Inevitable (28 page)

My taxi
arrived just minutes after calling it and I made it to the hospital
with five minutes to spare. When I reached my mum’s room she was
signing a stack of papers on the wheeled table at the foot of her
bed with a plump, grey-haired receptionist hovering over her. She
flashed me an excited smile when she clocked me but almost
immediately it melted into a frown.

“
You’ve been crying,” she said.

Damn.

“
No I haven’t. I’m great honest.
” I lied, forcing a smile in place
that I know she wouldn’t buy.

“
Hmm, well we’ll talk about this later.”

Double
damn.

“
You all set?” I asked her, summoning as much fervour as I
could manage.

“
I think Doctor Andrews wants to speak with you first. Give
you the rundown on how to babysit me.” She rolled her eyes before
adding on “he’ll be here in a minute.” As if on cue Doctor Andrews
strode into the room offering his hand for me to shake.

“
I thought you might have some questions for me before you
take your mom home?” Doctor
Andrews said.

“
Um…” I couldn’t think of anything and I flushed beet-red as I
stood there like an idiot. “Oh, actually there is
something.”

“
I’ll wait outside whilst you talk about me,” my mum
interrupted with a petulant smirk on her face. I wanted to tell her
she didn’t need to but in all honesty I just couldn’t be
arsed.

“
What can I help you with?” Doctor
Andrews asked after my mum moodily
slammed the door behind her. He assessed my reaction to her little
outburst, as if he was wondering if I thought that was part of her
illness. Truth is, she has always been a temperamental
mare.

“
I was just wondering about… well about leaving her alone.” I
felt so selfish saying it out loud. Like I couldn’t be bothered
staying home to look after my own sick mother. “It’s just I have
work… and school. I mean I can stay home with her for a few days
but I need my job. And school… I can’t just drop out
of-”

“
Maddie,” he interrupted when I became a blabbering mess. “I
wouldn’t be discharging your mom if I thought it wasn’t safe for
her to be alone. She needs normality – there’s no point in
prolonging it. We all need to see how she copes
in ‘the real world’ so to speak.
I can’t deny it’s going to be difficult for her… for both of you.
And for now I’d like your mom to come back twice a week to discuss
her progress. But essentially, yes, Maddie, it is fine to leave
your mom alone.” Relief coursed through my veins and in turn that
made me feel guilty.

“
Thank you, Doctor.” He nodded and smiled before gesturing
towards the door.
He paused when his hand reached the handle and turned back
around.

“
You know, when a patient experiences episodes of psychosis
there is often a trigger. I’ve talked with your mom a lot and I
feel like there is something she is holding back. Something she’s
afraid to share. Have you any idea what that could be?”

My brow
furrowed as I contemplated for a few long seconds.

“
No, I don’t think so,” I replied honestly. My mum wasn’t
afraid of anything – even of things that she
should
be. The doctor knew about her
intermittent drug use, her ‘profession’ and the fact she’d spent
the majority of her life running away… I couldn’t think of anything
else. “I’ll talk to her,” I concluded.

“
I think that would be a good idea. Although, don’t push her
too far. If you feel like she’s…
struggling
, stop.” I nodded and bit my lip in
confusion. Then I followed him out of the room.

“
Come on, nut-job, let’s get you home,” I said
affectionately, draping my arm ove
r my mum’s shoulder. Doctor Andrews talked
me through a couple of boxes of medication – mood stabilisers and
anti-psychotics – then he stuffed them into a white paper bag
before handing them to me along with a small printed appointment
card.

When we
reached home I’d barely closed the front door behind me when my mum
started her inquisition.

“
What’s he done?” she asked in a sympathetic drawl.

“
Who?” I feigned ignorance. Of course she didn’t buy
it.

“
Come on, Maddie, cut the crap. You look like shit and you’ve
not mentioned Blaine for the longest time since you jumped his
bones…”

“
Mum!” I admonished.

“
It doesn’t take a genius to work it out. He’s pissed you off.
So come on, what’s he done?”

“
I, um, heard him talking to a girl on the phone?” I hadn’t
meant it to come out like a question. I also hadn’t meant to spout
a heap of complete bullshit. But I’d started so I’d have to finish.
“I yelled at him and we argued. But then it, um, turned out to be…
his sister?” I might as well have been holding a flashing neon sign
that read ‘I’m lying through my arse cheeks’.

Amazingly my
mum didn’t seem to notice.

“
I never had you down as the jealous type,” she muttered with a
scolding expression. “You know you need to apologise right?” I
fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“
I know. I will… I just need a couple of days.”

“
Well he’s a good lad, Maddie. Don’t let him slip through your
fingers.”

I wanted
to cry. I loved him. I’d never let him slip through my fingers. But
that might not be my decision to make anymore. I don’t quite know
why I lied to my mum. Maybe because I didn’t want to face the
truth. Or because I didn’t want her to think badly of Blaine. Or
maybe because I thought Blaine would call any second now and make
it all okay.

I still didn’t
understand what had happened – what I’d done wrong.

Before I left for work I settled my mum down on the
sofa in front of the
telly. I’d found a channel a couple of weeks ago that airs
Eastenders – although it’s a few months behind the UK. So with a
quilt, a huge bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Jack Branning,
my mum was set for the night.

Don and Michelle were giggling about something behind the
walnut counter when I arrived.
Don is a university sophomore – which I learned
just yesterday means second year student– and was no doubt filling
Michelle in on another eventful day on campus. When they heard the
door ping they both looked my way and smiled. Instantly, their
smiles faded.

“
What’s wrong, Mads?” Don asked as I approached the
counter.

Not again.

“
Yeah, you look like shit,” Michelle concurred.

“
Gee, thanks,” I muttered sarcastically.

“
Seriously, girl, you okay?” Michelle rubbed at my shoulder
whilst I repeated a mantra in my head.
I will not cry. I will not cry. I
will not cry.

Then… I cried
my treacherous eyes out.

Michelle ushered me into the back room and Don eventually
joined when the floor was quiet. I poured my breaking heart out to
them. I explained what had happened in the car park with Blaine and
how confused it had left me, although I missed out anything to do
with his father. Therefore
, without any real facts, they could only reach
one conclusion – Blaine was a jackass.

I just couldn’t believe that. I
knew
Blaine. I loved him for crying out loud!
And I know he loved me too. Either that or he was one hell of a
fucking actor. It had to be something to do with his dad. I
wondered if he’d threatened him, or hurt him so badly he just
couldn’t bear to talk about it. In that moment I decided I wouldn’t
give up on him. I couldn’t. I loved him.

So, before I had chance to talk myself out of it I pulled
my phone from my pocket and dialled Blaine’s number. I wasn’t
surprised when I heard his answerphone message
, ‘Hey, it’s Blaine. Your
turn…’

“
Hey, it’s Maddie. Talk to me. Please, Blaine. I don’t
understand. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. Have you broken up
with me? Are you just pissed off
with me? I need answers, Blaine. I’m going
out of my fucking mind! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m just
confused. I need you. Please call me.
Please.
I love you.”

Yep, I’m
pretty sure I failed my mission to not sound like a pathetic and
desperate mess.

The rest
of my shift dragged laboriously. I liked to think I was doing a
pretty good job of not allowing myself to think about Blaine, or
how much my chest hurt, but seeing as I found myself checking my
mobile every thirty seconds in case I’d missed his call – I guess I
wasn’t doing as well as I thought.

Nearing the
end of my shift, I headed into the back room to hang up my
cobalt-blue apron. The place was dead so I didn’t think Michelle or
Don would mind if I slacked off for the last fifteen minutes. As I
slumped down into the black leather sofa I started to wonder how I
was going to get home. Blaine always took me home. The thought made
my eyes sting.

It was
almost ten o’clock so I didn’t fancy my chances on the bus with a
bunch of potential rapists and murderers. I didn’t want to walk for
the same reason. So, I guess a taxi was my only option. In all
honesty though, I was a little apprehensive about being alone with
a taxi driver at this time of night too. There was something about
the dark that made everyone seem that little bit more
intimidating.

“
You came!” I heard Michelle beam through the thick wooden
door. I thought nothing of it and went back to deciding which route
home was least likely to get me assaulted. But then my ears pricked
up at a familiar voice.

“
Sure did. Am I too late to grab an iced latte?” Lori asked. I
stood up and heaved the heavy door open.

“
I’ll always make an exception for you,” Michelle said with
what looked like a suggestive grin as I joined them at the counter.
Then, I could almost swear I saw her wink at Lori. Was I missing
something?

“
Wow, Maddie, you look like shit,” Lori said, wrapping an arm
around me as I joined her at the barstools at the other side of the
counter.

“
So I’ve been told.” Repeatedly in fact.

“
He’s not called then?” I simply shook my head. I couldn’t
talk about it. If I did, I would cry. “Well I’m giving him two days
to get his shit together then he’s gettin’ a piece of my mind. I
don’t care what crap he’s got going on in that dumbass head of his
but he’s not making my best friend feel like this.”

Damn.
Against my will, I started bawling my eyes out.

“
Fuck, Lori, I think I might be turning into… a
cheerleader
.” Sounds ridiculous I know but I really did feel like I
was being
that
dramatic. I was crying at
everything
– even things un-Blaine related. Lori
giggled which in turn made Michelle and Don feel comfortable enough
to laugh along with her.

“
Hey you know I was a cheerleader in sophomore year right?” she
gasped, feigning hurt.

“
That’s different. I like you, so I’m willing to overlook
all the overly girly crap you’ve got going on,” I teased. Again she
chuckled. “Can I be a cheeky cow and cadge a lift home from
you?”

“
Sure you can. You ready now?”

I looked at
the round white clock above the back room door.

“
I don’t officially finish for another five
minutes.”

“
Go on, Mads. Get your ass home and sleep off some of your
shit,” Don said as he began the process of wiping down the tables
for the night. If only it was that easy…

“
Great!” Lori squealed, taking her latte-to-go from
Michelle. “Let’s go.” I nipped in the back room to get my bag and
then followed Lori towards the exit. She stopped as she opened the
door and looked back towards the counter, her eyes so bright as
they locked onto Michelle I was pretty sure they’d be visible from
space. “I’ll call you later!” she hollered with a smile so wide I
thought her face might crack.

Yep. I was
definitely
missing something.

“
You better! Y’all have a good night,” Michelle replied. Her
accent was adorable.

“
Since when did you and Michelle become such good friends?”
I pressed as we simultaneously slid into Lori’s car.
She sighed. She
actually sighed.
Oh shit
. Lori was in love.

“
I really like her, Maddie,” she admitted nervously.

“
No shit. You were practically sizzling back
there.”

“
Oh my god was I making an ass of myself?”

“
Course not,” I assured her. “No more than Michelle was
anyway. She’s so into you too.”

“
You really think so?” Just as I thought she was about to start
the car she released the wheel and shifted in her seat to face me.
“I thought maybe she was like that with everyone.”

“
Don’t get me wrong she’s really friendly with everyone,
maybe even flirty… but I’m telling you now if
anyone
stared at my tits as much as she
stared at yours tonight they’d be getting a slap.”