In Blood and Worth Loving 3 Kiss Cover (22 page)

She watched his jaw clenching and unclenching and knew killing her had been difficult and still bothered him.

“
I did what I had to do. It was very difficult for me because I had real feelings for her, but
she left me no choice
.
”

“
Did you love her?
”

He sighed and closed his eyes briefly before meeting her gaze again.
“
I was
so
very fond of her but I wasn
’
t in love with her. Nevertheless, her death had a profound effect on me.
I couldn’t sleep for months without reliving
our last minutes together
. After a few years, I learned to accept it, but
I promised myself that I would never date another human woman, even though I
’
ve always preferred them to fems. I kept that promise until I met you.
”

Her heart ached for the hurt she sensed he still felt.
“
Doesn
’
t he understand that you only did what you had to do?
”

He shrugged.
“
She was his sister and he loved her. I readily admit he has a legitimate gripe against me. He
’
s spent close to forty years looking for a way to get even with me. Now that he has, he
’
s going to pay with his life.
”

“If he’s been trying for so long, why is he still alive?”

“Generally a vampire is only as mentally sane as the full-blood who turned them. By the time I…killed Jane, she was far from sane.”
He shook his head. “I should have killed him
as I did all the others she turned but the last thing she asked me to do was to spare his life. In deference to what she’d meant to me, I did.

“But that’s a mistake I’m going to re
me
dy ASAP.”

She shook her head.
“
Leave it, Conner. He could have killed me or been even rougher than he was. He
’
s had his revenge. Let
’
s move on as if it never happened.
”
Of course she would be dealing with the aftermath for far too long but that was preferable to Conner killing two members of one family. No three members.

He stalked across the room to stare at her.
“
You can
’
t seriously think I
’
m going to allow him to get away with trying to make you pay for something that happened before you were even born.
”

She gripped his hands.
“
He only did this to make you come after him.
”

“
Then he
’
ll be gratified to know his plan worked. I
’
m going after him all right and I
’
m going to kill him.
”

“
They
’
ll kill you!
”

“
I
’
m not so easy to kill.
But
even if his friends manage to do that, I
’
m still going to kill him. No one gets to hurt you like that.
”
He touched her cheek.
“
I
’
m so sorry that you were caught in the middle. I tried so hard to protect you from myself that I forgot how rabid he
could be
. He used to be an honorable full-blood. What he did to you was totally unacceptable and I am going to kill him-even if it costs me my life.
”

“
It
’
s my body and I say leave it be.
”

“
No fucking way!
”

“
Conner
–
”

“
No, Desiree. I can
’
t let it go.
”

“
Conner
–
”

He pressed a finger against her lips.
“
You
’
re upset and understandably tense. Why don
’
t you go take a soak and try to ease some of you tension?
”

“
While you do what?
”

“
I
’
ll be right here. So don
’
t worry.
”

“
I do worry. I don
’
t want you dead.
”

“
I have no desire to die but I
’
m not letting him get away with raping you.
”

She closed her eyes.
“
Conner
–
”

“
I
’
ll run a bath for you.
”

Before she could object, he left the bedroom. When he returned he swept her off her feet and carried her into the bathroom where he lowered her into the warm, scented water.

He bent to kiss her cheek.
“
Relax…I
’
ll be here when you finish.
”

She turned her head to kiss the corner of his mouth.
“
I love you.
”

He brushed his lips against hers before he rose.

She sighed and watched him leave
without telling her he loved her too.

Did they even have enough time left together for him to feel comfortable saying
I love you too?
Did he even love her?

* * *

Conner paced the length of Desiree
’
s living room trying to overcome the urge to storm after Hartford and slaughter him where he found him. While that course of action would undoubtedly provide a large measure of relief, he probably wouldn
’
t live long enough to enjoy it. Hartford had to die, but as Stormwater had pointed out, there was no need for him to be in a hurry to die
with him. Now
that he knew
Desiree
was willing to forgive him
he had a
good
reason to live
.

After w
eighing
the pros and cons of various courses of action
Conner
made several calls. Then he returned to the bathroom.

Desiree lay in the water with
tears streaming from
her closed
lids
.

He clenched his hand around the small box in his pants pocket before he knelt beside her.
“
Hey…
”

She opened her eyes and sat up, wiping her cheeks.
“
I
’
m fine,
”
she said.

The hell she was. There wasn
’
t much he could do to make things better for her but he would make Hartford pay.
“
Will you do something for me?
”

She nodded.
“
What?
”

He bought his right hand up and opened it.
“
Accept this
.
”

She stared at t
he box
, biting her lip.
“
It
’
s a ring box.
”

“
I know. Why don
’
t you open it?
”

She moistened her lips before she obeyed. She stared at the diamond solitaire surrounded by rubies for several moments before she looked up at him.
“
It looks like an engagement ring.
”

“
That
’
s probably because it is.
”

“
Are you…you can
’
t be asking me to marry you.
”

“
Why not?
”

She shook her head.
“
Are you proposing
to me
?
”

He shrugged.
“
I’ve just given y
ou have an engagement ring and I
’
m on my knees. Do the math
, sweet
.
”

“
I think I want to hear you
actually propose.
”

Human women
; n
ever
satisfied
until they’d made a full-
blood
cower like a lowly human male.
Why the hell did otherwise sane full- bloods find them so damned attractive and unforgettable?
“
Okay.
Will you marry me?
”

She tossed her arms around his neck and shuddered.
“
Oh God.
”

“
Damn. That
’
s not quite the response I
hoped for
.
”

She stared into his eyes.
“
We
’
re both going to die. Aren
’
t we?
”

“
Why do you ask that?
”

“
After over a year of insisting we
’
re only going to be friends, you suddenly admit we
’
ve been more since the night we met
and
you practically admit you love me. Now you
’
re proposing without my having to plead and beg you to? Obviously death is imminent.
”

He laughed and then sobered.
“
It is
f
or me, but not for you.
”

“
Please Conner. Please don
’
t go after him. I
’
d rather have you alive and refusing to admit you have any real feelings for me than have a ring while you
’
re dead. I couldn
’
t b
ear
it if they killed you.
”

He pressed his forehead against hers.
“
I can
’
t let it go. Believe me, I
’
ll do my best to survive, but
regardless of the consequences,
I am going to
fuck him up and
kill him
slowly to make
him
pay for daring to touch and hurt you
.
”

She jerked away from him.
“
What about the consequences for me? Are you going to kill him regardless of those also? Do you need to kill him more than you want to be with me?
”

How could he make her understand? He shook his head.
“
Of course not, but
–
”

“
I am sick to death of hearing but from you! What
’
s wrong with you? Why are you determined to get yourself killed when I
’
m willing to pay the price for his vengeance?
”

“
I
’
m unwilling for you to do that. You did nothing to deserve what he did to you and he will pay with his miserable life!
”

“
I
’
m willing to do it because I love you and I want you alive.
”

“I gave him fair warning that if
he didn’t stay away from you, I’d kill him. Not only did he not stay away but he raped and brutalized you as well. That’s a mistake he’s not going to have long to regret.”

She bit her lip.
“
Why do I have the feeling that you only proposed because you know you won
’
t live long enough to actually have to marry me?
”

“
Clearly you don
’
t understand the depth of my feelings for you!
”
He shook his head.
“
I asked you because living with the certainty that I
’
m going to die soon has made me realize that I
’
ve been a fool. I
’
ve wasted over a year trying to deny what everyone else knew the night we met
.”

“And what is that, Conner?”

“Y
ou
’
re my blood and
everything that’s important to me.”

“Oh Conner.”

“I
don
’
t have any more time to waste. You
’
re my blood and more…I love you.
”

She sucked in a breath and tears streamed down her cheeks.
“
The sheer wonder of hearing those three powerful little words
is
overshadowed by
my fear
that
you’re
determined to get
your
big, dumb ass killed.
If you really love me, p
rove it.
”

“How?”

“
Live long enough to actually marry me.
”

He kissed her cheek and rose.

She reached up to grip his hand as he turned away.

He reluctantly turned back to face her.

“
Do you want revenge more than you want me?
”

He stared down at her, surprised and unnerved by both the question and the anguish in her voice.

“
Are your feelings and so-called love for me so weak and inconsequential that they can
’
t stand against your need for vengeance? If you really love me, just ask yourself this: do you hate him more than you love me, Conner?
”

“
No, but you need to understand that I
’
m not capable of doing what you
’
re asking me to.
”

“
Why? Because your so-called love is a weak and an insipid substitute for the real thing?
”

“
Desiree
–
”

“
If you really cared wouldn
’
t you want to be with me more than you wanted to die for the sake of revenge? Maybe you were right to insist you didn
’
t
do
romantic love. Maybe you can
’
t
do
it anymore after all. Maybe if a woman wants the real thing, she has to go to the only males capable of giving it
.”

“And who the fuck would that be, Desiree?”

“Males who aren’t afraid to admit they can fall in love–
human
s
.
”

He sucked in an angry breath and clenched his right hand in a fist at his side.
“I make no apologies for not being a weak human male
who might actually be capable of
turning
the other damn cheek
.”

“
You can
do
revenge but you can
’
t
do
real love which requires sacrifices for the sake of the one you so-call love? Well, damn, doesn
’
t that make me feel special to be so loved by you
, Conner
?
”

Her words infuriated and hurt him. The urge to rage at her rose like bile in his throat, but he fought it back.
She
’
s frightened and angry. You can
’
t respond with anger of your own
.
Besides, you
’
ve already given her enough emotional grief to last a lifetime.
“
I
’
ll be in the living room if you want me,
”
he said and walked out of the bathroom before he could shout at her for daring to imply she wanted or needed anything he was incapable of supplying.

In the living room he resisted the urge to punch holes in her wall and paced instead.
Why? Because your so-called love is a weak and insipid substitute for the real thing?
He exposed his deepest emotions to her and she responded by calling it so-called love. So-called! As if he weren
’
t old enough to know how he felt. Why couldn
’
t she understand that being in blood with her was more important than being in love with her
–
at least from a vampiric prospective? That coupled with the fact that he did love her should mitigate some of the disdain she
’
d just shown him. And he
’
d taken it without responding in kind, which also should attest to the depth of his feelings for her.

How the hell could she possibly expect him to allow Hartford to get away with raping and brutalizing her? If she were so damned in love with him why couldn
’
t she make an effort to understand him without condemning him for things he couldn
’
t change?

“
I
’
m sorry, Conner.
”

He swung around to find her standing in the living room doorway wearing one of his robes. She looked lost and afraid. He crossed the room to embrace her.
“
For what?
”

“
For the things I said in the bathroom. I don
’
t want you to think that I don
’
t appreciate
…I know
saying you love me wasn
’
t easy for you. I
’
ve talked to Cay, Brandi, and Chandra enough to know how hard it is to get a full-blood to make such an admission. I don
’
t want you to think I belittle your feelings. I
’
m just so afraid of losing you.
”
She lifted her head from his shoulder and curled her fingers in his hair.
“
Please love me more than you want to kill him. Please Conner. Don
’
t let killing him be more important than
our building a long, happy life together
.
”