Infraction (11 page)

For him.

For
us
.

C
HAPTER
11

W
hen we returned home that evening, it was with held hands and tiny caresses. We were
reconnecting. It seemed as if the pieces of our puzzle were locking into place. Each
day, each session, was a struggle, but one we came out of a little bit stronger and
closer.

After our talk with Dr. Morgenson, things improved between us. Nathan’s affections
retuned and he was talking to me, and in doing so I began to talk to him. Deep conversations,
the façades stripped away, leaving us exposed.

Dr. Morgenson was right; Nathan opening up caused me to open up naturally. It was
painful, exposing the deepest parts of our fears and past heartaches, but at the end
of the conversations we both agreed we felt a bit lighter, even though Nathan was
feeling hostile toward my former family.

I told Nathan more about my father and Cheryl and how, all the way up until I was
taken from their custody, I had hoped, a foolish hope, that somewhere inside his darkened
soul, my father did love me. It’s the want of any child, to be loved by their parents.
I always told myself he was my father, and there had to be some part of him that cared
about me.

That went out the window on the day the ruling came down and he tried to smack me,
screaming hateful words and causing the bailiff to intervene.

I clutched onto Joan’s suit as she formed a wall between my father and I, while the
bailiffs attempted to restrain him.

“You ungrateful little bitch! This is how you repay me for being a burden? Look at
what you’ve done! I never wanted you! I wish you’d never been born!”

“Mr. Palmer, you will get a hold of yourself!” the judge yelled, but my dad continued
to come at me, nothing but anger and contempt in his features.

“You are nothing. You hear me? Nothing! You will always be nothing, just like she
was. No one will ever want you!”

“I want you,” Nathan’s soothing voice called to me. “Come back to me, baby.”

I blinked and took a moment to shake off the memory that had taken over. It felt so
real; I was trembling and a little cold.

That was the last time I’d seen either of them. They were out of my life, but I wondered
if I would ever be rid of them emotionally. At times it didn’t seem they’d ever go
away forever.

I took a deep breath; it helped to clear my head. When I looked up, Dr. Morgenson
gave me an affectionate smile. “I must say, I’m very pleased at the progress you’re
making. Over the last few weeks you’ve opened up, told us about your family. You’re
learning how to express your traumatic past in a positive manner. This would indicate
a real healing step in the right direction to your long-term emotional well-being.”

Nathan leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead. “Good job, Honeybear.”

Darren smiled at us and then continued on, “You may have more memories triggered similar
to what you just experienced after you’ve been through a heavy session like today.
However, after seeing the way Nathan handled it a few moments ago – I’m confident
you’ll be fine if it happens outside my office, or make-shift office as the case may
be. This is a huge hurdle you’ve both jumped over. You’re obviously in very good,
capable hands.”

What did that mean? If things hadn’t gone well in his presence I’d be hospitalized
again or put on more medication? I held my breath for a second and looked at Nathan
beside me.

He stroked across my back and shoulders, his eyes soft.

“It’s made Nathan angry though,” I said. “The more I tell him, the more things he
destroys. Soon there won’t be any walls left in his condo. I don’t want him to get
hurt.”

“Because if I ever see any of them again, they
will
be checking into the fucking hospital.” Nathan fumed, his hands leaving me and forming
into fists, clenching at his sides.

I reached for his hand to soothe him, but he pulled away, jumping up from his position
on the couch. His agitation vibrated from his whole being; it was almost a palpable
force in the room.

Even though his anger was intimidating and almost frightening with the speed in which
he moved from sympathetic to livid, it made me love him all the more, because it was
all for me. He was angry
for
me. I’d never had anyone that passionate about protecting and keeping me happy and
safe. Even Teresa wasn’t that intense about it, and she actually met and saw how awful
my father treated me.

“No, Lila! You never did anything wrong! You were a child! It was his responsibility
to take care of you. I can’t fucking stand that they did all that to you. Especially
that sack of shit you once called a brother.”

“I think what Lila is saying is you need an outlet for your anger,” Dr. Morgenson
said. “It’s not wrong to be upset about what happened and have harsh feelings toward
her family, but I have to agree with her. It would do you good, so it doesn’t stay
pent up and you end up lashing out in harmful ways.”

“If he does, then all the drywall manufacturers would be out of business.” I smiled
and let out a little chuckle.

When I looked up, Darren and Nathan were staring at me. Darren blinked and Nathan
tilted his head, while I became self-aware and embarrassed. I was receiving that extra
head look again.

Their strange looks melted into smiles and both were having trouble holding back their
laughter.

It was a good laugh, and I found myself joining in.

To add to all the therapy, we now had special assignments. Nathan was enrolled in
boxing and mixed martial arts to have a positive outlet for his anger and was to go
twice a week. Darren said he needed to learn how to channel his explosiveness.

My assignment was to find a hobby. He suggested I try the local arts institute that
held classes for adults. I needed a focus besides work and Nathan. It also forced
me to be social and meet new people. Though I wouldn’t be able to start for a couple
weeks due to my limited mobility, I went online and signed up for the next round of
painting.

I didn’t know if I’d be any good at it, but at that point I needed something else
to focus on. Not to mention it was a positive way for me to become more…normal.

A week later we were lying in bed, and watching some crap movie Nathan had put on.
Even he was complaining. He kept repeating “movie bad” over and over.

This was out new ritual since I was still pretty much bed bound. I was getting a lot
better, my lungs were healed up, and my bruises had faded away. We would eat dinner,
something his mom or Teresa left, so all Nathan needed to do was heat it up, and then
retire to the bedroom. After dinner we would surf the On Demand from my cage…I mean
bedroom…and pick out a movie or two.

I couldn’t wait to be free and mobile again, rid of my damn cast.

That night’s pick was by far the worst. Some alien invasion in L.A. I’d never seen
so much drama in what looked like an action movie.

After a while I snapped, and couldn’t take anymore. “All right, that’s it. Give me
the remote. I’m tired of Movie Bad.” I gave a little inward chuckle at the appropriate
name I’d given it.

“There’s only thirty minutes left.” His eyes were still glued to the screen, watching
the train wreck.

“Yes, and I’ve already lost over an hour of my life and countless brain cells. I’d
like to keep from losing any more of either. I never got that lobotomy, remember?
I want to keep my brain intact.” I switched to demanding, holding my hand out. “Remote.”

He smirked and held it out. I reached to grab it, but he pulled it away.

“Nathan.”

“Delilah.” He rolled his eyes and moved the remote in my direction. When my fingers
touched the plastic, he pulled it from me again.

“Really?” I said with a huff.

He gave me his best sexy smirk. I figured out I was going to need a distraction to
get what I wanted.

My eyes flickered to the TV and grew wide. “Oh, my God, what is that thing doing to
her?”

It was enough. Nathans’s eyes snapped back to the screen to see whatever it was I
seemed so curious about.

“Ah ha! Mine!” I cried out in victory as I snatched the remote from beside him.

“No! I need to know what happens!” He whined, his attention turned back to me.

“I need my brain cells! Thinking good. Movie bad. Remote mine,” I said like a cavewoman,
and stuck my tongue out at him.

He lunged for the remote, landing across my body as I stretched it as far away as
I could.

“Give me!”

“Never!”

We were laughing like maniacs as we played our game of keep away. He cheated and began
tickling my sides. I was writhing beneath him, doing my best to get away from his
fingers, as well as keep the remote from his grasp.

Our eyes locked, and our laughter died down. With the position we were in, him nestled
between my thighs, the sparks between us ignited. All at once his lips crashed to
mine, his tongue seeking, lapping at my lips, begging for entrance that I readily
gave. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

It was frantic and needy, composed of almost two months of repressed desire. His hands
slid down to my ass, grabbing hard. He pulled my hips to his while he pushed his hard
cock against my clit. I moaned against his mouth, my hands tangling in his hair, nails
scratching at his neck. His lips moved down my jaw, kissing and nipping until he reached
my neck. Teeth scraped against my skin, and I rocked my hips against his. He growled
in appreciation before his teeth dug into the flesh of my neck, sending a fire roaring
straight between my thighs.

My back arched off the bed and a loud, throaty moan escaped my lips. He was driving
me wild, and I was in desperate need of him.

My moan had unfortunate consequences, cutting through the lust fog of Nathan’s brain
and all movement stopped.

He released me and jumped off the bed, pacing as he pulled at his neck. Never a good
sign.

“Shit, shit, fuck! I’m sorry. I…I said I wouldn’t until you said yes. I just got caught
up in the moment.”

My voice was soft as I reassured him. “It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m sorry, I…I need a moment,” he said, heading to the bedroom door. “I’ll be on
the balcony. Yell if you need something.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ve been
bad, I need a time out.”

He headed out the door, and an ache in my chest began to grow. I tried to wave it
off since I knew he was still in my condo and close by. He hadn’t headed back to his
place where he could smash his fist through walls again. Progress, it seemed, was
finally happening.

My attention moved back to the TV, and I grabbed the remote, moving away from movie
bad. I flipped through channels for about a half hour when he returned.

He smelled of cigarettes as he climbed onto the bed. It’d been a while since he’d
smoked, but I knew he did it when stressed and upset. The smell had me craving for
one.

Strange how different our lives were from a few months ago. It was Friday night, and
usually we were at the bar, drinking, smoking, and trying to forget everything that
was wrong with us, taking comfort in each other’s bodies.