If You Still Want Me (11 page)

“
That's enough, Tabitha,”
Elijah's voice is calm but carries an understood
warning.

“
But, Daddy...” she starts to
argue, but is cut off as a toddler's cry sounds from the back of
the house.

“
I'll take care of it,” Jerry
stands to go see after their daughter, pausing for a moment to lay
a hand on Joesph's shoulder and give it a squeeze while eying
Tabitha. “Family is family. I don't see no devil in this room, and
God don't make mistakes.”

With that, he leaves the room and leaves
Tabitha's mouth hanging slightly open. Joseph stands up from
Daddy's embrace, bolstered by Jerry's unexpected acceptance. “I've
wanted to tell y'all for so long.”

“
How long have you known,
son?”

“
Since I was about fifteen, I
think,” Joey answers. “Probably before that, but I didn't want to
admit it to myself.”

"Fifteen..." Daddy takes in a deep breath as he
nods. “Alright. Boy, I wish you would've come to me sooner; that
you understood we could talk about this, but-”

“
I did, Pops, really. I
just... I didn't want your only son to be a
disappointment.”

“
Disappointment?” Daddy looks
hurt by the word.

“
I'm your
only
son. Who's gonna carry on the Harris name
and...”

Elijah's raising eyebrow silences Joey's
unfinished sentence. “This Alex not want kids?”

“
He does,” Joey blurts out
then blushes. “I mean, we've kinda talked about it.”

“
A name is a name,” Elijah
taps the back of my chair. I can't express right now how proud I am
of my daddy. I feel like a bystander, watching it, but happy to
bear witness as something I thought might become a train wreck
turns into something beautiful. “Tabitha and Ruth's kids may not
have my last name, but they is Harris family all the
same.”

“
Kids?” Tabitha chokes on the
word. “But, two men can't raise a baby!”

That catches Daddy's ire; an expression you
rarely see and know to run from with your hands covering your butt.
“Tabitha Grace! Are you sayin' I didn't raise you and Ruth up right
those six years after I lost your mother, God rest her soul?”

“
No, sir, but-”

“
How is one man tryin' to
raise two baby girls best he can any different than two men doin'
the same?”

“
Well, sir, I,” Tabitha
squirms in her chair. “But it's a
sin
, Daddy! The bible says-”

“
Do
not
quote misunderstood scripture to me, young lady.”
He stares her down and she goes quiet again. “I won't pretend to
understand it, a man loving another man that way, but I won't
question God, either. Who am I to judge? Am I the mouth of God or
the humble shepherd?
God
puts love
in people's hearts, Tabitha, not the Devil. I thought I taught you
that.”

He sighs heavily, as if he's failed somehow, and
I hate to see that.

“
It's a lot to take in,” I
offer to Tabitha. “Joey is still Joey, though. He's still our
little brother who needs our love, support and understanding.
Right?”

Tabitha stares at me for a
long moment, then kicks the nine-hundred-pound gorilla across the
room. “You
knew
, didn't you! Of
course he would've told you and not us. I can't... I just... I need
to pray and then lay down for a bit.”

She stands, pain etched on her face then leaves
the room without another word. Joseph slumps back down into his
seat as Daddy does the same. It's quiet for a moment before Jerry
reappears.

“
She just needs time,” he
says, but I can tell he's uncertain that's true. “You know how
stubborn she can be once she gets something in her
head.”

“
Thanks, Jerry,” Joseph
manages a smile.

He waves off the comment as he starts cleaning
the table. “My Auntie Kiesha, she's gay... or a lesbian...
whatever. She's a good woman; helped my momma raise me right.
Tabitha is a good woman, too, just... I think this is just a
shock.”

“
I know,” Joseph puts his head
in his big hands. “I'm sorry to do this now, with her being
pregnant and... But Alex wants to meet everyone, and I can't keep
hiding the man I love anymore. It aint right.”

“
It's not, so it's good you
told us,” Jerry pats Joseph's shoulder then leaves the room, the
sounds of dish-washing starting from the kitchen a few moments
later.

“
I figured he'd be okay with
it,” I smile. “Jerry's always had a big heart. Tabitha, well, you
knew how that might go.”

Joey nods. “Now I gotta tell Ruth, and Michael,”
he winces, because we both know Michael lost his shit when he found
out his favorite basketball player was gay.

“
We'll tell them together,”
Daddy says, smiling at the both of us. “Now, I think Alex has the
right idea. You said you've talked to him about kids and moving to
Minnesota? Way past due, then, us meeting the person who's stolen
my only son's heart.”

Joey's fighting off more tears as he reaches
across me to take Daddy's hand. “Thanks, Pops. I love you.”

“
Love you, too,” Daddy
squeezes us into a hug.

Then, they're both staring at me, as if waiting
to see if I'm ready to jump off that bridge, too. I want to. I want
to have the rest of this heavy weight lifted from my heart. I want
to be able to breathe easy again. I want-

“
Jerry!” Tabitha yells from
the bedroom. “My water just broke!”

Setting the phone aside, I let the sounds coming
from the shower draw my feet to the bathroom door. Am I really
gonna go through with this? I think so.

I'm tired of running. I'm sick of fearing what
might happen tomorrow. I'm done letting these demons inside my
heart tell me I can't be enough for one person to love, much less
two.

I believe I can be enough. I think Saul can show
me how, then he and I can share what we figure out with Victoria.
With a deep breath to quiet any lingering doubts, I push open the
bathroom door to start down a new path with the man I love.

The sight of his tall, lean frame through the
mottled glass door has me stripping off clothing in a rapid
heartbeat. I need to get in there and hold him in my arms before I
let my fear talk me out of it. I need to own this moment, to
control it and make it mine.

Ours
. Our love. It may
not be typical, our situation and our love, but that don't make it
wrong. It's right for us, and I'm finally starting to clue in;
what's right for us is all that matters.

His smug grin greets me as the glass door moves
aside. The brat knew I'd be coming for him; that I couldn't keep
away any longer than I had to. We know each other so damn well, and
that's why I think this will work.

It has to work.

"Well, 'bout time, cowboy,"
Saul teases as he stands under the shower head, his tall height
stooped just a bit so the water pelts his back. His green eyes
survey me, and I let him take it all in as I close the glass door.
"
Fuck
," he moans out when his gaze
reaches my jutting erection, and the word vibrates through
me.

"Not tonight," I take the lead
back, fighting against a smile as he looks at me with that adorably
confused expression he has that makes my knees weak. "We can
fuck
later. Tonight, I'm gonna make love
to you, Saul, which means we do things
my
way."

He shivers then lowers his eyes to me. "Guess
I'll just have'ta suffer through that then, sir."

My hands twitch with a need to touch him. His
bratty, playful submission calls to something deep down inside me.
I've been craving this for two damn years, and I know it's gonna be
a battle to take things as slowly as I want to.

"Come here," I open my arms to him and he
responds with a smile. Hugging his naked body to mine satisfies the
lust for a moment, but now I can feel his cock against my thigh.
With a chaste kiss that leaves him whimpering in protest, I step
back to look him over.

Yeah, I've stolen more than my fair share of
glances at him when I could. He doesn't exactly hide himself at the
club. It's a whole different matter, though, looking at his
impressive, pierced and erect dick and knowing I'm free to play
with it.

With a slow glide, I ease one finger over the
ball piercing at his cock's engorged tip. It bobs heavily in
response as Saul lets out a shuddering groan. His hips thrust
forward, seeking my hand, but I pull away.

He curses at me, but he's also grinning like he
just won the damn lottery. Shit, maybe we both did. He's right;
think of all the fun we could'a been having if we'd sorted
ourselves out sooner.

"Turn around," I say with my eyes still on the
cock I can't wait to get my lips around.

Patience
, I inhale. As
he turns and his cock is with replaced with the most perfect ass
I've ever laid eyes on, I don't know how well
patience
is going to serve me
tonight.

"Beautiful," I whisper in awe. The word slips
out from my subconscious, but I'm encouraged to see Saul's body
arch to the sound of it.

Pressing against his arching back, I reach
around him to grab the bar of hotel soap he'd been using to wash
up. It smells like lavender and lemongrass; a sweet tartness that
makes me smile because it reminds me of Saul. Planting a kiss
between his shoulder blades I step back much to his groaning
argument.

With a slap to his wet ass, I silence his
protest, turning it into a pleasured curse. I know what he likes.
I've spent two years at Brandon's club, watching and learning. I've
filled my fantasies with him and all the things I wanted. I've
stood in a shower, just like this, only he was in my head instead
of right in front of me.

My hand grabs his ass, just so I can affirm that
he's really here. That ass wiggles a bit, and I have to bite the
inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. I give his cute,
cream-colored ass another good smack. "Hold still."

"Yes, sir."

My eyes close to those words, letting them
settle in and give me courage. Lathering up the soap, I perch the
bar in the small of his back. "Be a good boy and don't let that
soap drop."

One bright green eye glances over his shoulder
at me through a mess of wet blonde hair. "Yes, sir. I'll try."

Our glances lock as I start massaging his ass
with my soaped-up hands. His bottom lip disappears between his
teeth then pops back out, plump and begging. I counter by easing
one finger down between his ass cheeks, stopping just above the
tight ring of muscle. It makes him groan as his thighs tremble in
an effort not to move and drop the soap.

"Good boy," I reward him with a smile as I
circle the entrance before penetrating it.

"Oh, God," he chokes, wincing in a fight to stay
still. "Austin... So damn good."

"Is it?" I pull the finger out then move it back
in to the knuckle in a slow, methodical motion.

"Yes, sir. M-more, please," he begs as his legs
shake.

"Maybe," I contemplate, removing my finger. He
whimpers, but the bar stays in place, so I reward the effort with
two fingers this time.

"F-f-fuck!" His back arches. The soap bar inches
to the side, teetering, but doesn't fall.

A slap to his ass corrects him. "Careful, Saul.
Remember the soap."

"Sorry, sir," he exhales, going still again.

I know he likes the pain; needs it as part of
his pleasure. I'm not Victoria - I don't think I could ever whip
him or draw blood like I've seen her do at the club, even though I
know it's what he wants. I can't give him what Victoria can, but
maybe I can give him something she can't in return.

After five, two-fingered pumps into his body,
that tight pucker relaxes and Saul's moaning with muttered words
begging for more. The tip of my dick taps his taint as my fingers
hit against his prostate. He convulses, the soap clatters against
the tiles and I wrap my arms around his chest to keep him from
falling.

"Austin," he pants, leaning his head back
against my shoulder. "I done dropped the damn soap."

I grin, kissing his neck. "You did. I'll have to
punish you for that later."

He shivers in my arms, and I know he's looking
forward to it. "Yes, sir."

Helping him stand, I step away and open the
glass door. "Go get dry and wait for the pizza while I finish
washing."

That swollen bottom lip of his pushes out in a
pout. I take it between my teeth, give it a gentle bite then suckle
it hard. That has him melting all over again, but he takes the
offering with a nod and steps out of the shower.

Once he's gone, I lean back against the cold
tiles, trying to calm the heat in my blood. My dick is throbbing,
painfully protesting the fact I just told Saul to leave when his
perfect ass had been so damn close. Taking that heavy heat in my
hand, I stroke it to take the edge off. It's been so long since
I've been with a man, and the fact that this is Saul, are both
strikes against my ability to take things slow and make it
last.

Thumb circling my tip, I know I'll have to take
care of me first so I can take care of him properly. Closing my
eyes, I can see him clearly - body ready and his eyes staring at me
with lustful want. One long stroke down my shaft and his back
arches. With every stroke, I feel his tight ass taking my cock in.
It has my breath hitching as I struggle to swallow a stifled
moan.