In Name Only (43 page)

Seemingly in
response to her unspoken thought, Father Flaherty said, “It means, I unite you
in wedlock in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost,
Amen.”  The priest brought his hand forward to shake David’s hand. 
“Congratulations, David, Mrs. O’Donovan.  May your union be long-lasting and
fruitful.”

“Thank you,
Father.”

“You’re most
welcome, David.”

Soon, the
housekeeper brought the group their coats. 

When they left
the rectory and stood outside, David whispered to Caroline, “You go ahead to
the carriage.  I want to spend a few moments inside the Cathedral.”

Caroline turned
to Jane, who carried Kathleen.  Her daughter held her small gloved hand high.

“Mama, snow?”

“Yes, Sweet,
there’s snow.” The cobblestone streets and buildings were now coated in white.

Before Caroline
got into the carriage, she stopped and addressed her relatives.

“Uncle, may I
have a word with Elizabeth?”

“Of course, my
dear.”

Caroline took Elizabeth’s hand and pulled her away from the group now standing in front of the rectory.

“Lizzie dear, I
must speak with you.”

“Carrie, you need
not worry about me today.  This is your wedding day. . .”  Elizabeth bit down
on her lip and looked away.

“You have been
the most wonderful sister to me, and I am dreadfully sorry that you heard about
Kathleen’s baptism that way.  I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to hurt
your feelings.”

“I couldn’t be
your maid of honor this time and now I cannot be Kathleen’s godmother.  It is
very disappointing.”

“Yes, I know, but
it was David’s wish for her to be christened in the Catholic faith, and we
couldn’t choose godparents who were not Catholic.  I wanted to tell you but I
didn’t want you to be hurt. Would you forgive me for not telling you?”

Elizabeth nodded.
“Of course.”  They embraced and joined the group in front of the carriage.

“Lizzie? Uncle? David
needs to attend to something in the church.  Would you mind waiting for us back
at the house?”

“We wouldn’t mind
at all, my dear.”  Uncle Edward leaned in to kiss her.  “You will always be a
ravishing bride.”

“Thank you,
Uncle.”  The two got into the carriage.

“Jane, I shall
return momentarily.”

“Mama, you
comin’?”

“Yes, Sweet. 
Please wait with Jane in the carriage.”

Caroline crossed
the street, climbed the steps of the Cathedral and opened the heavy door to the
church.

Close to the
front, her husband was kneeling, facing the altar at the rail.  When she
reached the tenth row of pews, she moved into the seat.

Father Flaherty
walked up the aisle to greet her.  He leaned down and whispered.  “Mrs.
O’Donovan, is everything well?”

“Yes, of course. 
I just wanted to be with my husband while he prayed.”

“Do you know what
he’s doing?” he whispered again.

“Praying?”

“He’s praying
before the Blessed Sacrament.  That box is called the Tabernacle.  Inside is
Jesus in the Holy Eucharist.”  The priest paused. “David asked me to let him
know when it is a quarter to the hour.  But I think you ought to let him know.”

“I don’t wish to
interrupt him, Father,” she continued to whisper.  “And it’s not quarter to the
hour yet, is it?”

“Not yet.” 

“Could I also
kneel beside him or would that be improper?”

“If you feel
called to do so, Mrs. O’Donovan, it would be fine.” 

Caroline had been
meaning to ask David about what would be required to become Catholic.  Instead,
she decided to ask the priest, then she could surprise David with the
information later. “Father Flaherty?”

“Yes, Mrs.
O’Donovan?”

“If I wanted to
become Catholic, what would be required?”

“Well, it would
entail instruction in the faith and studying on your part.  With your
attendance at Mass these past few months, I was expecting that you might be so
inclined.”

“I’ve always been
a spiritual person and believed in God and, in fact, read the entire Bible to
my father while he was sick.”

“He must have
been sick a long time.”

“Yes, he was.” 
She paused. “When Liam – David’s brother – died, I thought my life was over.  I
was so angry with God. I suppose I blamed Him for what had happened.”

“That’s
understandable, considering your grief.”

“When could I
begin taking instruction in the faith?”

“I’ll speak with
David about it.”

“May I tell him,
Father?”

“Yes, of course. 
And congratulations, Mrs. O’Donovan.”

“Thank you.”

“I hope you will
join us for lunch at our house?”

“Yes.  I told
David that I would come after the noon Mass.”

Caroline slowly
began the trek up the remainder of the aisle, until she reached the area
immediately behind her husband. His head was lowered, his eyes were closed and
he was making small silent movements with his mouth.  Caroline quietly knelt
down beside him.  He gasped and his eyes were wide when she brushed against
him.  “Caroline?”

She held her
finger up to his mouth to quiet him.  “Shhh.  I believe there are still five
more minutes to pray before the Blessed Sacrament and I should like to be here
with you.  Is that acceptable?”

His mouth curved
into a wide grin and he nodded.

Together, they
faced the tabernacle and David closed his eyes.

Caroline offered
her own request.
Almighty Father, bless us as we begin our new life
together.

Chapter 53

David paced the
floor, now a regular routine for him.  He wanted a drink desperately but was
determined not to surrender. One glass of brandy or whiskey could ruin the
evening.

Earlier today,
when Caroline had knelt down beside him in front of the Blessed Sacrament, he
had rejoiced.  The fact that she wanted to become Catholic was the best possible
gift he could receive today. 

She had told him
earlier that she would come to his room and he had been waiting for over an hour.
His hands were shaking and his heart was pounding. Why was he so nervous? After
all, he was a man who had carnal knowledge of most of the girls in this
neighborhood. Memories from his former life began floating through his head:
Hallie, Selly, Missy, faceless servants and prostitutes.

This morning, he
had pledged his life and heart to Caroline.
Please Lord, give me the grace
to think only of my wife.  Help me not be lustful, but to love my wife as
Christ loves the Church.

*  *  *

Caroline stood in
front of David’s door.  Her new gold wedding band was slightly loose on her
finger and she began to nervously turn it.  Weeks ago, she had asked David to
choose rings for them both.  Hers was rather ornate for her tastes with minute
diamonds in the center and carved designs on either side.  But she cherished it
because he chose this to symbolize their unity.

She took a deep
breath.  Caroline held her hand out to knock, then quickly pulled it back.

David was on the
other side of this door waiting for her. It sounded as if he was reading or
praying.  Caroline began to tremble. Although she deeply desired David and
wanted to fulfill her duty as his wife, this was one aspect of true married
life for which she felt particularly awkward.  Of course, it meant that she
would hopefully become with child and she greatly looked forward to that.

How could she possibly
be married to a man she once despised? She recalled the sight of David and
Missy in the henhouse and shook her head to rid herself of the image.

*  * *

Hearing sounds
outside his door, David opened it to find Caroline standing in the hallway.  “How
long have you been waiting there?”

“A few moments.”

“Why didn’t you
knock?”

“I. . .don’t
know.”

“Come in.”  He
took her by the hand and pulled her inside the room and closed the door.

David could see
that she was trembling and he tenderly gathered her into his arms.  As he held
her, David recalled the last conversation he had with Liam before he was hurt.

“I want to
know how to. . .well. . .make the. . .marriage bed less awkward for my wife.”

David pulled
away.  “We can postpone this, if you’d like.”

She shook her
head.

He gently placed
his hands on her shoulders.  “I want you to tell me whatever is on your mind
right now, whatever you’re feeling.”

She remained
silent for several long moments.

“I want you to
talk to me about anything your heart desires.”  She remained quiet as he
caressed the side of her face and kissed her forehead.  She pulled away from
him and glanced at the oil lamp, then made eye contact with him.

“Caroline?”

“Yes?”

“Do you wish for
me to turn down the oil lamp?”

“Off would be
preferable.”

“Off?  But. . .”
Now, David closed his eyes.  He was going to have to take this very slowly.  “I
can turn off the oil lamp, if you’d like.”

“Thank you,” she
whispered.

“Your body is
beautiful.”  Caroline’s head lowered and she remained silent.  He tipped her
chin up to look at him.  Her face was flushed.  “Do you trust me, Caroline?”

“Well, I. .
.yes,” she replied, nodding.  “But. . .”

“But?”

“I can’t seem to
erase from my mind the image of you and Missy in the henhouse.”

“I can’t do
anything about that, and I’m having difficulties forgetting my own sordid
memories. But this is who you married.  It is impossible to change my past,
only my future.”

“I know.” 
Caroline again glanced toward the lamp, then her eyes begged him to turn the
light off. “It ought to be dark when we. . .”

“Why?”

“Because that’s
the way it’s supposed to be.”

“That’s not been
my experience.  There’s nothing wrong with having a lamp on.”

“I don’t want you
to see my. . .I’m uncomfortable with. . .”

“Your body is
beautiful.”

“David, please.”

“What if it were
daylight?  There would be no lamp to turn off, would there?”

“Surely, you
don’t intend that we do this in the daylight,” she said with wide eyes.

“What if I turn
it down to a flicker?”

“Yes, very well.”

When he turned to
face her, his wife stared at the ceiling, then at the floor.  She was wringing
her hands. He stepped quietly toward her.  She made eye contact with him. 

He pulled her to
an embrace and stroked the hair off her face. His wife’s heart was beating
against his chest.  David took a deep breath and stepped away. Caroline was
avoiding eye contact, her head was lowered.

“Caroline?” he
said, as he tipped her chin up to look at him.

“David, I. . .” 
Crackling from the fireplace distracted her and, for a moment, she stared
silently into the bright flames.  David placed his hands on her shoulders and
waited for her to look at him.  When she did, he took hold of her trembling
hand and kissed it.

“What we do here,
now, with our bodies, this very act is ordained by God.”

“But ‘tis also my
duty, David.”

“Yes, it is, but
I will never insist on this if you are in any way uncomfortable or not feeling
well.  Caroline, I want you to desire this as much as I do.  Come.” He walked
her to his desk and picked up his Bible, already opened to the book of Tobias.
He made the Sign of the Cross, then faced the crucifix and prayed the words of
Scripture:

“And now,
Lord, thou knowest that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister for my wife,
but only for the love of posterity in which Thy name may be blessed forever and
ever... have mercy on us, Lord, and let us grow old both together in health
.”

Caroline
responded, “Amen.” She avoided eye contact, her face now flushed.  She began to
shiver, so he gently guided her to the bed.

Chapter 54

David sighed with
a deep sense of
fulfilment
.  Caroline slept beside him,
her soft arm draped across his stomach.  He didn’t want to fall asleep.  Right
now, his only desire was to watch his wife rest, listen to her breathe, feel
her heart beating and thank God for this wonderful gift.  She exhaled and he
gazed in awe at her face. In slumber, her inhibitions had disappeared and her
body completely relaxed against his.