Infinite Ties (All That Remains #3) (28 page)

I can’t stop staring at this little
miracle in my arms. My daughter. “I’ll always love and protect her,” I swear. I
jump when Emma’s entire body begins to convulse, twitching and shaking
violently.

“Shit! Get back!” Jayla orders while Julie
draws a syringe full of clear liquid, injecting it in Emma’s IV.

“What’s happening?”

“Her blood pressure is too high. Take the
baby out of here. Keep her warm. We’ve got this,” Julie orders. There’s nothing
I can do but leave them to it. It’s time for Abby and Airen to meet my
daughter.

Abby leaps from her seat when I approach,
her gaze glued to the blanket. Her eyes fill with tears when I place the bundle
in her arms. “My girls need to meet,” I murmur.

“Joseph, she’s beautiful.” Abby laughs
when the sound of her voice causes Natalie to open her eyes.

Airen pulls me into a bear hug.
“Congratulations, Joey. She’s perfect.”

Abby peeks up at me. “Is Emma…does she
know you brought her out to see us?”

“Emma’s not doing well. She had some kind
of seizure, and Julie kicked me out.” I turn to Airen. “Would you go see how
she’s doing?”

He drops a kiss on my head and heads out
the door only to return about thirty seconds later when they kick him out too.
I sit on the couch, one arm around Abby while Natalie sleeps in my lap. Airen
reaches to slide a calming hand across the back of my neck from time to time.
An hour later, I hear someone rummage in the fridge and the click of the
electric stove. After a few minutes, Jayla appears with a warm bottle.

“She’ll be hungry soon,” she says, handing
me the bottle.

“Shouldn’t Emma try to breastfeed first?”
Abby asks.

“She’s been pumping milk for months. Julie
suggested it just in case her milk fell short, now that the formula has
expired. The freezer is full.” Jayla crouches in front of us, looking tired.
“Emma’s not doing well. Julie thinks it’s eclampsia. If so, there’s no cure.
She may not make it.”

“What? But she was fine through the whole
pregnancy!”

“It happens that way sometimes, comes on
suddenly. There’s nothing anyone can do. She keeps seizing. If she falls into a
coma like Julie expects, she won’t live long. I have to get back.”

Shit. I hated having to deal with her,
hated her most of the time, but I don’t want her dead. I look at the sweet
little face of our daughter. She can’t grow up never knowing her mother. A tiny
wail breaks through my thoughts.

“Joseph,” Abby says softly. “She needs to
eat. She needs her daddy.”

Nodding, I place the nipple gently between
her lips, smiling as she latches on, drinking with a healthy appetite. Jayla
returns thirty minutes later to tell us Emma has died without regaining
consciousness. My last words to her were a promise to love and care for our
baby. I hope it was some comfort to her. “She’ll never know her mother,” I
mumble.

Abby’s soft hand cups my cheek. “I’m
sorry, no matter how screwed up things were, I didn’t want this.”

“I know.”

“She’ll be surrounded by people who love
her.”

I can see the sincerity in my girl’s eyes,
and I think of the wonderful mother she has been to Walker from the beginning.
“Will you be her mom?”

“Baby, of course I will,” she says, laying
her head on my shoulder.

Airen joins us on the couch and we sit for
the longest time just watching Natalie, trying to wrap our minds around all the
changes. My baby girl sleeps on my lap, oblivious to the chaos that surrounds
her.

Nine Years Later

Abby

The sky is a beautiful bright blue, as if
nature is celebrating along with us. It’s our tenth wedding anniversary and
like every year, we mark the occasion by having everyone over for a barbecue.
Then Airen, Joseph, and I spend the night under our willow. It’s tradition, and
we’ve never missed a year.

“Come on, Dad!” Lane calls, waving to
Airen. “You’re on my team!” Twelve years old and the carbon copy of his dad,
Lane has the childhood I desperately hoped to give him. He’s growing up in a
time of relative peace, surrounded by people who love him.

“Daddy Airen! Lane won’t let me on his
team! He’s being an ass!”

“Natalie Abigail Holder, mouth!” Joseph
scolds, trying not to smile.

Airen bends so our nine year old daughter
can climb on his back. She grins and sticks her tongue out at Lane, making
Joseph shake his head. “She gets that attitude from you,” he informs me,
wrapping his arms around my neck from behind. His chin rests on my shoulder as
we watch the scene before us.

Carson and Jayla arrive hand in hand,
Jayla waddling under the weight of her first pregnancy. I wasn’t the only one
who fell in love at first sight in that darkened department store all those
years ago. She settles on the blanket under the tree beside Julie, ready to
cheer on the winners of the kickball game. Lexi waves at me before chucking the
kickball at Eric’s head and laughing as he chases her down.

“You playing?” Walker calls to us, gesturing
toward the field. Sometimes I look at him, searching for that sweet five year
old boy who showed up on our lawn nearly fifteen years ago. Where has the time
gone? I’ve always heard time flies when you’re having fun, but it hurtles when
you’re happy.

“Yep. Troy and Nic are on our team. You’re
in trouble,” I tease. Walker scoffs and heads toward the field. “Did Troy tell
you they’re looking for a house here?” I ask Joseph.

“Yeah, along with Diane and Gary.”

“Getting pretty crowded,” I joke as Joseph
grabs my hand, leading me toward the others.

“As long as I have you and Airen to myself
tonight.”

“Hmm, and I thought you might be sick of
us after ten years.”

“It’s passed in a heartbeat, ladybug. I
want to slow it down, hold tight to every second.”

I know exactly how he feels. The things we
fight hardest for are worth more to us in the end. We fought tooth and nail to
come and stay together. Through a plague, a cult, ice, and fire, we kept
striving. We’ve struggled with reunions and losses, heartbreak and betrayal,
babies and nightmares, haunted pasts and fear of the future. We stumbled and
fell together, and rose as one. We made it.

“I love you.”

“Me too, my girl.”

“Everyone’s waiting on you two!” Airen
calls, running to slide his arms around our shoulders. “If you can’t quit
yapping, I’ve got something to tuck between your lips.”

Joseph just smiles and shakes his head.
“Air, you really know how to interrupt a moment,” I scold.

A stinging slap lands on my ass before he
runs off, a wide smile on his face. “Everything’s a moment, darlin’.”

* * * *

This, my faithful readers, is Abby, Airen,
and Joseph’s happily ever after. You can leave them here and remember them
always laughing and happy together.

For those of you willing to travel a
little farther into their journey, come with me, but I must caution you with
the words of a great writer.

If you want a happy ending, that depends,
of course, on where you stop the story. – Orson Welles.

7 years later

Airen

“I set the tent up, darlin’.”

Abby nods, a small smile on her face. “We
married Joseph seventeen years ago today. It doesn’t seem possible.”

“And you and I are coming up on twenty
years,” I remind her, kissing her soft lips. Twenty years and it’s not nearly
enough. No amount of time would be enough.

“Those first few years were so hard. I
didn’t think we’d survive. Now, I’d give anything to go back and do it all
again,” she says with a sigh.

I’m silent for a moment as I study my
wife. She’s fifty-two years old, but I’ll be damned if it shows. Not a gray
hair on her head while mine is equal parts white and black. Her body is lean,
and her tits still firm, a bonus of having small breasts. I exercise every day,
but it’s getting harder to keep myself in shape. I know I’m a little softer
around the middle, but Abby doesn’t seem to mind. It sure doesn’t show in our
sex life.

“Take a walk with me before we go to the
willow to meet Joseph. I want to show you something.” She nods and places her
soft hand in mine. We’re silent, drinking in the sound of the forest while I
lead her down the path. Her eyes widen when we approach the barn, her and
Joseph’s special place.

“What are we doing here?” she asks in a
soft voice.

“I found something when I was storing
extra grain.” Her hand tightens around mine as she follows me into one of the
small stalls. “Did you know this was here?” My flashlight is trained on a low
wooden beam. Carved into it is an infinity symbol with Abby and Joseph’s names
written on each side.

A sob escapes her chest and tears streak
her face. “No. When did he do this?”

“No idea, darlin’.”

“The bastard can still make me cry,” she
says with a watery chuckle, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Are you ready to go tell him off for
making you cry again?” She nods and wraps an arm around my waist.

The willow is massive and even this early
in spring its branches are nearly full enough to touch the ground. They brush
across my face as we approach the tent that awaits us beside a small pile of
firewood.

“Joseph,” Abby cries. “You bastard. I found
your carving in the barn. When did you do that? When did you want me to see it?”
Her shaking hands move over the slate gray stone, imprinted with the words
Loving
Husband and Father
. His name and birthday etched above the date of his
death, nearly a year gone.

When I pull her into my arms, her warm
body goes slack against mine. “This is when he wanted you to find it,
sweetheart. When you needed him. When you were missing him.” Tears roll down my
face as I rock her in my arms, pictures of Joey playing like a movie in my
head. The first time he kissed me, turning my world upside down. His
mischievous smile, his dimples, those green eyes that stare back at me when I
look at his children. Our children.

I look up to see the gray threads
protruding from a branch above me, all that remains of that green and blue
scarf after the tree has swallowed it up. I can still see him grinning at me
while I boosted him up so he could tie it around the branch, imbuing the tree
with a part of each of us.

“I’m sorry, Air,” she says, scrubbing the
tears from her face. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

“Yes it is. We spent sixteen anniversaries
sleeping under this tree.”

“But we’re just bringing it all back.”

“It wouldn’t matter if we spent the night
here, at home, or as far away as we could get. We can’t run from his memory.
You don’t want to run from Joseph.” She shakes her head. “It’ll always be hard
to think about him, but every year it’ll get a little easier. We’ll remember
and celebrate his life more than we mourn his death. It’s what he’d want.”

Abby nods and lays wood for our fire. “It
was getting better.”

I know what she means. Nearly a year after
his death, there are days when I think I’m okay. There’s never a day I don’t
think of him. His face comes back to me at the oddest times. Some random moment
occurs and I think Joey would’ve loved this, or Joey would’ve thought this was
funny. Some of my worst moments are when something happens and my first thought
is I can’t wait to tell Joey.

But there are days now when I laugh with
Abby, days when I don’t wake heavy with the pain of his absence. I can take the
boat on the lake and fish again without bawling the whole time, wishing he was
still sitting across from me. I’ll never forget him, but slowly, I’m adjusting
to a life without him. We both are.

“I know, sweetheart.”

We settle around the fire and Abby
produces a bottle of bourbon, handing it to me with a small smile. “He’d never
forgive us if we didn’t have a drink with him.” She takes a pull from the
bottle after I do and shudders. A few minutes later, she gazes at me, eyes
glazed from alcohol. “Remember when he hit you in the mouth? The day you took
off without telling him?” The corner of her lip twitches up.

“Yes I do. I also remember him spanking
your ass for the shit you pulled in Missouri,” I counter, and she giggles. It
makes her sound so young.

“Joseph was the sweetest man, but he could
be mean when he wanted to. You didn’t see him ordering me to get my ass off the
couch when you were stuck in Indianapolis. He bullied me into going sledding. I
was so pissed at him, but he knew what I needed.”

“It was infuriating how often he could be
right,” I agree with a chuckle.

“You’re just mad because he usually agreed
with me,” she teases, scooting close to me so I can hold her.

“Always had to protect his precious little
ladybug.” Her shoulders shake with her sobs, and I squeeze her tighter. “He
loved you so much, sweetheart. He was so proud to call you his girl.”

“He loved you too. From the very
beginning, Air.”

“I know. He showed me there’s more to
loving, more to life than I ever suspected. He was the best man I ever knew.”

I let my tears flow into my wife’s hair,
holding her so tight it’s a wonder she can breathe. I can hear Joseph’s voice
in my head.

“Love her for the both of us, Dark Eyes.”

Abby

Airen’s light snore fills the tent,
rousing me from a deep sleep. It must be nearly noon. We spent the entire night
talking about Joseph, reliving the good and the bad. Sometimes it seems like
he’s been gone forever, yet at the same time I’m amazed we’ve already made it
almost a year without him. It was a few weeks past our sixteenth anniversary
when Joseph went to bed complaining of a headache.

Airen found him a few hours later in our
bed, a small smile permanently curling his beautiful lips. I can still hear
Airen’s terrified voice screaming his name, begging him to wake up, but he was
beyond hearing our pleas. Julie thinks it was a brain aneurysm, sudden and
hopefully painless. We know he went in his sleep and didn’t suffer, but sometimes
it’s of little comfort.

We had sixteen years of marriage, twenty
years of life with our amazing man. Now, lying in this tent, the moments fly
through my head, flipping from one image to another. I see his face in the
barn, softly lit by firelight, telling me his life story. He’s holding his
newborn daughter for the first time, smiling down at her, so proud and
terrified. I see his outline against the black sky as he stands on a burning
roof holding my baby, snow falling around him.

I swear I can still feel him. His warm
arms around me, his lips on mine, kissing me underwater and with our feet in
the stars. Crawling in bed between me and Airen as if he was always meant to be
there. I can hear his giggle as he chased Walker across the yard, his shocked
yelp when we pulled him into a mud puddle, his easy laugh as we just hung out,
spent time together. So much time together. So why does twenty years feel like
nothing? Mostly, I hear his voice, teasing me, telling me he loves me, calling
me ladybug. Always calling me ladybug.

Airen stretches, his heavy eyes opening to
gaze into mine. “Hey darlin’, you okay?” I want to say no, I’ll never be okay
again, but I know that’s not true, and I don’t want to upset him. There are
days when I know he’s barely hanging on too.

I kiss his lips and then his cheek.
“Morning, Air. I’m alright. Ready to go home when you are.”

“Okay.”

It only takes a few minutes to pack up our
things. Airen slips up behind me, threading his arms around my waist, his chin
on my shoulder as I stare at Joseph’s tombstone and murmur, “Goodbye, Joseph. I
love you.”

Airen squeezes me tighter, kissing my
head. My breath catches as I raise my hand to cup his face and see a bright red
ladybug crawling over my knuckles. “Air,” I whisper.

“Infinity, sweetheart. He’s with us.”

Tears stream down my face. He is with us.
We think of him every second, remember and pass on what he taught us of love,
forgiveness, acceptance, and sacrifice. In that way, we hold him within us. He
remains connected to us forever. Bound by infinite ties from our hearts to the
smallest immeasurable speck of life we possess.

The End

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