If I Can't Have You (7 page)

I’m not going to lie. So do I.
 
Elliot’s smile could replace the stars in the sky. It’s bright, white, and beautiful and somehow it makes every feature on his face shine. I notice the swagger in his step as he nears me and Whit. He walks like an epic warrior, boasting with his body language after a triumphant win. But as he gets closer and closer the smile on my face fades. He’s not Drake. It doesn’t matter how similar they look or how nice Elliot is. Elliot will never be Drake.

“What’s up, ladies?” Elliot smirks coyly and takes a sip from his red cup.

“Hi, Elliot.” I face Whitney who is blushing and wearing a glazed over look. “This is my friend Whitney.”

“Nice to meet you,” Whit says softly.

She clasps her hands other at her waist and starts tapping her foot. Oh. My. God. She’s flustered. Whit doesn’t get flustered. She’s always loud, at times obnoxious, and sassy when it comes to conversing with the opposite sex.

“Can I get you guys a drink?”

“Sure,” I say. “I’d like one.”

Elliot’s eyes flash to Whitney’s. “How about you?”

“No thanks,” she politely refuses. “I’m taking one for the team tonight.”

Elliot laughs, a deep, throaty husky laugh that rings out through the humid summer air like Carolers strolling down the sidewalk, belting out holiday hymns during Christmas. And I love the way his laugh sounds. “All right.” He glances between us. “You ladies wanna come with?”

I take a hesitant step forward then step back. “Whit, why don’t you go with him?” I tell her. “I’ll wait for you guys here.”

Whit raises an eyebrow. “You sure?”

I smile. “Positive.” Then I watch on as Whit disappears with Elliot into the crowd, but not before Elliot gives me a tortured, longing glance over his shoulder. Then I think that maybe I should have gone with them. Nah.

There are two major reasons why I stayed behind; one I don’t want to push and shove my way through all the people and two because I might miss an opportunity to see and talk to Drake without Whit or Elliot being around. When it comes to the guy you’re crushing on, three is a crowd, but four is a sold out concert. There’s no intimacy when you’ve got to share a conversation four ways.

A flash of gold glimmers in my peripheral vision and I see Drake as he shoves his way through the crowd. He’s headed straight for me and instead of being bold, I do the exact opposite, I clam up. I can’t understand why I’m so nervous now. I mean, we’re not in a remote setting or anything. We’re swimming in a sea of people.
 
What do I say? What do I do? How do I act? And how did I manage to play it so cool when I was on the beach with him earlier today? Maybe I was at ease because Elliot was there too.

“Kid!”

He’s only inches away from me now and suddenly I feel like I have TMJ and some surgeon has just laced wire through my gums to correct it.

“So you made it,” he says softly as he plants his feet across from me.

I nod. He smells like the ocean mixed with his own personal brand of cologne. He’s wearing a white cotton button up shirt with the first couple buttons undone and a sheer foray of perspiration glistens on his bronzed skin. I stare at the opening. I want to run my fingers along the wetness. I want to slip and slide against his essence.

The fact that I can’t speak makes this encounter awkward. I need a drink. Yeah, that’s it. Once I have a drink or two I’ll loosen up. I think.

Drake smiles at me and inside I’m a smoothie, a bunch of fruit and ice thrown into a blender, spinning. I’m being crushed together to make a delicious concoction, a delicious concoction that Drake will want to devour in one gulp.

Drake moves closer and my spine stiffens. I don’t know what to do. He rests his warm hands on my shoulder blades and his touch sets me on fire. And I’m so pissed at myself for blowing this moment.

For the last three years this is all I’ve thought about. For the last three years this is all I’ve wanted. All I’ve wanted is for Drake to notice me and feel for me the way I’ve felt for him. I finally have my chance and I’m letting my nerves get the best of me. Inside I’m screaming; you moron! Stop standing here like a twit and say something! Do something! But it doesn’t matter if I tell myself to do it. It doesn’t matter how many times I scream at myself to make a move. I know I won’t.

Drake’s lips are against my ear. His warm breath caresses my earlobe and I sigh completely consumed by my desire for him. “You look really pretty,” he whispers.

The word ‘thank you’ is lodged in my throat being kept down by my nerves and a wad of saliva as thick as honey. I want so much more from this moment. I need so much more from this moment. Inside I’m begging for his kiss. I crave it. I’m a Drake kiss-a-holic. Just send me to rehab already.

“I…I—.”

He’s lips are so close to mine I can almost feel the warmth from them. I can almost feel the moisture from them as they flutter gently over-top of mine. I feel like a heroin addict, on my knees in front of a drug lord, begging for one more jab from a needle.

“We’re back,” Whit sings behind me and as Drake moves away from me, I scowl as she twirls a red cup around in her hand.

I walk over to her and snatch the cup from her hand while Elliot and Drake stare at us. “Why did you do that?” I snap and chug down the contents in my cup.

“First of all,” Whit retorts. “There is no need for the attitude. Second, take it easy on the liquid refreshments, babe. I don’t think you’ll want to add a severe hangover to your vacation itinerary.”

I snatch the second cup out of her hand and chug it too. “Sorry,” I apologize. “I’m just really parched.” Whit eyes me oddly and I know she can tell I’m lying. She also gives me a look that tells me she doesn’t want to be cleaning up puddles of my vomit later.

“So, kid,” Drake interrupts. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

My lips tingle and a drizzle of beer runs down my chin. I wipe my mouth with my arm. I catch a glimpse of Whit out of the corner of my eye and she looks annoyed that I haven’t introduced her yet. “This is my best friend Whitney.”

Drake smiles and extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“So you’re the famous Drake?” she asks with a sultry undertone as she shakes his hand.

A crazed look crosses over my face and I give Whit the ‘death stare.’

Drake’s lips form a straight line and he lets out a controlled laugh. “Excuse me?”

Whit looks at me and laughs off her previous comment. “Uh... I just heard how you saved Robin’s life once.” I relax and slouch. The last thing I want is for Drake to know exactly how long and how often I’ve obsessed over him. “And thank God you did,” Whit goes on. “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost my best friend in the entire universe.”

Drake crooks me a devilish yet swoon-worthy grin and my stomach ties itself in knots at the sight of it. “Your friend is pretty stubborn.” He keeps his gaze on me. “She doesn’t like to read the signs on the beach.”

“That’s Robs, for ya. She marches to the beat of her own drum.”

Elliot’s lips part and he smiles softly. “That’s good to know.”

Drake gives Elliot a hard look. “Yeah,” he repeats robotically. “Good to know.” Then his gray-blue eyes break away from Elliot and focus on me. “Kid, what do you say you come with me and we’ll get you another drink?” Drake laces his fingers through mine and he takes a step forward.

Elliot grasps Drake’s elbow and eyes him warily.
 
Concern flashes in Elliot’s matching steel-blue eyes. “Bro, do you think that’s a good idea?” Elliot gives me a worried look. “She looks like she’s already feeling the two cups she chugged.”

Elliot is right. I am totally feeling the cups I chugged. My lips are working their way from tingly to numb and my cheeks feel hot and flushed. Plus I’m in a slap-happy mood—which only happens when I’ve acquired a buzz. Drake frowns at Elliot and rolls his shoulder, knocking Elliot’s hand off his elbow. “Mind your own business, bro.”

Then Drake and I disappear into the crowd.

In the kitchen, Drake hands me another cup full of beer and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m standing in a room across from the guy I’ve been crushing on for what feels like forever. And from the way he’s staring back at me, it knocks the wind out of my lungs when I think he might feel the same way.

There are so many questions I want to ask him. There are so many things about him that I want to know. And now that I’ve had a few drinks, it seems like I’ve finally worked up the courage to find out some of those things and ask some of those questions.

The loud incessant chatter in the kitchen of the frat house swallows us. A few of the guys from the frat whom Drake introduced me to a little while ago are doing keg stands. A ruckus of cheers and jeers sound off and I have to lean close to Drake’s ear to ask him, “So what happened between you and Sydney?”

He puffs out his bottom lip, shrugs, and leans close to my hair. “She’s studying abroad for college and we both decided that it would be better if we took a break while she was away.”

There’s a moment where I’m staring at him intensely and wondering if he’s telling me the truth. Guys, especially guys who look like Drake seem to have a way getting girls like me to believe whatever they want us to. I narrow my eyes, staring so intensely, and so close to his face that I can make out every portion on his flawless face. And he’s staring back at me with such a sincere look I know there is no way he can be lying.

“Do you miss her?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Truth?” I nod. “Yes and no. I loved Sydney, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice to break away from that, you know? It’s nice to be free to do what I want for a change without having to check in with my other half.”

I laugh and take a swig from my cup. “I can see the appeal.”

He eyes flash to the floor then back up at me. “Yeah. And it’s nice to be able to act on impulses that I’ve had for a while.”

I furrow my brows. “What do you mean?”

His lips are so close to my ear that I can practically feel them brushing against the lower lobe. “You know what I mean.”

 
And before I can react he’s kissing me. Kissing me fast. Kissing me hard. He’s breathing heavy and his breath tastes sweet like honey and whipped cream. Then there’s an explosion in my mouth. A bomb has just gone off inside of me and I have a sulfur aftertaste resting on my taste buds. His tongue gently flicks mine and I melt inside. He cups my face and I can feel his hands all over me. I want his hands all over me.

I drop my cup and my beer spills all over the floor. I’m sliding in it and I don’t care. I’m surrounded by a ton of people who are watching my PDA and I don’t care. Every inhibition I’ve ever had slips away from me like filth slopping from the soles of boots. The way I see it; Drake is the male version of Aphrodite and I want him to poison me with his love.

~9~

You take my breath away, only to make my heart beat faster.

~Author Unknown~

Drake leads me through the mass of bodies and we come to a halt in front of Sadie. She’s blocking the back door and cramping up the narrow hall by being there. She smiles at Drake seductively. “Hi Drake.”

At the moment, the only thing I can think about is gouging out her eyes with my fingernails. But Drake gives her an uneasy smile, says, “Hey,” and brushes past her without even giving her a second glance. And a harmonic chorus sounds off inside of me so loud and so beautiful I’m confident that they could be the second coming of Beethoven himself.

Seconds later, we’re out the back door walking onto the almond sand, away from all the party guests. My brain is fuzzy, from Drake’s kiss, from the beer I’d consumed.
Fuzzy. Fuzzy. Fuzzy.

I giggle because I’m happy and drunk and Drake who’s slightly ahead of me peaks over his shoulder. “What’s so funny?” he asks, amused.

To be honest, I don’t know. But I don’t tell him that. I don’t want to seem like an idiot. “Nothing.” And I giggle again.

Drake stops walking, faces me, and gives me a quirky grin. “Something is funny,” he assumes. “Is my hair sticking up or something?”

His golden hair glows and shimmers in the moonlight like the metallic paint on a shiny, new car. “No.”

We’re far away from the party. Or at least I am. I feel like I’m perched on a cloud close to heaven and I don’t want to come down. I never want to come down.

Feeling playful I pull away from him and make a mad dash for the ocean. Drake is behind me, but I drown out the sound of him calling my name. Not that I want to, really. I could listen to him say my name over and over again. He’s a record skipping.
Robin. Robin. Robin
. It’s nice to hear him say my actual name for a change.

At first I hated the nickname he’d given me years ago. Now I anticipated hearing ‘kid’ leave his lips. Just like I anticipated feeling his lips caress mine.

“Robin!” he shouts. “What are you doing?”

I stop at the edge of the water as the tide rolls in and tickles the tips of my toes. I inhale the bitter smell of salt and not even the icy water can freeze the fire smoldering inside of me. I don’t know what I’m doing. But I like how ‘not knowing’ feels.