Inevitable (20 page)

I wasn’t sure
what I was looking for, but I stopped whenever I came across
anything with Trudy’s name on it. I glanced over her passport,
various bills, numerous contracts… nothing. I was just about to
give up when I stumbled upon a file entitled ‘Certificates’.

My birth certificate slid out first, followed by Kara’s.
Then my mother’s death certificate (which made my heart ache a
little) and then…
Fuck.

My dad and Trudy’s marriage certificate
… Trudy’s former last name –
Davis.

“
Blaine?” I almost choked to death on my own heart at the sound
of my name. “What are you doing in here?” Trudy asked.

“
I, um, was just…”
Fuck it,
I decided. I was going to come right out and ask
her. “Are you Maddie’s mom?”

I stood
impatiently waiting for the inevitable tirade of bullshit to come
flowing out of Trudy’s mouth. But she didn’t even flinch – didn’t
even look surprised by what I’d said.

“
Yes,” she confirmed. My jaw dropped open, practically
smacking into my sneakers. I was… dumbfounded. I’d expected her to
at least attempt to lie.

“
Why, Trudy? How could you leave your own fucking
daughter?”

“
What do you want me to say, Blaine? That it was because I
loved her? I thought I was doing the best by her? The truth is I
left her because I was a selfish bitch. Your father offered me the
world and I took it because I was sick of having nothing,
being
nothing… being stuck
with a mistake I had no clue how to raise!”

I
glowered at Trudy, both repulsed and impressed by her
honesty.

“
It wasn’t until I had Kara I regretted my decision. By the
time your sister was born I was clean, I was stable… I had
everything to offer a child. I could finally focus on being a
mother without having to worry about where my next fix would come
from, my next ‘job’ would come from, or whether I’d be able to
afford a can of baby food that week.

“
The moment I first looked into Kara’s eyes I knew exactly what
her future held. I knew the kind of life I wanted for her and I
knew I was in a position to make it happen. However, every time
I’ve looked into Kara’s eyes since that day I’ve felt nothing but
guilt – the pain of which is excruciating.”

“
So why didn’t you go back for her?” The question seemed so
obvious it verged on ridiculous.
A lone tear trickled miserably down
Trudy’s cheek and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her
hand.

“
Your father,” she murmured, lifelessly. Was she afraid of
him too?

“
My father what?” I snapped, suddenly eager to know if I was
the only one who had suffered at his hands. It had never crossed my
mind before that he would hurt Trudy – hurt
any
woman. A choking lump materialised
deep in my throat… Kara? Would he hurt Kara? “Trudy!” I yelled I
got no answer.

“
Blaine,” she said solemnly, “we both know your father has ways
to ensure he gets exactly what he wants.”

“
You know don’t you?” I roared in utter disbelief. “You know
what he fucking does to me!”

“
Blaine, I- I-”

“
What about Kara? I swear to god if he’s ever laid a fucking
finger-”

“
No, Blaine. He’s never hurt your sister. He wouldn’t stoop
that low.” Rage seethed through my veins as I wondered if she knew
as well as I
did just how low he was capable of ‘stooping’.

“
But he’s hurt you? Is that what you’re telling me? Because
if it is then why the hell
wouldn’t
he touch Kara?” I felt sick to the pit of my
stomach. If my dad was to walk into the room right now, I was
pretty sure I would kill him.

“
She’s his baby, Blaine.”
So am I…
“He adores her.” Trudy shrugged as if that
explained everything.

“
How badly has he hurt you, Trudy?” I asked curiously, almost
as if I expected to find solace in our shared pain.

“
That’s none of your concern,” she said bluntly. I opened my
mouth to say ‘like hell it isn’t but she cut me off. “Are you going
to tell Maddie?”

The sound of Maddie’s name sliced into my heart. If I
didn’t tell her I would be lying to her. I would be keeping her
from knowing who she really is. I would be committing an immense
act of betrayal. But if I did tell her, I was almost certain she’d
leave
– run
away back to England. She would hate Trudy. She would hate my
father. Would she hate them more than she loved me?

I couldn’t do
it – I couldn’t lose her. In that moment I decided my only option
was to be the most selfish bastard in the world.

“
No. No, I won’t tell her.” Bizarrely, Trudy looked
disappointed. Did she want Maddie to know? In that moment it felt
like my heart disintegrated into nothingness. This secret would be
the end of me and Maddie. Somewhere along the line it would destroy
us. She would find out… and she would hate me.

But I couldn’t
tell her.

“
I’m going out,” I
declared. Trudy didn’t so much as look at me as I
tucked the certificate file back in the drawer where I found it,
and left.

Maddie

L
ori’s mobile rang as I was making a coffee for her and a
tea for me. She looked…
worried
… when she saw who was calling and stepped into
the living room to answer. I could hear her clearly of course,
seeing as my house was only marginally bigger than a
shoebox.

“
I’m at home,” she whispered. “I’m going to bed soon, I’ve, um,
got a headache… sure… no, I said I wouldn’t didn’t I? No, Sky, I
haven’t forgotten that… I know you do… I do appreciate you! Okay…
you too… see you tomorrow… Bye.”

Lori re-joined
me in the kitchen as I was squeezing my teabag against the side of
my chipped white mug.

“
It was just my mom,” she lied. She actually bloody
lied!

“
Cut the crap, Lori,” I spat, getting irritated. “What the hell
is going on with you and Sky? It’s like she’s got some kind of hold
over you! She treats you like shit, why the fuck do you put up with
it?” I demanded in a temper.

Then… Lori
started crying.

“
I’m sorry, Lori.” I ambled over to her and threw my arms over
her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” Even though
technically, I did.

“
Oh, Maddie, I just don’t know what to do.” I pulled Lori
into a full on hug and she sobbed silently into my shoulder. What
the hell had Sky done to her?

Lori’s tears eventually turned into dry
sniffles and we made our way
over to the couch with our drinks. My mum was out shopping…
alone
… and I was trying hard not to worry about that and keep my
attention focused on Lori.

“
Sky knows something about me, Maddie. I did something a few
months ago and although she was totally understanding, she knew
everyone else would see me differently – they would
judge
me. She’s never told
anyone – I owe her so much.”

“
So what, she threatens to spill every time you don’t do as she
says?”

She
shrugged.

“
I don’t know. She likes to remind me what she’s done for me,
and sometimes I think that’s what she means. But I’ve never gone
against her to find out. I don’t mind though. I really do owe
her.”

“
Bullshit!” I snapped. “That bitch is poison and you know
it. A real friend wouldn’t hold a secret against you like that. I
know you know that, Lori, you’re not stupid.” Lori giggled and it
infuriated me.

“
What?” I urged.

“
You know, you’re the only person who’s never thought of me as
being stupid. I love you for that, Maddie.”

“
That’s because I’m your friend. You’re
real
friend. I hate to see you being
pushed around by that jumped-up slut.”

“
She’s not that bad,” she excused. I glared wryly at her.
“Really. I don’t think she’d tell anyone – she just likes to get
what she wants. My life would be hell if it wasn’t for her keeping
my secret.”

“
You’re scaring me now, Lori. What the hell did you do?” I
snapped a little more acerbically than I’d intended. But we were
friends too. Didn’t I deserve to know as well?

“
I kissed her,” she confessed, hiding her pained expression in
her hands and letting her white-blonde hair fall over her
face.

“
Is that all?” What could only be described as relief flushed
through my veins. “Jesus, Lori, I thought you’d fucking killed
someone or something!”

Lori’s timid
face slowly emerged from behind her hands and she stared at me
warily, confused even.

“
Did you hear what I said?” She sounded almost annoyed. “I
kissed her, Maddie! I kissed Sky! And not by accident, not because
I was drunk or fooling around… I kissed her because I was in love
with her!”

“
I’m sorry, Lori, but I still don’t get it. So you kissed
her, she knocked you back, what’s the big deal? Isn’t that part of
everyday high school life?”

“
She’s a freakin’ girl, Maddie!”

“
So? Wait, is this because you’re a lesbian? Is that what
you’re so afraid of people knowing?” I remembered back to when I
first told Lori I loved her and made some joke about her coming on
to me. I felt guilty as I wondered if she took my mock-offence too
literally.

“
Of course it is! You say it like I’ve just confessed to
having a gherkin fetish… like it’s so…
normal.
”

“
Firstly, eww –
no one
likes gherkins. Second, isn’t it? What the hell
difference does it make if the person you fall for has a corndog or
a fur burger?” A smile burst through onto Lori’s angst-ridden face
and we both laughed as she slapped my shoulder. “I’m serious
though, Lori, if anyone looked at you different because of that,
then they’re arseholes who don’t deserve to be in your life anyway.
Fuck ‘em, Lori. Fuck ‘em all!”

A brief
silence followed as Lori mulled over what I’d said. I broke it with
a question which had been bugging me since ‘her mum’ called.

“
Why didn’t tell Sky you was with me when she called?” Lori
shrugged and then her expression fell into what looked like
guilt.

“
Sky doesn’t like you,”
no shit,
“she doesn’t want me to hang around with
you anymore.”

That
should have made me angry but instead I just felt desperately sorry
for Lori. I wished she didn’t feel like she owed that bitch
anything. I wished she could see how amazing she was.

“
Listen, Lori, I know you’re struggling with this, and I
wish to god you could see how unimportant this whole thing is –
anyone who loves you will
not
think any less of you… but I also know you’ll find the
strength to be yourself when you’re ready. I’m not going to ask you
to throw a huge coming out party with cocktails and rainbows any
time soon, but I want you to think about telling Sky where to go.
She shouldn’t have such power over you, Lori. You’re so much better
than that.”

“
I’ll- I’ll
think
about it. I’m just not ready for anyone to find out yet,
Maddie. It’s not just school, it’s my parents, my family…” Lori
sighed heavily and I threw my arms around her. She was my best
friend and she was struggling, hurting… that hurt me too. “Thank
you for being so… ‘not arsed’, Maddie,” she said with a smile,
trying to mimic my accent. Why did everyone feel the need to do
that?

“
Believe me I’ve had to bite my tongue through this whole
conversation,” I said with mock-seriousness, causing the blood to
drain from Lori’s face. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a flying
crap if you have a sexual preference for boys, girls or
kanga-fuckin’-roos… but
Sky?
Seriously? I thought you had taste, girlfriend!” I
mimicked
her
accent this time and was pretty sure I was as bad at it as
she was.

“
I love you, girl,” I declared, nudging her
shoulder.

“
Jeez, I’ve been out to you for like five minutes and you’re
coming on to me!” she teased. “I love you too… in a total
sister
kinda way,” she
clarified with a playful wink.

“
What? You don’t think I’m hot?” I said, feigning shock.
Lori giggled and rolled her eyes at me. She’d been so down lately
and as she smiled she finally looked…
free.
“Credit where it’s due though, you have
exemplary acting skills. I could’ve sworn the first day I met you
that you were fixated with Blaine.”

“
That’s not hard.
Every
girl is fixated with Blaine. I just copied what I
witnessed on a daily basis.” A rush of pride danced through my
body. Every girl
was
obsessed with Blaine… and he was mine! “So anyway, you
spent the night with him. I want all the gory details.
Spill!”