Infinite Fear (8 page)

“No, it’s not. It’s Melina. And I’m
twenty-five. Look, for whatever reason, I didn’t give Dave your
name, but you have to stay the hell away from Julius. We’re handing
the case over to the FBI now. And they are merciless. You need to
get the hell away from him before his whole operation comes
crashing down,” she says quickly.

“Already done,” I say. “But now I know your
name, what you do. Isn’t that a bad thing?” I ask.

“It doesn’t matter,” she says. “I’m going
back to New York in a few days.”

Fuck it, why not take the
chance
. “I could come with you,” I
suggest.

“No, you can’t,” she says.
Without responding, I walk over and kiss her on the lips.
Unrelentingly
. And though
I wish there was the same chemistry that I felt when we had sex,
it’s just not there.

“Jackson,” she says pulling away. “This was
what it was, and yeah, maybe I just needed to be close to someone
for a while. But you and I, we don’t have that chemistry. You know
it, and I know you felt it when we kissed. Jade told me about your
ex-girlfriend, and if you need my help with that, say so.”

“So, I guess I should go,” I say, feeling
awkward all of a sudden.

“You could stay,” she says walking over and
looping her fingers into my belt. “One more time for old time’s
sake, if you promise not to kiss me.”

Too tempting to
refuse
. I figure with a fresh start
beginning tomorrow, one night of hot casual sex can’t hurt. Nina,
rather Melina’s defiance has been replaced by a softness that I
really didn’t know she possessed. Sex is a connection, but
unfortunately for her and I, it’s the only one we share.

“Why do I feel like I’ve been upgraded?” I
whisper as she walks me backwards towards the bed.

“You have. You’ve been upgraded from fuck
buddy to friend that I fuck,” she teases.

“Just what I’ve always wanted to be,” I grin
as she pushes me back onto the bed.

In her usual fashion, Nina, or Melina, blows
my mind. My body implodes from the inside out, as does hers. This
time, the last time, there is no holding back. The world in its
entirety disappears, the passion between the two of us
unsurpassable.

As a tribute to the last time we will
actually ever have sex, I stay for a coffee and cigarette
after.

“Sure you don’t want
company?” I ask, the question coming more from my dick than my
brain. Or
my heart, for that
matter
.

“Are we still talking about
this?” Melina asks rolling her eyes. “Look, not that I know from
experience, but when you meet someone who is absolutely without a
doubt perfect for you, you should from that very moment be able to
forget everyone that came before her. The thought of
her
being away from you
for even a day should wreck you. I think you should see that person
and just know.”

“Wow,” I say with a grin. “Who knew that a
badass cop could be so… Poetic. But you’re wrong. That’s in a
perfect world. In this world, people don’t feel that way about
other people. Everything good is destined to end. Case in point,
you won’t ever ride my dick again, and that is a travesty.”

One of the bed pillows comes flying at my
face. Melina, AKA Nina, and I say our goodbyes shortly thereafter.
It’s not difficult for either of us, and I drive home to sleep in
preparation for my new life plan.

Chapter 10

One year later…

“All packed?” I ask as I walk into Jade’s
bedroom.

“Yes!
Oh my gosh,
you have no idea how
excited I am!” Jade clutches the two sides of a duffel bag and
yanks them mercilessly together in an effort to close
it.

“I don’t believe you are going to Brown,” I
say with pride. “And leaving me behind.”

“Aww, come here, stupid,” Jade says pulling
me into a tight hug. “Besides, I’m saving you a seat at the campus
bar.”

“Yeah, that probably won’t ever happen,” I
say despondently.

“Hey, you will ace the entrance exams and
for sure get a scholarship,” Jade says reassuringly.

For the last year, I have spent my days
working my eight and a half hours at my father’s shop and, in the
evenings, attended a technical college studying basic mechanical
engineering. Jade convinced me to take the entry exams for a few
colleges, and I had reluctantly agreed. References from my tutors
in hand and some (if I do say so myself) awesome results later,
Jade and I sat down and filled out college application after
college application, along with countless scholarship applications.
She had me apply for what seemed like all the colleges and
universities in the country.

A few months after Melina,
AKA Nina, left town, Julius was arrested by the FBI, and
Club J and
its
questionable books was shut down. Apparently his network included a
whole slew of things that we knew nothing about, like the sale and
distribution of heavy duty weaponry. No one questioned my
involvement in any of it. I guess Melina kept her promise after
all. I did receive a text from her when she arrived in New York,
the first and last.

Hey, I arrived! Call me if you’re ever in
NY. Love M xx

“Jackson!” Jade yells.

“Yeah, what?”

“I was showing you my new roommate,” she
says, swinging her laptop to face me.

“Are you already stalking the poor girl?” I
laugh.

“I may or may not have called the
administration office and told them that due to religious beliefs,
I had to know who I was living with,” she says slyly.

I look at the picture of
the girl in front of me.
She’s
beautiful
. For a brief moment, I can’t
steal my eyes away. “What’s her name?” I ask.

“Maia,” Jade says. “She looks like a goody
two shoes.”

I take another look at the
image on the screen. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is
something so…
enchanting
in her brown eyes.

“Stop drooling over my roommate,” she
reprimands, snapping the laptop shut.

Jade lugs her seventeen
bags out to the Camaro and shoves them unceremoniously into the
trunk. We drive to the airport, shrouded in an aura of
sadness.
I’m going to miss
Jade
. She kept me grounded for the past
year. And now I actually have to rely on myself to stay
focused.

Two things happened earlier
this morning that threaten to derail that plan. The first was that
I got a call from Emmanuel, telling me to pick him up from prison.
Seems today was the day he was being released. And Murphy, the PI
called me, a whole year later, after I had resigned myself to the
fact that he was a con artist and had skipped town with my four
grand. He sent me a photo, of Shana, in California.
With a little girl on her lap
. According to Murphy, the date on the little girl’s birth
certificate is eight months almost to the day from the day I last
saw Shana.

The photo had hit me like a ton of bricks. I
had always known that Shana ran away, but for the last few years it
never occurred to me that she had left the clinic still pregnant. I
felt angry, betrayed, and yet, strangely and finally at peace with
her leaving. I knew that she was safe, and the conversation about
our daughter could be saved for another day.

I felt so guilty about not
telling Jade about the discovery that Murphy had made. But I
couldn’t bring myself to kill her buzz about Brown, or potentially
derail her from going. I owed it to her to give her the same
closure I now had.
But not
today
. I drop Jade off and she bawls like a
baby as I wave to her through the departure gate. No matter how
many times I explain to her that Rhode Island is really only a
plane ride away.

* * *

Pulling up outside the prison, Emmanuel is
leaning idly against one of the steel fences. I last saw him a few
weeks ago, but since being locked up, he looks even more menacing.
With nothing else to do except lift weights, his muscle mass
appears to have tripled. The mullet he’s sporting is fucking scary
as well.

“My baby,” he says as he runs his hand over
the dash. I hand over the keys and he gets behind the wheel.

“Hey, can you drop me off at dad’s shop?” I
ask.

“What for?” Emmanuel laughs. “We have
business to attend to.”

“Man, I can’t do that shit with you
anymore,” I say guiltily. “A lot’s changed since last year.”

“I heard about Julius,” he says. “But its
cool man, I have enough connections now to set up a whole new
operation.”

“That’s not it,” I
say.
I’ve been dreading this conversation
all year long
. “I’ve been taking classes
and actually working at my dad’s shop, and I applied to a couple of
colleges.”

Emmanuel practically doubles over with
laughter. “You’re kidding right!” he howls. His mouth snaps shut
and his look darkens when he turns his head and sees he’s the only
one laughing. “Are you fucking serious? How much money are you
making as an apprentice mechanic?” he says sarcastically.

“Enough,” I say, getting a
little pissed at his dismissive behavior. I expect, at this point,
to get my ass handed to me and be schooled on how many times
Emmanuel pulled me out of shit last year.
Surprisingly, I don’t get that from him.

“That’s cool,” he says with a nod.

“You’re not pissed?” I ask with
disbelief.

“What am I gonna do?” he scoffs. “Handcuff
you to me so that you don’t go anywhere? Man, I know you’ll be here
if I need you. I’m happy for you.”

“Okay,” I nod, a huge wave of relief washing
over me.

Emmanuel drops me off at my
father’s shop, asking me to come out for drinks later. I tell him
I’ll get back to him and he takes off. Presumably to check if Eva
has bothered to wait a year for him to get out.
My money’s on not
.

“Jackson!” Dad calls as I walk in the
door.

“Yeah,” I say flinging my jacket onto the
chair in the office as I walk by. “Where are you?”

“Out back!” he yells.

I walk out to the back of the workshop. My
father is standing next to his prized possession, besides my mother
of course: his restored black Mustang. He bought it the year I was
born, and reworked the engine, fixed up the body. It’s a beautiful
car.

“Your mother wants us to come home for
lunch. I thought you could drive,” he says, tossing me the
keys.

“Okay,” I say slowly. “But you never let me
drive the Mustang.”

“Get used to it kid,” he says with a
smile.

“No shit!” I exclaim. “You’re giving me your
car?”

“No,” he says quickly. “I’m loaning it to
you. We’re so proud of you, Jackson. It’s still mine until you
follow through with this college thing.” My father has always been
a man of few words and little emotional display. He blinks
furiously, as though he may just cry at the fact that I finally
decided to man up.

I walk over and give him a strong hug. “Why
are we going home for lunch?” I ask.

My father shrugs his shoulders. “I just do
what I’m told.”

As my parents and I sit on
the front porch eating fajitas, I think about where I’ve been, and
where I am now. It’s a cliché, I know. The boy from the bad
neighborhood that finally makes it out. And he makes it out of here
alive, without a prison record. For once, I truly have no problem
with being that cliché. I have my doubts about ever getting into an
Ivy League University; I’m not that lucky. But I’m okay with
that.
Wherever I go, it will be
progress
.

Epilogue