If You Could See Me Now (41 page)

The things we would do to go back in time.

The things we don’t do the
first
time ’round.

Opal’s words were being spoken through Olivia’s lips; Geoffrey could no longer speak. Tears were falling from Opal’s eyes and landing on his lifeless hands, her bottom lip was trembling. She wasn’t ready to let go. She had never let go of him and now it was too late, he was leaving before she had a chance.

She was losing him.

Life seemed dreary to me right then. As depressing as the cracked blue paint on the walls built to hold up a building intended to heal. They should have been stronger.

Geoffrey slowly raised a hand; you could tell he was mustering all his strength. The movement surprised everyone, as he hadn’t spoken in days, hadn’t reacted to anything at all. No one was more surprised than Opal, who suddenly felt the touch of his hand across her face, as he wiped away her tears. Contact after twenty years. He could
finally see her. Opal kissed his large hand and allowed it to cradle her small face and comfort her through her shock, relief, and regret.

Geoffrey gave one last gasp, his chest rose one
final time and fell, his hand dropping to the bed. She had lost him and I wondered if Opal still was telling herself that he had merely moved on.

I decided then and there that I needed to have control of my
final moment. I needed to say good-bye to Elizabeth properly, tell her the truth about me one
final time so she wouldn’t think I had run off and deserted her. I didn’t want her to spend years being bitter about the man she once loved who had broken her heart. No, that would have been too easy for her; that would have given her an excuse never to love again. And she wanted to love again. I didn’t want her to spend years, like Geoffrey, waiting for my return and
finally dying a lonely old woman.

Olivia nodded to me encouragingly as I stood up, kissed Opal on the top of her head from where she sat facedown on the bed, still grasping his hand and wailing so loudly I knew it was the sound of her heart breaking. I didn’t notice until I got out into the chilly air that tears were streaming down my face.

I began to run.

Elizabeth was dreaming. She was in an empty white room and she was dancing around, sprinkling and splashing colors of paint all around her. She was singing the song she hadn’t been able to get out of her head for the past two months and she was so happy and free as she leaped around the room, watching the thick, pulpy paint land on the walls with a splish, splosh.

“Elizabeth,” a voice was whispering.

She swirled around the room, but no one was there.

“Elizabeth,” the voice whispered and her body started to rock slightly as she continued to dance.

“Mmm?” she responded happily.

“Wake up Elizabeth, I need to talk to you,” came the sweet voice.

She opened her eyes slightly, spotted Ivan’s worried handsome face beside her, rubbed her hand over his face and for a moment they stared deeply into each other’s eyes. She reveled in the look he gave her, tried to return it, and lost the battle with sleep and allowed her eyelids to
flutter closed again. She was dreaming, she knew that, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

“Can you hear me?”

“Mmm,” she responded, twirling and twirling and twirling.

“Elizabeth, I came to tell you that I have to go.”

“Why?” she murmured sleepily. “You just got here. Sleep.”

“I can’t, I’d love to, but I can’t. I’ve got to go, remember I told you this would happen?”

She felt his warm breath on her neck, smelled his skin; fresh and sweet, as though he had bathed in blueberries.

“Mmm,” she replied. “Ekam Eveileb,” she stated, painting blueberries across the wall, reaching her hand to the paint and tasting it as though it was freshly squashed.

“Something like that. You don’t need me anymore, Elizabeth,” he said softly. “You’re going to stop seeing me now. Someone else will need me.”

She ran a hand across his jawline, felt his soft, stubble-free skin. She ran the length of the room, running her hand along the red paint. This tasted like strawberries; she looked down to the can of paint in her hand and spotted them, fresh strawberries piled high.

“I’ve
figured something out, Elizabeth. I’ve
figured out what my life is all about and it’s not that different to yours.”

“Mmm.” She smiled.

“Life is made up of meetings and partings. People come into your life every day, you say good morning, you say good evening, some stay for a few minutes, some stay for a few months, some a year, others a whole lifetime. No matter who it is, you meet and then you part. I’m so glad I met you, Elizabeth Egan; I’ll thank my lucky stars for that. I think I wished for you all of my life,” he whispered. “But now it’s time for us to part.”

“Mmm,” she murmured sleepily. “Don’t go.” He was with her now in the room, they were chasing each other around, splashing each other, teasing each other. She didn’t want him to go; she was having so much fun.

“I have to go.” His voice cracked. “Please understand.”

The tone of his voice made her stop running. She dropped the paintbrush from her hand. It fell to the
floor, leaving a red smudge on the brand-new white carpet. She looked up at him; his face was crumpled in sadness.

“I loved you the moment I saw you and I will always love you, Elizabeth.” She felt him kiss her below her left ear, so soft and sensual she didn’t want him to stop.

“I love you too,” she said sleepily.

But he did stop. She looked around the paint-splattered room and he was gone.

Her eyes
flew open at the sound of her voice. Had she just said, “I love you?” She leaned up on one elbow and groggily looked around the bedroom.

But the room was empty. She was alone. The sun was rising over the tips of the mountains, night had ended, and it was the start of a new day.
She closed her eyes and continued dreaming.

Chapter Forty

One week on from that
morning and Elizabeth found herself moping around the house in her pajamas, dragging her slipper-clad feet from room to room early on a Sunday. She stood at the doorway of each room, gazed inside, and searched for . . . something, although she didn’t quite know what for. None of these rooms offered her any solution and so she wandered on. Warming her hands on a mug of coffee, she stood still in the hallway trying to decide what to do. She didn’t usually move so slowly and her mind had never felt so clouded before, but she was a lot of things now that she never used to be.

It wasn’t as though she didn’t have things to do; the house was due its daily scrub from top to bottom and there was still the problem of the children’s room in the hotel to be completed. Never mind completing it, it wasn’t even started. She was a talented professional woman, but this month she had felt like a schoolgirl again, ignoring her pencils and pens and avoiding her laptop so she didn’t have to do her homework. She was looking for a distraction, a decent excuse to, for once, drag her out of the mindless block she had found herself in. Vincent and Benjamin had been on her back all week, she was losing even more sleep than usual because she had simply no idea what to do and, being the perfectionist, she couldn’t begin it unless it was completely clear in her mind. To pass this on to Poppy would be a failure on her part.

She hadn’t seen Ivan since her party last week; she hadn’t received a phone call, a letter, nothing. It was as though he had disappeared off the face of the earth and as well as being angry, she felt lonely. She missed him.

It was seven o’clock in the morning and the playroom was alive with the sounds of cartoons. Elizabeth made her way down the hall and popped her head into the room.

“Mind if I join you?”
I promise I won’t say anything,
she felt like saying.

Luke look surprised but shook his head. He sat on the
floor, straining his neck up to see the television. It looked uncomfortable, but she chose silence instead of criticizing him. She collapsed on the beanbag beside him and tucked her legs close to her body.

“What are you watching?”

“SpongeBob SquarePants.”

“Sponge what?!” She laughed.

“SpongeBob SquarePants,” he repeated, not taking his eyes away from the television.

“What’s it about?”

“A sponge called Bob who wears square pants.” He giggled.

“Any good?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He nodded. “Seen it before twice though.” He spooned more Rice Krispies into his mouth messily, spilling milk down his chin.

“Why are you watching it again, why don’t you go out into the fresh air and play with Sam? You’ve been inside all weekend.”

She was greeted with silence.

“Actually, where is Sam, is he away?”

“We’re not friends anymore,” he said sadly.

“Why not?” she asked in surprise, sitting up and placing her coffee cup on the
floor.

Luke shrugged.

“Did you have a
fight?” Elizabeth asked gently.

Luke shook his head.

“Did he say something to make you sad?” she probed.

He shook his head again.

“Did you make him mad?”

Another shake of the head.

“Well, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Luke explained. “He just told me one day he didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“Well, that’s not very nice,” Elizabeth said gently. “Do you want me to talk to him for you, see what’s wrong?”

Luke shrugged. There was a silence between them as he continued staring at the screen, lost in thought.

“You know, I know what it’s like to miss a friend, Luke. You know my friend Ivan?”

“He was my friend too.”

“Yes.” She smiled. “Well, I miss him. I haven’t seen him all week either.”

“Yeah, he’s gone now. He told me so; he has to help someone else now.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened and anger welled inside her. He hadn’t even the decency to say good-bye to her. “When did he say good-bye to you? What did he say?” At the startled look on Luke’s face, she immediately stopped
firing questions so aggressively. She needed to keep reminding herself that he was only six.

“He said good-bye to me the same day as he said good-bye to you.” His voice went up a pitch, as though she were crazy. His face crumpled up and he looked at her as though she had ten heads, and if she weren’t so confused she would have laughed at the sight of him.

But inside she wasn’t laughing. She paused and thought for a moment and then exploded. “What?! What are you talking about?”

“After the party in the garden, he came to the house and he told me that his job with us was
finished, that he was going to be invisible again like he used to be but he would still be around and that meant that we were OK,” he spoke chirpily, turning his attention back to the television.

“Invisible.” Elizabeth said the word like it had a bad taste.

“Yep,” he chirped. “Well, people don’t call him imaginary for no reason, doh!” He hit himself on the head and fell over onto the
floor.

“What is he putting into your head?” she grumbled angrily, wondering if she’d been wrong to introduce a person like Ivan into Luke’s life. “When is he coming back?”

Luke lowered the volume on the TV and turned to her with that crazy look on his face again. “He’s not. He told you that already.”

“He didn’t.” Her voice failed her.

“He did. I heard him talking in your room.”

Elizabeth cast her mind back to that night and to the dream she had, the dream she had been thinking about all week, the dream that had been
bothering
her, and suddenly realized with a sinking feeling in her heart that it hadn’t been a dream at all.

She had lost him. In her dreams and in real life, she had lost Ivan.

Chapter Forty-One