Infinite Fear (2 page)

Rinsing the empty coffee cup, I go to the
fridge and grab a Corona from the bottom shelf before making my way
out to the front porch with it and a cigarette. My neighborhood is
rough, but at the same time, it’s so real. Children play on their
front porches, and the local women gather in small tight circles,
gossiping about the one that hasn’t yet joined them. Every family
on my street has painted their house in various colors of the same
cheap ass paint from the local hardware store, with the result that
it’s peeling and flaking in wide sections.

A few locals walk by. I raise a hand to the
guys. The women who have been unfortunate enough to end upin my bed
all walk by, eyeing me quickly then rushing past. I can never
figure out if they truly hate me, or if they just wish they were
riding my dick again, and they’re so mad because they aren’t. The
ones that I have yet to conquer walk by more slowly, stealing
glances at my bare chest. To those, I offer a small smile, always
keeping my options open.

But for the last two years,
this neighborhood has been a painful reminder of Shana’s absence.
We’d been friends since middle school. Back then, she hadn’t grown
into her breasts or her face, but once she did, she was beautiful.
We began dating in high school. She was my first kiss. Right here
on this porch, in the fucking love seat. We carved our names into a
heart on the tree that bordered between my house and the
neighbor’s, like lovesick children.
Heart,
arrow, and all
. A few months ago, I had
ceremoniously taken my knife and gouged out the offending reminder.
I was drunk and regretted it the next day. My bed, which has now
been relegated to entertaining random women, was where we lost our
virginity to each other.

Everything was fine between us; we were so
happy together. Right up until those two pink lines appeared on the
drugstore’s pee stick. Then nothing was ever the same again. Now
I’m sitting out here alone, enjoying the sunshine and scantily clad
women walking by, as Emmanuel’s old, beat up Chevy Camaro rolls up
and pulls to a stop outside my house. Heavy bass shakes the
windows. Only Emmanuel would have a sound system worth more than
the fucking car.

“He’s alive!” he jibes as
he makes his way up the path.
Emmanuel is
scary as hell
. With broad shoulders, dark
skin, and even darker eyes, he’s built like a fucking brick house.
Everyone is terrified of a beat down from him. Except me, because
when we met, he was so scrawny that you could look right past him
if he stood sideways.

“Where the fuck were you when that chick was
getting my name tattooed on her arm?” I ask.

“What?” he says, laughing. “Man, Jackson, I
have no idea how you get women to do such stupid shit.”

“Talent,” I say sarcastically.

“Shouldn’t you be at the
shop?” he asks. I shrug my shoulders indifferently. I’m supposed to
be working at my father’s mechanic shop right now. Not that I’m
ever actually there. When I do decide to show up, I’m either high
or drunk.
Or both
.
I suspect that my father prefers it when I just stay
home.

“After a couple more beers,” I say
uncertainly.

“Well, since you’re free, we have work to
do,” he says before walking inside to grab himself a beer.

Chapter 2

It’s no surprise that when I do finally
check in at the shop, that my father tells me he doesn’t need me
today. I get the sense that my parents have all but given up on me.
It suits Emmanuel, though, since he has other plans.

“We have to go move some
stuff today,” he says, eyes fixed on the road ahead. Emmanuel is
slowly becoming the go-to guy for all things illicit in our
neighborhood, and making a fortune at it. I can’t say I don’t like
the kickbacks, myself. We make our way over to
Club J
, owned by Emmanuel’s cousin
Julius, who also happens to be the distributor for the shit that he
moves. It’s a seedy joint, like a half derelict bar with neon
lighting and stripper poles. It has a crazy vibe, but doesn’t make
much money. Then again, it isn’t supposed to. It exists to clean
the money.

Inside, we find Julius
lounging on a sofa, auditioning his latest round of wannabe
strippers. He’s a scrawny-looking dude, the kind that no one should
be scared of. I could take him with one hand tied behind my back.
Except I won’t, because he is dangerous, and contrary to what he
looks like, he would definitely kill me. Either that, or one of his
many armed ‘friends’ would. And I don’t particularly want to
die.
Not yet, anyway
.

“Free show, boys?” he asks, grinning when he
sees us.

“Man, you are not hiring
any of these girls, and you know it. You just wanna watch,”
Emmanuel retorts, leaning in to give him a quick shoulder bump. He
shakes my hand, just as a pair of arms wrap around me from behind.
I swing quickly, always cautious that it’s a jilted ex-lover armed
with a kitchen knife.
It’s
not
.

“Hey Jade!” I say, embracing her in a fierce
hug. “What are you doing here?” I’m not happy that Jade is hanging
out at this dubious joint with these unscrupulous fools.

“Setting up the booth. I’m playing tonight,”
she replies.

“Here?” I ask skeptically. Jade is a
prolific DJ, the best one in this area in my humble opinion. She
could definitely score a venue better than this.

“I needed a space quickly. Julius did me a
favor. I have a guy from Atlanta coming down to see me, and if he
likes what I do, he may sponsor my EP. Plus he has some friends who
he could talk to about getting me into the music program at Brown,”
Jade explains. Her Cheshire cat grin shows how truly excited she
is.

I leave Emmanuel to talk with Julius and
head over to the DJ booth with Jade. I don’t get involved in
semantics when it comes to Emmanuel and Julius and what they do. My
role is simple: I’m the wingman. I have Emmanuel’s back, and he has
mine. I get a cut after the job is done. He does his part to
prevent me from getting arrested or shot and I do the same. If any
shit goes down, we leave together, and fuck everybody else.

“Like the new girl? I convinced Emmanuel to
hire her,” she says, nodding over to a scantily clad chick doing
warm up splits on the stage.

“For him or you?” I ask sarcastically. Jade
and I have been friends for as long as I have known Emmanuel and
Shana. She is one of the few girls in our neighborhood that hasn’t
done the walk of shame from my bedroom for two reasons. Primarily
because she was Shana’s best friend and is now mine, but also due
to the fact that she definitely does not like what I have to offer.
Jade has wide, sparkling green eyes, and long, sleek black hair.
She’s the stuff fantasies are made of for most men.

“I could turn you. Make you love dick, you
know,” I tease.

“You could not,” she answers
matter-of-factly. “Besides, after the way you love them and leave
them, I hear most women have decided to defect to my side.”

“Very funny,” I say jabbing her in the rib.
“Although not entirely untrue. What can I help with?”

I move and reposition a few
subwoofers for Jade. Amber, the stripper that wishes she could,
hands me a whiskey and performs a once over of my body while
licking her lips. I shudder involuntarily as she walks away. I was
sitting on the sub, browsing my cell while I waited for Emmanuel to
finish talking shop, when a pair of high top Jordans appears in my
view. I look up slowly as the picture unfolds. Tight black leather
pants and a crisp white tank, hugging a pair of awesome
breasts.
I’m a little jealous of that tank
top
. And finally, long, almost black hair
on a make-up free, but still unbelievably hot face. I stare in awe
at the refreshing sight. Besides Jade, everyone in here had fake
everything, plastered on make-up, and just exuded
classlessness.

Jade jumps off the platform and gives the
girl a quick hug. “Ready?” she asks her.

If this girl is into Jade
and not me,
fuck
,
there is no justice in the world. I shut the fly trap that is my
mouth, trying not to look like an idiot.

“Jackson, this is Nina.
Nina, Jackson,” Jade waves a hand dramatically. Nina meets my gaze
with a determined glare, her icy blue eyes terrifying yet
completely entrancing all at once.
One
night with her. Lord, just one.
She scans
her eyes over my chest, mentally undressing me, until she lands her
sight right on my crotch, gaze fixed. I clear my throat, but she
doesn’t avert her eyes. She continues her shameless investigation
of my concealed dick, clearly unashamed.

“Nice to meet you,” she says holding out her
hand, but still not moving her eyes.

“My face is up here,” I say
cockily.
So that’s what it feels like when
I talk to a chick and only stare at her breasts.

“I know,” she replies before jumping onto
the platform to set up.

“Who is that?” I ask Jade.

“Nina’s my emcee for tonight. But Jackson,
hands off the goddamn merchandise. You are not allowed to fuck her
before tonight. I need her on her A game. It’s important,” Jade
scolds.

“Scouts honor,” I say holding up two
fingers. “But what makes you think spending a little time with me
won’t have her on her A game?”

“I mean it,” Jade glares.

“Okay,” I laugh, raising my
hands in mock surrender. Nina leans over into her satchel bag, her
hot pink G-string making a welcome appearance. My dick responds
immediately.
I can’t wait to take her
home.

Emmanuel and Julius stand up as I watch the
sexual phenomenon that is Nina work with Jade. I stare openly.

“You ready Jay?” Emmanuel asks.

“Yep,” I say downing the last remnants of my
whiskey. “I’ll see you later Jade,” I call with a wave.

“Are you coming tonight?’ Jade calls.

“I certainly fucking hope
so,” I say, fixing my gaze on Nina. She doesn’t look up from the
equipment, but her lips curl into a small smile.
It’s already a done deal.

“We have to make a drop tonight,” Emmanuel
says, lighting a cigarette as we drive off.

“What time?” I ask.

“Ten,” he replies. “Should be done by
twelve.”

“Can it be wrapped up faster? I promised to
get back to the club to see Jade’s set. I need to be back by
eleven,” I say, thinking about the abject horror of missing my
chance with Nina.

“These guys are cool, just come with me to
do the drop, and then leave. I just need you watching my back for
the first part. You don’t have to stay for the formalities. I’ll
need you to take the cash. You can take the Camaro, and I’ll get
one of the boys to come get me after,” he answers.

I nod.
Sounds like a plan
.

“Stash the money with Eva,” he says, taking
a drag.

Eva is Emmanuel’s on again
off again fuck buddy. She stays faithful, screws him when necessary
and doesn’t question where else he’s been. In return, she gets to
happily spend Emmanuel’s cash.
The very
definition of a gold digger
. I can’t stand
Eva, but I tolerate her for Emmanuel’s sake.

I consider opening a beer from the stash on
the back seat, but change my mind. I want to remember Nina saying
my name tonight.

Chapter 3

Emmanuel and I pull up to
an abandoned warehouse in the old industrial district, the
streetlights flickering ominously above us. For the most part, the
drop goes well. I stay for the exchange and take the cash. Emmanuel
stays behind to negotiate future terms for Julius’ business. I hate
driving around with a bag full of cash.
I
hate what we do
. But it is, simply, what we
do.