Indulgence (208 page)

I cradled her to me before she sank to the glass covered
floor; her sobs were so guttural that I was on the verge of begging her to
stop. Her legs completely gave out so I lifted her in my arms. She was limp
except for the sniffling and raspy breaths she let out between sobs. Her head
was resting against my chest and her hands were lifeless in her lap. I turned
to the stairs and started walking us to the bedroom and she began to quiet.

Setting her down on the end of the bed I said, “Stay here, I
need to check your feet.” I walked to the bathroom doorway and checked to see
she hadn’t moved. Rummaging through her cabinets I looked for bandages,
ointment and tweezers.

I sat down next to her with my supplies before placing her
feet in my lap examining them one at a time. Her left foot seemed to be fine. I
ran my fingertips gingerly over the pads of her toes, the ball of her foot and
the heel and didn’t feel any slivers of glass and she didn’t flinch. When I
lifted her right foot, splotches of blood covered the bottom of it. I didn’t
even know where to start cleaning.

“Cassidy, I should clean this in the sink first.” She was
silent except for the small moan she released as I scooped her up.

I set her down on the counter and turned her to place her
right foot in the sink. I turned the water to warm and let the water flow over
her foot. The blood started to disappear from her foot and circled the drain.
When the blood was all gone, I turned the water off before examining her foot
again. I could see a glint of glass on the ball of her foot and I removed it
easily with the tweezers. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, but I covered it
with a bandage anyway.

She had another piece stuck in the pad of her big toe that I
couldn’t retrieve with the tweezers. I stuck her toe in my mouth and began
sucking. That seemed to get her attention as she watched me with little emotion
on her face. Eventually, I sucked the glass far enough out that I managed grab
it with the tweezers. It didn’t bleed so I carried her back to the bed.

“I’m sorry.” She wouldn’t look at me, her voice was hoarse,
but I was happy to hear her speak.

“You don’t have to apologize. You have every right to be
angry.” We were lying down on the covers face to face, though she still
wouldn’t make eye contact. “I just want you safe and happy. I’m sorry it’s so
complicated.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Her voice was cracking again.

“Shhh, you’re right, you deserve more.” I pulled her to me
as she clung to my shirt. I wrapped my arms and legs around her and soon I felt
the calm coming over her, knowing she had to be utterly exhausted.

I went to get up to go clean the mess downstairs and she
latched on to me tighter. I looked to her face but her eyes were closed and I
swore she was asleep.

She whispered, “No, please don’t go. I need you, I love you,
please don’t leave me. Everybody leaves.”

Her words were like a punch to the gut. “I’m not leaving you
Cassidy…ever.” I held her for quite some time before I drifted off to sleep
with her, wondering if she knew she’d spoken the words to me out loud and not
just in a dream.

*****

I woke to find her curled in a ball on the other side of the
bed. I noticed that it was dark and looked at my watch; it was past six p.m. I
covered her with a blanket and headed downstairs, thinking about her whispered
words ‘I love you’.

I cleaned up all the glass and the mess. After searching her
fridge, freezer and pantry I began making dinner when I heard her gentle steps
treading down the stairs. She poked her head around the corner like a child who
had been recently scolded.

Realizing the mess was gone she said, “You didn’t have to do
that.”

“Shut up, Cassidy.” I raised my eyebrows at her, not sure if
she was referring to the mess or to dinner. She looked lost in her own home,
unsure of her next move. “Dinner’s almost ready if you want to set the table.”

She nodded, grabbed plates, silverware and glasses and took
them to the table. She sat down as I carried the food over. I scooped some
pasta onto her plate, along with a chicken breast, before returning with sauce.

“It smells delicious.”

Waiting for me to join her before taking a bite I said,
“Your brother told me what happened to you after your mom died.” The clank of
the fork on her plate was deafening. “Cassidy, I don’t want any more secrets.
Cal told me out of concern.”

Her face paled before it flushed and her spine went rigid.
“Well
I
don’t have any more secrets now, do I?” She placed her head in
her hands and started rubbing her scalp.

“Cassidy, please talk to me.”

“What is there left to say? You have your out. I’m the crazy
girl who swallowed a bottle of pills. I understand if you want out. Go, go
ahead. I’ll survive. I always survive.”

I pushed my chair out, standing abruptly, causing her to
flinch. I squatted down in front of her and grabbed her chin from its hiding
place, forcing her to look at me. “Listen closely. I’m not leaving you. We all
have regrets, things we’d do differently. You’re not going to do what you did
again, are you?”

“I’m so embarrassed. Of course not! I was young and stupid.
You have to know that.” Her eyes were glassy and her chin was quivering.

“You truly are a phoenix, but you’ll always be MY
blackbird.” I leaned in and kissed her gently. She hesitated for a moment before
giving in. I pulled away leaving her breathless. “I want you to eat.” I moved
my plate and sat next to her, holding her hand while we finished our dinner.

~ CASSIDY ~

The next Friday I was enjoying lunch at my desk when I got
another delivery of peonies. This bouquet as all pale pink and red and I didn’t
have to guess who they were from.

I miss you.

Love, James

I read it over and over again. The word ‘love’ was not lost
on me. I couldn’t think about it because I would just drive myself mad. I had kept
him at arm’s length all week and he had been more than accommodating. My body,
heart and soul were aching for him. I needed him like I needed air to breathe.
I grabbed my cell phone and sent him a text.

Thank you, they’re beautiful.

I miss you, too.

Love, Cassidy

I started chewing on my nails as I awaited a reply. I
practically dropped my phone from anxiety when it started vibrating and
chirping in my hands.

I want you in my bed, Blackbird.

Love, James

I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.

What time do you want me?

Love, Blackbird

How soon can I have you?

Love, J

I’ll try to sneak out of here early.

My place or yours?

Mine.

Love, J

See you soon.

Love, Cass

I worked for a couple more hours. The office was quiet for a
Friday; I was all caught up on work and Cecily was gone for the weekend. I
picked up my office phone and dialed Lena’s extension.

“Hey, boss, what can I do you for?”

I chuckled before responding, “I’m headed out early. If
things stay quiet for the next hour go ahead and head home.”

“Sure thing. Have a great weekend.”

“Thanks, you, too.”

*****

As I headed up the elevator to his penthouse I started
getting nervous. I walked in the door to the sound of soft music. I set my
purse and the peonies on the counter and spotted a folded piece of paper with
‘Cassidy’ written on it. I picked it up and began reading.

Go to my room and remove your clothes,

leave your bra and panties on. I want

your hair down. Sit on the end of the bed

on your knees. I’ll join you soon.

~James

Just reading his letter had me throbbing and wet. I removed
my coat and hung it by the front door before heading upstairs. I walked into
his room to see candles burning in different locations throughout the room. The
lights were off, the curtains closed and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was
there watching me. I removed my shoes, socks, jeans and sweater before letting
my hair down. I took my place on the bed and realized how warm the room was,
probably due to the dozens of candles burning.

Several minutes later I heard the faint click of a door. I
straightened my spine and locked my eyes on the doorway, awaiting his grand
entrance. His figure dominated the doorway and I looked him up and down, taking
in his appearance. His feet were bare and my eyes danced over his muscular
calves and thighs. He was wearing tight black boxer briefs and I could see him
straining against the fabric. I took in a shaky breath as I continued gazing at
him.

He started to walk to me and I asked, “Wait, please stop.”
He tilted his head at me. “I just want to look at you. I love looking at you.”

He smiled broadly as I took in the muscles of his abdomen
that formed that sinister V, and then I looked to his massive chest and his
glorious arms. Now that I looked closer, he appeared to be sweaty like he had
just worked out. I audibly groaned and I knew there was no stopping him now. I
barely had time to take a breath before he claimed me. His kiss was bruising
and passionate and his hands were like a vice on my back before gripping my
wrists behind me as he tugged me closer to him. The smell of him, cologne and
sweat, assaulted my senses, making me dizzy with want.

Tearing his lips away from mine, we were both panting,
“Cassidy.” He seemed lost like he wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“James, I’ve missed you terribly. I’m sorry I pushed you
away this past week.” He released my wrists and I found myself running my hands
all over his chest and looking up into those green eyes that captivated me—a
tremor ran through me. “You have my heart, you own my body and my soul is lost
without you. I’m yours, James.”

“And I’m yours.” He cupped my face between his hands looking
all serious.

“Tie me up and take me.”

That smirk of his that I loved so much took over his face.
He looked at the bed, back to me and then back to the bed while puckering his
lips, looking at me intently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. I’m just debating about what and how to
do you. Slow and soft, hard and fast…”

~ JAMES ~

“I vote for slow and hard.” Her voice was soft and hesitant,
but her eyes were glazed over in anticipation as she practically squirmed off
the bed.

Pulling her close, I kissed her before pushing her down on
her back. “I like how you think.”

Leaning down to kiss her again, she grabbed my hair and
pulled it free before yanking on it. I pried her arms off me before grabbing
the waistband of her panties, yanking them down her legs as she let out a small
gasp. I released a growl of my own; she was almost breathless and smiling
serenely up at me.

I gathered her thighs in my hands and spread her wide.
Tilting her head back, she took a deep breath as I pressed her knees down on
each side of the bed holding her firmly in place, open wide for my attention. I
dug my fingers into her skin at the juncture of her hips and thighs, scraping my
fingers down to her knees as she attempted to lift her hips. Now I knew what I
wanted and what she needed.

“I’m going to restrain you differently than I have before. I
want you spread wide for me.” She consented as I pulled various lengths of silk
binds out of a drawer in my armoire.

She looked at me and balked, “You’re always prepared?”

Smiling, I walked to the end of the bed and began tying her
up. I placed the ties just below each knee explaining, “I want your ass on the
edge of the bed, but your legs bent to the side, flat on the bed, your calves
dangling off the end. If you pull against them you’ll bruise. Understand?”

I made sure her hips were where I wanted them before I
climbed on the bed and pulled her arms above her head. Clasping her fingers around
themselves, I tied her wrists to the headboard with a long silk bind.

“Pull gently.” She did as I asked and I tightened them
further causing her to wince and I looked to her, concern in my eyes. “Are you
good?”

“Yes. It’s liberating to be so confined.”

“I’ve missed your enthusiasm.” I was beaming with pride.

Leaning over her face, I kissed her mouth once again. Our
lips were misaligned since I was above and behind her. I continued kissing her
from this angle down her neck and across her upper chest. I noticed her nipples
harden against her bra and pulled the cups down, running my hand across the
space just below her breasts. My hand glided down to her navel and further down
to her almost nonexistent patch of curls, massaging her mound as she groaned deeply.

Turning myself, our chests formed a right angle as I licked
her phoenix tattoo. Her breathing was erratic and raspy and I took a mental
note of her sensitivity there before standing and walking to the end of the
bed. My cock was fully erect and pressing out, seeking freedom from its
confinement. She watched me as I freed myself from the boxer briefs, licking
her lips and closing her eyes as she turned her head to the side into her arm.
Standing between her legs I caressed her waist, making my way down to her
knees.

“Are you ready, Cassidy?” Her moan of consent was all I
needed.

The bed was the perfect height for me to take her standing.
I fisted my cock while trailing a finger down her slit. Her lips were damp and
she opened further under my touch. My erection pulsing in my hand, I inched
toward her and placed my cock on her mound while my sack rubbed her labia. She
attempted to shift her hips and groaned, remembering she was immobile.