Infinite Desire (34 page)

Taking
my hand into his and holding the ring up with the other, Cane stares into my
eyes with so much love it’s astounding. I feel compete staring back at him.

“Brittan
Nicole McKenna; four years ago I met the most beautiful, funny, and charismatic
woman right here in this very spot. After four years of calling you my
girlfriend. I now want to be able to call you my Fiancé and then my wife. You
are my best friend, my rock, you’ve stayed by my side through everything and
supported every decision I’ve made. Even if it wasn’t the one you wanted me to
make. I want to spend every day for the rest of my life, falling more deeply
and madly in love with you. Please say you will be my wife?”

Covering
my mouth with my only free hand, cries of joy erupt from the deepest part of my
soul. If I could pick the most perfect proposal ever, this would be it. I gaze
up at the night sky watching the fireworks spread across the sky. Turning my
eyes back to Cane I can’t help me scream, “Yes! Oh my God Cane, I cannot
believe this!” With shaky hands he carefully slides the ring onto my finger. I
can’t control my excitement and tackle him, making us both fall on ground.

“You’ve
just made me the happiest man on earth.” Cane leans down kissing me with so
much passion and love. I get a little giddy. “No, you’ve made me the happiest
woman on this entire planet!” I say into his mouth. Happily kissing him back.
Our moment is celebrated, with explosions of bright vibrant colors mixing and
dancing together in the skies; surrounded by our friends and total strangers
clapping and cheering for us. People offer their congratulations.  Cane climes
to his feet, extending his muscular arm he reaches for me. Taking his hand he
helps me stand. I can’t help but blush as I brush the sand off of my body.
Everyone is still staring at us. I quickly wave to everyone and sit back down
in the lawn chair.

“The
ring is just perfect Cane, I love it!” Gazing down at my left hand, now dawning
the most beautiful ring I’ve ever laid eyes on.

“I
was hoping you’d love it, I’ve been saving up for months to get it. I know you
love butterflies and the rubies are for July; the month we met and now the
month we got engaged.” Taking my hand into his he pulls it up to his mouth;
fluttering gentle kisses over my fingers and hand. A thousand butterflies
invades my stomach at once, as our overpowering love and commitment rushes
through my veins.

“I
have an idea, let’s go!” I say jumping up out of my chair and yanking Cane
across the beach. He yells back to Dalton and Matt to grab our chairs. Everyone
follows behind us, as we make our way through the thick crowd of people. After
what feels like an eternity we finally make it to the parking lot.

Walking
over to Cane’s Silverado he finally tries to pry my idea out of me. “So what is
this great idea that has popped into this beautiful head of yours?” He asks
tapping my temple playfully.

“You’ll
find out. Give me your truck keys…I’m driving!” Shaking his head he reaches
into his pocket and drops the keys into the palm of my hand. He’s learned over
the last few years together not to question me when I have a surprise. Nothing
he says or does will get me to spill.

“Hurry
your ass up Roxie, we got somewhere to be!” I shout climbing up onto the step
bar of the truck. Matt and Dalton toss the chairs and cooler into the back of
the truck, after everyone climbs in. I roar the truck to life, back out of the
parking lot and head downtown.

“Where
are we going?” Roxie asks popping her up front in between the front seats.

Turning
I give her an impish smile, “You’ll have to wait like everyone else. You’ll
find out soon enough.” I answer in a high pitched valley girl tone. I know how
much it irritates Roxie when I try to mock her voice.

After
driving almost twenty minutes we finally pull up to tattoo & co. “A Tattoo?
You just got a freakin’ music note behind your ear when you aced your last
semester!” Roxie shouts in my ear as she practically jumps into the front seat.

“Yes
a tattoo, God you can be such a prude.” Rolling my eyes I smile at Cane. “So
what do you think? I want to get one to celebrate tonight, you up for some
ink?”

“I’ve
been wanting to get one before I leave for Iraq, so what the hell.” I jump out
of the truck bouncing with excitement. Ever since I got my first tattoo in May
I’ve been dying to get another. Tonight is perfect!

After
looking through the books I finally decide on a butterfly with the body of a
music note. I told the tattoo artist to add 07-04-04 under it. Cane decided on
a Bald Eagle on in the middle of his back with an American flag design behind
it; the words
No Regrets
on a piece of paper the eagle is holding. It’s
beautiful, very symbolic and means a lot for the both of us.

We
spent the rest of night partying with everyone at Sea Side Dive drinking, and
playing pool.
Beyond Redemption
was playing tonight for the bar’s Fourth
of July party. They’re really good, and one of the most popular Miami based
bands around here. Seeing people on stage performing spark something in me; all
I want to do is jump onstage and join in. I live and breathe Music, it’s my
passion and my world. If I had the choice between four years of Majoring in
Music or actually performing on stage; I would pick performing hands down.

***

November 12th 2004

It’s
been two months since Cane deployed. Before he left, he trained me to fill his
bar tending position a few nights a week. I still waitress almost every
weekend, but during the week when it’s a little slower I bartend. It always
feels weird going into work and not having Cane here with me. I miss being able
to look over at the bar and see his beautiful face smiling back at me, during
our shifts together. Dale, the owner of Ocean Side Dive has been wonderful.
Anytime I need any help at our condo with anything maintenance won’t fix. He’s
right there doing it for me.

Cane
and I try to write letters to each other at least once a week, and he calls
when he can. Being so far apart is hard, but reading his letters helps me feel
like he’s right here beside me. The worst part is not even being apart, it’s
the not knowing. I am constantly wondering what he’s doing, and if he’s safe. I
avoid watching the news, because it only add to my worries and freaks me out
even more. Hearing about another soldier being killed, or seeing interviews with
wounded soldiers; is terrifying. It’s easier to keep it out of sight out of
mind, so I don’t drive myself completely crazy.

Roxie’s
is amazing. She sleeps over at our condo almost every night to keep my company,
she goes home to get a change of clothes and that’s about it. I’ve been so
distracted lately with Cane gone, that I am having trouble focusing in school.
It’s showing with my grades. If it wasn’t for Roxie ragging on me every night I
don’t think I would have the ambition to do my homework at all.

August
seems so far away, I hope these next nine months fly by, because I won’t feel
whole again until Cane is back home in my arms.

***

August 30
^th
2005

Cane
comes home today! I’ve been pacing the airport for what feels like an eternity
waiting for him to walk down that terminal. My parents had to work, and were
sad they couldn’t be here with me to welcome him home. Cane’s parents Terrance,
but we all call him Terry and his mom Janice, were here before I was. Roxie,
Matt and Dalton all showed up about twenty minutes ago to wait along with us. I
am a nervous wreck. It’s been a year since I’ve been in Cane’s arms or felt his
lips on mine.

Standing
by the window; lost in the darkness waiting on the light in my life to return,
Roxie stroll over and gives my hands a reassuring squeeze. We watch all the
planes landing on the runway in silence anticipation growing heavy around us.
The wait of him finally being here is killing me. With each plane that come
down the runway my heart beats more and more furiously against my ribcage,
increasing my level of anxiety. If I have to watch one plane land without my
baby getting off I think I’m going to be sick. Oh thank God! It finally lights
up on the wall that Cane’s plane landed on schedule. The love of my life is on the
other side of that gate; I took off running to the terminal with Roxie in tow,
we stand hand in hand waiting…I swear I’m probably cutting off the blood flow
to her fingers.

A
few moments later I see hope at the end of my dark tunnel in the form of Cane’s
baby blues. I scream with excitement and break into a full on run towards him.
Dropping his bags, he reaches out and catches me as I jump into his arms.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, I flutter kisses all over his face and lips.
Wanting to savor this moment that I’ve waited twelve very long months for. “Oh
my God, I missed you soooo much!” I say lunging at his lips for the perfect
welcome home kiss, not giving him even a second to try and speak. Relief washes
over me as my tears fall, at seeing him here safe and sound.  My pent up
anxiety starts seeping out of my body, leaving me relaxed.

Setting
me down, I stand beside him while everyone else hugs him and welcomes him home.
A few strangers stopped him to shake his hand, thanking him for his services. It
makes my heart swell that so many people so proud of my man. Seeing him in his
uniform is so freakin’ sexy, but he’ll look even better naked in our bed with
his uniform on the floor beside the bed.

Everyone
made their way to our condo for a welcome home celebration. We live right on
the beach, so the plan is to have a cook out on the grill and then water skiing
and tubing.

Grabbing
two beers from the fridge, I head outside and join everyone on our patio. Cane
and his dad are hard at work grilling and catching up with Dalton and Matt.
Sitting down next to Roxie at the outdoor table I slide her beer over to her.
“Here you go chicka.”

“So
you excited to finally have Cane home?” She asks poking me with her elbow.

“Oh
my god yes! Words fail explain how happy I am right now. It feels like these
last twelve’s months dragged on forever. I’m going to miss our slumber parties
though.” Smiling at her I take a long sip of my beer. I glance over and Cane at
the grill. “I’m overjoyed and relieved he’s finally home. I just hope that
everything he’s experienced over there, hasn’t affected him too much; that he’s
still the same Cane he was when he left.”

“He
seems okay. I don’t even want to think about everything he witnessed over in
Iraq. Just watching it on the news is horrible enough.” Wrapping her arm around
my mid-section, Roxie rests her head against me shoulder. “No matter what
girly, I’m here for you, and Cane. Matt to, if you need anything at all don’t
hesitate to text or call me…you got it.” She says in her dramatic Roxie way
jabbing me with her finger.

The
rest of the day went by in a blink of an eye. Cane’s parents left after dinner,
so we could all head out in the boat. We spent hours out on the water, I even
got a little sunburn, but Cane promised to rub Aloe all over my body before
bed. That perked me up. Everyone wanted us to go out to a new club that just
opened up, but Cane and I passed. We haven’t been alone in so long, all I want
to do is say goodbye to everyone, and crawl into bed with my amazing fiancé. 

After
everyone left we decided to shower first. I needed to wash all the sand and
salt water out of my hair.  Filling his hands up with my shampoo Cane went
straight to work, lathering it in my hair. Gently massaging my scalp with his
strong fingers, a small moan escapes my mouth. Going a year without his touch
has been the hardest thing of all. My vibrator takes the edge off, but it’s not
the same as the real thing. Making love to the person you love, connecting with
them on that intimate level, there is nothing else like it.

Pulling
me under the water, he rinses the shampoo out of my hair. Deciding to skip the
conditioner, I’ll just toss my hair into a bun when I get out. I turn around to
face him. Watching the water cascade down his toned and chiseled body, makes
the throbbing between my legs almost unbearable.  Cane was always fit and
muscular since the day I met him. He lived in the gym staying in shape for
basketball. But since he joined the army, he’s gotten even more toned and
defined.

I
travel my fingers along his arms, lean up on my toes kissing his lips that
still taste of salt water. Within seconds Cane’s lifting me in the air
instructing me to wrap my legs around him. Pinning me against the wall in the
shower, he cups my ass with both hands. Biting down on my bottom lip Cane lets
out a loud growl. “God Brittan, you don’t know how hard it’s been today waiting
patiently to finally be alone with you.”

I
rub my hands across the back of his hair and down his back. Hungry for his
touch, and trying to savor every inch of his body. “Ohh I know, because I was
ready to drag you in the bathroom at the airport!”

“Well,
be prepared to have my cock inside of you all night, because baby I plan on
make love to you until we pass out from exhaustion.”

“I
look forward to it.” I say smiling at him.

Crashing
our lips together in a fury of passion, I eagerly dip my tongue into his mouth.
The feeling of his tongue twisting against mine is almost enough to have me
coming right then and there. Cane’s grinding his hips into mine, stimulating my
clit with his hard growing erection. I can feel my first orgasm building inside
my womb, eager to be released. Rubbing against me harder and sucking on my neck
and collarbone is all he had to push over the edge. Slamming my head back
against the shower wall, I scream out in pleasure as the orgasm washes over my
body.