If You Still Want Me (13 page)

"
Please
," I groan into the
sheets as my cock grinds down into the pillow.

"Soon," he says, that word full of promise.

Another hard lick up my taint and over my
entrance is enough to send me bucking back against him. Finally,
just when I can't take no more teasing, his finger replaces the
tongue. Damn, it's so good, but it's not enough. "More!"

I want
more.
I want more of his fingers. More of his touch.
More of his cock. I just want Austin to be inside me, fillin' in
all these empty spaces an' joinin' us together.

One finger is joined by
another. It's tight for a few strokes, then loose until he adds a
third. Each succeeding pump stretches me further, opening my body
to him. His hand disappears, an' I think this is it - the moment
where he joins us together. I'm ready for it; ready for him an' me
to become
us
.

"Turn over," he whispers with a kiss to my
shoulder as his hands coax me onto my back.

I can't stop smilin' at this move - this gesture
of somethin' only lovers do. He aint gonna fuck me; not tonight.
Tonight, we're gonna look into each other's eyes as we come.
Tonight, we're gonna make love.

The pillow remains tucked into the small of my
back, liftin' my hips up just a bit. I feel the heat of his cock
slide along my ass before his tip taps the entrance. More lube;
soft caresses; tugs up and down my own dick - it has me writhing
beneath him. There's no hurry, but every moment is an aching,
rushed reach for the next.

"Austin," it's a begging plea and a love-filled
cry all in the same breath as I feel his cock sinking into me.

"Slow and easy,
mi
amor
," he leans over to kiss my lips, tongues
dancing as another inch slides in.

It's a tight burn mingled with sensations I
can't rightly describe. Pleasing tingles. Sparks. Every new inch is
another inch closer to feeling complete. Suddenly, he pulls all the
way out, leavin' me empty and cryin' out at the loss.

"Keep your eyes open, Saul. I want to look into
those green eyes that have haunted my dreams for so long. I want
you to see how much I love you."

I force my eyes open, givin'
him the focused attention he deserves. His eyes, those stormy
grays, have also filled my dreams a time or two. We share a smile
as my hand finds his cheek, and our eyes stare unwavering as he
penetrates me again.

"Yes," I hiss. "More, Austin.
I need more 'a you.
Please!
"

"Anything for you," he groans, pulling back to
the cusp then slamming home.

"Yes!" I damn near scream as his dick hits
against that spot inside where all my pleasure is bound up in a
knot. My hips arch up, angling to make him hit it again. And again.
And again - each thrust unraveling me a bit more.

His breathing starts to match mine, inhale for
exhale and grunting, heavy pants for air. One of his hands braces
the back of my knee, the angle of my hips sharping at a tilt that
lets him drive against the right spot in rapid fire. Stars build in
my vision an' I know I aint got much longer.

"
Austin
," is all I can say as
his other hand wraps around my swollen dick, rubbing against the
piercings an' draggin' me over the edge. I come hard with a cry,
but force my eyes to stay open even as I'm blinded by all the
pleasure coursing through me.

"I love you," his whispers, watching my face
just like he said he would, then I see him join me in bliss.

I feel it, too - wet heat fillin' all the cracks
in my soul, uniting us in a way so beautiful an' perfect it makes
us both smile. He feels that beautiful connection, too. I can see
it in his eyes, mixed in with all the love he has for me.

Please, let me be worthy 'a that much love.

I'm back in another hospital. The stale, sterile
Waiting Room air fills my lungs as I yawn and the huge wall clock
across the way ticks over to midnight. Joey's pacing the floor in
front of our bench while Daddy's head is resting against my
shoulder. His excitement had kept him up as long as it could, but
he lost the battle about an hour ago.

In a way, this whole situation is funny. Joey
finally gets up the courage to come outta the closet, and Tabitha
has to steal the show by going into labor. It's also taken the
focus off me and that dark closet I'm still hiding part of myself
in. Baby or not, I know I'll have to step all the way out of it
eventually.

Right now, though, I can barely hold a thought,
much less explain how I'm in love with one man who's also in love
with another. Shoot, it makes my own head spin as I try to figure
out what all I need to say, how much I should say and how I'm going
to say it. It's exhausting, like trying to bring something you love
so much into this world and hope people will accept it.

The fact that we're in the maternity ward isn't
lost on me during that crazy train of thought. Maybe I'm
over-thinking it. Maybe I should sleep on it and talk to my boys
before I open my mouth.

My eyelids have been drooping at irregular
intervals, greatly needed sleep threatening to take me under. It's
during one of my rapid blinks to try and stay awake that a man tall
enough to match Joey's height appears. In a lucid moment, my heart
hopes it's Saul. God, I'd love to see his smile and hold his hand
right now.

"Reverend Harris?" the deep voice wakes me up
from the dream as the young doctor's face comes into focus.

"W-what?" Daddy startles awake. "Baby's
here?"

"Not yet, Reverend," the tall, young doctor
smiles. His name-tag says Dr. C. Knight.

"Oh, Calvin," Daddy straightens up with a
clearing of his throat. "How's my Tabitha?"

"Doing just fine, but we don't think the baby
will be along for another day or so."

Joey snorts. "Stubborn, just like her
momma."

"Seems that way," Calvin laughs. "We've set her
up in an observation room with some medicine to help her rest.
Jerry and little Tessa are up there with her." His golden eyes land
on me. "You must be Victoria?"

I can't keep my eyebrow still as it quirks up.
"I am."

"Sorry," he grins at the curious warning in my
voice while holding out his hand. "My dad, Samson, mentioned you
were in town.”

Oh.
“It was a pleasure
meeting him yesterday,” I return the smile and shake his hand
because it's polite, but I hope this young doctor hasn't gotten any
strange ideas in his head about me and his dad. I'm not even the
least bit interested in being a step-mother.

Calvin doesn't prolong the handshake beyond
what's customary, but his smile widens before his attention goes
back to my dad. “Reverend, why don't you go on home. There's no
telling exactly when this baby may come, but with the way Tabitha
is progressing, I think it'll be at least dinner time tomorrow
before we can begin an induction.”

Daddy considers the advice for a moment before
sighing with a nod. “Alright, if you think it's best. I just hate
to leave her.”

“
Jerry's up there,” I remind
him.

“
And I'll call and update
Ruth,” Joseph adds. “She'll come in the morning, I'm sure. And we
can all come back tomorrow morning, or if anything
changes.”

“
My shift ends in an hour,”
Dr. Knight says with a glance to me that has my heart fluttering a
bit. He's handsome, and I won't lie and say the attention from
someone a few years younger isn't flattering. “But I'm back on
shift at noon.”

Daddy's looking between us and I see his eyes
twinkle a bit. “Why not come to the house for a late breakfast,
then?”

I refrain from rolling my
eyes. We're in the hospital at midnight, because Tabitha is about
to pop out a kid, and Daddy is playing match-maker with Samson's
son.
Damn
. Setting me up with this
young doctor was probably his plan the whole time.

Joey's snickering a bit, and I know he's about
to earn himself a beating. “Yeah, come on by, Calvin. I'm sure Tori
and I can rustle up something halfway edible.”

The little shit is pushing me towards the edge
of the bridge again, so I put one hand on my hip in a defensive
stance. I'm not ready to jump quite yet. “Depends on what you
consider edible.”

Calvin laughs quietly. “I'm
used to
single
microwave dinners at
home or hospital cafeteria food, so I'm sure whatever you have will
be just fine.”

I catch the hint Calvin dropped while Joey's
behind him, trying not to bust a gut as he holds the laughter in.
"Well, at least you work at the hospital, so I don't have to worry
about food poisoning."

Calvin chuckles with a small blush in obvious
flirtation. "Trust me, after living on ramen noodles and Lean
Cuisine since my internship, I'll be grateful for scrambled eggs
and burnt toast." After a wink at me, he turns back to Elijah.
“Thank you for the invitation, Reverend. Now, go on home and get
some rest. Doctor's orders.”

Daddy falls asleep on the drive home and Joseph
helps him into bed. It's becoming clear how old Daddy's starting to
get, and I think that's why he's become so intent recently on
pairing me up with someone. Calvin is certainly better than Samson,
but he's not Saul and Austin.

Saul and Austin.

My brain has automatically started including
Austin anytime I think of Saul. Austin's become part of what I want
for my future – that extra set of arms to hug and that extra
shoulder to lean on. Austin's a good man, too, and I know he'll
always take care of Saul if anything should happen to me.

If
those two have
stopped playing stupid around each other, that is. I should call
them, but it's too late, or early, and I'm too damn
tired.

Falling into bed, I remember that I've got to
get up and cook breakfast for Dr. Calvin in the morning. He seems
like a nice man, and I don't want to give him any wrong ideas about
where he and I could lead to. I think tomorrow it'll be best for
everyone if I come clean about where my heart stands on
everything.

Daddy accepted Joseph with open arms, so I think
there's hope for me, too. Tabitha, well, I'm trying to believe that
she just needs time. Ruth actually laughed about it when Joseph
called her from the hospital, saying she'd been pretty sure about
his homosexuality for a while. As for Michael, Ruth said she'd take
care of it.

Jerry's right. Family is family.

Lord, I know I don't pray
often enough to ask for any favors, but
please
, let my family accept the family
I'm trying to build with Saul and Austin. Help them understand the
love we have. Help me to do right by those boys and be honest with
my father. Please, give me the strength to reach out and hold onto
the dream I have for our future.

Amen
.

“
Rise and shine, and give God
your glory, glory!” Daddy's voice bursts into my room with an old
gospel hymn the next morning.

It's outta tune, but it makes me smile all the
same. With a stretch into the covers, I peek out at him. “Mornin',
Daddy.”

“
Good morning, princess! We
gonna have a baby be born today, God willing! Now, let's get up and
make that nice doctor some ham and eggs!”

“
Yes, sir,” I groggily reply
as he starts singing again to go wake up Joseph. I'm glad to see
Daddy still has that kind of energy in his aging body. Part of me
wishes that energy had waited another hour, though. Snuggling back
down into the pillow, I close my eyes for a few precious seconds
more.

“
You up, Tori?”

I blink away the sleep as Joseph glances into
the bedroom. “I'm gettin' there."

He chuckles. "I'll get some coffee on for you
and Pops, though I don't think he needs it this morning."

We both pause and listen to Daddy singing from
the kitchen, then laugh together. "Alright. I'll be in the kitchen
soon as I have a shower."

"Good idea. Gotta make
yourself pretty for
Doctor Calvin
,"
Joey teases before fleeing the room as I toss a pillow in his
general direction.

Damn
. I'd nearly
forgotten about the doctor paying a visit this morning. If I'm
lucky, he'll get called into the hospital so I can have a talk with
Daddy this morning. Or, perhaps I should wait until Tabitha has her
baby.

No.
Quit trying to find
a reason to stall. Doctor, baby, or the apocalypse, I'm going to be
straight with my father by sunset.

The shower does my body good,
but only coffee has the power to get my brain going in the morning.
True to his word, Joey has a freshly-brewed pot and a mug waiting
for me. The mug reads '
Coffee and the truth shall set you
free!
'. I give Joey's grin the stink-eye as I
fill the mug up and inhale the aroma.

He shrugs at me all innocent like, reminding me
of Saul, then sets about whisking eggs while Daddy brings in the
newspaper from the front porch. "Gonna be a cold morning," he
announces. "Some frost on the porch steps, and that one board's
come loose again."

"I'll take a hammer to it
after breakfast, Pops," Joey replies cheerily. I think coming out
last night has uplifted his spirit, and his smile seems brighter
this morning. I guess my mug is right.

"Thanks, son." Daddy eases down into a chair set
at the smaller table that's in the kitchen's breakfast-nook. "Will
just be us and the good doctor this morning. Ruth is already at the
hospital. She brought Jerry some breakfast and is gonna stay with
him until we get there - help him look after Tessa. That boy don't
want to leave Tabitha's side for a second."