In the Life (13 page)

When I first met Morris, I never knew that we would ever be a couple. I was an insecure little grown boy who didn't believe that he had talent or the ability to reel in a man of quality. And despite his faults, Morris was a man of quality. He had romanced me and shown me the love that I thought I always deserved. Actually, I hadn't known that I was worth that much admiration. I often wondered why he loved me. Little ol' me! Who was I to have the love of this Adonis? When he cheated on me, it was like all my insecurities were validated. I wasn't worthy. I wasn't rich and famous like Lailiana. I could never be Lailiana! Maybe he looked at her and saw the mother of his children. That was something that I could surely never give him. And then there was Breion.

Breion was so beautiful! And when I talk about beauty, I mean that he was beautiful inside and out. When I needed a shoulder to lean on, he was there. Sure, Curtis was there for me, but what I got from Breion was different. He made me feel whole again. Like one of those men from a Tyler Perry movie, Breion rejuvenated me. He recognized me as an equal. He was the best listener and soothed my soul. We had a deep connection. I think it may have something to do with us being really artistic. Funny thing is that he brought out that side of me! Before him, I dabbled in writing. It was only a hobby for me. And now look at me! I am a songwriter working with big names in the industry.

While I was a love sick puppy in Morris' arms, I felt like a mature man with a mind of his own when I was with Breion. But I worried that he was just a rebound guy. Did I feel this way about him because I was having some kind of "hero" syndrome with him? Was this that whole Bella/ Edward/ Jacob thing that I drooled over in the Twilight movies? Oh my gosh, I think it is!

I began to stir in the hospital bed. I didn't hear the particulars of the accident, but whatever happened landed me in the hospital. I don't remember the crash, the recovery, or the ride to the hospital, but I will always remember what I saw when I opened my eyes. Morris and Breion were at my side in my hospital room. They both were focused on me. Their eyes spoke to me. Each said something different even though they both had a tint of concern.

Morris' eyes spoke of deep regret. I knew he felt sorry for how we last parted. I could feel his longing for me. I knew he cared about me and that all was not lost with him. We could make it right. But should I try?

Breion's gaze was one of complete loyalty. He would never hurt me. He also desired me so much. I understood what Snow White and Sleepy Beauty felt when they awakened to see their Prince. Not that I was a female or nothing, but I knew the passion that they must have felt. But was he really my Prince Charming?

Obviously, one hell of a conversation must have taken place before I had awakened. Although, their attention was on me, I knew that they both knew the deal. Some kind of fight or words had been exchanged. The air was too tense. Curtis was right all along. I needed to make a choice. Life is too short. I knew who I wanted.

"Baby, you okay?"

Morris was the first to speak. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Breion grimace at the sound of hearing Morris call me baby. I looked around at the room I was in. How the hell had I gotten here? A device was taped around my pointer finger which was obviously keeping track of my pulse and heart rate. I glanced over to see my other hand was bandaged up to my wrist. I tried to remember the events prior to then, but couldn't.

"What happened?"

"You were driving intoxicated. You hit a telephone pole trying to miss another car," Breion spoke. He gently clasped my wounded hand. "How you feeling?"

"Hey, what you doing playa?" Morris asked noticing Breion touch me.

"Morris, this is not the time or the place for you to..."

"For me to what? Tell you to get off my nigga? I already told you that Tre don't need you hanging around. We were cool before you crept in and will be long after. Kick rocks."

"You two were what?" Breion tried to keep an even, soft tone despite his anger. I was happy for that because I could feel a headache coming.

"We were happy, nigga. You heard me."

"Shit, that is a new one on me. All the nights Tre cried because of the shit you did. If that was your idea of happiness, then I feel sorry for Gina Ramirez and Lailiana too. You remember them, don't you? The girls you fucked while you two were supposedly cool."

"Who the fuck you think you talking to you fake ass Maxwell, Musiq Soulchild wannabe. You bout as soft as cupcakes, trying to talk about shit you don't know nothing bout." Morris rose out of his chair ready to square off with Breion.

"Morris..." I needed him to calm down. I couldn't take that drama at that time. Breion stayed seated and kept holding my hand.

"Sit your ass down, nigga. If you want to go at it, cool, but not in a fucking hospital with Tre laying here hurting."

"Then let’s take this outside then!" Morris walked over to the other side of the bed where Breion was sitting. "Come on, punk."

"Morris!" I exclaimed with as much energy that I could muster. "Sit. And Breion, can I have a moment with him... alone... please." I knew Breion did not want to leave, but understood why I needed this time alone. He walked to the door and then gestured that he would be right outside the doorway. I nodded my understanding.

"Baby, what's wrong? You need me to get the nurse? I was so worried. I could have lost you and..."

"Stop! Just stop."

"Stop what?"

"This. All of this back and forth shit. Breion was right about all those nights that I cried. You cheated on me and made me feel things that you said you would never make me feel. I felt low, insecure, and undesirable. I know you didn't mean to do it, but you were tearing me down. I love you, but I don't deserve to be treated this way. One minute, we are in love and then the winds change and you can't call me because the tabloids are on your ass. What kind of shit is that?"

"Hey, you cheated too with that nigga."

"I did. You are so right. So why are we doing this? Love shouldn't feel like this, so full of hurt and distrust. And I don't trust you at all anymore."

"Baby, we just going through a rough time, we can get back what we had. I know we can. You said that you love me and you know I love you. We done what we did, but we can always start anew. Can't we just start over? Clean slate? This time we gonna do it right. No lies. No cheating. No closing each other out. How does that sound?" Morris held my hand as Breion had done moments before.

"It sounds like a dream; nothing but a dream that we would all too soon wake up from and then go right back into hurting each other. I doubt that Gina Ramirez would understand you dividing your time with her and the baby and with another nigga."

"It could work," Morris pleaded. A tear rolled down his cheek. My face mirrored his. Neither of us wanted to let go, especially not him.

"I love you, but no." I slid my hand from under his.

"I am not giving up on you." His voice was full of hopeless desperation. He knew that my mind was set.

"I know." I reached up and softly wiped away the tears from his face. He reached for my hand before I could pull it away. He held it against his cheek for a moment longer. He kissed my fingertips endearingly before lowering my hand back to my side. Without another word he rose from his seat and left the room. Breion came in moments afterwards.

"You cool?"

"Yeah." I forced a smile on my face. "Breion, I need to talk to you too."

"Tre..."

"No, I need to say it now." I knew Breion well enough to know he was going to say we could talk about it later. I bet he could easily guess what kind of toll my talk with Morris had on me.

"Okay."

"I never thought I would be at this point in my life, but here I am. I am about to embark on a new career and that's so scary. I mean, I am terrified."

"I know. I have been there, remember."

"Yeah, I know. And I want you to be here for me as I go through all this... stuff. I need you."

"You know that I am here for you." Breion's eyes curiously began to study my face wondering where I was going with this talk.

"But, I don't know if you are gonna like this part. Morris and I are done for good this time. I know that I deserve better. I deserve you."

"Really?" Breion began to smile brightly. "What is there not to like about hearing that?"

"With my career and all of this going on around me, I just need to take things slow. I need to find myself and do things for myself so that when I take a look at all the love and success coming my way, I actually feel worthy of it. Feel worthy of having you.”

"I understand." Breion's smiled dimmed a little.

"But that doesn't mean we can't be together. You know. Just getting out of this thing with Morris is an adjustment. A much needed adjustment! I don't want to carry any of those issues over into our relationship. I just need some time for myself. You understand what I am saying?"

"So you want us to take it slow?"

"Can you handle that?"

"Tre, I have loved you since I first saw you. Our love is worth being patient for. I was there for you then and I will be here for you now." Breion bent down and gave me a kiss.

That was two years ago. I admit that it’s been a rocky road, but I can honestly say that I am happy. Morris still comes around, but we both know that we cannot go back and change the past. Besides, with him now living in California to be close to his daughter, things would never work out anyway. We are two different people now. But I do thank him for what he gave me. He helped lead me to the road that I am currently on. Inadvertently, he led me to Breion too. It has been a long time coming, but I have finally gotten my shit together.

ON THE FLIPSIDE OF THINGS

Chapter 1

Brandon

We are two totally different people, me and my twin brother. In high school, Braylon was the track and basketball star who was popular with all of the girls. Funny enough, he was more interested in the guys.

I, on the other hand, I focused more on academics. I was far from being athletic and I have the gut to prove it. I am not the lean, mean player machine that Braylon is. I would love to be, but that is just not how my cards were dealt.

Our mom found out that we both liked guys when we were 16. After battling with having this overwhelming secret, I confided in Braylon about my attraction to dudes. He told me that he felt the same way and had been thinking about telling me. It is times like these that having a twin is pretty awesome. Well, our mom was in the hallway and heard the whole thing. Surprisingly, she was cool with it.

I came out of the closet in high school. I don't know why. Actually, I got a little popular after I did. Ain't that a trip? Instead of the social rejection you fear, the opposite happens. All the popular girls loved me because I was funny. The jocks liked me because I was smart enough to help them with their schoolwork.

Braylon kept his business to himself. He banged a lot of the girls (and guys) and was known for being a player. Well, they call him a player. I call him a hoe!

When it was time for college, we both got scholarships. He went to Norfolk State University on a basketball scholarship while I was across the bay at Hampton University on an academic scholarship. My major is business management. His went from undecided to physical therapy and then to sports management which seems to be a good fit for him.

He is a laid back kind of guy. Braylon smokes weed at least twice a day. I personally never found any benefit from it. I may drink a little, but only in social settings.

What can I say about my brother? I love him. I hate him. I love him. He is who he is and doesn't apologize for it.

Braylon