at me, nodding. “You’ve thought it all out very well, Joshua. And Daniel has agreed to help.”

Cecilia spoke up. “Are you sure, Joshua?”

I shrugged wearily. “What choice do I have, Cecilia? Keep her here; always worrying that she’d be happier
there?
Wondering if one day she will suddenly remember her other life and then leave? I can’t even ask
her
to choose because right now she’ll choose wrong. She’ll choose safe. I have to be the one to make the decision.”

“
How are you going to tell her?”

“
Honestly. She deserves that. And, doing this will make sure she is above question. Nothing will stand in the way of going back to her real life.”

“
What if it’s not what she wants?” Trevor’s voice was soft when he spoke up.

I shook my head. “How can I ask her that? She doesn’t know what she wants, Trevor. She still can’t remember. Right now she only knows me. I think when she is back in familiar surroundings she’ll settle into her life and her memory will come back.”

I looked down. “Then
I’ll
just be the distant memory.”

I heard Cecilia’s sharp intake of breath.

“
What if she remembers and she wants to choose differently?” Trevor asked.

I looked up. “I can’t live with that hope, Trevor. Because, when it doesn’t happen, it will crush me. I have nothing to offer her here. Just a life of hiding from the world. He has everything. She had a life. What looks like a full, busy life. I can’t keep her from that because of how it will affect
me.
There’s really no choice here. I’m damned either way. But this … this is the best for her.”

I turned to Cecilia. “Can you set up that number? Just as I asked? Fast?”

She nodded.

“
How long will it take for you to set up the paperwork trail, Trevor?”

He stood up. “I know this is hard, Joshua, but I agree, it is the right thing to do. I’ll call Daniel now. I’m sure it can be done quickly.” He went downstairs and I heard the door opening and closing beside him.

Cecilia sat quietly. “I wish I hadn’t seen the news last night.”

I shook my head. “It was bound to happen eventually. I knew that. Better now than a few more weeks. The longer she was here, the harder it would be to let go.”

Her head tilted as she stared pointedly at me. “And it’s not hard now, Joshua?”

For one moment I allowed the pain out. My voice was rough.

“
It’s fucking killing me, Cecilia.”