Infinite Ties (All That Remains #3) (22 page)

“He raped you?” Joseph’s voice is sharp as
a razor and laced with pain.

Abby nods. “But I still stayed with Jon.
That’s how pathetic I was. I didn’t know about the money until I ran into one
of the guys I slept with later, and he asked me if my rate was still five
hundred. I wasn’t just a whore. I was a stupid whore that still didn’t want to
be without him. It was him or a life alone and I thought I couldn’t do that. A
couple years later, I got pregnant with Carson and Jon threw me out. I didn’t
realize at the time that was the best thing that could’ve happened. He said the
baby wasn’t his. Called me a whore. I just wanted to die.”

“You thought about killing yourself,”
Joseph says softly.

A small strained laugh shakes her chest.
“We lived down the road from a high bridge that crossed a set of railroad
tracks. I took off, and I don’t know how long I sat on that bridge trying to
get the guts to jump before he found me.”

“What stopped you from going through with
it?” I ask.

She looks from me to Joseph, and back
again. “He wanted me to.”

“He wanted you to jump?”

“Dared me to do it. No way was I giving
him the satisfaction.”

I almost smile at the obstinate look on
her face. “Thank fuck, my stubborn girl.”

She continues as if she didn’t hear me. “I
got a DNA test when Carson was born, but it didn’t matter. I knew he was
Jon’s.”

“What did you do next?” Joseph asks.

“A friend let me stay with her until I got
on my feet. I worked part time as an auditor at UPS and took classes to get my
degree. I didn’t really date. I had Carson. I had someone to love and I decided
that was enough. It had to be. Nobody would want an ugly woman who can’t even
please them in bed.” She spits out the words like poison, keeping her eyes
averted. I understand why she fought so hard to keep this from us. She’s
crippled by shame, convinced she’s at fault for what that low life fucker put
her through. “I moved here and my life revolved around my son. Until you kissed
me.”

Joseph bounds to his feet, anger glowing
in his eyes. I can relate. Hearing all this coming from Abby’s sweet mouth
sends a rage through me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I’m going to tear
John apart. But right now we’re walking a precarious line with Abby and I’m
terrified I’ll say or do the wrong thing. The despair and loss on her face make
it clear she’s waiting to hear the worst. Staring at the floor, dry-eyed, she
waits for us to blame her. “I need a minute,” Joseph grumbles, darting out the
door.

“Joseph!”

“Don’t,” Abby cautions in a soft voice.
“Let him go. He’s disgusted. He should be.”

“No, Abigail. He’s fucking pissed.”

Her nod is dejected as she gets to her
feet, heading for the door. “You should check on him. I’m going to go home.”

“Not at you, darlin’. He isn’t pissed at
you.” I grab her shoulders and turn her to face me, but she won’t meet my eyes.
An impassive expression disguises her struggle to keep her emotions in check. I
hate it when she does this, but I know it’s her defense mechanism. When she’s
at the edge of her endurance and can’t handle anymore, she withdraws. It’s
devastating to watch, to see her too hurt to even cry. She barely responds when
I pull her into a hug. Her confession poured out of her when she couldn’t stand
it anymore, but now the regret and panic is setting in.

“Don’t do this, Abigail. Talk to me.”

“I’ve said enough.”

Joseph steps back through the door and
watches us with red rimmed eyes. Abby gazes at him for a moment, her chest
rising on a deep sigh. When she speaks, her voice is flat and resigned. “I know
this is the end of us. It kills me, but I understand. Please don’t leave. I’ll
take the spare bedroom. The kids need all of us.”

Now she’s pissing me off. “Just like that,
Abby? After all the shit we’ve been through, you want to end it. Throw it all
away.”

Her façade finally cracks, and tears roll
down her face. “You can’t love me now! Can’t unhear the things I told you. You
know what kind of person I am. I’m no good. I just hide it well.”

“Ladybug,” Joseph pleads, “Stop.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hid who I am
and what I’ve done. I was selfish and I didn’t want to be alone. I never
dreamed you’d want me, Air, and then Joseph too. I knew it was wrong, that you
both deserved better, but I couldn’t let go.”

Her sad gaze switches back and forth
between us. “I’ve had the love of two amazing men when I thought I’d never get
to know what that feels like. I’m sorry it was under false pretenses, but
please, never doubt I love you. I always will. Every miserable moment I’ve had
my entire existence has been worth it to have these years with you. To be
loved.”

A sob escapes Joseph’s lips, and I
struggle to swallow the knot in my throat. “Abby, I love you. None of this shit
matters, don’t you understand? Nothing will change that. You were tricked,
taken advantage of, raped for fuck’s sake. How could you think we’d blame you?”

“I had a choice. I could’ve left.”

“You were a kid and that fucker turned you
out. Abby, even if that weren’t the case, if you told me you walked the streets
and whored when you were young, it wouldn’t change how I feel or how I see
you.”

“He’s right, ladybug. You aren’t defined
by what happens to you or the mistakes you make. You’re a survivor, and so are
we. Nothing can get between us if we don’t let it, our past or our future.
We’re solid.”

Abby sinks to the floor, sobbing, and I
scoop her up. The small bedroom is dusty, but the bedding is clean. Joseph
follows me as I lay her on the bed. “Listen to me, darlin’. I’m going to check
on the kids and grab a few things from home. I want you to stay here with
Joseph. We’re not done talking.”

Abby’s gaze is suspicious. “Don’t kill
him.” What can I say? She knows me.

“Why would you spare him?”

“To spare you. To keep our humanity. The
plague took so much from us, but it gave us free reign to use murder to solve
our problems. I’m afraid we’ll lose who we are. We’ll be unable to tell man
from pig.”

“I won’t go near him if you promise to
stay put.” Okay, so I’m lying. Nothing will keep me from killing that bastard.

Joseph crawls into bed, and she lets him
cuddle her. She still looks miserable, but I see something else in her eyes as
well…relief. After carrying the shame and regret for so long and worrying we’d
find out, she’s free of it.

Before I leave, I fill the generator
waiting behind the small trailer and start it up. It’s chilly out, and though
we haven’t used it recently, the trailer has an electric heater. After I throw
this worthless son of a bitch’s corpse in the woods, I’ll bring some fresh
water and food back with me. We’ll be spending the night straightening out our
girl.

* * * *

“Airen!”

Eric scares the shit out of me when he
jumps into my path as I’m headed to the tool shed. “Fuck! Eric! What? If you
let Jon get away…”

“He’s dead.” That stops me in my tracks.

“What? You killed him?”

“No. When Abby hit him in the ribs with
that bat, it must’ve broken one, shoved it into his lung. He puked up a ton of
blood, then started choking on it. He died a few minutes ago.”

“Shit. Shit. Shit. She can’t know she did
it.”

Eric looks at me like I may have spent my
childhood munching on paint chips. “I know. Lexi is the only one who knows what
happened. She won’t tell anyone.”

“Good. Anybody asks, I shot him and left
with the body.”

“No, listen, this is Carson’s father,
dickwad or not, and he can’t think you killed him. Say it was me. He was
running his mouth about Lexi and I kicked him in the neck…too hard. Collapsed
his windpipe or some shit. Lexi will go along. Abby’s been through enough.”

I look up at Eric, shocked and touched by
his gesture. “Are you sure?”

He nods, and before I can second guess
myself, I hug him. I’m not the man hugging type—outside of Joseph—and neither
is he, but he’s went out of his way, saved my ass and is now protecting Abby
and Carson. “Thank you.”

“Um…sure, man.” We stare in opposite
directions as he asks, “Is Abby okay?”

“She will be. She’s upset, but it’ll be a
load off her mind when she learns he’s gone for good.”

“I’ll go dump the body. It’s wrapped up in
the back of my truck.”

“Thank you. I have to ask Julie to stay
with the kids tonight. We need some time.”

“I’d imagine. Go. I got this.”

An hour later, Julie is with the kids and
I’m back at our summer home with Abby and Joseph. They’re still curled up in
bed, Joseph’s fingers running through her hair while she rests her head on his
chest. A slight shake of Joseph’s head tells me she hasn’t said a thing since I
left.

Her hand closes over mine when I lie down
on her other side. “It wasn’t like that in the beginning,” she says softly. “I
wouldn’t have thought I loved him if it was. He was nice at first, when no
other guys would look at me. He didn’t seem to care what I looked like. I was
stupid for staying after things got bad, but it didn’t start that way.”

“Baby, you don’t have to defend decisions
you made fifteen years ago,” Joseph replies.

“I want you to understand. He was the
first boy who brought me flowers and I remember that moment like it was
yesterday. I can see him standing there with his hand behind his back, a shy
smile on his face. He said he loved me when I was convinced no one ever could.
For a whole year, I got to believe it.”

“Until the other guys?”

“No, until he told me he didn’t love me
and never had. I remember that moment clearly as well. The years of knowing and
accepting I was unlovable were a hell of a lot easier than believing I’d been
wrong, that I had love, and having it taken away again.”

“We love you, Abigail,” I whisper,
tightening my arms around her. That will never be taken away.”

“I know.”

“But you still worry.”

“You didn’t know what I’d done or who I really
am.”

“Do you remember the day we met?” I ask,
leaning up on my elbow to look into her glassy eyes.

“Running into a gorgeous celebrity in an
abandoned store tends to stick in ones mind.” She grins.

“I remember everything. Carson embarrassed
you by telling me that you watched my T.V. show, and you smiled, shrugging it
off. Your smile was so sweet. I thought you were adorable. You licked your lips
after taking a drink and all I could think about was kissing those wet, pink
lips. When you walked to the truck, I got an eyeful of your perfect round ass.
A bead of sweat ran down your neck and between your breasts when you sat back
down, and I pictured you under me, moaning my name while I licked the trail it
left behind. I was attracted to you from that first moment, Abigail, before I
knew you.

“Once I saw how brave you were going into
that hospital, how loving you were with the kids, how strong when you faced the
kidnapper, I knew I was in trouble. The night you let me hold you while you
cried, trusted me and let your guard down, I knew I was falling hard. When you
crawled in my bed to comfort me through my nightmares, I was gone. Done in. You
were all I could see. Then Joseph came, and I saw how he looked at you, like
you hung the moon and I knew I couldn’t wait for you to want me. I had to have
you or go crazy. You’re mine. From the second I saw you, you’ve been mine.”

Abby sighs and lays her head on my chest.
“You can’t love a whore.” Her matter of fact statement pisses me off.

“Don’t say that again. I don’t want to
hear it again, you understand? You’re not a whore. You never were. You never
willingly sold sex. Call yourself a whore again and I’ll let Joseph finish that
spanking. You know he wants to.”

A small smile tilts her lips as she gazes
at Joseph. “This is your chance to escape, Joseph. Your get out of jail free
card. If you don’t want this anymore, I’ll understand and we can share Airen.
I’m not who you thought I was.”

Joseph huffs and pulls her against him. “I
love you to pieces, ladybug, but you try my patience like no other. You’re
stubborn, pig headed, and you have a fucked up way of looking at things
sometimes, but you’re also the most selfless, loving woman I’ve ever known.
From that first moment we met, I knew you were different.”

“You were too sick and out of it to
remember anything,” Abby teases, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest.

He slips two fingers under her chin, and
she tilts her head to look at him. Deep green eyes lock onto hers as he
whispers, “I remember everything.”

“When I woke, you materialized like an
angel through the haze of my fever. The first thing I saw was your big brown
eyes, so soft and compassionate. I knew everything would be okay before you
ever spoke. I saw how you cared for Walker, how concerned you were for me and
how torn between wanting us to stay and placating Airen.”