In the Shadow of the Shield (Secret Lives Series Book 2) (4 page)

Jackson kissed her on the cheek. “I’m tired, Mom. Are you going to bed too?”

“In a bit, honey. I’m not quite ready yet.”

“Okay, well, don’t stay up too late. Good night.”

He left her standing in the kitchen and headed up the stairs to his bedroom. Silence filled the house again. Still wired from her successful night on the call line, Diana needed to share her news with someone. It had been months since she joined her girlfriends online in their regular late night chats. Since she was getting things back to normal, it seemed like a good idea to see what they were up to.

Heading back into her office with her laptop computer, she settled in at the desk and logged in. Her girlfriends had the late night habit of chatting online while their respective husbands worked. They were all married to cops who worked the night shift, like she had been. She hadn’t joined them in months; it had felt sort of wrong since Donnie died. Diana wasn’t technically a police wife anymore, but she really missed her girlfriends and she did have big news she needed to share with someone.

When she reached their favorite social networking site, Cyndi, Angela, and Jessy were all logged in and chatting already.

Diana: Hello ladies! It’s 2 a.m., do you know where your husbands are?

Cyndi: Diana! OMG I am so happy to “see” you!

Angela: Me too!

Jessy: It’s been sooo long! I’ve really missed you.

Diana: Aw, I’ve missed all of you as well.

Angela: So, what’s going on?

Diana: I missed you ladies a whole bunch.

Cyndi: I’m so excited to have you back, Di. How are you feeling?

Diana: A lot better actually. You will never guess what I did tonight?

Jessy: Stayed up late and finally dropped in to see us? LOL

Diana: LOL Yes! But I also went back to work.

Cyndi: Back to work…? Oh…back to work! Yay!

Angela: I’m confused.

Cyndi: She’s back on the phone…it’s Saturday night…

Angela: Oh! Back to work!

Jessy: For crying out loud, just say it already! She’s doing phone sex again!

Angela: So tell us—how does it feel?

Diana: Pretty good, actually. I called Rick this evening and told him I was ready to return. He started me right up at my regular time.

Cyndi: This means you are finally feeling like your old self again, doesn’t it?

Diana: I think so, Cyn.

Cyndi: Did Leo call in?

Diana: LOL! No. He hasn’t heard that Misty Dawn is back to work yet. I doubt it will take him long, though.

Jessy: So, what was it like?

Diana. It felt right, Jessy.

Cyndi: This is the best news I have heard all day. Our Diana is coming back to us.

Jessy: All these years, and I just never understood how you could do that. I mean, didn’t Donnie…

Cyndi: Jessy!

Jessy: I’m so sorry, Diana. I didn’t mean—I’m just—sorry.

Diana: It’s okay, Jess. I was married to the man for two decades. His name is bound to come up eventually. I miss him terribly, but I am lonely, and I am bored. Jackson is gone all the time, and I just wander around this big old house by myself.

Angela: Well, I, for one, am glad you are back here. This little group hasn’t been the same without you. I have really missed you, Di.

Cyndi: Me too. I hope this is the beginning of a new chapter for you, and for all of us.

Diana: It’s been a tough year. I’m sorry I disappeared the way I did. Jackson is graduating in a few months and going to college. I think it’s time for me to start figuring out what I’m going to do now that I’m all alone in the world.

Jessy: Oh, Di! You will never be alone! You always have us!

Diana: (Hugs) Thank you, Jessy, I know, and I love all of you. But you have husbands and families of your own. I’m the old lady here, and I can’t rely on all of you to carry me along. There are a lot of things I can do. I just have to figure out what they are.

Cyndi: So, will you keep working?

Diana: For now. Although at some point I might look for something a little more respectable. LOL

Angela: Like librarian or school teacher? LOL

Diana: LOL Probably not, but something other than talking lonely old men into orgasms.

Jessy: Good luck. I have been looking for a job for two years now. If you find something good, let me know.

Diana: I’m sure I could get you in for an interview with Rick.

Jessy: *Blushes* Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to turn you down on that one, Di, but thanks. I would have no idea what to say!

Diana: It’s easy. Just say the things guys like to hear.

Angela: Like ‘you’re so big,’ ‘there’s no one as good as you,’ and ‘oh, baby!’ Lots and lots of ‘oh, baby.’ LOL

Diana: LOL! There’s a bit more to it than that, though. Most guys just want a friendly ear to listen to them talk, believe it or not.

Cyndi: I’m a little bored since Jason made me quit the club. Maybe I’ll give it a try!

Jessy: I’m not so sure that would be such a great idea.

Angela: Yeah, your marriage barely survived Sugar Shakers.

Cyndi: Come on, girls, it wasn’t that bad!

Angela: Oh, okay. Maybe we remember things differently, but it seems like Jason was pretty pissed when he found out about you dancing on Friday nights.

Cyndi: He wasn’t happy, but I knew he would forgive me eventually. Besides, I have all these new skills now…and he definitely appreciates that!

Diana: Oh, Cyndi, I have missed you!

Cyndi: I’ve missed you too, Di.

Jessy: Well, ladies, I am going to sign off and try to get a little sleep while I still can.

Angela: Yeah, me too. Good night, ladies!

Cyndi: Good night, Jess and Ang.

Diana: Sleep well!

Cyndi: Do you need anything, Di?

Diana: I think I am good. For the first time in a long time, I can actually say that and mean it.

Cyndi: It’ll be a year on Monday.

Diana: I know. I’m planning to go have a talk with Donnie. Let him know I’m doing okay.

Cyndi: Are you?

Diana: Am I what?

Cyndi: Really okay?

Diana: You know what, I think I am. It’s been tough dealing with the circumstances of Donnie’s death—our last moments together weren’t exactly our finest.

Cyndi: I know. But he loved you, and he would have understood eventually. Or at least forgiven you.

Diana: I guess we’ll never know.

Cyndi: If you need me to go with you Monday, let me know. Jason’s off—he can keep Harper.

Diana: Thanks, Cyn, but I think I need to do it alone.

Cyndi: Okay. The offer’s there if you need it.

Diana: Thanks, my friend. That’s why I love you. I’m going to call it a night now. Talk soon.

Cyndi: Definitely. Good night!

Diana: Good night!

Chapter Four

Everything looked the same as the last time she visited. The small gravestone with Donnie’s name etched into it sat in the shadow of the St. Michael statue, which was by itself under an old oak tree. Years ago, when they had first married, she and Donnie had purchased that plot under the tree with the plans of spending eternity together in its cool shade. They never expected eternity to come so quickly for one of them and not the other. She always pictured them old and wrinkled, smiling and holding hands as they left this world for the next.

Without Donnie, she had years of loneliness ahead of her. The big tree wasn’t so beautiful or comforting anymore.

She dropped down to her knees and pushed some leaves away from the base of the stone. The sun shone brightly, but the air had a chill to it. Diana pulled her jacket in closer against the cold ocean breezes. The wind always blew at least a little in Virginia Beach. The time of year determined if it made you feel free and alive or chilled to the bone. This was a chilled to the bone kind of day.

“I really miss you, you know,” she whispered as she traced the letters of Donnie’s name on the grave marker. “Things aren’t the same around here since you left us. Jackson has gotten so tall. Well over six feet now. He will be graduating soon and heading off to Virginia Tech. I know you would be so proud of him.”

The bare branches of the oak tree rustled in the chill breeze. The tiny hairs at the base of her neck bristled. Looking around, she searched the cemetery but saw no one. So, why did she get the distinct feeling of being watched? Rising to her feet, she spun around, scouring the memorial park for movement or other indicators she wasn’t alone. Her hand slipped inside her purse and felt for her gun. With fingers wrapped around the little Glock, she focused on her car about fifty yards away and started toward it, praying no one grabbed her from behind.

She moved at a pretty good clip. The car sat only about ten yards in front of her when a strong hand grasped her arm. Diana screamed, pulling her gun from her bag and spinning in the direction from where the arm came. She tripped on a rock and fell forward into the figure that had stopped her. They sprawled to the ground, her on top of him, in a tangled heap. She jumped to her feet and pointed the gun down at him where he was still spread out on the grass.

“Put the gun away! I’m a cop!” He held a hand up in front of the barrel of the Glock. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

Diana’s hand shook, but she didn’t lower the weapon. Feet planted firmly, she squared her shoulders and looked her attacker in the eye. “Show me your ID!”

The man smiled and spoke softly. “I’m going to reach into my jacket and grab my badge. Don’t shoot me in the process, please.”

“Do it. Slowly!” No one could say she hadn’t learned a thing or two from her detective husband.

With his right hand, he reached up inside his collar and pulled on a chain around his neck. A black leather case slid out from inside his jacket. Flipping it open, he showed her a badge and ID combination she had seen hundreds of times before. Handing it to her, he waited while she inspected it. The badge read Virginia Beach Police Department, and the card identified him as Officer Carter Ryan. She slowly lowered her gun, but didn’t put it away just yet.

“Sorry. A woman can’t be too careful these days.”

“I understand, Mrs. Massey.”

“Do I know you?”

“I’m sure you don’t remember, but we met several years ago. Massey was my FTO.”

Donnie had worked as a field training officer for rookies for several years before becoming a detective. She had met all of his trainees at least once, but there were so many. Diana shook her head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.” The wind picked up. Diana hugged herself against the chill as the gust passed by them. “What are you doing here?”

“I suppose the same thing you are. Would you mind if I stood up now? This ground is pretty cold and damp.”

She stepped back and nodded. “Go ahead.”

Carter Ryan moved with the grace and smoothness of a feline. She studied him while he straightened himself and brushed away dirt and leaves from his clothes and hair. He had clear blue eyes and the same closely cropped haircut Donnie had always worn. He was taller than Donnie though, and thinner through the shoulders; the flannel shirt and jacket he wore fit him well. She couldn’t help but notice he was good looking, in an outdoorsy sort of way.

“Massey is the first guy I’ve known who died in the line of duty. I like to come up and pay respects every once in a while. Let him know he hasn’t been forgotten.”

Diana nodded. “That’s very kind of you, Officer Ryan. I don’t think too many in the department feel the way you do. I’ve never seen anyone else up here.”

“Your husband was a good man.” He reached out and touched the back of her hand. The touch, although quick and light, held an intensity that surprised her. He stared down at her for a moment, looking like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind.

“He was. I miss him terribly.” Embarrassed by her emotions, she turned back toward her car. “It was nice to meet you again, Officer Ryan.”

She had made it only a few feet when Carter Ryan fell into step beside her. “Massey would never forgive me if I didn’t see you to your car. The sun’s about to set, and who knows what sort of shady characters lurk in the cemetery after dark.”

She remembered the hinky feeling that had driven her out of the memorial park and shivered. “I appreciate the escort, but as you’ve now seen, Donnie taught me how to protect myself.”

Carter laughed. “That he did.” He rubbed his hands together. “Mrs. Massey, it’s downright cold out here. Would you let me buy you a cup of coffee at that diner over there before I send you on your way? It’s the least I could do for the wife of my own personal hero.”

She stopped walking and looked up at the young man. He had to be at least fifteen years her junior, yet his eyes held an aged quality, like he had seen far more of the evils of the world than most. Of course he had. If he was half the cop Donnie had been, he carried his own fair share of demons in his mind. She liked him. He had a gentle, yet strong demeanor and had obviously been raised to be a gentleman. With Jackson out with his friends, all that waited for her was a cold, empty house. What harm would one cup of coffee do? It would be nice to be in the company of a man again, even if only for a little while.

Diana glanced back toward the old oak tree and her husband’s eternal resting place. It had been a year since he left her. Donnie wouldn’t expect her to mourn him and be alone forever. That wasn’t his style. She looked back at Carter and smiled.

“Coffee would be wonderful. Thank you.”

***

The mug warmed her near frozen fingers. The second they had entered the diner, she saw someone Donnie used to work with. She had been regretting the invitation ever since. She couldn’t shake the feeling that all eyes were on her as she sat across from Carter in the corner booth. Did the whole world expect her to be alone forever?

Get a grip, Di. When did you become so damned whiny?

“Don’t worry about Smith over there. He won’t say anything about us being here together.”

Hmmm…Officer Ryan was perceptive. “It’s just strange, I guess, seeing people that I used to see when I was with Donnie.”

“Donnie was a brother to all of us. That makes you part of the family, and we take care of our own.”

She smiled as she sipped her coffee. “Thank you, Officer Ryan.”

“Please, call me Carter.” He smiled back at her.

“Okay, Carter.” From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Detective Smith exiting the diner. Finally. She relaxed against the back of the booth.

“So, I have a confession to make.”

She tilted her head to the side and studied his serious expression. It worried her.

“What sort of confession?”

“I went to the cemetery today hoping to run into you.”

That confused her. “Me? Why?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something. I knew it was—I knew a year had passed, and I hoped you would visit.” He paused and sipped his own drink. Again, he looked so much older than he actually was.

“How long did you wait?”

“Pretty much all day.” He grinned. “I’m a patient man when I need to be.”

“It’s cold out there. You wasted an entire day in that chill air hoping to run into me?”

“I told you, I needed to speak to you.”

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

He didn’t answer for so long she began to fear that he didn’t hear her question. Finally, he looked up and offered a hesitant smile.

“I don’t think your husband’s death was the accident the department would like you to believe.”

“Not an accident? Seriously? What makes you think that?”

“I’m not really sure yet. It’s a feeling I have. Did they ever really tell you what happened?”

“Donnie was called to a house they suspected was a meth lab. He was first on the scene, cleared the house, and said no one was there. The doctor said his death resulted from being poisoned by a toxic gas with an effect similar to carbon monoxide. Did the doctor lie?”

Carter shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I mean, I just don’t know. But something isn’t right. No one talks about him at work. It’s all hush-hush, and that concerns me.”

“Are you saying the whole department is in on some kind of cover-up?”

Carter exhaled. “Not the whole department. I don’t think all the pieces fit together like they should. I know, I sound crazy.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill. Tossing it on the table, he rose to leave. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Massey. I never should have bothered you with any of this.”

As he turned to leave, Diana reached out and took hold of his arm. “Carter. Wait. Don’t go.”

He turned to look at her, the tropical storm of emotions brewing in his eyes nearly bowling her over. If she hadn’t already been seated, her knees would have collapsed. There was something special about him.

“Please. Don’t leave yet.” The plea came out in a whisper, much more desperately than she felt comfortable with. Carter Ryan had just put to words the idea she had been ignoring for an entire year, and now she wanted to know for sure that she wasn’t crazy.

Sliding back into the booth, he took a sip of his coffee, leaned against the seat, and looked at her for a good long time. Finally, he spoke. “I can’t prove it. I am not even sure if it’s true, but I believe that it was no luck of the draw that Donnie arrived on scene before anyone else.”

“You think he was set up.” It wasn’t a question so much as a verbal musing of something she had long been considering. “But why?”

Carter shrugged. “I have no idea. But I intend to find out.”

“Why involve me?”

“Because if it was someone who I loved, I would want to be in the loop.”

Suddenly, she felt more grateful for Carter Ryan than any other human being on the planet. “Thank you, Carter.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I have no idea how I am going to prove all of this, but before I start nosing around I sort of want to know how you feel about it.”

“I feel like Donnie needs us to find the truth. Especially if there are dirty cops involved.”

“I’m not saying anyone in the department is directly responsible but…”

“But, like me, you think there’s something more to it.”

He nodded. “The pieces don’t add up. Massey was too good of a cop to go rushing into an uncertain situation. Even if he suspected meth—or anything else—he wouldn’t have entered the building. He knew the danger. He would have called for the hazard team. Of course, if someone told him there were kids playing inside, he really wouldn’t have thought twice about running in there.”

It did her heart a ton of good to have someone else out there voice her thoughts. Logically, she knew what the medical examiner had attributed his cause of death to, but the rest of her couldn’t stop blaming herself for Donnie’s death. To think this death hadn’t been an accident—she couldn’t even comprehend that.

“Are you okay, Mrs. Massey?”

“Diana, please. Mrs. Massey doesn’t seem right anymore.” She must have sounded sadder than she had intended, because Carter reached across the table and took her hand. His touch sent unexpected waves of energy pulsing through her.

Relax, Di, it’s only because a man hasn’t touched you in so long.

She met his eyes, hoping her own didn’t give away the reaction her body was having to his strong fingers wrapped around hers.

Carter smiled, waiting for her to respond. Funny thing, she had no idea what he had said.

“Did I lose you?” Carter rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. It took all her self-control not to jump out of her seat and into his lap. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth and safety of his embrace. God, she had been so lonely for so long.