Imprint (31 page)

“Maybe one day, then?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, getting off the bed.
“But don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“Okay.” He didn’t mean it though. Everythi
ng was so messed up
and he felt like
a construction site, capable of crashing at any given moment.
If these
episodes were a recurring thing, the chances of keeping that promise were slim.

“I’m being serious, you know,” she seemed to pick up on his thoughts. Was he really that predictable today? “Don’t ever try something like that again. If you died I…” she trailed off.

“If I died you’d be better off, Al.”

She looked horrified, and then the expression morphed into anger. “If you died I wouldn’t know how to keep going,” she whispered. “Don’t you understand yet how important you are to me?”

Sean was shocked, and he felt warmth trickle through his system at the words. It seemed ridiculous that someone like him could
inspire that sort of loyalty. “No, I don’t,” he answered honestly. “Not when I’ve always taken you for granted.”

“You were there for me when I needed you.
You stayed with me those nights, even though I
didn’t know it was you at the time.” S
he sighed, pausing momentarily.
“
Sean, w
e’re st
ill
young. There are so many countries in the world I want to see, things I want to experience, people I want to meet.
And…well,
I’ve always hoped I wou
ld do those things with you.
”

Sean didn’t answer, mulling over her words in his head. She was right, like always. Drew had wanted him to live too
, and the thought that Drew’s sacrifice would be for nothing was too painful to consider. He couldn’t throw that away, no matter how hard it was to stand up again and keep moving. “I’ve always hoped for that too,” he finally murmured, voice lingering and hesitant. “I
want
to do those things with you,
I just never knew how to put it into words.”

A large, infectious grin spread across her face, splitting it apart like a chasm. “Well that’s understandable,” she said. “You wouldn’t be you if you could articulate.”

He snorted a laugh, and soon both of them were chuckling softly.
After that a comfo
rtable silence fell
, and Sean found that he felt more normal when he was in her presence. The whiteness of the walls did not seem quite so menacing anymore, and the fact that all the li
ght in the room was artificial
bothered him less.
He felt more like himself, as if that hole had somehow been partly stitched up. It wasn’t miraculously gone, and maybe it
never would be, but it was an
improvement.

“I think I’m going to go back home for a little while now,” Ali sai
d an hour or so later, after a game of cards
. “You know, to change and stuff. I’ll come back in the afternoon though. Don’t do anything while I’m gone, okay?”

“Are you sure? Be
cause I really need to pee and-
”

“
Don’t even fin
ish that sentence,” she warned
.
“And just so you know, there’ll be plenty of doctors coming to check on you who won’t hesitate to strap you to the bed.”
She walked to the door, but stopped and doubled back. “I forgot something,” she said softly, and the sadness was suddenly staining her voice again. She fished in her pocket and pulled out an envelope. “Drew asked me to give this to you when you woke up,” she bit her lip. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to read it now, though. Maybe you should wait a little while.”

Sean didn’t bother to mask his surprise, but accepted the letter gratefully. “Thanks,” he said.

She smiled, a smile he had dearly missed, as she left. “Just glad to have you back, Sean.”

He’d forgotten how bright,
vivid and colourful life was.
The months he had spent as an I
mprint, the lonely nights and the stupid daily arguments with Drew, suddenly seemed like a distant memory or
another lifetime
. Living again was a welcome relief, like relaxing into familiar warm water after spending an eternity struggling in the murky depths of a lake. At first the sudden rush of
physical
sensations had stunned him –
warmth, pain, thirst
. After a while, death did things to you. It messed with your head and made everything seem bleak and greyscale. Drew had said once that if you stuck around long enough death came in monotone splodges of greys and whites. Life came in splodges of vibrant colours.

His mother came to visit him in the hospital nearly every day, and Sean couldn’t help but find her concern touching. Still, though, he found it hard to talk to her after so many years of silence and her visits were always awkward. He hated how she looked at him, with that where-did-I-go-wrong disappointed look that o
nly a parent could perfect,
pity and worry in her eyes. She was talking about therapy. The absence of Hayden was also very conspicuous, but he didn’t mention it and his mother didn’t seem to want to bring it up. Therefore he was particularly surprised when, a week after he had been admitted to the hospital, his brother came to visit him alone.

Honestly, he had been expecting another murder attempt. Although the sensible part of his conscience reminded him that he’d never be allowed to bring anything dangerous into a hospital, the thought still stuck. But he was not greeted by the sight of a gun in his
face;
instead a pair of bloodshot eyes the shade of fear. And this, when he thought about it, was really just as bad.

Hayden didn’t speak at first, and Sean wasn’t keen on breaking the silence. The tension in the air was thick and suffocating as the older boy observed him carefully with a scrutinising gaze. Then, a sud
den look of shock and relief bloomed onto his face
. “It’s you,” he said.

“Which one?” Sean asked cautiously.

“Sean, you irresponsible brat
.” Hayden walked over to him, hit him – rather hard – on the arm with a scowl plastered on his face, and that was all he needed to know that Hayden knew it was really him.

“How can you tell?”

“Your eyes. They’re really blue, and you’re not wearing contact lenses.”

Sean sm
irked. “You’re pretty observant
.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a good thing I am.”
It was quiet for a little while, an awkward silence. It had never been awkward between them before, but this experience had changed a lot and Sean wondered if they would ever be able to go back to how they were. It was as though he hadn’t seen his brother properly in three months, and within that time he had become an almost completely different person. Some of the trust and respect he had previously held for the older boy was gone now as well because, he realised, Hayden was like any other person and had his fair share of flaws.

“
You were right, you know,” Sean
finally
said. “I always thought you were crazy, believing in ghosts and things like that. But you were right. They exist. The only difference is that their world is the same as ours.”

“I guess I got my facts a bit wrong, huh?” Hayden muttered. “You really were there, that day, watching. I’m sorry you saw me like that.”

“Yeah, me too
.”

“But then what happened
after I blacked out? Somehow you managed to get your body back.”

Sean sighed. “It’s a long story. Maybe I should just start from the beginning.”

“
Okay then, I’ll listen.”

And so Sean started, right from the very beginning, and explained to his older brother the theory of Imprints. He explained how Drew had taken his body, th
e terrifying reality of being a
bodiless soul, and how eventually he’d learnt the truth and managed to return. By the time Sean finished his voice was hoarse again and a slight red tint emanating from the window signalled that the sun was setting. Hayden remained quiet all through the explan
ation, only speaking once it was over.

“So you found out in
the end,” he whispered. “About
what happened four years ago.”

“Yeah,” Sean confirmed, glaring at Hayden. He couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal.
“But you knew, you knew all along and you kept it a secret.”

“We thought it would be better if you forgot, so you could live a normal life.”

Sean scoffed. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

“Cy
nical as ever I see,” Hayden shook his head
. “Are you angry with me, for not telling you?”

“No, I understand why you didn’t. But I still wish you had.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So what now, then?” Sean asked, abruptly changing the subject. “Do we just go back to living like we did before and pretending that nothing’s changed?”

“I don’t think things can ever go back to how they were, not now.”

“So what are you going to do?”

Hayden shrugged. “I’m not sure at the moment, but I’ll figure something out.”

“Don’t you want to interrogate me some more?” Sean asked, narrowing his eyes. “
You now have proof that
Imprints
exist. You could haul me off to a science lab and have me tested, or write everything down in a research journal and get it published, try and convince people that what happened to me was real.”

“Do you really think they would believe me?” Hayden chuckled. “I have no physical evidence anymore, now that your eyes are back to their normal colour.”

“I bet you’re pretty annoyed about that.”

Hayden looked confused. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“You know if he finds out, he’ll tell people. He won’t keep it to himself. He might try and help you, but he wouldn’t know how.”

Sean shook his head, as if trying to shake the memory away. “I-it’s nothing, I just thought that…”

“What? You thought that if I found out I would try to exploit you?”

“No. Well, sort of. It’s just something Drew mentioned once
. And it makes sense. This is everything you’ve worked for, isn’t it?” he asked, failing to keep the accusation out of his voice
. Hayden remained silent.

“
I would never try and use you,”
he
said quietly, and there was a serious undertone to his voice. “Even if I did have the evidence I needed, I still wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want you to become some test subject. Y
ou’re my brother. I just wish I’d given you a reason to trust me earlier
.”

Sean smiled slightly, only half-believing Hayden. Truthfully he wondered if he could ever really trust his brother again. “Thanks,
”
he said softly.

“I want
to keep researching this phenomenon though, ‘Imprints’ you call them. I want to know more about them, but I won’t share my research with anyone else.
I’ll only do it if it’s okay with you.
”

“
I don’t mind
.
Maybe I’ll even help out.
”

“Well, you might be stuck here for a while,” Hayden grinned devious
ly. “You know, because everyone
thinks you’re suicidal
. They’ve already picked out a therapist for you and everything actually, and I think I heard the phrase ‘family counselling’ thrown about a few times as well.”

“Can’t you tell them I’ve gone through a miraculous recovery and don’t need therapy anymore?”

“The
re’s no getting around it,
” his brother smirked; he was enjoying this way too much. “The doctors are convinced you’re depressed.”

“Well that’s just peachy.”
Hayden let out a cheerful laugh, and Sean was relieved to hear it. He suddenly looked so much younger. “I’m sorry for worrying you so much,” Sean added. “No offence, but you look horrible.”

“I haven’t slept in about three
days now,” he admitted, but still in that same cheerful way.
“It’s no big deal though; I’m
used to it.”

“And they say I’m the one who needs therapy.”

Hayden shrugged. “You don’t remember
and
I don’t sleep.
The amnesiac, insomniac and alcoholic. We’re all as fucked up as each other.
It’s always been this way
, hasn’t it
?”

“Yeah,” Sean agreed. “But that might change now. Drew brought back one of my memories, but not all of them. Maybe the others will gradually start coming back to me now.”

“It’s a nice theory, but it depends. Do you really want to remember?”

“There can’t be any memories worse than the one
s I
already have,” Sean muttered
. “And besides, I want to know about the good times. I want to know what you and mum were like before. I want to k
now what our father looked
like.”