If Ever I Fall (14 page)

Laney swallows hard as her mouth opens slightly before snapping shut. I can see her reasoning it out in her head. If she would just give me a chance I know I can make her happy.

“My parents were meth addicts. I had a brother. A baby brother. They were in the basement when their little meth lab exploded. I was at the top of the stairs. They killed my family that day and I nearly died too. I wish sometimes that I had. I live with that every day of my fucking life. Does that make you happy Gavin? Are you happy now that I told you how fucked up my family was? How I no longer have a family because they took it all away from me? Are you happy?” Her tears fall harder and faster as my hands fall to my sides.

I had no idea the kind of guilt or pain that she had been carrying around inside of her. It all hits me like a fucking brick wall as I watch that broken soul run out of the door.

                          
 
Laney

I’ve tried to leave before Gavin wakes up but now that the school is on Christmas break so am I. Gavin has been working more lately and stays later at the studio.

My heart doesn’t sit right in my chest anymore. It feels off balance and I don’t like it. I thought finally saying what I did about my family to him would make me feel better but in reality it made the pain that much worse.

Gavin sees me for who I am now and I don’t know what he thinks. I thought about asking him but I don’t want to open up that can of worms again.

I step out of the shower and dry off before looking at myself in the mirror.

“You are such a fucking loser Laney. You ruin everything.” Talking to myself has become my new thing. It doesn’t change the facts of what I am it just reminds me.

I pull my jeans on before I put my sweater on deciding I may actually go out of the house today.

After I brush my hair out and tie it up in a pony, I open my bathroom door to just have a heart attack.

“Holy fuck me! You scared the shit out of me!” Gavin sits on my bed with his head in his hands.

“Sorry. I knew if I knocked you wouldn’t answer.” He looks up at me with such a sad expression that my heart aches. He looks like hell and I don’t think he’s been sleeping much lately, I always hear him up and moving.

“What’s going on?” I walk around the edge of the bed and catch a whiff of his cologne. God he smells so damn yummy.

I grab my eyeliner off the table and look at myself in the mirror on the dresser as I apply it.

“I was just waiting for you to get ready.” Looking at his reflection in the mirror, my heart leaps in my chest. My stupid heart needs to stop doing that.

“Did I miss something?” Turning to face him I lean against my dresser. Gavin’s head slowly rises as he looks at me. So much heat in his eyes has me blushing. I can feel it creeping over my cheeks.

“Colorado. Christmas. We made plans.” Gavin stands and my eyes travel his body. He’s dressed up. Oh my god! I didn’t even notice it when he was sitting but there he is in a nice pair of black pants, a blue button down shirt and dress shoes! Damn he is hot!

“You are so dressed up!” I can’t stop the smile or the shock. He looks amazing. Not like he doesn’t always look amazing but this is different.

“Hey don’t go getting used to the church boy shit. I only do this for my grandma. She would bust my ass with a stick if I showed up in my regular clothes.” It’s nice to see the old Gavin shining through under all of this mess.

“Sing for me choir boy.” I wink at him before he shakes his head and smiles.

“So are you ready?” My smile fades and his hands drop from his pockets.

“Laney please. I gave you space, I thought that’s what you wanted. I’m done now. I want you and I know you want me. This little game we have going isn’t working out. Now I’m going to take the lead role in this shit. Get that little ass of yours out in the truck before we miss our flight. Mom will fucking go crazy if we do and I will blame it all on you.” His playful tone is one I’ve missed for so long.

“Yes, sir!” I mock salute before he rushes me, grabbing me and spinning me around before flopping us on the bed.

His lips slam into mine in a frantic kiss letting me know he means business.

“You can call me sir all you want. It’s fucking hot!”

“I will sir.” Gavin tickles my sides making me laugh before he kisses me again.

“I missed you.” His words surprise me. I’ve missed him too but I won’t tell him that. I like this little playful side of him.

“Really? Because you’ve just been across the hall.” Pointing towards the door he laughs.

“I missed that smart ass mouth of yours too.” Another quick peck and he’s yanking me off the bed.

“Well I thought our first fight went well don’t you?” I have to laugh at him, how could I not.

“It was pretty good. I think I could have held out longer though.” Gavin spins around pinning me against the wall.

“Look, Laney. I have been pretty fucking patient here. I know you think that all I want is sex but you have to see that isn’t it.” I know he doesn’t want me just for sex, hell he’s been jerking off in the shower. Yeah, I hear it all.

“I know and I know that this is hard for you but I just need a little more time.” Gavin smiles before he places his forehead against mine.

“I have all the time in the world to wait for you Laney. Although I might get blue balls from this shit.” Smiling I lean up and kiss him.

This man can always make me smile.

                                 
 
Gavin

“For the love of god, is this fucking flight going to land soon?” I swear to you if I hear my mother cackle laugh one more time I will flip my shit right here on the plane.

“What is your problem?” Mom snarls over at me with her mini liquor bottle in hand. Did she really have to ask? Yeah, she did.

“You. Holy fuck mom. What if we have to crash land? Or if we have to parachute out of this damn plane? Is your drunken ass going to cackle the whole way down? I swear I’m telling grandma.” Laney laughs in the seat next to me. I don’t know how she hasn’t stabbed her in the throat yet, lord knows I want to.

“Shut up you little shit. You tell grandma one word and I’ll beat you with a shoe.” Laney doubles over laughing as mom winks at her. Great, they are in on this together.

“Oh, grandma is going to know. And what the hell are you laughing at piano girl?” Tickling her sides, she laughs harder before leaning into me.

“I just love watching you with your family.” Before I can say anything else my mom chimes in.

“Oh Laney. You are a part of this family too.” I jerk my head back and look at her. Her eyes are clear as day right now so I know she isn’t just drunk babbling.

“I..I don’t know what to say.” Laney sounds as if she’s going to cry again when mom talks.

“Say that you won’t let that little shit tell on me.” Mom laughs and so does Laney. I never thought I’d see the day when mom liked one of my girlfriends but I know without anyone telling me that Laney has changed something in me.

“She can’t. She’s on my side.” Laney nudges me in the side before I smile over at her.

“You don’t know that. I seem to recall someone making fun of my Halloween costume not so long ago. Pay backs a bitch. Besides, I think I would enjoy watching grandma beat your ass with a stick, hell I might even go help her find one.” Laney wiggles her eyebrows at me.

This, this is the Laney I have grown to love. Shit, did I just think that? I love her?

The realization of it hits me hard when my eyes find moms. She just beams that perfect smile of hers at me and gives me a slight nod as if she knew what I was thinking.

I wrap my arm around Laney and pull her closer to me.

“I don’t know that I like being ganged up on.”

“Ohhhh, don’t pout. Although it’s super cute, I’m still picking out the stick.” Laney sticks her tongue out at me making me laugh again. This is what I missed about her.

The rest of the plane ride isn’t that bad. Laney and my mom pick at me for the most part but it gives me a great satisfaction that Laney feels like she’s a part of this family. I know that bothered her a lot but now she seems comfortable and that’s all I wanted for her.

Finally the damn plane landed and now we are in the car on our way to the cabin. It’s in the middle of bumfucked Colorado. I don’t know how my grandma even lives there all the time, there isn’t anything else there!

“This is so beautiful. I can’t believe how much snow there is, it’s so perfect.” Laney hangs by the window watching the scenery as we go.

“It’s amazing. Wait till we make a snowman. This is the best snow for that.” Laney spins around to look at me with wide eyes.

“Are you serious? We are going to make a snowman?” She claps her hands like an excited little kid and I love it.

“We are decorating a tree too. It’s my year to cut it down.” Her mouth drops open as she watches me. I have to remind myself that this is all new to her.

“Are you joking? You’re having a real tree?” Her eyes brighten and so does her smile.

“We are having a real tree. You can come with me when I cut it down.” Laney throws herself into my chest, her arms wrapping around my neck.

“Thank you for everything Gavin. I love you.” Her arms lock around me as my heart stops. I know she whispered it but I heard it loud and clear. She fucking said it, she loves me.

I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her closer. She’s as stiff as a board and I want to laugh but this moment is too important.

“You know what?” Whispering close to her ear, she tightens her grip.

“What?”

“I love you too.”

                            
 
Laney

His breath is warm against my neck but I can’t move. I’m frozen in time at the words that just left my mouth but he said it back. I don’t know if my heart is even beating right now.

“Am I breathing?” Gavin laughs as I realize I said that out loud.

“I hope you’re breathing. Introducing a corpse to my grandma might scare the shit out of her.” His lips press into my neck as I hold my breath. I can’t believe he said it back.

“Breath Laney.” I blow out the breath I was holding as Gavin keeps his grip on me. I relax into his touch but I still have that nagging feeling deep inside that once he sees he will run.

“I don’t know what to say.” Whispering against him, he feels so perfect.