I Want to Hold Your Hand (14 page)

Will is coming to UVM this year, too! I think Hunter is relieved he won’t have to put up with me and Caleb by himself anymore. He’s been a good sport about how much time Caleb and I spend alone. It’ll be good to have Will living with us, too. Hunter will have someone to hang out with when we’re “busy.”

—From the diary of Hannah Abbott, age nineteen

H
annah wasn’t sure what possessed her to come down on top of Nolan that way, and for a mortifying second she thought he was too surprised to react. But then he sprang into action, one arm encircling her waist while the other threaded into her hair, drawing her into another incendiary kiss.

All her senses went on high alert as his tongue tangled with hers and his fingers tugged lightly on her hair, making her scalp tingle. The faint scent of soap, aftershave and laundry detergent made her want to burrow closer and breathe him in. She’d forgotten what it was like to be lost to desire, to be surrounded by a sexy, aroused man, to be absolutely certain he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

He released his tight hold on her hair, and his hands met at the waistband of her jeans.

Hannah could barely breathe as she waited to see what he would do next. When his hands slid down to cup her ass through her jeans, she broke the kiss and sucked in a greedy deep breath.

“Is this okay?” he asked, squeezing lightly as his lips and tongue went to work on her neck.

Because she couldn’t find the words just then, she nodded, and he squeezed again, harder this time. She needed more but couldn’t seem to get close enough until he abruptly sat up, arranging her so she straddled his lap with the hard column of his erection pressed against the part of her that pulsed with desire.

She was on fire. That was the only possible explanation for the heat that threatened to consume her on the spot. Reaching for the hem of her sweater, she drew it up and over her head, revealing a skimpy white tank top that doubled as a bra.

His eyes widening with surprise and what looked to be pleasure, Nolan released the tight grip he had on her backside and shifted his hands to her ribs, spreading his fingers until they came to right below her breasts.

Hannah leaned her forehead against his. “This is crazy,” she whispered, staring into his eyes, which had taken on the color of dark chocolate.

“You make me crazy.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah,” he said with a gruff laugh. “Although
crazy
might not be the right word.
Insane
is more like it.”

She combed her fingers through his hair, straightening it as she went. “I was really upset earlier, but I feel better now. I feel better when I’m with you.”

“Hannah . . . God . . .” His strong arms banded around her, crushing her to his muscular chest. “I’ve wanted you for so long, but I never thought . . .”

“What? What didn’t you think?”

He released his tight hold on her, and with his hands on her face, forcing her to look directly into his eyes, he said, “I didn’t dare to hope I’d ever get to hold you and kiss you and touch you or that you might want me, too. I never thought I’d get so lucky.”

“I do want you, too. I want you more all the time. I feel foolish for pretending for so long that I didn’t know you had feelings for me or that I didn’t have them for you.”

His hands moved up and down her back, further enticing her through the thin cotton of her top. “You weren’t ready to acknowledge it yet.” With a charming grin, he added, “Good thing I’m a patient sort of guy.”

“Good thing,” she said, kissing him. “I would’ve hated to miss out on this, whatever it turns out to be.”

“No matter what happens between us, I’d never want to lose my friend Hannah. That’d be . . .” He shook his head, as if the thought of it was too much to fathom.

“Unbearable.”

“Totally unbearable.”

Only when the eye contact became too intense to maintain did she look away. “You must be hungry.”

He nibbled on her neck, making her shudder from the sensation that shot through her entire body. “Famished, but not for pizza.”

“
Nolan
,” she said on a moan.

His hands moved slowly upward until they cupped her small but incredibly sensitive breasts. “Tell me to stop.”

The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t say it. Rather she wrapped her arm around his neck and held on tight as he caressed her breasts, ignoring her tight nipples for so long she was on the verge of pleading when he finally rolled them between his fingers.

As a gasp escaped through her tightly clenched jaw, Hannah tilted her hips, needing to get closer to him.

He groaned and moved against her, letting her know with every tilt of his hips what he wanted from her. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, you know I do. Of course I do.” She fisted his hair and held on as he managed to stimulate her through two layers of denim and another layer of silk.

“Turn around.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Filled with uncertainty and overwhelming curiosity, she did as he asked, her movements awkward and hesitant.

He arranged her so she was still on his lap but facing away from him. The hard column of his erection was wedged against her bottom, making her twist to get closer.

“Easy, honey,” he said, chuckling softly against her ear, which made it difficult to remain still. “Relax against me. I’ve got you.”

Muscle by muscle, she made an effort to release the tension and fear and guilt and grief and every emotion that didn’t involve the incredible pleasure he made her feel.

His hands moved over the front of her in a relaxing caress that missed all the most important areas that yearned for his touch. “Still trust me?”

Hannah bit her lip and nodded, gasping when he tugged at the button to her jeans and slid the zipper down. She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do next as desire pounded through her in a steady drumbeat that she hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

Moving slowly, he slid his hand inside her jeans and down to cup her over skimpy silk panties. “How about now?”

She wanted to move against his hand, but his other arm was banded around her waist, making it impossible for her to move as his cock throbbed against her bottom.

“Hannah?”

“Yes, yes. It’s okay.” She wanted to beg him to move his fingers, to do something to ease the growing ache, but for what seemed like forever he didn’t do anything other than drive her wild with the heat of his hand against the silk of her panties. And then he pressed harder, his fingers slipping between her folds, using the silk to create friction where she needed it most.

Somehow her legs ended up outside of his, which slid apart to give him better access. The arm that had been tight around her middle shifted and his hand found her breast through the thin tank, rolling and tweaking her nipple.

“Let it happen, honey,” he whispered against her ear, making her shudder. “You’re so sexy, so beautiful and I want you so bad. I want to feel your soft skin against mine as I sink into your heat. I want to feel you come when I’m deep inside you. I want to touch you everywhere and kiss you and lick you.”

His words and hands worked together in perfect tandem to tip her over the edge into pleasure so sharp and so intense, she ended up trembling uncontrollably and sobbing, wrecked by the total abandon he’d drawn from her.

Removing his hand from her pants, he turned her effortlessly into his warm embrace. “Shh, honey, it’s okay. Please don’t cry.”

As she burrowed her face into his chest, she wanted to tell him she was sorry for falling apart on him, but she couldn’t speak as her body continued to tingle and shudder from the pleasure that moved through her in waves that radiated from her core.

“Talk to me, Hannah. Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t know.”

He wiped the tears off her face. “Did I scare you or push you too far with what I said?”

She shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted him to think. “It was so amazing. I loved what you said—and what you did. I’d forgotten. I just . . . I’d forgotten.” The moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. “I shouldn’t say that. It’s not fair—”

He kissed her softly, with only the sweet press of his lips against hers. “I want to know everything you’re thinking and feeling, even if it’s something you think will make me uncomfortable. I still want to know.”

“I can’t believe you really want to take on me and all my crap.”

“It’s not crap. It’s life. It’s your life, and I want to be a part of it. I told you once before I’d be perfectly satisfied if I only got to hold your hand, and I meant that.”

Hoping to lighten things up after her emotional firestorm, she shifted ever so subtly on his lap, pressing against his erection. “It seems only one of us was perfectly satisfied.”

“I was perfectly satisfied the second Hunter told me you wanted to see me. That’s all I needed tonight, Hannah.”

“You said before that you feel lucky to be with me. I feel lucky, too.”

He drew her head onto his shoulder and held her that way for a long time, until her trembling had stopped and her tears had dried.

“Ready for some pizza?” she asked many minutes later.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

 • • • 

They ate the pizza and snuggled on the couch to watch a movie on TV. It was after midnight when Nolan sat up and stretched, unable to sit so close to her and keep his hands to himself any longer. “I should go,” he said, although leaving her was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. “I have a meeting right after work tomorrow—or I guess it’s today now—and then I’ll be over to get you.”

“What if I’m busy?” she asked with a coy grin that made him smile back at her.

“Get un-busy.”

“It’s very bossy of you to make such demands.”

“Are you complaining?”

“I didn’t say that. When you get me, what are you going to do with me?”

He leaned in to kiss her, lingering when the sweet softness of her lips captivated him. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“What should I wear?”

With his hand flat against her thigh, he said, “I love these jeans.”

Her eyes sparkled with laughter that was a much more welcome sight than the tears had been. “That’s good to know.” She reached up to straighten his hair, and his heart thudded when her eyes met his.

“I really have to go or I’ll be tempted to stay, and if I’m tempted to stay, I might be tempted to do all those things I told you I want to do with you.”

She zeroed in on his mouth, licking her lips in an innocent move that set his blood on fire all over again.

“Going now.”

“Okay.”

Nolan forced himself to his feet, forced himself to put on his coat and forced himself not to touch her again.

Hannah wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and followed him to the front door.

He turned to her and despite the alarm sounding in his brain to keep his hands to himself, he wrapped her up in a tight hug.

Her hands found his hips under his coat.

“I don’t want to go,” he said as he breathed in the scent he’d become addicted to. He wanted to throw off his coat and carry her upstairs, but she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“I don’t want you to go.”

With his forehead propped against hers, he released a ragged breath. “Soon, sweet Hannah. Soon enough.” He kissed her forehead and opened the door to the frigid air that slapped some sense into him as he jogged to his truck at the curb.

All the way home, he thought about her responsiveness, her sweet, sexy kisses, the way she arched into him trying to get closer, the way she’d come apart under his hand . . . Christ, he was only human, and she appealed to him on every possible level. She was the perfect combination of shy and sultry, demure and yet brazen at the same time. He’d expected the former, but the latter had come as a huge and not unwelcome surprise.

He gripped the wheel tighter as he navigated twisting roads on his way through Butler, which was dark and deserted at this hour. As he drove across the one-lane covered bridge and past Hannah’s parents’ house, he wondered what they really thought of their daughter taking up with the town mechanic. Lincoln and Molly Abbott had been a source of stability and sanity during his tumultuous childhood, and Nolan admired them more than just about anyone. He could only hope they considered him worthy of their gorgeous daughter.

Driving down the long dirt road that led to his house, the headlights cast a wide swath of light over the yard, highlighting the man sitting on Nolan’s stoop.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered. In no mood to deal with this after the excellent night with Hannah, Nolan thought about turning around and leaving. He could always sleep at the garage if he had to. It wouldn’t be the first time. But running away wouldn’t solve the problem. He’d learned that lesson the hard way.

Slamming the truck into park, he shut it off and got out.

“Keeping some late hours these days, son.” As always, Vernon Roberts’s words were slurred.

“What do you want?”

“Oh you know. The usual.”

Money. That was all he ever wanted from his only child. Nolan thought of the plans for the post-and-beam house he’d had drawn up years ago to replace the ramshackle cabin where his grandfather had raised him after his parents discarded him. He would’ve built the new house years ago if not for his leech of a father who showed up every couple of months in need of another transfusion of cash.

Every time, Nolan said never again, but saying it and doing it were two very different things. “I don’t have any money.”

“Don’t screw with me.” Vernon could sound amazingly sober when it suited his agenda. “I know how much that garage of yours brings in every month.”

Anxious as always to get rid of his father as fast as he could, Nolan reached for his wallet and pulled out six twenties and two tens and held the cash out to the older man. “That’s all I’ve got. Take it or leave it.”

Vernon staggered over to the truck and pulled the bills from Nolan’s hand with shocking dexterity. The money disappeared into the pocket of his shabby-looking coat. “Heard you’ve been messing around with that Abbott girl. Smart move. Those people are loaded. Although screwing a widow is risky—”