If I Can't Have You (22 page)

Sometimes love can happen in the blink of an eye. So fast that you barely notice it at first. It flickers like a tiny spark before roaring into a raging bonfire. And then it finally reaches that point you’re covered in flames. I’ve been that way for a while. I feel like I’ve been burning forever.

Elliot presses into me and I choke on a sob. This moment is too perfect, so amazing, and beautiful and right that the only thing I can do is cry. Elliot looks at me a flash of concern in his eyes. “Am I hurting you, Robin?” He backs up slightly. “If I am I’ll stop.”

“No.” I pull him closer and my lips flutter against his. I want his body to melt against mine. I want to be so lost in making love with him that I can’t think clearly.

I cry harder and Elliot leans down kissing my tears away. “Please don’t cry, Robin. You’re breaking my heart.”

He begins moving inside of me. He’s gentle, careful, and delicate. And as he thrusts his hips move rhythmically and I gasp and bite my lip. This is sinful and delicious and mind altering.

Elliot picks up his pace and his breaths quicken. He rests his chin in the crook of my neck and his raspy breaths fill my ears. His hot breath trails over my earlobe working its’ way down my spine and setting my body ablaze with burning desire. Then he smothers his mouth against mine and my lips part allowing his tongue to gently brush against mine. He pulls out of the kiss, resting his lips against mine and whispers. “You’re so beautiful. I love you.”

And I’m crying again, so in awe and so moved by his words that I can’t respond.

He grips my thighs and I hike my hips up higher, meeting his thrust for thrust. He blankets me with his warm, chiseled body. He’s a down comforter and I love being wrapped up in him. I hope he keeps me warm forever.

I turn my head to the side and exhale. Elliot places two of his fingers and turns my head so I’m facing him. “Look at me,” he says.

And I want to tell him; believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that my emotions are all over the place and I don’t want to be making love to him and staring into his eyes while sobbing like a child.

I’ve always thought there was something truly beautiful about sharing this part of yourself with someone, but I never expected it to hit me like this.

Is it possible to love someone too much?

Tears trickle down my cheeks and Elliot kisses them away. “Look at me, Robin,” he murmurs as his moist, full lips brush against mine.

I choke on a sob and sigh, “I can’t.”

“You have to.”

More tears. “Why?”

“You need to see how much I love you.” He runs his fingers through my hair and they brush against my forehead. His touch makes my blood simmer and my skin tingle all over. “You need to see it in my eyes.”

I blink back some more tears and they roll down the corners of my eyes. Elliot leaves a trail of kisses from my collar bone to my ear and I arch my back as a shiver of delight whips through me and Elliot snakes his arms around my back, pulling me closer.

Inside I’m screaming, kiss me again! Please!

And he does. He kisses me deeply and passionately. Two mouths molding together.

It’s like he’s a telepath, hearing my thoughts and giving me exactly what I’ve been craving. Then he places his forehead against mine, staring down at me with his steel blue eyes through a thick mass of long eyelashes. “Watch me,” he breathes.

I do as I’m told. I gaze into his eyes and see the deep abyss of emotion. It stretches like a winding road on a mountain top and twists around cliffs and after that it’s all downhill.

I see myself in his eyes.

I’m at the bottom of the hill waiting for him. He runs toward me and I see his radiant smile as he closes the gap between us. I hold my arms out, anticipating our bodies crashing together, swept up into a hopeless and loving embrace and now I understand why Elliot wanted me to look into his eyes.

The road was like a path he had to travel down to find himself, to realize what he wanted the most in the world. I am the end of his journey because what he wanted the most is me.

To him, I am his forever.

More tears flood my eyes and I try to suck them back, but I can’t.

You know you’re sick in love when a word, a touch, and a kiss can seriously move you to tears.

~31~

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.
 
~Author Unknown~

The next morning I wake up in Elliot’s arms. He kisses my forehead and says, “Good morning beautiful.”

I smile. “Good morning.”

He leaves a trail of kisses from my temple to my lips and as much as it pains me to tear myself away from him I know I have to. I need to go back to my dorm and check on Whit. I kiss Elliot goodbye and he gives me his new cell number then I walk out of the dorm with a giddy feeling in my stomach, a warm feeling in my heart, and a huge grin on my face.

When I walk into my dorm room Whit is just waking up. “Ugh,” she groans. “Now look who’s doing the walk of shame.”

I laugh. “Not exactly.” I sit down on my bed and fold up my legs. “A little hung over, huh?”

Whit lies back down. “A little is an understatement.” She goes on. “Seriously where were you? I wake up and you’re MIA.”

“I stayed with Elliot last night.”

“How did I not see that one coming?”

I shrug. “Maybe because you were passed out.”

Whit lets out a weak laugh. “So how was it?”

There’s only a one word answer I can give her. “Amazing.”

Whit’s mouth hangs open as she tries to sit up. “No way. Nuh uh.”

I frown at her. “What?”

“If you think for one second that you’re going to be giving me a one word description of your first romantic rendezvous you’re freaking high. Spill it, sister. I want all of the details.”

I laugh and shake my head. I can’t get anything past her. I begin to describe my night with Elliot in detail, starting after I put Whitney to bed. Whitney laughs and swoons and at the end of the conversation she says, “So you really love him, huh?”

I beam brightly. “Yeah, I do.”

Love is a lot like humanity, neither one is perfect. I’d spent years obsessing over perfection. I’d spent years living inside a bubble thinking that perfection equals love, but it doesn’t. It’s not love unless it’s messy and wild and flawed because nothing real is perfect.

And you can’t spend your entire life searching for perfection or you just might pass up something real that’s been in front of you the whole time.

Epilogue

Love is a symbol of eternity.
 
It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.
 
~Author Unknown~

I’m in the campus library, cramming for an upcoming Biology exam.

Flipping through the pages of my book, I glance up for a moment and notice that there are only a couple of students in here. I’m glad. Even though the library is never really loud, it gets super noisy when there are a bunch of students occupying the tables. Rustling papers, books snapping shut, and hushed whispers echo through the massive room when it’s crowded and I’ve been here for the last six hours because of that.

About two hours earlier every table was filled and I was having a hard time concentrating with all the added racket.

I glance down at my book again and the words are starting to blur, a bunch of black and white spots jumbled together.

Yeah, I think I’m going to call it a night.

I have one book to put away so I get up from the table and stalk toward the back of the room.

I locate the shelf I found it on and slide the book back into its spot. But the second I do a pair of hands grip my waist then slide down my thighs, shoving me into the stack of books. I place hands flat against a row of books and feel moist lips against my ear. “You know what they say about hooking up in the library,” a deep seductive voice murmurs.

Spinning around, I face Elliot who is now leaning over me, both of his hands placed above my head, a carnal gleam in his beautiful blue eyes. I smirk, staring up at him and my heart starts racing. “That you have a good chance of getting caught.”

He bites his lip and presses his body against mine, pinning me against the metal rack. “No.” He skims my cheek with his fingertips and I gasp. “That it’s hot.”

Months have passed since we rekindled our summer romance and I can’t get enough of him. I see him every day, but every day is not enough. I want to be with him 24/7. “Somebody missed me,” I say in a playful tone as Elliot lifts me up and snakes my legs around his back before pressing my back harder into the shelf of books.

“Always,” he whispers into my ear. Then he kisses me teasingly only slipping the tip of his tongue inside my mouth. No! This is torture. Just kiss me for real already. I want it so bad I can feel my lips pulsating in anticipation.

He gives me what I was and I run my fingers through his hair so lost in my love and desire for him to make love to me here in the library that I don’t even care if we get caught. Actually, there’s a thrill to it and as Elliot leaves a trail with his tongue from ear to my neck, not only can I feel the pleasure low in my stomach, but I can feel the adrenaline working its way through my veins.

Elliot exalts my senses, yet at the same time, binds them by blurring my vision, silencing the words on my lips, and numbing the buzzing in my head. He makes me forget about everything and sometimes it’s like we live in our own little world.

His lips are next to my ear again and he whispers, “You want to, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I hiss. Oh, God do I want to.

“Hmm,” he moans against my lips. “You know I like to give you what you want.”

“Then do it already.”

A nanosecond later he wraps his lips around mine and pulls up my skirt. I throw my head back against the shelf, holding back a groan that’s wedged in my throat. Whenever I’m with Elliot I find that behind the good girl, there’s also a bad girl and I love it when she comes out to play.

****

After we leave the library, we walk hand in hand across the quad, both grinning and stealing glances back and forth.

Elliot makes me feel so many things; giddy, loved, and more than anything he makes me feel whole.

Elliot brings my hand to his lips, turns it up, and kisses my wrist. “What are you thinking about?”

It’s impossible for me to express everything I’m thinking and feeling at the moment so I just say, “You.”

Elliot smiles and my heart flutters at the sight of it. It’s amazing how the pull of his lips can stun me into oblivion. He pulls me close and whispers, “And I you. Always.”

Love is a journey, an insane, rocky journey that teaches you so much along the way.

Not only that, but it’s like a precious stone hidden beneath a mountain of rubble in darkened cavern. Something so rare and so beautiful it has to be cherished once you’ve found it.

I glance up at Elliot, a wide grin on his lips, a gleam in his gray blue eyes. He’s my precious stone. And I feel so lucky because I didn’t even need to dig too deep in the rubble to find him.

And I know one thing for sure…

I’ll love and cherish him forever.

Readers,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I just have to say that I don’t think there are enough words to describe how much I value and appreciate you.

Thank you again. I hope you enjoyed If I Can’t Have You.

Lauren Hammond is the Amazon Bestselling author of Asphodel and He Loves Me…He Loves You Not. She serves as the Executive Literary Manager for ADA Management Group, representing a group of extremely talented writers. When she’s not writing she can be found at any random coffee shop or perusing the YA section at her local bookstore.