In Blood and Worth Loving 3 Kiss Cover (18 page)

* * *

Long after Hartford left the threat of his promise to return again to tap
“
the best pussy he
’
d had in years and increase the chance of impregnating you,
”
rang in her ears. Desiree lay in a second cooling bath, softly sobbing. She
’
d emptied the first tub of water because it held traces of Hartford
’
s blood drenched cum. She shuddered with fear at the implication of his having secreted blood inside her.

After the first fuck, she no longer feared he would kill her. He
’
d clearly been enjoying raping her too much for that. Her pussy was raw and she ached all over. Worse, even though she knew it was impossible so soon after sex, she imagined she could already feel a change in her body. A change she did not want and couldn
’
t afford for Conner
’
s sake as much as her own.

She briefly considered a morning after a pill. But only briefly. Her moral convictions made that option unpalatable for her. However that wouldn
’
t stop her hoping and praying she didn
’
t conceive as a result of rape. She would know in a few days when her period, which was never late, did or didn
’
t come.

Oh God. Please let it be my imagination. I can
’
t get pregnant by him. That would tear Conner apart. Conner. Oh Conner.
She longed for the comfort of his arms around her and
his
big body curled against hers, but he was the last person she could afford to see.

Unlike normal rape victims, she would never have the luxury of telling anyone what had happened to her. If Conner learned what Hartford had done, he
’
d kill him. That would begin a string of violence that would end the lives of full-bloods she knew and loved.

She would have to find a way to deal with what had happened to her without availing herself of the measure of comfort confession would give her. It felt almost impossible but she
’
d have to find a way to manage in
an effort
to help keep Conner from a path that would end in his death. If nothing else, her encounter with Hartford had taught her that despite the turbulent past weeks, she still loved Conner and probably always would.

Her thoughts turned to Hartford
’
s accusations. She sighed. True or not, she loved Conner. Nothing he
’
d done in the past would change that.

Feeling dirty, despite her bath and long soak, she put on a bra, thong, and her longest cotton nightgown. Then she curled up in bed and cried herself to sleep.

“
You
’
re frightening me, Uncle Conner.
”

Seated across the table from Rayna at her favorite restaurant, Conner sighed.
“
I don
’
t mean to, honey. I just wanted to make things right with you.
”

She inhaled slowly.
“
You wanted to make things right with me before what?
”

He didn
’
t bother to pretend to misunderstand her.
“
In case I didn
’
t get the chan
c
e to tell you again that I love you more than you probably know.
”

She bit her lip and looked away.
“
Please don
’
t talk like that, Uncle Conner. I couldn
’
t bare it if anything happened to you.
”

He reached across the table to hold her hand.
“
There
’
s a significant possibility that my days are numbered, Rayna. Pretending otherwise would be like burying our heads in the sand.
”

She shook her head.
“
Go away, Uncle Conner. Please. Go away until things are safe for you.
”

“
I can
’
t, Rayna, but I need to make sure things are right between us. I know I
’
ve given you cause for concern and I
’
m sorry.
”

“
And I need you to live, Uncle Conner! Please go away!
”

“
I can
’
t. I have to make things right with Desi if I can. If I can, I want to spend however much time I have left with her. If I can
’
t what
’
s the point? I need to know you can forgive me.
”

“
If there were anything to forgive, I would and so would she.
”

“
I
’
m not so sure about that. I hurt her.
”

“
I know, but love covers a multitude of sins.
”

While homeschooling Rayna, Conner and his brothers had read countless books to and with her. Her favorite book had always been the Bible. They had all read it numerous times from cover to cover and could quote it as easily as any biblical scholar. Although she didn
’
t consider herself particularly religious, she owned an impressive collection of translations of the Bible in numerous languages. Hearing one of her favorite quotations from it reminded him of happier days.

“
I know she loves you and because she does, she
’
d rather have you alive and unforgiven than forgiven and dead. Please go away.
”

“
I have to stay around and make things right with her. But even if I hadn
’
t screwed up with her the thought of running doesn
’
t sit well with me. And if Hartford hurts her, I
’
m definitely going to kill him.
”

She stared at him, tears in her eyes.
“
Please Uncle Conner…she
’
d rather have you alive
just as we would.
”

“
I know and I
’
d rather be alive, but I know he won
’
t leave her alone unless he
’
s dead.
”

“
I hate him.
”

“
I
’
m going to kill him, but I can
’
t say that I hate him. After all, he has a legitimate gripe.
”

“
He doesn
’
t.
”

“
I
’
ve never been held accountable for killing Jane.
”

“
She left you no choice.
”

“
That
’
s what I
’
ve always told myself, but I
’
m no longer sure it
’
s true.
”

“
I am! No one is going to convince me you would have killed her if there had been another way.
”

He smiled.
“
Your faith and love has made us all better.
”

“
It was a lucky day when you found me.
”

“
The luck was all ours, Rayna. You
’
ve enriched our lives in ways you can
’
t imagine. I cherished every moment we spent together.
”

“
I did too and want to spend many more with you.
”

He sighed.
“
I would have liked to live to see you happily settled down, but I
’
ve lived far longer than most people. I
’
ve done lots of things I wished I hadn
’
t, but on the whole I have few regrets. I want your promise that you won
’
t spend too much time grieving for me. I need and want you to be happy.
”

She sucked in a breath.
“
I
’
ll do my best, Uncle Conner, but
–
”

“
But I need you to be happy and to move on without excessive grief.
”
He lifted her hand to his lips.
“
Now I need to spend some time with Jay and Adrian.
”
He sighed.
“
And I have to say goodbye to Partner.
”

She squeezed his hand.
“
Uncle Conner…please.
”

“
I
’
m sorry, honey, but I can
’
t see any other way out. If you love me, please know that I have to do it this way.
”

She compressed her lips, nodded, and then looked away with tears in her eyes.

* * *

When he was sure she was sound asleep, Conner entered Desi
’
s apartment. Making his way to her bedroom, he placed a hand on her forehead.
Sleep,
he instructed. Once certain she would obey the silent command, he sat on the side of her bed and eased the sheet away from her body
.

Finding her wearing not only a nightgown that went well past her knees, but also a bra and thong, he frowned. Something was wrong. She often complained about how uncomfortable bras were and rarely slept in one. He placed a palm on her
forehead again
. On the verge of probing her thoughts, he shook his head, and removed his hand.

He
’
d already engaged in what he knew she considered rape. Probing her thoughts while she slept would be just one more nail in his proverbial coffin. Instead of violating the privacy of her thoughts, he stripped down to his briefs, turned her onto her side, and curled his body against her back.

Although he knew she wouldn
’
t think much of him joining her in bed either, he was sure she would find it less outrageous than
his
invading her thoughts.

He held her in silence, memorizing the beat of her heart and the sound of her breathing until she showed signs of emerging from the layers of deep sleep. Then he allowed himself a few caresses of her breasts, one moment of stroking his fingers along her clit, before he rose and quickly dressed.

He pressed a soft kiss against her lips and quietly left her apartment.

* * *

When Desiree woke from a deep sleep to find a single rose lying across each nightstand, her eyes filled with tears. Although there was no card, she knew they were from Conner.

She picked one up and held it against her breasts.
“
Oh Conner. Why didn
’
t you wake me and let me know you were here?
”
She rolled over and sat up to reach for her cell phone to call him. She shook her head. Although she longed to see him, she wasn
’
t sure she could face him without revealing what Hartford had done to her.

She put her cell phone down to lie in bed with her eyes closed, clutching the rose against her breasts.
I love you, Conner and if I have to keep what he did to me to myself to protect you, I will. Somehow, I will.

When she woke again, moonlight filtering into her bedroom through the slits of the open blinds revealed a dark figure standing looking out her bedroom window. Her heart raced with fear and she bolted into up in bed, cluttering the sheet against her body, her mouth opened to scream.

Conner swung around and quickly crossed the room to sit on the side of the bed and put his arm around her shoulders.
“
I
’
m sorry I startled you, but I had to see you.
”

She clutched his shirt and burrowed against him, trembling.

He drew her into a closer embrace.
“
I
’
m so sorry,
”
he whispered.

“
For what?
”

“
For everything. I would give anything not to have you so afraid of me.
”

She lifted her head from his chest to look at him.
“
I
’
m not afraid of you, Conner.
”

He frowned.
“
Your heart is pounding and you
’
re shivering. You
’
re clearly afraid.
”

“
I…I just woke from a nightmare,
”
she whispered, struggling to keep her fear and turmoil from surfacing.

“
I hurt you.
”

She nodded.
“
Yes. You did.
”

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers.
“
I
’
m so sorry, sweet. So sorry. I couldn
’
t stop myself. Please forgive me.
”

Hearing the anguish in his voice shredded any lingering traces of anger or resentment she might have harbored. Yes. He had gone out of his way to hurt her, but she
’
d known for over a year that would happen if he fell for her. She
’
d known it and had made no effort to distance herself from him.

Brandi had once told her that loving a full-blood required a human woman to take the good with the bad. She and Conner had shared far more good times than they had bad ones and she loved him
regardless of what he
’
d done.

She stroked her fingers through his hair.
“
I forgive you,
”
she whispered.

He lifted his head to look at her.
“
You do?
”

She nodded.
“
Yes. I do.
”

“
I
’
m so sorry.
”

She shook her head.
“
You don
’
t have to keep apologizing. I knew it wouldn
’
t be easy to have a relationship with you but I wanted one regardless of the consequences.
”
She caressed his cheeks.
“
I love you
no matter what you
’
ve done.
”

He stiffened.
“
What I
’
ve done?
”

She bit her lip. She wasn
’
t supposed to know what Hartford claimed he
’
d done. Claimed? No. He probably had done it or the other full-blood was a nut. And she didn
’
t think he was
. T
hat meant Conner really had killed a lover who was pregnant with his child. Recalling the wistfulness in his voice when he spoke of full-bloods only shooting blanks, she found it difficult to reconcile him knowingly killing his own child.