In the Life (12 page)

"What's Love Got to Do With It or The Color Purple?"

"What? How can I choose between the two of them?"

"Come on," Morris egged me on. "You made me pick between Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Martin."

"Yeah and I do believe your answer was A Different World."

"And? I liked that show more than either one of those shows you named."

"But it didn't answer the question."

"Fine! Fresh Prince. Now answer my question!" I thought for a minute about that one. I mean, come on. Those are two classic movies. To properly answer the question, I had to pull out my acting skills and do my best imitation.

"I 'members that day in the store with Miss Millie. I's feelin' real down. I's feelin' mighty low." I tried to hold in my laughter as I recited Oprah's lines from The Color Purple. Morris joined in as I finished the scene. "And when I seed you, I knowd they is a God. I knowd they is a God." We both bust out into laughter. Once our chuckles subsided, Morris excused himself to fetch something out the room. I knew that this was the time to carry out my plan.

I quickly fetched a bag from behind the sofa and pulled out a bottle of red fizzy liquid. I popped the bottle open a grabbed Morris' drink. I had gotten strawberry soda for us to drink so that Morris wouldn't notice a difference in taste or color. He had almost finished his present cup full of soda so I filled it back up, half with soda and half with my secret weapon, cherry flavored magnesium citrate. For those who don't know what that is, I put it like this. My mom used to always keep a bottle of this stuff in the refrigerator for whenever she felt a little backed up, if you know what I mean. She would give some to me too and I swear it would feel like I was dying. I would be in the bathroom all fucking day on the toilet. This was not just a diuretic. This shit would have you letting go of shit you ate when you was two years old. I figured that if Morris drinks this, he would have no time to try to sex me up or down. And just in case one bottle didn’t do the trick, I bought two bottles worth which should have him all tied up for the weekend.

By the time he came back, I had put away the bottle again. He sat right back down with an envelope in his hand.

"I refreshed your drink, baby. I saw you were low."

"Awww, thank you, babe." He grabbed his cup and took a big gulp. His face scrunched up for a second. Oh shit, could he taste the citrate? He took another swallow and just put the cup down. "The soda taste a little strong."

"Oh, haven't noticed," I tried to say casually. Morris began to smile brightly. Something was up with him. He brought the envelope to the forefront and began to tap it against his chin. "What's that?"

"Umm, just a little surprise for my baby." He got up and took a seat closer to me. He passed me the already opened envelope. I didn't even look to see what the front of it said. I pulled it out and it looked like to be some kind of paperwork. I flipped through them and came upon an official looking document.

"This looks like some kind of certificate."

"Baby, you know I am so proud of you and your career which is taking off. You were always so supportive of me when I started acting and shooting my first movie. Now, I am about to do my second and you are doing your music thing. You are about to blow up in a major way. You are doing it your way, baby. Your star is shining brightly. It’s so bright, in fact, that I got a star named after you." I turned back to Morris with the papers in both my hands.

"Are you serious?" I felt a tear coming to my eye. That was the sweetest thing that I had ever heard of. Morris knew that he had just scored major points. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"I love you, babe." He leaned in and kissed me. I dropped the papers to the side and showed him my gratitude through my tongue. All of a sudden, he drew back. He had a troubled look on his face. He grabbed his stomach and started to moan a little. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, I will be back." He ran to the bathroom and closed the door. I felt bad because I knew that the magnesium citrate had started to take effect, but I looked at it as a good thing. After getting a star named after me, normally I would have given him some. Now, at least, all temptation was gone.

Chapter 26

"Gina Ramirez?" I screamed as I threw the tabloid in his face. It was the headline on all of the popular celebrity papers. How could this be happening again?

"Baby, I don't know what you are talking about. You know better than to trust what those things say."

"Yeah? Well, let's review what they have to say again. Shall we?" I stormed over to where Morris was standing and snatched the newest issue of In Touch magazine from near his feet.

"Baby..."

"Naw, its all on page 12. Let's see." I began to read aloud. "What is causing that new glow on R&B songstress Gina Ramirez's face? Is it a new face cream or the latest Hollywood spa treatment? Sources say that we will have the answer in around nine months when Ramirez and boyfriend Morris Epson welcome their first child. It is reported that Ramirez is very excited about the pregnancy and is already shopping for baby clothes."

"I can explain..."

"Oh, now you can explain?" I snapped the paper back close and tossed it aside. I watched Morris as his eyes darted back and forth between me and the discarded tabloid. I could tell that he was fishing for something to say.

"It’s not what you think!"

"God! Is that what you come up with? Is that your grand announcement to explain shit? It’s not what I think? Then what is it?"

"Okay, I admit it. I fucked up."

"Fucked up or fucked her?”

"Baby, I am so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." Tears began to run down his face. My emotions began to get the better of me as well. My heart was beating out of my chest. I did not know what I was feeling more; the pain of being betrayed once more by the man that I loved or anger that I had actually trusted his dumb ass to be faithful to me. I snatched of the necklace that he had given me when we first got together and threw it to the floor.

"I got you, nigga. I got you. You can get yours cause for damn sure I am getting mine!"

"Getting yours? What the fuck you mean getting yours?"

"That's right, muhfucka. You ain’t the only one that can have fun up in here. That's why I been with Breion too." I half didn't realize what I was doing by admitting my secret tryst to Morris. The look on Morris' face made me regret what I had said.

"Hold up. You with that nigga? Like you with me or you just been fucking him?" Now, I felt like the dumbass. I stumbled and fumbled my words.

"Uh, I mean, uh..."

"Uh uh hell! So how long yall been… doing yall thing?"

"It's not like that, Morris." I could see Morris getting angrier with each passing moment. The fire in his eyes scared me.

Why did I open my big mouth? Was it revenge, guilt, or stupidity that had fed that need? Maybe it had been a mixture of the three. Although I was shitting bricks, a part of me was glad that Morris could feel everything that I had felt all this time.

"So does he fuck you good? He lay you on your back and give it to you?"

"Hold the fuck up! Yeah, be mad, but you are going way out of line. Don't do this!" My heart was racing faster than before.

"Alright, I ain't gonna do shit then but leave." Morris snatched off his matching necklace, turned away, and left out the door.

I watched him leave out the door without trying to make him turn around. I couldn't will myself to speak. I could barely breathe. Actually, I couldn't breathe at all. I grabbed my chest as I cried like I had never done before. I started gasping for the air that was not easily going to my lungs. I felt dizzy and out of control. I fell to my knees as I tried to catch my breath or at least control it. I was having a panic attack. I had only had one of these before in life. I thought I was going to die. After a few minutes, I finally got to the point where I thought the worse had past. I looked up at the door wishing that Morris was standing there. Then I looked back down at our necklaces which were now lying side by side on the floor. I grabbed them both and held them to my chest.

The half empty bottle of Smirnoff in my hand should have helped me forget my problems. Instead it amplified my troubles. I welcomed the taste of the vodka as it burned the back of my throat. I didn't have a chaser nor did I really want one. Like most intoxicated people, I got the urge to drunk call. I knew not to call Morris. Even in my elevated state, I recognized that it would be a wasted call. I needed to vent. I needed to tell someone my frustrations.

"Wassup, nigga!" Curtis did not answer back right away.

"You tell me. Have you been drinking? Naw, better yet the question should be what."

"Just a little vodka, nigga."

"And why?"

"Me and Morris done. He don't want me no more. I told him about Breion and now I am alone."

I was expecting some kind of sympathy from Curtis right about now. Well, that is what I wanted or thought I needed. I wish that is what I had gotten.

"I know you are not surprised. I hope you ain’t. I told you that your fucking around was going to get you in trouble. And now look at you. You know I love you, but you fucked up. I know you don't want to hear I told you so right now, but too bad. When Breion first came into the picture, I admit I did egg it on. It was new and exciting and finally you could give me some juicy stories instead of you living vicariously through the shit I go through. So, no I did not help things at first, but I did later tell you that you had to choose. Morris or Breion. Breion or Morris. But then here comes Nari. I am surprised you ain’t do nothing with Xcell. I aint calling you a hoe, but... I dont know. You haven't exactly been exercising restraint."

"But I don't want Nari! And I sho don't want Xcell's drug addicted ass!"

"Then that leads us back to Morris or Breion. Which one? And are you sad and drinking right now because Morris found out or because you can't play your little game no more. Or maybe the problem is that now you really have to choose. Do you fall into Breion's waiting arms or try to get Morris back? And truth be told, Morris wasn't doing anything that you weren't doing. He cheated. He had other relationships on the side. At least his were with women; almost excusable. But you were creeping behind his back with other dudes and also loving one of them back. You love Breion. I know you do. So now what? What you going to do now?"

I sat there and thought about the question that had just been asked. I took another long drink of vodka as I thought it over. How did I get into this mess? Why did I allow myself to get involved with these guys? I liked the attention, I guess. I think that at first the thought of being desired kinda got me off. It was innocent though. I didn't act on it really. When Morris cheated on me, I felt betrayed and pissed as hell. I began to think that whatever I was doing was okay since it was just karma coming back at Morris. Didn't he deserve to know how it felt to be cheated on, lied to, and humiliated? Didn't he?

"Hello? Are you there?"

"Yeah," I said after Curtis knocked me out of my thoughts. "I need some time to think. I will call you back." Curtis let out a loud sigh and hung up.

I drank more vodka, but the bottle ended too soon. I still had not thought everything through. I need more to drink. There was a liquor store a few blocks away that was calling me. I jumped into my car and headed out.

The road seemed a bit blurry, but I had everything under control. I was okay. I wasn't drunk. I turned off my street and rode the curb for a few yards. I just had to get my bearings. I would be fine. I avoided hitting a fire hydrant by a hair. My heart raced as I jerked the wheel to the left. That was a close one. It had my heart racing. Too bad I didn't notice the stop sign I was coming up to. This time, I wouldn't be so lucky.

CRASH!

Chapter 27

I have done so many things wrong in the past, especially this year. I was weak. I admit it. I was this attention hungry whore who tried to put reason to bullshit. But at the end of the
day, bullshit is bullshit. I should have never played with hearts and dicks like I did. I love Morris and I will always will. And I love Breion. He compliments me in every way.