Immortal Light: Wide Awake (27 page)

Standing back away from Benjamin, she reached
down to her side until her hand came to rest on something foreign
and cold at her waist. She knew what it was. She couldn’t explain
why, but in her hands she felt the handle of a sword—her sword. As
she gripped it in its scabbard, it felt like an extension of her
body.

Looking up at Benjamin, who was wearing an
enormous smile, she said, “I know who I am, Benjamin. I know what
my purpose is supposed to be. I know it’s weird, but I just
know.”

Benjamin nodded his head. “I think I do, too,”
he said, folding his arms with a pleased smile on his
face.

“
I’m not the queen you’ve been
waiting for.”

He nodded again as if to confirm her
theory.

She stood still, gripping the handle of her
newly acquired sword, the feel of it natural in her hand. Looking
into Benjamin’s eyes, she said what she didn’t understand but knew
to be true.

“
I’m her guardian.”

Benjamin looked down to examine her newly
donned weapon. “I believe you are.”

“
I don’t understand, though,” she
responded hesitantly, afraid that she would disappoint him. “What
is a guardian?”

“
The guardian of the queen serves
as a protector, a sort of bodyguard. The queen needs this guardian
as an added protection, because if the queen is somehow killed, the
city, like I said before, will lose a great deal of its strength.
The king alone can lead, but without the queen at his side, the
kingdom is significantly weaker.” He exhaled deeply. “The guardian
is the last line of protection between the queen and death, and her
bond to the queen is something very special. The guardian will
sacrifice everything to protect the queen.”

Looking back up to Benjamin, she saw that he
was distressed and seemed tense. “What does all of this
mean?”

“
It means, Lucy, that what we have
been waiting for is almost here. If you are the guardian, then
there isn’t any time before we discover the queen.”

Lucy felt perplexed. “Then why do you look
upset? Isn’t this what you want?”

Benjamin paced, searching for the right thing
to say. Lucy had never seen him so out of sorts. He seemed to be
coming unhinged.

She walked over to him and grabbed his hands.
“Benjamin, whatever it is, you can tell me. I know I’m not
two-thousand years old, but I’ll try to understand, I’ll try to
help you.”

Benjamin looked intensely at her.
“I know you’ll understand because you’ve understood everything.” He
looked around nervously, scanning the woods for the right thing to
say.

Lucy tried as hard as she
could to force her own
light
into Benjamin, but it only seemed to make it
worse.

“
Lucy, I
…
”
He
stopped.

“
I’m listening. I’m here. Tell
me.”

Benjamin looked down at her, and as quickly as
he had become nervous, his body relaxed, his breathing subsided,
and he was back to being himself.

“
What is it?” Lucy
insisted.

Benjamin ignored her question and walked to
the center of the grove and looked around, then stood and stared at
the ground.

“
What?” Lucy asked again. “What is
it?”

“
Nothing,” he replied in his
usual, jovial tone. “If you’re the Guardian, we have some work to
do.” He looked at Lucy, but she could tell he was hiding
something.

“
No! You’re not
going to just not tell me things. I’m in this now. I know I don’t
have the history, and I know that I’m not really one of your
people, but this is affecting me, and it all started when I met
you, and …
”
She
clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms, aggravation
rising inside her.

“
Damn it,
Benjamin! You need to tell me
everything
, or I won’t be able to
handle this. It’s already so overwhelming that I can barely contain
myself in here, let alone out there,” she gestured again to the
sky. “I know that you are scared or nervous or something, so level
with me. I … I …
”
she looked down at the ground.

Say it, Lucy. Tell him. He
has to know.
Lucy struggled, just thinking
the words to herself.

Benjamin, not wavering from his attention,
looked as though he was hanging on every word. When she stopped, he
was dissatisfied, as though the climax of a great story was
building, and the remaining pages were gone.

“
You what, Lucy?”

His words were like a net that
tried desperately to catch something, anything—not because of the
value of the words, but because of the fountain from which they
sprang.

Lucy regained her confidence, straightened up,
and raised her eyes to meet Benjamin’s.

“
I love you, Benjamin. I think
I’ve loved you from the first time we touched. I don’t know what
that means in here, but for me it’s true out there,
too.”

There was silence except for the ambiance of
the forest as the two of them let the words sink in. Benjamin took
a deep breath, and a look of pain shot across his face as he turned
to face away from her.

“
What that
means, Lucy, is that it’s time for you to find your own
haven
.”

The words shot like bullets through her
heart.

“
What?” She said with pained
confusion. “I don’t understand; why?”

“
It’s complicated. I should never
have allowed this to happen.”

Lucy’s heart sank.
“Shouldn’t have allowed what to happen? You mean you should never
have let me come here?” Lucy charged up to Benjamin and looked him
in the eyes. “This has been really weird for me and I admit that it
was all selfish in the beginning. I thought I was having romantic
dreams about you and I thought you were in love with me, too, at
least in here. You’d think I’d be embarrassed, but I’m just …
just.
”

She searched for the right
words. Then, dropping her arms down at her side, she felt the newly
adorned sword. She reached down and drew the golden sword that hung
at her side and found that just holding it made her feel strong.
The blade was made of pure gold, and etched into it, starting near
the guard, was a series of intricate designs that looked like tiny
vines winding in and out of what looked like white-capped waves.
The etching worked its way up the blade, tapering off as it neared
the point. Energy that she knew well to be her own
light
flowed from her
body, and she could feel it going into the sword. She was suddenly
one with the weapon. It felt as much a part of her as her own arm,
and she stepped back and pointed it at Benjamin’s
heart.

He exhaled and cautiously placed his hand on
the sword’s blade, pushing it down to one side. “Lucy, there is
still so much you need to learn, and I don’t think I’m the right
person to teach you.”

She raised the sword back up to him,
preventing any movement on his part.

“
Why? Why can’t you teach
me?”

She felt heat and rage. She didn’t
want to hurt Benjamin, but she was done just sitting by and putting
up with the mystery of everything she had experienced.

“
Please just trust me that it will
be better with Jack or Peter.”

“
What if I don’t want Jack or
Peter; what if I want you? I don’t care that you don’t love me, but
I want a say in this.” She unconsciously allowed her sword to fall
to her side.

Benjamin walked up close. She
wasn’t going to disallow it because her body was, in spite of her
anger, screaming to be close to him.

“
Lucy, I want to; believe me, I
want to be the one. But, because of what’s coming, you need my
brothers to teach you.”

Lucy dropped her sword fully to
her side. The entire situation was getting too difficult, and part
of her hoped that it would disappear when she woke up.

“
Fine,” she said, making
eye-contact again. “If I have to be taught by them, then I want to
be taught out there.”

She put her sword back in its scabbard and
looked back up at Benjamin. His face was full of sympathy, but he
stood firm.

“
That can’t happen; not
yet.”

“
Why not?” Lucy questioned
angrily.

Benjamin, trying to instill the seriousness of
the situation, closed the distance between them once
again.

“
Because they will come after
you.”

The gravity of his tone caused a shiver to
shoot up Lucy’s spine and goose bumps to form on her
skin.

“
Who will come after
me?”

Benjamin closed his eyes and took a
breath.

“
What is it, Benjamin? What aren’t
you telling me?”

He opened his eyes. “When we came over
tonight, it wasn’t just so Peter could meet you. We came over to
see if you were alright.”

Lucy’s concern now outweighed her anger. “What
do you mean?”

“
Peter’s been following something
he felt has been coming for a few months. It’s something he hasn’t
felt in a long time.”

He paused and Lucy’s breathing started to
speed up.

“
A few weeks ago, he followed a
group into the southern forests of the state. He said there were
only a dozen or so, and he didn’t engage them, but he said they
were looking for something and seemed to be stalled in that forest,
like they were confused as to where to go or were maybe even
afraid.”

“
Who did he follow, Benjamin; who
was it?”

She could feel the panic rising again, taking
place of all other emotions. She knew the answer to the question,
it was fairly obvious, but she wanted to hear it from
him.

“
Reapers.” The word was cold and
flat.

Lucy felt herself choke up and she stood.
“What does that mean, for us I mean?”

Benjamin grabbed her hands and sat her back
down. “Lucy, I just want you to know that there is nothing to worry
about. I promise they won’t find us.”

“
They won’t find us? Why are they
looking? Why do they even exist anymore; I thought they were all
dead?”

“
Lucy, you’re safe, trust
me.”

“
Then why did you say that you
came to my house tonight to check on me? What was that all about?
Why do I need to be checked on?”

“
Lucy, I’ve told
you too much; I’m sorry. This is why you need your own
haven
. This is not your
place to find equilibrium, to find focus. Peter can help you do
that, but he can’t do that now, and we can’t do it out
there.”

Tears started to well up. She stood and paced
the forest floor. “Fine, I’ll do whatever. I just need to get out
of here.” She looked at Benjamin, as he was the holder of the key
that would get her back to reality.

“
You can’t leave
yet. If you wake up feeling the way you do right
now—
”

“
Just let me out, right now!” she
screamed.

The sound echoed off the trees and throughout
the forest as heavy tears coursed down her face.

“
I can’t do this anymore, I can’t
do this.” Her body was beginning to convulse with sobs.

She stared, pleading with Benjamin, as he
stood up and rapidly approached her, taking her into his arms. She
weakly struggled to get away, but she knew she didn’t want to get
away. She wanted him to hold her; she wanted him to love her back;
she wanted him to acknowledge her presence in reality; but, none of
that was going to happen.

Defeat, that killer of confidence
and self-worth, took control, and Lucy went limp in Benjamin’s
arms. It was over for her. She had lost, and she could feel herself
falling away into a deep, dark cavern. She felt Benjamin’s strong
arms wrap around her like pillars sustaining her. She could still
smell him, the distinctive smell that was unique to him. It didn’t
take long for the feelings of despair to go away. The visit would
be over and she would be awake in her bed, sane and calm and back
to normal, the only evidence of its verity being the crystal clear
recollection of the entire event.

Part
II

Chapter 14

“
Are you okay, there, Goosey? You
look kind of sick,” James Higgins asked as Lucy got in the
truck.

“
No, I feel fine,” she responded
flatly.

Her thoughts were on Benjamin and the grove.
She hated how everything felt so pretend the morning after a night
with him. It was all so dream-like, except for how clearly she
remembered what had happened. Lucy was so close to accepting that
the grove was real. If not for the lack of corroboration with
Benjamin in reality, she would have bought in
completely.

As James pulled the truck into the parking
area at Sunset Bay for their planned Sunday lunch, Lucy could see
that it was already quite full. It wasn’t her idea of a good day,
having to avoid kids and dogs in the shallow surf. She would have
to find a way to get away from it.