Inevitable (8 page)

“
Maybe it’s because I
haven’t
screwed him.” The words fell out before my brain
had even thought of them, and it felt like an invisible band was
squeezing around my chest.

“
Huh?” Lori asked, confused
and shaking her head as if she’s never
heard something so ridiculous.

“
Maybe he knows he won’t be getting anything from me and so
doesn’t see the point in pretending to like me anymore.” What a
dick Blaine was. In that moment I hated him. Or at least I
wanted
to.

“
Hmm, maybe,” she shrugged and then
thankfully dropped the subject before
sitting her iPod in a little dock on her dash. One Direction
flooded the air and although I can’t say I’m an actual fan, I found
the music sort of comforting. It reminded me of home – of the
UK.

The rest of the fifteen-
minute drive was spent talking about hot
boy bands and even hotter film stars – or rather Lori talked, I
listened. My eyes met Blaine’s the moment she pulled into the
school car park. He quickly pulled his gaze away and then continued
to slobber all over the redhead he had scooped in his arms. The
sight physically churned my stomach. Waves of bile clawed at my
throat and I had to breathe through my nose for fear I might
actually throw up.

Why did I even
give a shit?

I threw myself into study mode for the rest of the day,
making extensive and probably irrel
evant notes in the new spiralled notebook
Lori gave me during first period. It was bright pink with clouds on
the cover and I was grateful that could be easily hidden by keeping
it tucked underneath the open pages. I intentionally absorbed so
much information I barely had time to notice Blaine ignoring me. Or
the fact every time his gaze caught mine he would start eating the
redhead alive. Hardly any time at all… at least, that’s what I told
myself. For a brief second I allowed myself to think he was doing
it on purpose – somehow that helped the sickening knots in my
stomach unravel a little.

But then I
realised, I just wasn’t that important.

I followed Lori around like a lost puppy. Taking over from
Blaine she walked me to all of my classes, even though I told her
it was unnecessary. She insisted I joined her and her friends at
lunch and
I
got the distinct impression from the table full of Barbie clones
that I wasn’t welcome. Lori introduced them as Jessica, Bonnie and
(who I decided was the ringleader of the bitchfest) Sky. Ignorantly
they huddled and whispered at every available opportunity, sneaking
peeks at me while they giggled as
if I was one of Coney Island’s circus
freaks. Lori sat uncomfortably silent, flashing me the odd look of
either pity or guilt which in turn made me feel sorry for
her
.

Why the hell did she hang around with
these vile creatures? She could
do so much better.

“
Hey, Mrs Sinclair’s kid is sick or something so she’s had
to go home,” Lori said excitedly as I jabbed my fork into what she
told me was a ‘tater tot’. “So that means no last period. We
could hit the shops.
Maybe get you some summer clothes.”

“
Sure,” I said eagerly when I remembered Mum and I were
supposed to be visiting Treacle this evening. I’d lap up any excuse
not to go to her house – to
Blaine’s
house.

“
Not that there’s anything wrong with your clothes. I mean…
that sweater is…
nice?
Yellow is just your colour. I just thought- well maybe…”
she stuttered,
clearly thinking she’d offended me by suggesting I need new
clothes – which I did.
Desperately
. Not only because I was sweating my tits off in
these jumpers, but because I wanted to do something,
anything
to make it easier
for Lori to be my friend without her bitch ‘friends’ giving her
grief for it. I doubted new, more weather appropriate clothes would
actually change anything – especially seeing as they wouldn’t have
been slutty and designer - but I had to try.

“
Honest, Lori. Sounds great. Sorry, my head is just a bit
all over the place today,” I lied. My head was in fact focused
solely in one place – on Blaine Elwood
; the boy who I was starting to think had
a split-personality disorder.

In that moment, as if by magic, Blaine paused at the head
of our table on his way out of the cafeteria. The redhead, who in
my head I’d
not-so-affectionately named ‘FUBS’ – or FuckUglyBitchSlut,
wrapped her anorexic body around him like a predatory snake. Like a
car crash which you know you shouldn’t watch but you can’t seem to
peel your eyes away, I gaped as she prized open his mouth with her
tongue and lapped it up like an arid dog.

They were so close I
could hear every
disgusting squelch as their carnivorous
lips smacked against each other – the sound diving unwanted into my
ears and cascading straight down into my suddenly queasy stomach
and making me want to heave. Then I caught a glimpse of FUBS’
fingertips sneaking up Blaine’s back, the hem of his fitted black
tee puckering as it began to ride up, teasing my eyes with a peek
of his toned, pasty flesh. His back stiffened and he immediately
batted her hand away, startling both FUBS and
me
with equal measure.

Then his eyes
caught mine.

For a fleeting moment his eyebrows knitted together and I
thought I saw a flash of sorrow, or maybe even…
guilt, s
wamp his impossibly perfect face. It
was only after Lori nudged my shoulder I realised I had been
gawping pathetically and I quickly snatched my eyes away. Then I
heard Blaine’s voice – a voice smoother and richer than the world’s
finest dark chocolate, so distinct (to me anyway) that it was
discernable even over the mass of raucous students flooding the
cafeteria – mumble something about his back getting ‘thrashed’ in
football practice.

My
thoughts were saturated with images of Blaine throughout the ride
to the shopping plaza. Despite telling myself not to I couldn’t
stop wondering why his beautiful expression morphed into what could
only be described as angst when he saw me. Or why the ephemeral
rise of his tee exposed a spot of ashen skin, almost as pale as
mine, when the rest of him – his bulging arms, his strong neck, his
flawless chiselled face – was such a delicious shade of bronze;
like the Californian sun had swooped from the sky just to kiss
every inch of him.

“
You’re not into this are you?” Lori said despondently, pulling
me from the reverie I shouldn’t have been having.

“
I’m sorry. I’m not exactly showing you what good friend
material I am, am I?” I glanced over at Lori and she smiled
sweetly, her eyes fixed on the road. Of course she would never tell
me what shit company I made. She was far too nice for that. “I
suppose I’m just overwhelmed. This whole situation… the move, the
new school, this whole bloody country… it’s a lot to take
in.”
Plus I
have developed an unnatural obsession with a guy who seems to hate
me all of a sudden.
“And of course it’s even harder to adjust when nobody likes
you.”

“
Bullshit!” Lori snapped unexpectedly. The word seemed so
alien, so…
unnatural,
coming out of her sweet, glossed lips. “
I
like you. My friends like you,
and-”

“
Oh, please! They look at me like I’ve just dipped my head
in
a bucket
of steaming diarrhoea.” Lori feigned a look of perplexity and
opened her mouth to protest. But then her expression melted into
acquiescence.

“
You caught that, huh?”

A blind monkey
would’ve caught that.

I wanted to tell her she could do so much better in the
friends department but I didn’t feel I knew her well enough to be
so blunt after just
a few days. I made a mental note to do it as soon as I felt
qualified however.

“
What about Blaine?
He
likes you.”

I’m pretty sure even that
same blind monkey would have picked up the
exact opposite.

“
Blaine
… I just don’t get him at all. In all seriousness I’m
pretty sure he hates me right now, although I have
zero
idea why. We were
such good…
friends.
Until last night that is. I don’t get what happened. One
minute were fine, bickering like we always do and the next… he
couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”

“
Hmm,” Lori murmured as if she was trying to summon some
reasoning.

“
Let’s not talk about him. We’re here to shop, and shopping
equals fun, right?” Or at least that’s what high school girls in
the movies say.

“
Hell yeah! And you couldn’t have chosen a better
assistant,” she said with a flutter of her long, obviously fake
lashes as she pulled into the huge car park littered with flashy
cars.

“
Want to come in?” I felt obliged to ask – a sort of thank
you for taking me shopping
– even though I didn’t buy anything - and buying
me a pizza.

“
Sure,
” she replied as excited as ever.

Lori’s clicking heels followed behind me as I walked up the
dirty path to splintered wood door of my house. Pulling my key out
of my rucksack I had my head turned to Lori as I opened the door,
telling her I promised to buy something next time we shopped. Then
I witnessed the blood drain from her tanned face leaving her paler
than me. Anxious, I snapped my head around to follow her gaze. What
I saw caused my
blood to boil so violently I thought I might spontaneously
combust.

“
Mum what the fuck are you doing?” I yelled towards the
brown sofa where my naked mother was sprawled on her
back.

The bald man’s
bare arse stopped pummelling my mum long enough
for him to turn and face me. He didn’t jump off, didn’t try to
cover himself. He didn’t even look embarrassed! Then my mum had the
cheek to narrow her eyes at me and shoo me away with her hand as
she mouthed ‘I’m working’.

“
Get the fuck out of my house or I’m calling the fucking
police!” I barked at him so forcefully the words burned into the
back of my throat.

He
grunted in frustration then leapt from the sofa, gathering his cord
trousers and stripy yellow shirt from the floor and dragging them
on as fast as he could. My mum made no effort to move. She just
continued to lie there - legs open, naked and having the cheek to
glower at me. I hurried over to her, grabbed the frayed flowery
throw from the back of the sofa and threw it over her before
snatching the bald guy’s jacket from the floor and shoving it at
him and pushing him towards the door.

It was then I
noticed Lori stood at the doorway, still a deathly shade of white
and staring awkwardly at the floor. Pure shame ate away at my
insides like acid and I wanted to cry.

“
I should, um, get going,” she said uneasily when the
strange man barged past her. I motioned her outside and closed the
door behind us.

“
I’m so sorry, Lori.” I dropped my head, wishing the ground
would swallow me.

“
What the hell for? That was in no way your fault.” It took
me a few seconds to process the fact that she wasn’t going to run
away screaming. Then another few to get my head around the idea
that she might actually still like me.

“
I just wish you hadn’t seen that. My mum, well… my mum
has,
issues
.”

“
Yeah, I kinda gathered that,” she said but there was no
judgement in her tone.

“
I wouldn’t blame you if you did but, well I’d appreciate it
if-”

“
If you’re worried I’m gonna tell anyone, Maddie, then don’t,”
she interrupted, “I would never do that.”

I had never
wanted to hug somebody so much in my life. And so, I did.

“
Thank you, Lori. You really are the best friend I could’ve
hoped to find here.”

“
You bet I am,” she teased before pulling out of our embrace.
“I’ll text you later. I hope you’ll be okay, Maddie.”

“
Don’t worry about me. Believe me, this isn’t the first time
I’ve had to deal with shit like this and I doubt it’ll be the
last,” I said regretfully. I sighed when I realised that for some
foolish, naïve reason I believed my mum when she said this move was
a fresh start, that we’d be leaving all the shit from our past
behind us.

What a stupid,
gullible bitch I was.

When I walked
back in the house my mum was comatose in the exact position I’d
left her in.

“
Oh, Mum,” I breathed, crestfallen as I tucked the blanket
down her sides. Then I set about clearing up after her, gathering
the empty condom wrappers and foil wraps for the bin, wiping the
white powder remnants from the plastic table and pouring what was
left of her bottle of vodka down the sink.

Next I grabbed
my duvet and two pillows from my bedroom and settled down on the
floor beside her, anxiously waiting to deal with her when she wakes
up.