Infinite Fear (3 page)

I pull up outside Eva’s house. As usual, Eva
and her pack of pretenders are sitting on the porch, vodka in hand.
She walks over as she seems me pull up, thinking I’m Emmanuel. Her
hips sway provocatively, the tracks in her hair clearly visible,
even at this distance. As I step out of the car, her posture
stiffens when she realizes I’m not her sugar daddy.

“Oh, it’s just you,” she drones.

“Always so nice to see you too,” I reply
sarcastically.

I hand her the bag. She unzips the top and
pulls out five crisp hundred-dollar bills, shoving them into her
bra.

“Payment for services?” I say
sardonically.

“Fuck you,” she spits.

“You wish,” I say laughing before jumping
back into the Camaro and making my way over to the club.

As I walk in, I notice a
multitude of unoccupied seats. That’s because, as per usual when
Jade DJ’s, the majority of the crowd is on the dance floor. Nina’s
smooth voice comes over the mic as I walk in. “Put your hands up!”
she yells. The crowd willingly obeys. Her voice demands obedience;
she completely commands the crowd. I see now why Jade wanted her
here. A lone man in an expensive suit sits at the bar, eyes fixed
on Jade and Nina.
That must be the guy who
came to check her out.

I grab a bottle of water
and make my way over to the DJ platform.
Sobriety. I need that for later.
Nina
walks over and says something to Jade before jumping off the
platform. She promptly grabs the water from my hand.

“Thanks,” she says breathlessly.

“No problem, except I didn’t offer,” I say
over the loud music.

“I didn’t ask,” Nina replies, still
unapologetic, but with a coy smile.

She walks down the corridor
to the dressing rooms and turns to me. “Are you coming?” she
calls.
What the fuck?

“Can I help you with something?” I ask,
deliberately evasive as she closes the door to a room behind
us.

“You can. Ever heard of a quickie, two
minutes or less? I’m on the clock,” she answers, sliding her pants
off to reveal the hot pink G-string I had unofficially met earlier.
Nina looks at me expectantly.

My dick stands to attention. “How do you
expect me to have you begging for more if you only give me two
minutes to show you how talented I am?” I reply, walking over and
weaving my hand through her hair, pulling it back gently.

“If you’re as talented as you say you are,
two minutes should be ample time,” she replies, moving to undo my
belt and jeans. “If you can’t amaze me in two minutes, then you
don’t make my shortlist.”

“No one ever makes my shortlist,” I
reply.

“Are you going to fuck me or play word games
for the rest of the night? Do I need to look for a better option?”
she jibes back.

My dick solidifies from how ballsy Nina is.
“There isn’t one,” I reply. I grab her thighs and hitch her up onto
the dressing table. I lean forward to find her lips but she quickly
averts her head. “No love making,” she says breathlessly. “Just
fucking.”

Don’t need to tell me
twice
. I push her G-string to the side and
dive in, without a moment’s more hesitation. I thrust deeply into
her, purposefully, making sure that I time myself to meet her hips
with every thrust. Her legs clench around my ass, pulling me
deeper. “Say my name, I want to hear it,” I growl into her
hair.

She ignores me. I should
feel emasculated right now.
I
don’t
. My hands grip her ass and pull it
into me.
Faster, deeper
. Her nails dig mercilessly into the flesh of my shoulder
blades. Her body arches towards mine as she breathes raggedly into
my ear. There is no space between us, not even a millimeter. Her
body convulses as I dive in one last time. For a brief moment she
stays still, before gently pushing me back and disembarking from
the desk that hosted our wild ride.

I feel like I’m standing
here, dick in hand right now. Not literally. I watch Nina hitch up
her pants and comb her fingers through her hair.
Did she just use me for sex?
Now I know what violated feels like.

“Less than two minutes, good job,” she says
before patting me absently on the back and walking out the door. It
takes me another good two minutes to wipe the look of shock from my
face and clothe myself again.

When I walk out, Nina’s back on stage. I
want to see a slight tremble in her legs, or hear one in her voice,
but I don’t. She’s all business again. Like we didn’t just shatter
the world in the room next door. I grab a whiskey, served to me
once again by Amber.

“Did you get promoted?” I ask, not
impolitely, just a little baffled as to why the stripper is behind
the bar.

“Maybe,” she says licking her lips and
batting her ridiculously long glued-on eyelashes at me. “Besides,
everyone wants to fuck the bartender.”

Not everyone. Some of us
just want to keep fucking the emcee.
Or
maybe all of us want that. Nina has all eyes on her. Quite a few of
the men in the club stare in her direction, transfixed. Some
holding glasses that they haven’t sipped from since she got back
from riding me.

Amber follows my eyes over to the DJ booth.
“What does she have that I don’t?” she asks miserably.

“The question you should be
asking is, what
doesn’t
she have, that you do,” I reply sarcastically
before grabbing my glass and making a quick exit. Staying too long
after that comment might result in a bottle of some kind being
smashed across my temple.

I meander through the crowds, casually
chatting with acquaintances, all the while keeping my eyes firmly
planted on Nina’s ass. My mind runs through the one and a half
minutes of our quickie. I consider myself fucking lucky that she
chose me over the multitude of dicks in this place. The set
finishes later than expected, just after one in the morning. Jade
looks wrecked, but Nina on the other hand, still looks amped. I
must admit, I stayed here and remained almost wholly sober just in
case she came back for seconds.

“Hey,” Jade smiles, collapsing into my
arms.

“Tired?” I ask sympathetically. “You did
well, babe.” I give her a small squeeze. Nina walks up behind her
and nods her head for me to come over. Hot anticipation rises in my
jeans.

“Ready to go home?” I say with a grin.

“Yes, alone.” She answers
coolly.
What the fuck?

“So, what exactly do you want then?” I ask,
matching her sterile tone.

“To give you this,” she answers holding up a
folded note between her index and middle fingers.

“And this is?” I jibe. She wants me to
react. I can see it in the way her eyebrows arch in shock when I
dismiss the offending paper.

“My number, and my address,” she replies,
holding my gaze defiantly.

“What for?” I ask reaching up to grab
it.

And as I do, she snatches it back towards
her. “On one condition,” she says lowly, taking a step closer.
“I’ll call you when I need you. You have to swear to me that you
understand that. I’m adding you to my shortlist, which means that
I’m not looking for a boyfriend or a husband or someone to spoon
with.”

“Understood,” I nod solemnly, snatching the
note. As soon as I have it in hand, my wicked grin re-emerges. “So
I qualified? After a quickie? Just imagine what I could do with ten
whole minutes?” I take a step towards her and lean in as if to kiss
her. Her eyes widen, as I divert my kiss to her neck. Her head
tilts backwards at the touch of my lips. My free hand snakes around
her waist and I yank her towards me. I don’t really give a shit
that the remainder of the crowd is bearing witness to the soft porn
display we’re putting on inside the club.

“You shouldn’t try to take
me on
,” I whisper.

Nina takes a step back. “I’m not,” she says
eyeing me defiantly, all business again. “You want me…” She trails
off, not wanting to admit the last part.

“Say it,” I say lowly, “say
you want me too.”
I know she
won’t
. But I’m liking this game we’re
playing. And for a while, a small while, I realize that I actually
forgot about Shana.

Chapter 4

Without thinking, I offer to give Jade a
ride home. I forget that it’s not just Jade though, but also her
mountains of equipment that need to leave the premises. After
spending an hour playing a tedious game of Tetris to get the amp
and subs into the trunk of the Camaro, we’re ready to head off.

Waiting for Jade to stop talking is another
story. I lean against the Camaro, tapping my leg impatiently. I’m
sober, it’s almost three in the damn morning and, did I mention,
I’m still sober. Which means I will stay awake for the rest of the
night, and I will have no option but to think. Think about Shana,
and about how I’m fucking wasting my life. About all of things that
I work so hard to keep at the back of mind.

I’m about to walk back into the club to
carry Jade out, when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

EMMANUEL CALLING
lights up on the screen.

“Yo!” I answer.

“Jay, can you come get me? The boys haven’t
shown up yet,” Emmanuel says. The words run together as they leave
his mouth. He’s either extremely high, extremely drunk or extremely
both.

“Are you still at the warehouse? What the
fuck are you still doing there?” I ask.

“I just told you, my ride never showed.
Besides, these guys are okay to hang with!” The guys in the
background cheer at his reply.

I sigh into the phone. “Let me drop Jade
off, I’ll be there after.”

“Hurry the hell up man!” he says before
ending the call.

Jade saunters over to the car. I shoot her
an annoyed glare “What!” she laughs. “I was networking.”

“Get your ass in the car!” I huff, walking
over to the driver’s side.

Jade stays mum as we drive. And given that
she’s a motor mouth, I know instantly something’s up. There must be
something she wants to talk to me about, but doesn’t know how to
bring up.

Eventually, she can’t stay silent any
longer. “So… I haven’t seen too much of you recently,” Jade says
quietly.

“I’ve been around,” I say, my eyes not
leaving the road. Our mutual history with Shana and the pain we
both felt when she left drove a wedge between us two years ago, one
that has been slow to dissipate. It’s as if we remind each other of
losing her.

“I know, I’ve heard,” she
replies. I wait to hear the teasing lilt in her voice.
There isn’t one
. “Have
you ever considered going to find her?” The question leaves her
mouth cautiously.

“What the hell for?” I ask laughing
sarcastically. “Why the hell would I look for someone who clearly
doesn’t want to be found? Who obviously didn’t give enough of a
shit about either of us to even bother saying goodbye? You honestly
want me to start some kind of search and rescue? After all this
time?” My fingers grip the steering wheel. Jade knows how much I
hate to talk about this shit.

“I mean that we should hire someone to find
out if she’s okay. I just want to know that she’s okay,” Jade says
quietly. “And I think it may be good for you too. Some
closure.”

Jade says quiet for a moment longer. She
knows me well enough to know that planting the idea was all she
really needed to do. “And I haven’t said thank you yet for not
fucking my emcee!” she laughs.

“What makes you think I didn’t?” I ask with
a sly grin.

“Oh my god!” Jade yelps. “You are such a man
whore! But you’d better be careful messing with that one. She’s a
man eater.”

“Then you can call me the fucking buffet!” I
laugh.

I drop Jade and her trunkful of music
equipment off and head back over to the warehouse district to pick
up Emmanuel. As per our usual plan, I park in a side street about a
block away and finish the trip on foot. When I arrive at the
warehouse, Emmanuel is standing at the rear door, waiting.

He walks over and gives me a shoulder bump,
and barely recovers to an upright position. As I’m about to ask how
he managed to wreck himself so spectacularly, a shuffle breaks out
in the warehouse. Emmanuel turns to investigate in his intoxicated
stupor, when out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of a blue
and red light reflected in one of the dust-coated windows
inside.

“Shit!” I curse quietly, yanking Emmanuel
back and pulling him behind a rusted shipping container.

“Get the fuck off me, man! I wanna see what
the hell’s going on!” he shouts, yanking his arm violently from my
grasp.