If I Can't Have You (16 page)

“Are you sure?” Even though she doesn’t invite me over to sit next to her, I sit down anyway. If it weren’t for Whit, I don’t know how I’d come out of this vacation in one piece. Sadie doesn’t have anybody and right now, I’m determined to be that somebody whether she wants me to be or not. “Look, Sadie,” I say sincerely. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to be talking to right now. But I want you to know I know how you feel. He hurt me too. So if you need someone to talk about it with, I’m here.”

I place my hand on her shoulder.

Sadie jerks her shoulder away and glares me. Her eyes are full of pain and hatred. “You have no idea how I feel!” she snaps. “So why don’t you just mind your own damn business!”

My mouth hangs open. “Really? Really? I’m trying to be nice here, Sadie. What is your problem?”

“Since when do you care how I feel,” she sneers. “You know I hear and see the way you and that friend of yours mock me. And I’ll tell you this, Robin for someone who used to be one of my best friends, I never thought I’d ever get that from you.”

Her comment stuns me. “Sadie, I—I.”

“Just shut up,” she cuts me off.

“Honestly, Sadie. I thought you were the one who decided to give our friendship the old heave-ho first,” I insist. “If we hurt your feelings I’m truly, truly sorry.”

Sadie is silent for a moment. She drops her head and plays around in the sand with her big toe. “You know, I didn’t know you liked him like that. And even though we aren’t really friends anymore I want you to know that I would have never hooked up with him if I knew how you felt about him. I mean I caught you staring at him sometimes and you guys were together at the party, but by that point I was already so invested. I didn’t want to give him up.” Sadie lifts her head and we exchange a tortured glance as tears water in her eyes.

“Thanks, Sadie. That means a lot.” I shift in my spot and pick my feet up, sliding my knees closer to my chest. “The same goes for me, you know. I mean I’d had feelings for Drake along time, but if I knew you liked him like that I wouldn’t have acted on those feelings.”

A soft smile curls on her lips. “I appreciate that, Robin.” Tears stream down her cheeks. “You know what hurts more than anything?”

“What?”

“The whole time I was hooking up with him I kept thinking that maybe just maybe he might see us as something more you know?” I nod and Sadie folds her hands in her lap. “But I was wrong and my own idiocy is what is tearing me up inside more than anything. After our final phone call I kept asking myself how I could be so stupid.”

“I don’t think you even know how many times I asked myself the same question.”

Sadie cocks an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Sadie lets out a breath. “How is it that guys like Drake always have power over girls like that? I mean I’m sure I’m not the only one who fell victim to that gorgeous smile and amazing body.”

“You’re not. Haven’t you been listening to a thing I’ve said? I did too.”

“Yeah, but there’s a difference.”

“How so?”

“He wants you.”

“No he doesn’t.” Or maybe he does and he’s playing some sort of game with me. I close my eyes and replay the image of him when he saw me with Elliot earlier. I remember the anger. I remember seeing the pain in his eyes.

“Robin, he does though.”

“Yesterday he told me he didn’t like me like that.” And then he went and got into a fight with his brother because he kissed me.

Sadie shakes her head. “I don’t know why he told you that. When I talked to him he told me he couldn’t hook up with me anymore because he had the hots for you.”

My eyes widen. “He told you that?”

Sadie nods. “He did.”

When I first came on this vacation that’s the only thing I really wanted. For the last three years every time I thought about guys or relationships Drake was the first name that popped into my head. But now, after everything that’s happened I’m not really sure what I want.

The clinking sound of rocks hitting a window fills my ears and I glance around Sadie, keeping my eyes on the back of my beach house. Standing quickly, I face Sadie and she stands too. “I have to go, Sadie. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” She smiles softly. “I guess I’ll see you around, Robin. I’m glad we’ve had this talk.”

“Me too.” I stun Sadie when I pull her in for a long hug. She tenses up at first then relaxes, wrapping her arms around my back. I pull out of the hug and say, “You know we still have a few days of vacation left. If you want you can hang out with me and Whit.”

Sadie’s eyes light up. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” I turn away from her and peek at her over my shoulder. “Good night, Sadie.”

“Night, Robin.”

Then I listen as the back door to Sadie’s house slams shut and keep my eyes straight ahead. Clinking rocks tap against the window on my house and I pick my pace, jogging as Elliot pelts my window with another rock.

~23~

Trip over love, you can get up.
 
Fall in love and you fall forever.

 
~Author Unknown~

I’ve been standing six feet away from Elliot watching him for the last ten minutes and he has yet to notice me. I’m amazed at his stamina. He’s been chucking rocks at my window for the last thirty minutes and he’s not even winded. That’s impressive. I keep my gaze on him as he bends over and picks up another rock out of a pile he’s secured at his feet. The taunt muscles in his back flex when he flings his arm back and tosses the rock.

A ping rings out in the quiet night air. I laugh softly to myself and hope that he can’t hear me. He doesn’t and just as he bends over to pick up another rock I take a few steps closer and say, “You know I’m surprised Whit hasn’t stuck her head out that window and given you a piece of her mind.”

Elliot spins around, eyes wide, and clutches his chest. “Jesus, Robin!” he gasps. “You scared the shit out of me.” He exhales. “You know subtlety is necessary when you’re sneaking up on someone from behind.”

“Well, I was only kind of sneaking.” I take a few more steps closer. “I’ve been standing here watching you for a while.”

Elliot rests his hands on his protruding hip muscles that are poking through the bottom of his wife-beater. “And how long is a while?”

I shrug. “Close to ten minutes.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“You looked deeply involved in what you were doing.” I giggle now only inches away from him. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Elliot shakes his head with a smile and rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sure you know I was trying to get your attention.”

“Yeah. I figured that.” I pull back, looking away from him and out into the deserted sand. “Does a walk on the beach sound like a good idea?”

Elliot laces his finger through mine. “It sounds like a great idea.”

We start walking and I stop mid-step and Elliot jolts backward slightly. “Why’d you stop? I thought you wanted to go for a walk.”

“I do, but I thought we should agree to something first.”

Elliot quirks an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“Well, more like you should agree to something first.” Elliot urges me to go on with his pale blue eyes. “No throwing me in the water tonight.”

Elliot’s deep musical laugh echoes in the air and he brings my hand to his lips, kissing it. “I promise.”

The heavens are aglow. The stars are like little flecks of silver glitter on a black piece of construction paper. I glimpse over at Elliot out of the corner of my eye. A soft smile tugs on his lips and the light of the moon highlights his face in various places and makes him look haunting yet beautiful at the same time.

“You know,” he says as we lock eyes. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after tonight.”

“To be honest, Elliot, I didn’t want to.” Right after we left the party I’d made my mind up that I didn’t want to talk to him or Drake anymore. I told myself that everything would be easier if I forgot about my feelings, forgot about both Robertson brothers, and just tried to make the best of what I had left of my vacation. But the second I saw Elliot chucking rocks at my window those thoughts changed.

“I’m not usually like that. It’s very rare that I let my temper get the best of me,” he tells me.

“That’s good to know,” I say. “I’m not a fan of brawls.” Especially brawls that might have to do with me.

“I don’t know what came over me.” Elliot shakes his head and clears his throat. “And to be honest, Drake and I don’t have the best relationship, but we’ve never actually got into a physical fight.”

“Really? I didn’t get that impression.” At that moment I think of the looks on both of their faces during that fight earlier, so fierce, so deadly. They reminded me of enemies who had been at war for decades and finally had a chance to end their feud with an epic battle. “Is it true what you said about Sydney?”

Elliot is silent for a moment, stops walking, and then takes both of my hands in his. He stares deep into my eyes and releases my left hand, gliding his thumb over my cheek. “Yes.” I close my eyes and sigh. His touch makes my whole face tingle and it burns through my skin, traveling through my veins before adding a skip in my heartbeat.

My eyelids flutter and I open my eyes and Elliot’s face is inches away from my mine. His blue eyes sear into mine and I notice a flicker of pain in them. Elliot’s scent lingers in the air, a mixture of fresh air, Burberry cologne, and the ocean. I inhale deep, wanting to breathe him in forever. “You make me feel things I can’t explain, Robin. Which is why I said that. I mean, even though Drake and I have always had a rocky relationship, I’d never rat out my brother. I didn’t care that he hurt Sydney. That’s their business.”

His lips are so close to my ear that I can feel the heat from his breath as it dances over my earlobe. “Then why did you mention it?” I whisper, hoping I can hide the quiver in my voice. Elliot is making me feel so many things right now. Nervous and scared. Excited and anxious. I want him to kiss me now more than I’ve ever wanted Drake to. This is torture. Inside I’m screaming please. Please crush your mouth to mine and make my fantasy a reality.

“Because I couldn’t stand to see him hurt you the way her hurt Sydney.”

I’m speechless and I think it’s odd that he could care about me this much in seven days. “Why? You barely know me.”

“I know this is going to sound strange and I know everything seems like it’s moving fast, but that first time I saw you after I hit you with the door at CNU, it’s like something inside of me clicked. It’s like I had this urge inside of me. A deep, plunging urge that sat in the pit of my stomach. I wanted you. I wanted you bad. And more than anything I wanted you in a way that I’ve never wanted anyone else.” Elliot smiles and the sight of his perfect wide-toothed grin takes my breath away. “Believe me,” he goes on. “It terrified me at first. I’ve dated around, slept around, and I even had some serious relationships. But none of the girls I’ve dated or been with have made me feel the way you have, Robin. None of the girls have ever made me feel so whole, so complete. And what terrified me more than anything was that I knew I felt something that deep with one look.”

 
I turn away from him trying to breathe normally, but it’s just not possible. He strangles me, squeezing my lungs with his smile, his words, and his beautiful face. He make me shiver with delight, feel safe, and sets my heart ablaze with a passionate fire that I can’t put out.

And I don’t want to.

Elliot places his hand on my chin and gently guides my gaze back toward his. Then he slides his hand down my body and rests it on the small of my back. “You know Drake isn’t my only brother. There are four of us all-together. And when I was a kid I can remember all of us kids sitting around the table in the kitchen on Sunday mornings and my Dad would sit at the head of the table and my Mom would be at the stove flipping pancakes. And I’d always notice the way my Dad looked at my Mom. The flicker of emotion in his eyes, so full of love, respect, and devotion. Almost like the way they felt about each other was so powerful that nothing could make it fade. But what I remember more vividly than anything is what he’d said to me on several occasions.”

He’d give me a gentle slap on the shoulder and say, “You know son,” and then he’d look at all of us, “I knew I loved your Mom the first time I laid eyes on her. And I said to myself. I’m gonna marry that girl.”

“I know that sounds ridiculous and cliché as hell, right? At the time, I’d rolled my eyes and thought to myself what a freaking crock of shit. How can you possibly take one look at a person and see your whole life? How could any man look at a woman and know that he doesn’t need anyone else without ever engaging in conversation? And I stood true to that belief. Until I saw you for the first time.”

I don’t even know what to say or how to react. I just know that I still can’t breathe and that about a second ago my heart began palpitating. “Elliot—I!”

He silences me with his lips. Not a full on kiss, but a soft, sensual brush of his lips against mine that leaves me dangling on the edge of fantasy and reality and all I can think about is how I want more. Just give me another, please. I’m begging for it.