In Name Only (24 page)

He patted her
back and kissed the top of her head. “Better go.”

“I don’t care.  I
want to remain here with you.”

“Must rest.”

She nodded, then
lifted herself off of him.  At the door, she said, “I’ll leave the door
partially open.”

Ten minutes
later, Caroline could hear soft knocking on Liam’s open door across the hall. 
She greeted David standing at Liam’s partly opened doorway.  “David?”

“Caroline, I need
to talk to him about an urgent matter.”

“He’s exhausted. 
He’s probably sleeping.”

“This is
important.”

Caroline let out
an audible sigh.  “Very well.” David opened the door.  Her husband’s room was
dark except for the bed which was bathed in the dim light of one oil lamp at
his bedside table. The mantle clock ticked in rhythm with their soft, slow
footsteps. She called out his name in a whisper, “Liam? I’m sorry to wake you,
but David must speak with you.”

The two walked
together to the side of his bed.  “Liam?”  Caroline reached down and touched
his hand.  It was warm, but still, too still.  She placed her hand on his chest
to feel the soft beating of his heart.  She felt nothing, so Caroline pushed on
his arm more forcefully, but there was no response.  “Liam, no !”

Chapter 24

David lingered in
the doorway of Liam’s room and watched Jane and Hallie prepare Liam’s body for
burial. The servants, ever respectful, kept a linen sheet draped over his
brother’s private parts as they washed other areas of his body. Liam looked
calm and peaceful, like he was sleeping. Every few moments, Jane and Hallie
paused to wipe their eyes with their handkerchiefs.

David quickly
blinked away his tears and cleared his throat. The two women stopped and looked
up. 

“Mr. David, is
there something you need?”  Jane asked.

“I. . .well. .
.” 

Jane wiped her
hands on her apron and approached David at the doorway of Liam’s room.

Swallowing, David
quietly spoke. “When. . .will my brother’s body be ready?  I want him moved to
the parlor downstairs. The casket has just been delivered.”

“It won’t be
long.”  Jane paused.  “Are you certain you don’t want Mr. Liam embalmed? 
There’s a new embalmer on Walnut Street and my ma tells me he makes house
calls.”

“Yes, I’m sure. 
I don’t want my brother tampered with.  His body’s been through enough
already.”

“Yes, Mr. David.”

“How. . .is.. .
.my sister-in-law doing?”  He turned and glanced across the hall at the closed
door to Caroline’s room.

“Crying steady since
Mr. Liam died yesterday.  I’m worried she might lose the baby.”  Jane
hesitated. “The men will be arriving in soon for the wake,” Jane said.

David cringed and
lowered his head.  He did not look forward to standing around with their
colleagues, drinking, being nostalgic.

“I don’t think
Miss Caroline will be coming down for the wake.” 

“That’s fine.”

“Mr. Liam will be
ready in about half an hour.  We just need to dress him in his Sunday clothes.”

*  *  *

“Miss Caroline,
are you awake?” called Jane’s voice.

Caroline opened
her eyes slowly, tentatively. As she gradually wakened, the horrible truth set
in, burning into her consciousness.  Her beloved husband, the father of her
unborn child, was now gone.  A ray of sunlight was streaming in through a thin
area of parted curtains and birds were singing a sweet tune.  How could those
wretched creatures produce such happy sounds when her heart was breaking?

“Mr. David said I
got to help you get ready for the funeral,” the servant said through the closed
door.

“Go away,” she
said as she pulled the coverlet closer.

“No, Ma’am, I
can’t do that.  People are starting to arrive to pay their respects to Mr.
Liam.  And they’ll be waiting on you to say good bye to him.”

Jane let herself
into the room.  “Good gracious, Miss Caroline, if you’re gonna go in the
chamber pot, you got to cover it.  Besides, you ought to be getting up and
using the necessary room down the hall.”  Jane crossed the room and opened the
window.

“Please, leave me
alone.” Caroline pulled the covers up over her head and remained in bed.

“I’ll leave you
long enough to empty your chamber pot.” She picked up the metal basin from the
floor beside the bed.  “But you need to be getting up now, Miss Caroline.” Jane
left the door open and hurried into the hall.

Moments later the
servant returned and slipped the metal pot under the bed.

Caroline lifted
her head.  “How was I supposed to get any sleep last night?  The wake lasted
until well after midnight.”

“Yes, the men
were loud, weren’t they?”

“David ought to
be ashamed of himself participating in that. . . that. . .”

“Now, you know
that Mr. David was required to be there.  From what I saw, he didn’t appear to
be enjoying himself.”  Jane, her hands outstretched in front of her, stood
before Caroline.

“Come.” She
grasped her mistress’ hand and pulled her up. “You got to keep going for your
baby.”  As soon as Caroline sat up, she bolted off the bed and leaned over the
basin at her bedside table.  She gagged several times but with no success. 

“You poor thing. 
You haven’t eaten anything and you’re still retching like that.”

Overwhelmingly
nauseated, Caroline opened her mouth again, wishing that something would come
out.  But all that remained was despair, a cold hard knot that couldn’t be
expelled or loosened. 

Jane rubbed her
mistress’ back. Caroline offered no resistance as the servant guided her to the
closet.  “Now, which one of these black dresses would you like to wear?”

“I don’t like
black.  I want to wear this blue one here.”

“That’s not
proper.  You got to wear black. This one here will do fine. And no jewelry or
other extras.”

She raised her
arms up so that the servant could put on her shift.  “Miss Caroline, pull your
arm into the sleeve here.”  She grudgingly followed the command.  Her arms
dangled limply in the sleeves while Jane buttoned up the back of her dress. 
Her head yanked back as Jane brushed her hair.

The servant then
led her mistress to the bed and sat her down.

“Miss Caroline?”

Caroline ignored
her, staring straight ahead. The grieving woman felt Jane’s hand patting her
back.

“I know this is
difficult.”

Caroline began to
sob, loud, insistent.  She cried so hard that the walls echoed her grief, the
floor sunk with the weight of it.

All of a sudden, she
stopped crying and sat up.  She wiped her eyes, then she caught a glimpse of
her mother’s Bible sitting on the dresser. She pushed away from Jane.  She
stomped over to the dresser, lifted up the small Bible and pitched it across
the room.  It landed in front of the unlit fireplace.

“Miss Caroline,
don’t!”  Jane screamed, then ran to the front of the fireplace and carefully
picked up the book and the few pages that had come loose from it.  “This is
your Ma’s Bible.”

“I don’t ever
want to see it again! Rip it up; throw it away!”

Jane, still
holding the Bible, stood before her. “Now, Ma’am, I have never in my life
disobeyed an order from you, but I just can’t do that, destroy the good Lord’s
book.”

Caroline
reluctantly took her eyes from Jane then covered her face with her hands, and
began sobbing again, collapsing on the wooden floor.

“Now, now. . .” 
Jane crouched down. “Look at me.”

Caroline ignored
her.  With both hands, Jane gently cradled her mistress’ face and lifted it up
to meet her own.  “I know you are grieving for Mr. Liam, but Mr. Liam would
want you to keep going, for your baby’s sake.” Caroline shrugged.

“Come now,” Jane
pulled her up.  “We got to get you downstairs so you can greet some people and
say good bye to your husband.”

Walking into the
hallway, death greeted her like a stalking adversary, its subtle stench
nauseating her. Its smell was sour, heavy and mixed with the distant aromas of
flowers and baking bread.

A short while
later, as she was standing in the foyer, Caroline greeted guests who were
offering their condolences.

“Carrie, dear, I
can’t tell you how sorry I. . .”

“I know, Lizzie.”
Caroline stopped and began sobbing again.  Elizabeth cradled her cousin. 
“Shhh, it’s going to be fine.”  Caroline held on tightly.  After a few moments,
she pulled away.

“No, no, it’s not
going to be fine,” she sniffled, “He’s gone.  I loved him and he’s gone.”

“I know, dear
Carrie, I know.”

“Miss  Caroline,
ye’re goin’ ta be foin.  Ye jest wait’n see.  Sure an’ it’s jest hard now, the
pain so fresh ‘n all.”  Patsie wiped Caroline’s cheeks in a motherly fashion,
then tilted her face upward.  “Ye know Mr. Liam’s in a far better place now,
Miss Caroline.”

A steady stream
of relatives and friends repeated the comments.

“Our Heavenly
Father called him home.”

“He’s in heaven.”

“He’s at peace.”

Caroline had no
desire to hear about our Heavenly Father or heaven or peace.  It was obvious
that her whispered promises to God had meant nothing. He hadn’t answered her
prayers for Liam’s recovery.  She glanced towards the staircase.

All the muscles
in her body tensed as she watched David on the far side of the foyer. He was
nodding and listening patiently to one of his clients, a man half a foot
taller.  Her brother-in-law’s expression was serious and composed.

“Caroline.” 
Uncle Edward embraced Caroline so tightly; she was finding it difficult to
breathe.  As he stepped away from her, she exhaled.  “If there is anything we
can do, my dear, please let us know.”

An hour later,
Jane kept her arm around Caroline’s shoulder as she escorted her mistress to
the parlor.  Dark drapery kept light from the room and linens covered the
mirrors. The flower arrangements couldn’t mask the scent of death.

On the other side
of the room, the open coffin waited.  With each step, Caroline’s only desire
was to turn and run, but Jane’s gentle insistence forced her to accomplish this
final act as his wife.

They reached the
coffin and Jane whispered to Caroline, “It’s time to be saying goodbye to your
husband.”

She glanced at
her husband’s still body, a subtle odor now emanating from him, his arms
crossed over his chest. 
Oh Liam.  Why did you have to leave us so soon?

She leaned into
the open coffin and pressed a kiss to his forehead, now cold.  From this view,
she couldn’t see the deep gash in his head or what his body had to endure in
the last day or so.  His face looked beautiful, peaceful.  “I love you, Liam,”
she whispered.

*  *  *

David cordially
welcomed more guests in the foyer area of their home.  He glanced at Caroline. Her
black dress emphasized her pale complexion and her anguish.  His sister-in-law
wept most of the time or walked around, staring straight ahead, her eyes dark
with pain.  David was not one who shared his grief publicly, and he had already
had one long sobbing episode the night of his brother’s death.  However, he had
done his best to remain self-controlled since then.

This was all his
fault, of that he was certain. He was responsible for Lee’s death, for
Caroline’s heartache.

Now, she was the
disconsolate widow, and he, the grieving brother.  He must be strong for her.
He owed her that.

He gritted his
teeth as he recalled the conversation in the carriage before Liam got hurt. 
Caroline would be appalled if she ever found out what they had discussed.

When would it be
the right time to give her the letter?  He made several attempts to speak with
her and she refused to even look at him.  David concluded that it would never
be the right time and that the sooner he did so, that terrible job would be
accomplished.

And how would he
ever make all this up to Caroline?  He would never be able to fix this dreadful
situation.  He was just going to have to do what his brother asked and live
with that decision.

He took a deep
breath and faced the man in front of him.

“That was some
wake last night, David,” a tall man said.  “Your brother was well-liked.”

“Yes, he was,” he
responded.  In actuality, David despised that so many of their colleagues and
friends had drunk themselves to a stupor while Liam lay cold in a box  in the parlor.
Of course, when he finally drank in earnest, he was able to toss his grief
aside and pretend that Liam hadn’t died.